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#gamergate confused cats against feminism cuteness douchebaggery drama kings dramatic reading entitled babies evil SJWs gamebros kitties mansplaining men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny post contains jokes victim blaming video games YouTube

This cat reading a #GamerGate manifesto may be the best thing you see all day. (Possibly.)

So yesterday I discovered a #GamerGate manifesto that started with these dramatic pronouncements:

We are Gamers.

We are alive.

And that was just the opener.

By the time the manifesto manifestoed itself all the way to the end, the anonymous author had warned us that games were a poor beleaguered “art form” that needed to “be protected from the dogmatic rhetoric of a clique of totalitarian ideologues,” angrily “denounce[d] the mercantilization of debased social justice,” and taken a few swipes at “careerist writers who sacrifice social harmony, human ethics and intellectual honesty on the altar of Controversy.”

The manifesto-writer declared that the aforementioned gamers who are alive collectively “reject the Industry of Outrage and it’s [sic] guilt-based economic model … reject the ideological megaphones who perpetually parrot their prejudiced hate,” and get a bit peeved when their gender, race, sexual orientation and so forth are “traded on the mediatic market, in return for ideological brownie points.”  Mediatic market?

This all seems like a really long-winded way of saying that #GamerGaters really hate it when anyone in the gaming media says anything mean about them.

But at least one of the readers of this manifesto was excited enough by it to pay this dude, who reads stuff out loud for money on YouTube, something like $350 to turn the manifesto into this video:

Well, let’s just say that my cats — fervently if a little confusedly opposed to feminism in all forms — were a bit more impressed by the manifesto, and this video, than I was. And they insisted on making one of their own. I promised I would upload it to the internet for them, so you can scroll up to the start of this post to watch it.

Sweetie Pie Jonus, the grey tabby, wandered off the script here and there, but as much as I hate the message of the manifesto I think she did a pretty good job overall. And she didn’t bite anyone in the process.

Here’s the whole manifesto, if you prefer that old-fashioned “reading” thing:

gamermanifesto

 

 

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ryeash
6 years ago

@cloudiah

“Why” at the Brianna Wu actually trying to communicate in human with those stains. That preamble was brilliant.

kobun37
kobun37
6 years ago

I didn’t watch the video, but when I read the “We are alive” part I couldn’t help but hear the rest of it GLaDOS’s voice. That just made it even more ridiculous.

For non-gamers, GLaDOS is a computer and the antagonist in the game Portal.

tinyorc
6 years ago

It’s all so ridiculous.

On the Brianna Wu front, this move seems ill-advised:

https://twitter.com/Spacekatgal/status/521349952073920512

@Nero is Milo Yiannopoulos, Breitbart’s rape apologist and all-around asshat.

When GamerGate happily welcomed support from Milo fucking Yiannopoulos, that’s when I knew with absolutely certainty that their “movement” is no more about journalistic integrity than Skyrim is about peacefully resolving a civil war. The man is a professional misogynist and shit stirrer, in addition to being the walking definition of a corrupt journalist himself.

Yiannopoulos, by his own admission, had literally zero interest in gaming before the whole #GamerGate shit-storm because he a
a) Literally cannot resist going after feminists, the context is irrelevant.
and
b) It’s generating clicks for Breibart. (Seriously, the URL for his original GamerGate article reads “Lying-Greedy-Promiscuous-Feminist-Bullies-are-Tearing-the-Video-Game-Industry-Apart” – if that’s not clickbait, I don’t what is.)

So by #GamerGate’s own definition, Yiannopoulos represents everything they stand against. A corrupt and obviously biased journalist who has inserted himself into the debate not because he cares about videogames, but for attention and exposure.

COGNITIVE DISSONANCE YOU HAZ IT.

HJ
HJ
6 years ago

Nice Meow Mix 😉

tinyorc
6 years ago

I seemed to have left out have a sentence in that rant. Should read: “Yiannopoulos, by his own admission, had literally zero interest in gaming before the whole #GamerGate shit-storm. He got involved because he:”

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

Just reread the thing for shits ‘n’ giggles. Not only do they not know what the big words mean, they also don’t know how to use a semicolon. (It is NOT interchangeable with commas near the end of a big long windy sentence, even if you are tempted to think it is.)

Yeah, d00ders, good luck getting anyone outside your little echo chamber of temper tantrums to take YOU seriously.

http://hoydenabouttown.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/inigo-montoya_that-word.jpg

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

Breibart

I’m just immature enough to snicker at this Freudian slip of spelling…it means “porridge beard” in German.

lacerta viridis
6 years ago

@kobun37 Holy shit, that’s amazing. I’m going to read all future GamerGate whining in Glados’s best sarcastic/passive-aggressive voice.

“We reject harrassment, threats, abuse” oh my god I can’t read any further. The lack of self-awareness is astonishing.I mean, the whole thing is basically one big over-dramatic WAAHH I AM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN WE ARE NOT ABOUT ME hissyfit, but that bit was just amazing.

tinyorc
6 years ago
Reply to  Bina

@Bina, AMAZING.

Hyatt
Hyatt
6 years ago

@Nero’s biggest “victory” for GG, posting an email conversation between journalists that mentioned how some felt the industry was getting incestuous between journalists and developers, contained personal contact information of participants. So he’s incompetent at best or a malicious doxxer at worst. But that’s been forgotten by his supporters.

cloudiah
6 years ago

Porridge Beards should be our new epithet for #Gators. XD

Oh also, look at who internet trolls think should be on the list of worst people in history:
http://www.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/the-all-time-worst-people-in-history

Christopher Poole/moot is the 4chan admin who decided to kick the worst of the open doxxing/harassment campaigns off of 4chan, which is why now these trolls (or Porridge Beards) have decided he is literally worse than Hitler.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

I think “Porridge Beard” has quite a nice ring to it, don’t you? So evocative of the drool-‘n’-grunt demographic that reads right-wing gibberish and thinks it’s some new and particularly brilliant mode of analysis.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

Christopher Poole/moot is the 4chan admin who decided to kick the worst of the open doxxing/harassment campaigns off of 4chan, which is why now these trolls (or Porridge Beards) have decided he is literally worse than Hitler.

Ah yes. Because common decency and a respect for a woman’s right to privacy are somehow worse than the gassing/cremation genocide of six million Jews, fer fucksakes.

kiki
kiki
6 years ago

I like “prey on the gullibles”. “They preys on the gullibles, my precious, yes they does…”

Or maybe they’re seagullibles.

Zolnier
Zolnier
6 years ago

Wait, there are people you can pay to read stuff on YouTube? And they charge hundreds?

bekabot
bekabot
6 years ago

While I think of it and before I forget: declaring something to be a form of art can be an innocent move, but it isn’t always. Declaring something to be a form of art can be a way to insinuate that women have no right to mess with it and keep it out of female hands. Traditionally “art” has been a male prerogative, with “decoration” and “crafts” and even sometimes “design” tagging along after it as lowly female servitors. Women get to be muses and copyists (etc.), but the prevailing opinion has always been* that women can’t create art. (Women have babies instead. This is a strain of belief with a lot of staying-power, which has by no means wound to its close.)

Women who have decided to make “art,” serious “art,” “Man Art,” and to try to get good at it, have often paid dearly for their determination, even when they were successful. Camille Claudel, a pupil of Rodin’s and one of the great sculptors of the late 19th century, was confined (by her family) to an asylum for at least half her life, on the grounds that she was suffering from delusions of persecution. When one follows stories like these one wonders how many of her delusions were actually…delusionary.

(There’s a lot more to the Camille Claudel story which I haven’t included because it’s not germane to my point but I think the relevant parts are still relevant and anyone who wants to use the other parts of the Camille Claudel story to refute my point is welcome to do so.)

*at least since Greece at least and possibly before

Ellesar
6 years ago

My 15yo son is a dedicated gamer, as has taken it on somewhat as an identity, but is blissfully unaware of ‘gamergate’ and its associated nonsense. He just gets on with the gaming! Wouldn’t it be great if these people would just keep calm and carry on gaming? – as that IS ALL it takes to be a gamer!

2big2fail
2big2fail
6 years ago

[img]http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/55238876.jpg[/img]

katz
6 years ago

Christopher Poole/moot is the 4chan admin who decided to kick the worst of the open doxxing/harassment campaigns off of 4chan, which is why now these trolls (or Porridge Beards) have decided he is literally worse than Hitler.

Fair play to moot. He has a streak of decency after all.

2big2fail
2big2fail
6 years ago
2big2fail
2big2fail
6 years ago

[embed]http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/55238876.jpg[/embed]

Orion
6 years ago

Unrelated:

I just noticed “eating manboobz” on the blog roll, next to my beloved voice for pierre and artistry for kittens. There were some cool recipes. However, that blog hasn’t updated in 11 months, it’s name is based on the old name of this blog, and indeed this site is still listed as “manboobz” in the blog roll over there. I was curious whether anyone would be upset if David dropped it from his blog roll, since I believe he is trying to get away from the “manboobz” name. Obviously it’s his call but I wasn’t sure if it was on his radar.

Sarah
Sarah
6 years ago

Lotsa four-syllable words and still can’t use “its” and “it’s” correctly (not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just funny when they try to look all scholarly using fancy words.)

ryeash
6 years ago

Arguing with a couple of these sad little morons. Apparently, someone posting a screenshot of a harassing email is “doxxing and harassing”. I had to stop just short of asking how far up his ass he was able to wedge his head.

Sarah
Sarah
6 years ago

Or make sense using such fancy words, for that matter. Let alone say stuff that’s not hateful, malicious and self-centered.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

Um, sorry to be off-topic…
Janet Bloomfeld is beginning to post on twitter about tolerance, respect, and kittens…we will see if when this attracts attention…

gilshalos
6 years ago

OK, I tweeted about gamergate and got all of 2 replies, both polite.. Bad guys must try harder!

ObsidianB
ObsidianB
6 years ago

Here’s the thing about art: Art, by it’s very definition, REQUIRES criticism. You cannot say that video games are art, and then whine that people are being mean when they critique games. If they are above criticism, then they cannot be art, just toys.

It is ‘gamers’ themselves who are holding back games from being recognized as a legitimate art form. By insisting that video games should not be critiqued, they are implicitly saying that video games should not be considered art.

While video games themselves can certainly qualify as art taken in a vacuum (art at it’s very core makes a statement about the culture in which it was created, which many games, even the GTA series, certainly do), ‘gamers’ themselves have to grow up and mature some before the claims of video games being ‘art’ will be given any legitimacy.

ryeash
6 years ago

The ones I argued with weren’t exactly mean, but they had some pretty offensive and misguided arguments. Like comparing posting someone’s home address for people to possibly rape/kill them or their family to posting someone’s freaking email address from a message which was apparently about wanting anti-GGs to debate with him anyway. Again, I would like to know if they set a record for head-up-ass-wedging.

A Wolverine
A Wolverine
6 years ago

The DAILY GODDAMN MAIL came out and said gamergate is a misogynist hate campaign.
We’ve entered the twilight zone.
I’ve also seen reports (not well backed up) that 4channers have been responsible for the doxxing of gaters, not so called SJWs

Skye
Skye
6 years ago

To Gamer Gaters and supporters (apologies to They Might Be Giants):

This is where the party ends,
I can’t stand here listening to you,
You and your sexist friends

I know politics bore you
But I feel like a hypocrite talking to you,
You and your sexist friends

Out from Twitter to Tumblr to YouTube, “Hey,”
Your friend apologizes, “doxxing isn’t our way”
He let the contents of the 4 chan do the thinking.
Can’t shake the devil’s hand and say
You’re only kidding.

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
6 years ago

Did someone seriously suggest taking the food out of the mammoth? I say change the name, and if I knew how to contribute there I would share my totally awesome use it for everything bread recipe. Up to and including how I use it to make apple cinnamon rolls.

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
6 years ago

I also have fabulous Ukrainian food recipes.

Skye
Skye
6 years ago

Oooh, apple cinnamon rolls…mmmm
/drools

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

“Intellectually monolithic empire” sure is a pretentious way to say “medium where women are characters, rather than just random pairs of bouncing boobs”.

steampunked (@steampunked)

‘Can’t shake the devil’s hand and say
You’re only kidding.’

Now there’s a brilliant phrase for so many things to do with trolling…

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

Janet Bloomfeld is beginning to post on twitter about tolerance, respect, and kittens…

That won’t last long. Those kittens will be wh*res soon enough.

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
6 years ago

This was a good try David, but I would like to call your attention to #pineapplepizzagate.

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
6 years ago

skye they are even better than they sound. I regret every cinnamon bun I have ever eaten with no apple. I have many regrets, because I didn’t know apples could go in cinnamon buns for the first 40 years of my life.

Michael Lindsay
6 years ago

“We are Garners We are alive.”

Our sockpuppets, they are alive too!

“We believe that games are an art form that should be allowed to flourish and evolve naturally and freely; and should thus be protected from the dogmatic rhetoric of a clique of totalitarian ideologues who seek only to reign over an intellectually monolithic empire”

Which is why we want people we don’t like to shut the hell up.

“We believe that the free flow of ideas and information is necessary for an informed, free democratic society to function; and condemn all attempts to use disinformation, censorship and bullying to disrupt free discussion.”

Which is why we howl like wounded wolves when people criticise us or talk about things we don’t like.

“We believe that a Fifth Estate worthy of that name needs to be ethical, transparent, free from conflicts of interests and aiming to inform rather than preach; to merit the trust oft he public, the real and only source of it’s legitimacy.”

Which is why we intimidate critics, journalists and developers we don’t like and pressure corporate advertisers to withdraw their support from members of said fifth estate when we disagree with them.

“We denounce the mercantilization of debased social justice, and thus believe it’s our responsibility to inform sponsors and partners, of the moral corruption they implicitly endorse through their advertisements.”

Which is why we form entire online communities of rainbow coloured sockpuppets to prevent the mertantilisation and debasement of said social justice.

“We resist the careerist writers who sacrifice social harmony, human ethics and intellectual honesty on the altar of Controversy, in their quest for clicks, in attempt to please their corporate owners’ cupidity.”

See, peeps we don’t like and shutting the hell up.

“We refuse to forego our legitimate right to think for ourselves, and resist those who wants us to serve as a passive, obedient, subservient audience whose only function is to “listen and believe” the propaganda of culture war profiteers and patented gurus who prey on the gullibles.”

As a giant manufactroversy trying to shut people the hell up, you should take our word for this.

“We reject harassment, threats, abuse; and the use of those terms to mislabel questions, dissent and criticism; which are all essential parts of in any rational, logical, respectful social discussion.”

Unless said threats, harassment and abuse happen to people we want to shut the hell up; then we label it a “false flag”. Unless dissent and criticism is directed at us in which case it’s definitely harassment and abuse of innocent gamers.

“We reject the Industry of Outrage and it’s guilt-based economic model, which parades fabricated martyrs and calculated victim hood to distract from it’s own sins, while panhandling for the sympathy of the morally manipulated masses.”

Except for the fact that our entire movement has it’s origins in outrage at someone elses private sex life. Also-should anyone out there actually harrass, threaten or abuse people under our banner we’ll line up our martyrs on parade and shout loudly about how abusive the other team is!

“We reject the ideological megaphones who perpetually parrot their prejudiced hate, which they attempt to masquerade as progressive political preferences, to disguise their own ethically bankrupt behavior.”

And this is why bombing reviews of games we haven’t even played, sockpuppeting and demanding that any and all political, social and economic subjects spoken of in our present fit our personal preferences is necessary for the struggle.

“We reject the meticulous and deliberate manufacturing of self-fulfilling prophecies,
by self-aggrandizing and recognition-starved academics, who have neither knowledge nor care for games, devs and garners.”

We personally prefer the meticulous and deliberate manufacturing of self-fulfilling prophecies,
by self-aggrandizing and recognition-starved gamers.

“We believe that misogyny exists, is toxic, and that trivializing it’s true gravity by throwing the term around as a ready-made decoy to stonewall any constructive dialogue; is intellectually dishonest and immoral.”

So when we say we have women on our side we can say that disagreeing with us is innately sexist.

“We believe that we are humans first; and that the use of our gender, sexual orientation, religious or ethnic identities as mere commodities, to be traded on the mediatic market, in return for ideological brownie points is pure objectification and dehumanizing to us all.”

Which was the entire purpose and origin of #notyourshield, look-over there, a wombat!

“We are of all genders, skin colors, sexual orientations, cultures, creeds, ages, education levels and social classes.”

And this matters, because reasons.

“To you, those things should divide us. Yet here we stand, united. Because we are not divided by those identities we didn’t choose. We are united by the one identity we did choose. We are Garners. We are alive.

To be fair, we did choose the genders, races, classes and identities of our sockpuppets but it was for the greater good.

Is there anything that GooberGate spouts that isn’t completely made of bullshit?

Skye
Skye
6 years ago

Better than they sound? Must have recipe.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

Janet Bloomfeld is beginning to post on twitter about tolerance, respect, and kittens…

Three things she knows jack-shit about. Shuddup, Janet!

Also, maybe “Eating Manboobz” could be renamed “We Ate The Mammoth”?

Shaun DarthBatman Day
6 years ago

“We Ate The Mammoth And Bonbons Because Misandry!”

Puddleglum
6 years ago

@ skye, I love the song version, but am So.Freakin.Sad. that the song is *still* appropriate. (I remember buying it on cassette when it came out.)

Seconding/thirding the ‘We Ate the Mammoth’!!

Shaun DarthBatman Day
6 years ago

Dough: 3/4 C water
1/4 Cup Butter (unsalted)
1/2 Cup sour cream (or yogurt)
1/4 Cup brown or golden sugar
1 tsp salt
2 1/4 tsp or one package rapid rise yeast
3 Cups flour (approx)

1 Tbsp softened butter

Whisk water, butter, sour cream, sugar, and salt in a saucepan and heat on low to 100 degrees F. pour over yeast and whisk. Stir in 2 Cups flour until dough forms a ball and turn out on to floured surface. Knead for 10 minutes, adding remainder of flour a little at a time until dough is tacky but doesn’t stick to counter. Rub with 1 tsp softened butter and leave on counter (it rises so quickly that it doesn’t need to be covered) 20-25 min or doubled in size (yeah, that’s it).

Filling: 1 1/2 – 2 cups coarsely shredded apples
2 Tbsp Cinnamon (or less to taste)
1/4 cup brown or golden sugar
2 Tbsp melted butter
1/4 Cup slivered almonds (optional)

Mix filling ingredients. Roll out dough to a rectangle approx 18″ x 12″. Spread filling by hand, leaving a 1/2 inch border along the two long sides. Roll up and seal, rub whole roll with remaining butter, cut into 9 (or 16) rolls (discarding ends if you wish), place in square cake pan and let rise 25 minutes or until double in size. Bake for 25 minutes at 375 degrees F.

Frosting: 8 oz cream cheese
1/4 Cup softened butter
1 Tbsp cinnamon
1 tsp almond extract (or vanilla if not using almonds)
1/4 – 3/4 Cup icing sugar to taste

Beat well. Usually serves 2, sometimes 1. I mean 9. Serves 9. Takes 2 hours from the time you start to get your ingredients together to burning your tongue (worth it).

Shaun DarthBatman Day
6 years ago

It’s an adaptation of a bread recipe I had to adapt so it would taste good because it is just so fast and easy and never fails. It is, in fact, the only bread I can make at all. Seriously, it never fails.

Dennis Jernberg (@dennis_jernberg)

We are Conservative Revolutionaries.
We love manifestoes.
So here’s another.

I hate it when ragehead conservatives issue whiny manifestoes declaring themselves the real victims and accusing the actual victims of victimizing them. It’s what anti-rights activists do. Another case in point: the anti-gay National Organization for Marriage, who are very publicly rending their garments over their snowballing defeats on gay marriage. When the conservative opponents of women’s rights inevitably start losing too, I promise you they’ll spew endless manifestoes and position papers exactly like this except for the “gamers” part.

That “We are alive” part nearly made me choke. It sounds like they’re admitting through denial that they really are dead, or more accurately undead.

NOM NOM NOM WORD SALAD.

Sorry, inedible, alas. At least I choked on it.

Dennis Jernberg (@dennis_jernberg)

Speaking of conservatives, specifically neocons: didn’t @nero block me a few years back? I’m sure his late boss @Breitbart himself did, along with @GlennBeck, @RushLimbaugh, and @ScottBaio (back when he was @RealScottBaio)…

Dennis Jernberg (@dennis_jernberg)

Totally biased review: That feline reading was okay, meow, but I must hear GLaDOS read it, meow meow.

Come to think of it, the feline-reading approach would be perfect to use on any MRA, PUA, or conservative pundit. A suggestion: how about trying it on Bart Baggett?

M. the Social Justice Ranger
M. the Social Justice Ranger
6 years ago

“Totally biased review: That feline reading was okay, meow, but I must hear GLaDOS read it, meow meow.”

Now I’m wondering if #Gits would be bad test subjects because they’d refuse to take orders from a woman or good test subjects because they’d do anything for attention.