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"Have you ever felt an Instant Magnetic Attraction with someone? (point to yourself)" and other surefire pickup lines from NLP dating guru Bart Baggett

“Have you asked yourself if the unlimited potential of our relationship is what is making you so happy.”
“Have you asked yourself if the unlimited potential of our relationship is what is making you so happy?”

So in my recent post about Jordan “Sarkeesian Effect” Owen’s ridiculous video accusing Anita Sarkeesian of using super seekret mind control techniques in her Kickstarter fundraising video, I talked a bit about Bart Baggett’s “The Secrets to Creating Chemistry,” (pdf) which attempted to apply some dubious techniques from Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) to dating.

I think I captured how incredibly silly Baggett’s claims are – I mean, this is a guy who thinks that you can manipulate people into bed through such occult tricks as … using adverbs before verbs and adjectives before nouns.

But I’m not sure I captured just how deeply weird his little manual is, particularly when Baggett attempts to provide real-world examples of how you can use his, er, techniques to con people into falling in love or lust with you – that is, specific things you are supposed to say to the people you’re trying to manipulate create chemistry with.

There’s just one problem with all these examples: they sound like they were written by robots from outer space with only the most minimal understanding of human language and/or psychology. Which they’ve gleaned from a pamphlet on how to sell insurance.

Here are some of his actual examples. (In the quotes that follow, I won’t bother to correct any of the typos; Baggett’s manual is riddled with egregious typos and proofreading failures that add to the surreality of it all.)

“Have you asked yourself if the unlimited potential of our relationship is what is making you so happy.”

No. No I have not asked myself that, at least not in those words.

“Have you naturally discovered how attractive you are becoming?”

Wat. Why not just, “hey you look great, did you do something different with your hair?” Or “cool shoes,” or “you have beautiful eyes” or, I dunno, “me like pretty lady.” I mean, virtually anything is better than “Have you naturally discovered how attractive you are becoming?”

“Becoming aware of the potentials of our relationship allows you to start experiencing the inner sense of malizing how completely we fit each other’s needs.”

“I was wondering if you mind can conceive of the power and feeling and closeness we are discovering.”

Again, these are literally things that Baggett thinks human beings should be saying to other human beings they are dating.

At the end of a date, don’t just say, “hey, I had a great time, let’s do this again.” Say

“During our time together, could be thinking about the next time we will meet?’

Sometimes Baggett assembles entire paragraphs worth of this NLP gobbledygook. Here’s something he suggests you say in order to convince someone you’re dating “to understand the benefits of committing to a relationship with you.”

“During our time together. I was wondering if you have ever considered the chief benefit of deciding to begin a monogamous relationship with that one’s special person you find attraction. As you begin to consider all the obvious reasons to make a commitment NOW, doesn’t it seem natural to feel more excited about our relationship.”

No. No it doesn’t.

“As your affection for me expands, are you realizing how incredibility happy you are to be with me.”

No. No I am not.

In one section of his manual, Baggett talks about using phony “quotes” that you’ve allegedly overheard in order to sneak your super seekrit NLP “embedded commands” into the conversation.

“The strangest thing happened last weekend. This woman walked right up to this guy and said, ‘Could you image you and I embracing in a long passionate kiss, right now?’ Wasn’t that a strange this to just come out and say to someone? People never cease to amaze me.”

Subtle, dude, subtle.

Here are some “Super Sentences Using Magic Phrases.”

“Have you already discovered how naturally you can develop a connection with someone you just met?”

“Naturally, and I will want to duplicate the excitement we feel, so let’s discuss what we will do on our next date.”

“Have you become aware of how fast you and I are clicking tonight?”

And here’s a super subtle and sophisticated way to “blur the line of truth and opinion.”

“You and I are here. We both came here alone. It’s getting late. It’s time we get outa here.”

Yeah, that’ll work.

Baggett also suggests that you use “binds” to trick people into agreeing with you. As he explains it, “[b]inds are when you link one statement (that they accept as true) with another statement you want them to accept as true.”

Watch this master at work:

“The more you feel a lack of trust, the more you will realize you really want to trust me completely.”

Yeah, nothing makes a person seem more trustworthy than attempted manipulation so blatant that it can be seen from outer space.

Baggett is apparently unaware that most people are actually pretty good at sensing when they’re being bullshitted.

“Most of my past girl/boyfriends have said that one of my best qualities is how comfortable they instantly feel and how rapidly they begin to feel that chemistry.. that attraction. I’m not sure what it is about me or if that same feeling could be happening right now. That’s just how other’s saw me. What do you think?”

Gosh, I can’t imagine your date would ever suspect that you were basically just trying to hypnotize them:

“Have you ever fallen madly in love? As you remember that time when you fell madly in love,and you see a picture of it, if you were to where you see that picture NOW, where might you be pointing?

As you just keep thinking about that, space as I talk to you, simply allow my words to come from that space, imagine that you would really start to feel absolutely fantastic. …

In fact, you may notice somewhere inside you want to create an opening for my words. So if I were to say to you,‘Watch what happens as you put a picture of you and me together in a very special ,way, right there in that space,” notice how special that feels. …

If you could just think about what really turns you on (point to that place), it can allow you to COME … to the same conclusion over and over again … that what you really want is to create on opening for DESIRE … create a place for ecstasy … and focus on the energy that swells up inside you, don’t you feel that way now?” (… Enjoy the ride.)

I think he must have meant to say “enjoy the ride home, by yourself, because your date fled in terror when you started up with the creepy hypnotic patter.”

Here’s the start of Baggett’s “Instant Seduction” pattern:

Have you ever felt and Instant Magnetic Attraction with someone? (point to yourself.)

Maybe as you were looking at them and you started to LISTEN INTENTLY as you found every word fascinating.

Sometimes this JUST NATURALLY HAPPENS, it seems as if there is just a chord of light (gesture from your solar plexes to his/hers) connecting you with that special person.

And as that beam of light begins to GLOW and PULSATE with the strength of that connection, it just seems NATURAL that they are BEING PULLED CLOSER AND more intimate as time passes. … .

Run! RUN!!!!

Why bother going through a weird NLP seminar manual that’s nearly 20 years old? Well, partly because it’s funny. Partly because this guy actually made a living teaching this crap to people. People PAID HIM MONEY to learn to turn every conversation into an odd, unnatural, offputting attempt at hypnosis.

But what makes this relevant here is that this is where the pickup artist phenomenon came from. And a lot of this nonsense is still embedded, as it were, in “pickup artist” techniques today. PUAs today may not use actual hypnotic suggestions to con their targets, but they still use a lot of the old NLP lingo, and they’re still obsessed with manipulation and mind games.

It’s the PUAs, not Anita Sarkeesian, who are the real heirs to Bart Baggett.

ALL HAIL THE HYPNOTOADS!

 

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beegees
beegees
5 years ago

Man bringing back memories. I remember reading about Speed Seduction in Rolling Stone in the …90s, maybe?

The basic idea of NLP is that you put someone in a mini trance by confusing them, or by talking to them in a really dull voice, or by whatever. If you’ve ever seen someone hypnotized at a show, that’s a severe trance, and in that state people are so open to suggestion that they could literally be convinced that they saw aliens land outside of a window. (Seriously. Hypnotism comedy shows are mean LOL). NLP works on a mini version of that.

Basically, the guys that came up with NLP theorized that people go into mini-trances regularly by zoning out while driving, or whatever, and theorized that they could induce these mini-trances in people with language. They thought that people would be more open to suggestion in these states. NLP isn’t supposed to be powerful enough to make people believe that aliens have landed outside, but it’s practitioners believe that it could gaslight or manipulate a “target” into a desired behavior as long as that behavior wasn’t too far out of the target’s character.

Well, at least that’s my extremely limited memory and knowledge of how it works. 🙂 Hopefully someone else knows more than me. 🙂

Anyway, the old Rolling Stone article on Speed Seduction was fun. All the capitalized words were supposed to be seekritly-sexualized words that fly under the radar of a woman’s conscious brain, but get caught by her subconscious, and make her feel SUPA-HORNEE. So supa-hornee in fact that she just may just bring the guy home. The whole article was a hoot and was chock filled with examples of him talking normally but putting emphasis on words with a supaseekrit double meanings.

I remember all this because, a month later, when Rolling Stone published reader comments, there was a comment that followed the same scheme as Speed Seduction. It was a normal discussion of what was wrong with it, but with certain words, or parts of words, capitalized for emphasis. For example, the word “ridiculous” would look like “riDICulous”. And the supaseekrit hidden capital message that was hidden in the comment was, “I HOPE HIS PATHETIC LITTLE DIC FALLS OFF SOON”. LOL, Oh comments.

(And yes, I’m paraphrasing because it’s been fifteen or twenty years since I’ve last read Rolling Stone.)

lacerta viridis
5 years ago

The ‘how attractive you are becoming’ one really weirds me out, the more I think about it. Like… what? Are you suggesting I was originally unattractive, but the more I hang around you the hotter I become? Wtf? I also have no idea what ‘naturally noticed’ means. Can you unnaturally notice something?

@kittehserf, yeah, I had the same response – I’m with someone I’m pretty madly in love with, super attracted to, incredibly happy to be with them and all that – and I’d STILL react with ‘uhh, are you ok?’ if they started coming out with weird, stilted sentences about whether I have considered how naturally excited I am to happily be with them and their pulsating light glow or whatever. If that had been their first attempt at talking to me, I am pretty sure we would not currently be together.

(I’ve tried hypnosis in an attempt to deal with a phobia, but it didn’t work well at all. Mostly it just made me anxious and upset, honestly.)

grumpyoldnurse
5 years ago

I’ve used self hypnosis to cope with chronic pain. Way better than narcotics, IMHO, and with fewer side effects!

I’ve never let anyone else hypnotise me. I have some trust issues, so the thought kind of skeeves me out.

Kim
Kim
5 years ago

The ‘how attractive you are becoming’ one really weirds me out, the more I think about it. Like… what? Are you suggesting I was originally unattractive, but the more I hang around you the hotter I become? Wtf? I also have no idea what ‘naturally noticed’ means. Can you unnaturally notice something?

I thought that phrasing was to shoehorn “be cumming” into the conversation.

Lee
Lee
5 years ago

I keep thinking of that old cartoon trick of using confusing multiple negatives when I read this. (Hint: It doesn’t work there either, guys!)

beegees
beegees
5 years ago

Well I got ninja’d a bit there.

I’ve never been hypnotized but I’ve meditated. Although I’ve seen several of DH’s friends get hypnotized at a show many years ago and it was Schadenfreude. 🙂

Dennis Jernberg (@dennis_jernberg)

I must be in a trance because my brain’s combining this post with the previous one on its own. To wit (warning: compulsively corrected):

During our time together, meow, I was wondering if you have ever, meow, considered the chief benefit of deciding to begin a, meow, monogamous relationship with that one special person you find attraction, meow. As you, meow, begin to consider all the obvious reasons to make a commitment MEOW, doesn’t it seem natural, meow to feel more excited about our relationship, meow? Meow.

It must be getting dangerously close to NaNoWriMo…

studiokagato
studiokagato
5 years ago

I read them all in Agent Smith’s voice, and it seemed entirely appropriate.

Can… can anyone do a good Agent Smith impression? I would dearly love to see these overdubbed on the Morpheus interrogation scene!

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
5 years ago


See, it works!

kittehserf - MOD
5 years ago

@beth:

I asked my boyfriend if he naturally discovered how attractive he was becoming and in reply he just showed me a picture juxtaposing saggy old Iggy Pop with a hairless cat. Does this mean it’s working?

Hmmm … was he saying he looked more like the cat than (hurl) Iggy Pop? That might have been a yes.

@lacerta viridis:

The ‘how attractive you are becoming’ one really weirds me out, the more I think about it. Like… what? Are you suggesting I was originally unattractive, but the more I hang around you the hotter I become? Wtf? I also have no idea what ‘naturally noticed’ means. Can you unnaturally notice something?

It’s like a word-salad version of a neg or something. If I thought it meant “Don’t you know how beautiful you are?” (not becoming: are) it’d be one thing – Louis’s said that, if not in so many words, to me, and it does make a difference. But this is just weird.

Maybe unnaturally noticing means you go round with a microscope strapped to your head …

@grumpyoldnurse:

I’ve used self hypnosis to cope with chronic pain. Way better than narcotics, IMHO, and with fewer side effects!

Yay! I’d never heard of doing that. (Given I know diddly squat about self-hypnosis, this is not surprising.)

@Dennis, your version of this is soooo much better. Because kitties. It read almost like a song. 😀

Kim
Kim
5 years ago

Sometimes, with minor pain, especially throbbing pain, I can convince my brain to register the pain as just a regular sensation, rather than pain, by focussing on it in a particular way. Is that the sort of thing you do with self-hypnosis?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
5 years ago

Does he explain how you’re supposed to stop the other person from walking away in the middle of one of your wannabe hypnotic speeches? Because maybe I’m just rude, but I’d turn around and head in the other direction a couple of sentences into that shit. Why does he think women will just stand there and listen until the dudes have finished rambling?

Fibinachi
5 years ago

I’d assume so, it’s what works for me, Kim.

As does meditation, sensation and emotion triggers, various bits of texture feedback for emotions and a bit of this and that, tricks I’ve picked up.

Never tried to actually be hypnotized by someone else. Don’t see the point, I guess. I can manage quite well on my own, and giving someone else permission to wander all over my headspace makes the part of my brain normally busy thinking about economic peculiarities roil and recoil in terror, hissing. Doesn’t help that most other people I’ve met who know anything about hypnosis are exactly the kind of people that got into it to mess with other people’s heads.

The weird thing here is how artless the above is. I understand the theory behind it, but the choices of words just seem so needlessly obtuse. For instance:

“Naturally, and I will want to duplicate the excitement we feel, so let’s discuss what we will do on our next date.”

Okay, so you say you’re excited, and you want to double your excitement and you intend to anchor that doubled-excitement to “the next date”. I get what you’re trying to do here. But my god, what about just saying: “This was a great date, hoping the next one’s even better, let’s talk about our plans for it?”. I’ve just cut out ten syllables and some extraneous blabber from your dialogue.

Fibinachi
5 years ago

Does he explain how you’re supposed to stop the other person from walking away in the middle of one of your wannabe hypnotic speeches? Because maybe I’m just rude, but I’d turn around and head in the other direction a couple of sentences into that shit. Why does he think women will just stand there and listen until the dudes have finished rambling?

Yes. I wonder why that is.
(no I don’t)
(It’s obvious)

grumpyoldnurse
5 years ago

The technique I was taught is more of a meditative/guided imagery thing. I meditate until I am in a mildly altered state, and then tell my brain that the pain is OK. It’s natural, I’m aware of it now, thankyouverymuch, so you can please stop yelling at me about it. Then, if it’s muscular pain, I try to convince the associated muscle groups to relax and release the pain. If it’s GI pain, I try to focus on the part that’s causing the problem (stomach, produce less acid! Oesophageal sphincter, tighten up!) There are times when the pain gets the better of me, and I take something, but generally I’m more afraid of the side effects of medication (even over the counter stuff) than I am of the pain. The worst part, for me, is that it makes me very tired when I’m having a bad day. I also try to take care of myself properly and get enough of the right kind of exercise, eat a balance diet, etc. That helps, too!

grumpyoldnurse
5 years ago

Oops! Ninja’d very succinctly by Fibinachi!

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

Imagining some PUA trying this technique reminded me of the show “Invader Zim”, in which the title character is trying to blend in with an elementary school class. “I am a perfectly normal human worm baby!”

NLP is about as credible as orgone boxes or Scientology, and these chuzzlewits are still flogging it? Typical. I’m surprised they’re not promoting phrenology. But that would be BELOW ME.

Fibinachi
5 years ago

Huh, I’m getting a sudden curious desire to go buy a blow gun, get a blowtorch and work on blowing up my balloons for decorating my bungablow.

Robeeeeeerrrrrtttttt! Damn you!

Feulpelz
5 years ago

I’ve been hypnotised, and I was very hypnotisable. I saw a cat that wasn’t really there! And the hypnotist does sort speak in these very long patterns, in a very gentle voice, with a sleepy, unstressed rhythm. You are supposed to be in a state where you are not listening with the alert part of your brain that questions everything.

But I knew I was being hypnotised, I went there to try out being hypnotised. It was very cool, but it wasn’t at all a natural kind of conversation. The hypnotist spent quite a long time relaxing me into that state, making sure I trusted I wouldn’t be doing anything I didn’t want to do. I had to want to be suggestible for it to work. Even though I was extremely high on the hypnotisable scale, its not like someone could walk up in a bar and start speaking hypnospeak and I wouldn’t be sleeved.

chickpeasarada
chickpeasarada
5 years ago

Pffft! I could do better than that.

As you watch, you are getting very happy. Veeeeeerrrrryy haaaaaaapppyy…

When I snap my fingers, you will give your Furrinati master food!

*Snap!*

Feulpelz
5 years ago

*skeeved

kittehserf - MOD
5 years ago

CORGI MIND POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

grumpyoldnurse
5 years ago

Dang, chickpeasarada, you do good work! I don’t even have a Furrinati overlord right now, but the neighbour cat says ‘thanks’ for the tuna. Also, where did this leaf blower come from?

jensays
jensays
5 years ago

I see his name and the voice in my head says Bart Baguette. Just in case anyone was in danger of taking him seriously.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
5 years ago

Why, yes, I would like a corgi! Oh, sorry. Yes, in fact, I would very intensely passionately like for you to naturally find that you want to give me a corgi (and also sex).

Did I do it right?

Leisha Young
Leisha Young
5 years ago

…and let me guess, if the women who are being ‘preyed upon’ don’t respond favorably it’s all their fault right?

Leah
Leah
5 years ago

Pua’s have so Little to offer a woman that the only way to get one is to use manipulation, hypnotization or alcohol. Thankfully, they’re not very skilled at any of this. The thought of being genuinely nice and likeable is completely foreign to them.

Dennis Jernberg (@dennis_jernberg)

kittehserf:

@Dennis, your version of this is soooo much better. Because kitties. It read almost like a song. 😀

RAWR. 😉

Bernardo Soares
Bernardo Soares
5 years ago

Now I’ve read some of the PUA sites, I have a picture in mind of dudebros constantly pointing to their “schlong”. Imagine having a conversation about furniture with someone who constantly points to his nether region. Seriously, that says more about their own obsession with their penis than anything else…

Shaenon
5 years ago

RIMMER: You see? Totally maladjusted.
LISTER: That’s rich, you know. I mean, coming from the man whose favorite book is “How To Pick Up Girls By Hypnosis.”
RIMMER: There’s nothing wrong with that, Lister. It’s a good book. Full of handy hints as well, and it works.
LISTER: Get outta town.
RIMMER: That’s how I met Lorraine — by hypnotising her.
LISTER: You hypnotised a girl into going out with you?
RIMMER: Yes. I gave her the old “there’s something in your eye” technique, fixed her with a mesma-stare, and bingo — she agreed to come on a date.
LISTER: What was wrong with her?
RIMMER: Nothing.
LISTER: C’mon, a girl agrees to go out with you, and there was nothing wrong with her?
RIMMER: She was an extremely attractive and bright young lady.
LISTER: Hmm, it must work then.
RIMMER: Of course, she had an artificial nose.
LISTER: What!?
RIMMER: Oh, tastefully done. Quality metal. No rivets.
LISTER: Come on, what happened?
RIMMER: Well, things were a little bit stilted in the taxi. All my jokes about her nose hadn’t gone down too well. And they were good gags — I mean quality gags like, “Where are we going? Who nose?” No cheap shots. Anyway, when we got to the restaurant she must have had an attack of nerves or something. She said she was going to the loo and ended up climbing out of the toilet window.

M. the Social Justice Ranger
M. the Social Justice Ranger
5 years ago

“I see his name and the voice in my head says Bart Baguette. Just in case anyone was in danger of taking him seriously.”

I keep reading it as “Breitbart.”

M. the Social Justice Ranger
M. the Social Justice Ranger
5 years ago

Red Dwarf is awesome. *fistbump*

Sarah
Sarah
5 years ago

It all sounds very naturally

Sarah
Sarah
5 years ago

To give it some credit, I can imagine this *could* have worked if spoken very slow and softly at a hippie party in the seventies where everyone was high and horny. But then again, reading the news would probably have worked in that situation too.

Mike
Mike
5 years ago

This guy has also been an actor in some really shitty looking movies

http://www.imdb.com/video/demo_reel/vi1914938393

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

So the theory is, spout a stream of gobbledegook interspersed with totally not obvious capital-letter words of sexytimes images you want to plant in the person’s mind?

Like this? “Have you ever naturally imagined believing yourself to be in a blissful ANALytical state of mind where both people are WHIPped into a frenzy and you find yourself developing excitement over the prospect of a brand SPANKING new relationship FEATHERS FEATHERS FEATHERS HIGH-HEELED CLEVELAND STEAMER”

If someone tried this on me, I would find myself wondering if they had an uncontrollable verbal tic.

Also, there is this thing called “asking directly, using grown-up words” that works wonders on people who are already slightly attracted to you and may share your proclivities. But I guess the feeling of triumph at having tricked and manipulated an initially unwilling woman into bed is what they’re after, not the actual sex.

All I can say is, good FUCK OFF ASSHOLE luck with that.

vaiyt
5 years ago

“Honey, you can type this shit, but you can’t say it out loud!”

kittehserf - MOD
5 years ago

FEATHERS FEATHERS FEATHERS HIGH-HEELED CLEVELAND STEAMER

Okay, who let Nanny Ogg loose around Hex?

thermonictriode
5 years ago

“Have you ever fallen madly in love? As you remember that time when you fell madly in love,and you see a picture of it, if you were to where you see that picture NOW, where might you be pointing?”

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

AfterTheKidsLeave
5 years ago

Back in the 80’s when I was doing my Master’s degree in social work, we had a prof who was completely besotted with NLP. I used to sit way in back of the class, the better to escape when the weird level got to SAVE YOURSELVES!!

Ellesar
5 years ago

I would have said that Bart had used Google Translate, except that Google Translate wasn’t around then, so I am going to assume that English was not his first language, and he was so arrogant as to assume that he didn’t need anyone to check his ‘work’ for typo’s, incongruity and absurd grammatical convolution.

bashuber
bashuber
5 years ago

Crying with laughter – and why does he constantly use the word natural or naturally?

Harlan
Harlan
5 years ago

@Shaenon – Nice. I’ve been revisiting Red Dwarf the past week or so. It’s a little guy-centric for my girlfriend’s taste, but she’s enjoying the introduction. Rimmer is a *fabulously* drawn character, full of flaws and self-loathing. He’s a pitch-perfect representation of authorial MISANDRY!!! (unless one has a sense of what drives character and comedy).

friday jones
friday jones
5 years ago

Have you ever felt completely squicked? As you remember that time when you were thoroughly repulsed by another alleged human being’s hideously self-centered attempts at manipulation of your emotions, and you see a picture of it, if you were to see that picture NOW, where might you be pointing?

Maybe as you were pointing off into a random direction, you started to LISTEN INTENTLY as you found every word fascinating. Sometimes THIS JUST NATURALLY HAPPENS, it seems as if there is a glowing stream of puke flowing from your solar plexus and up through your esophagus and this glowing stream of puke is connected to the floor.

bekabot
5 years ago

Wow. I’ve never read those things before, but wow, it’s true. They sound like they were invented by a computer that failed the Turing test.

Emmy Rae
Emmy Rae
5 years ago

Something that will GLOW and PULSATE sounds less NATURALLY and more like a glow in the dark vibrator. This person is obviously a very weird dildo salesman.

A glow in the dark vibrator sounds fun, but I don’t think I would buy one from this guy.

marinerachel
5 years ago

I have a glowing vibrator. It’s heat sensor too! It adjusts power settings based on how vigorously it’s being used.

Tanya Nguyen
5 years ago

So i have a question. Assume this crap work, and I totally naturally started to see how beautiful i was becoming and because of your totally awesome technique, i “naturally became aware” of you and I together – given that you admit you are basically hypnotizing me, how is that not a mild form of sexual violence. and *if* your patter worked as well as you think it did, and if you admit you’ve hypnotized me, and if you then got me into bed with your hypnotism, how is that not rape?

I would never ever want to be with someone who I had to “con” into being with me, or had to get drunk. If they didn’t want me upfront, why would I want to “make’ them fake-want me?
I just do not get it.

thehappyfangirl
5 years ago

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

That’s EXACTLY what I was thinking. *laughs*