The Redditor who goes by the name vlodia has what can only be described as a unique set of interests: Stocks. Diablo. Leaked celebrity nudes. Anonymous browsing. And semen.
And while vlodia seems to keep most of his semen-related inquires confined to porn subreddits like r/tipofmypenis, he recently wandered into the Men’s Rights subreddit to ask about a semen-related quandary more serious than where to find “Videos Featuring A Guy Cumming Really Fast After Blowjob or Handjob?”
In his Men’s Rights posting, vlodia asked the subreddit’s legal whizzes just what a decent regular fella like himself could do to protect against false rape accusations in three distinct scenarios – one involving a girlfriend with a secret “agenda against you,” another involving a spiteful one-night-stand, and one involving an especially devious false accuser that vlodia calls The Semen Thief.
Yeah, let’s just skip ahead to that one.
Scenario 3: “The semen thief” — a woman paid a hooker to seduce a man, specifically instructing her to have sex with condoms, so [the hooker] can bring the semen-filled condom to the woman so she can put some in her vagina as a proof she was raped by this guy. When the woman was examined by a doctor, it was proven your sperm was positively inside her. As it turns out, this woman who is charging you happens to be your acquaintance through work. How can a man fight back against this charge?
The assembled Men’s Rights Redditors generously offered their hard-won wisdom on how best to handle these scenarios.
Thementallyillclam urged vlodia to avoid all contact with women.
Lazlounderhill, by contrast, urged vlodia to avoid all contact with women.
MetaMGTOW suggested a rather inventive strategy to help vlodia avoid all contact with women.
Mtersen, meanwhile, urged vlodia to avoid all contact with women. Or at least all women working at upscale clothing stores. And then to flee the country.
Though I hate fo find myself agreeing with Men’s Rightsers on anything, I too would recommend that vlodia avoid all contact with women.
I can’t wait to see what kind of totally real scenarios they concoct from the plot of “Gone Girl”.
Is the semen mule supposed to swallow the condom in order to smuggle it past the DEA? That would make it a little more plausible.
(Note: since I’ve signed in with my Twitter account, a disclosure: my preferred hashtag is #mrafail. Feel free to borrow.)
This “vlodia” guy’s semen obsession… come to think of it, it does remind me of General Jack D. Ripper and his precious bodily fluids. In the spirit of “a stopped clock is right twice a day”, I also agree that he should GHOW. If only those MTGOWs really would, you know, GTOW…
That MRA jargon: so obscure, they might as well be a cult. Though of course they blame the “females” for not understanding (the cooties are always to blame).
As these bozos never fail to demonstrate in increasingly absurd ways.
Are they selling those at Spirit Halloween this year?
Ah, that old conservative zombie meme, “the gay lifestyle”. I’m sure MRAs threaten to “go gay” to threaten their “females” into putting out, but of course they would never actually do so because they think gays are so unmanly and so infected with cooties they “go female”.
ZOMG FEMALES ARE VAMPIRES!!!1! (Also, relevant point related to the recent Camille Paglia post: Molly Ivins didn’t mention it [though she did write, “Ms. Paglia believes that all her personal experiences are Seminal”], but Paglia speaks a lot of “the vampirism inherent in female sexuality”. It’s her explanation for why art and science have always been male-dominated, naturally enough always asserted and never explained.)
You’re welcome! If only MGTOW would turn into MMTOS (Men Making Their Own Sammitches), they’d be less hangry and therefore, less hateful. And less dependent on women, and less resentful of them, too. Full of win, that idea is…
Heh…the first guy I ever had sex with tried that. The first time we had sex, no less. He threw it in the toilet and then was miffed when the damn thing insisted on floating and not flushing. I made him fish it out and stick it back in the wrapper, then tuck it well down the wastebasket, where it belonged.
“Paglia speaks a lot of “the vampirism inherent in female sexuality””
Does she perhaps think that women have to drink male blood to make up for what they lose every month? Nah — so what could that possibly MEAN? I think it means she was once a bright undergraduate who learned that you could get A’s but writing brilliant-sounding bullshit that didn’t have to make any sense, and she’s just gotten better and better at playing that game. Memorable phrases, no cogency.
Dammit, I needed those sinuses!
Huh. Excessive disclosure alert.
I always put my used condoms in the wastebasket. Flushing them just seemed like an exercise in futility. The idea that someone could abstract them from the premises without my knowledge seems. . . far fetched. Although it did make me think of a relatively obscure song, and how it could be parodied. So, with apologies to Sparks:
“I am the Semen Thief/ Say goodbye to your jizz/
Oh, no! Where did my seed go?
Oh, no! Where did my seed go?
The semen thief has got it and you’ll never get it back !
The semen thief has got it and you’ll never get it back!
Lights out, MRA! Lights out, PUA!”
Now how the hell does she square that with the predatory, red-eyes-glowing-in-the-dark view of male sexuality she was just expounding the other day?
Ah yes, I forgot. It’s sexism. It wants to have its cake and eat it, too. And babble gibberish the entire time.
I think this dude watched The Crush too many times in the 90s. Just because semen jacking for false rape accusations worked in a bad movie, doesn’t mean it will work in real life.
They’re complementary, the female vampire and the male brute. This dualism’s all over Sexual Personae, especially in the chapter on The Faerie Queene. But considering that she’s such a fangirl of the Marquis de Sade (who of course gets his own chapter), I suspect that she got it from him.
Interesting note, latex condoms are biodegradable. However, latex doesn’t break down well when in water (apparently not enough oxygen for the type of bacteria that will break down latex) so flushing them is a bad idea environmentally speaking as well as not good for plumbing.
Probably shouldn’t have been eating dinner while reading about sperm jacking and semen mules. Semen mules. Now there’s a 21st century concept. Yowza.
I think I’ve seen a porn with a similar plot, so thats perhaps where he’s got this idea from.
Condoms down the drain: No, just no. I’ve talked to some workers at the wastewater treatment plant, and this is one thing that really fucks up the systems so don’t.
If you’re really worried ’bout the semen rinse the codom on inside w water and soap. That way you can also check the integrity of the condom post-coitus. Pour semen and water into the toilet and flush. Condom in the waste bin. If not worried double knost on the condom prevents smell from the waste bin. (Why is this not included in sex ed)
I would imagine so. I’ve actually READ The Faerie Queene in its (admittedly incomplete) entirety, and there’s precious little in it to hint at female vampirism. It’s far too courtly for that, on the whole. Mostly, the nasty females are just dressed in red who pretend to be the True Church, and all. It’s an allegory for Catholicism, which of course is Paglia’s great fetish.
Ugh, scratch that “who” and insert “and”.
Why do MGTOW never go their own fucking way already? Seriously. Please leave. I will hold the door for you and everything.
Except Spenser was Protestant (his allegory revolves around a legendary ancestry for the Tudors, and looking him up in Wikipedia I found out he was involved in the English suppression of Catholic Ireland); and “female vampirism” is just typically overblown Paglian hyperbole, her name for the “femme fatale” trope. The actual female vampires her trope name refers to, like their male counterparts, were created by Romantic writers.
Rereading Paglia again reminds me it’s the badly suppressed paganism she admires in The Faerie Queene, and she admires Catholicism for the same reason. She thinks Protestantism boring because it purged all Catholicism’s pagan elements. Hence her love for not just Sade but Madonna, both of whom make great sport of desecrating things Catholic for their art.
Ya think? GYOW, vlodia, just GYOW please.
Talacaris:
I always rinse my condoms with water after use, not really for any reason other than irrational ickiness about having decaying body fluids in my waste bin. I haven’t heard of anyone else actually doing this, although I’ve seen it proposed as advice from a normal person to those with grave spermjacking concerns.
Well, today I learned a valuable lesson about condoms and plumbing. Thanks, Mammoth!
RE: strivingally
So the MGTOW Level Four is basically “I never grew out of thinking Ayn Rand was an awesome visionary, and also I would def totes be at the top of any Objectivist paradise”.
Actually, I’ve seen other groups who take vows of voluntary poverty for similar reasons. They disapprove of how their tax dollars would be spent (mostly involving current wars) and so willingly live on the economic margins.
Not an easy life to live, but it seemed to work for them. I always considered it a fairly clever way to take a third option.
RE: Kevin K
you wouldn’t believe the stuff people send down the crapper.
Baby gators!
I know this is a small point, and yet I’m totally stuck on it—vlodia didn’t spend any time at all thinking up with scenario. His Sperm Thief is lifted straight from an episode of Law & Order. vlodia must have been binge watching L&O on We.
“Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.”
MRAs scoff at this sentence, but it is a radical notion; it means women can be con-artists, liars, swindlers, greedy, and they can abuse the law.
And a portion of them will.
I am all for taking responsibility for your actions. I also agree that the stated scenario is possible, but rare. Seems like a lot of work, would be easier to just sleep with the dude and “forget” the pill.
But all this means is that men have to be careful where they put their semen, or get a vasectomy if they never want kids. If you are too stupid to figure this out, you deserve to get screwed by the system.
It must be so terrible, to live in a fantasy world where people want to steal your precious bodily fluids, but on the other hand I can see where it might appeal to someone like Nerobyrne. It would be pleasing to the ego, in a twisted way, to imagine that one’s semen is so precious and valued that women would use a Law & Order plot to obtain it.
Taking responsibility for your actions like wearing a condom? Oh the horror.
I know Nerobyrne is just a drive-by troll, but I almost LOL’d at this utter lack of self-awareness.
Yes. Feminists generally agree that since women are people (just like men), they can do terrible things (just like men), and they shouldn’t be put on a pedestal as unrealistic ideas of people, but treated like people who can do both right and wrong (just like men). Our society should reflect that. The problem is that is doesn’t.
But since Nerobyrne lives in a strange fantasy reality, the problem apparently is that women are now able to live easy on the fucking enormous sums of child support that force men into poverty and slavery. Bearing children and being a single mother is such a lucrative and easy get-rich-quickly scheme.
Go easy on the red pills, Nerobyrne. They fuck you up. And for the love of god, get that vasectomy.
I am very confused here. I only stated that men need to be careful where they put their penis, as well as clean up after themselves. How is this in any way “living in a fantasy world”?
Women and men can both be potentially evil people, so both men and women need to make sure that they are being responsible about sex. How is this in any way “living in a fantasy world”?
Or are people on this site actually representing the idea that women are completely free of all blame, at all times? Are you people saying that females are 100% incapable of doing anything evil?
Maybe the very idea that women can be the things that I listed is offensive to you. Please tell me, have you lifted up females to the level of goddess, because I thought we were all human beings.
PS: It seems like you think that my opinion is invalid because my life choice is different from yours. That is extremely closed minded.