An open thread for personal stuff, continuing from here.
As usual for these threads: no trolls, no MRAs, no I’m-not-really-an-MRA-buts, don’t be mean.
Categories
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
We Hunted The Mammoth
I…um…words, what do they mean?
Hey, guys. I have another gon TMI moment here. Trigger warning for unwanted sexual stuff. Also bureaucracy.
I kind of got (don’t really know the right word) molested (that sort of works, but is too mild) at work today, by a patient. I talked to a bunch of my co-workers because I don’t want this to happen to anyone else. Turns out at least one other co-worker has had a disturbingly similar experience with this patient. She was too ashamed to tell anyone at work the full story, until I got to the really nasty bits of my experience, and then she told me that’s what happened to her, too.
I feel like I have to go to my manager so that we can prevent this happening to anyone else. The thing is, I don’t want this to escalate past the unit level. I don’t want this to go to corporate, or HR, and I certainly don’t want to involve law enforcement. I just want it to go away, really. But, I also want my co-workers to be safe.
I’m not sure why I bothering you folks with this. I told Mr.Grump when I got home. He wanted to drive me to the police station. Well, first he offered severe violence, but then suggested the police after I declined (he’s sweet like that). Anyway, I’m feeling a bit triggered by this. And probably making too big a deal out of it (I wasn’t injured – didn’t even bruise). It’s just, I really don’t want this patient hurting any more of my co-workers. But, I also don’t want to get dragged into any legal stuff. Anyway, I think we can handle this on the unit, with a well defined patient intervention plan. Or, maybe just making sure only the men have contact with this patient (haha, we don’t have enough male nurses to go around).
Sorry to bore you all with this. I’m such a wimp today. I mean, I’ve had way worse stuff happen to me. I’m just a bit shaky right now.
Anyway, if any one has any suggestions, I’d welcome them!
Thanks.
NO. You’re not making too big of a deal out of it. You don’t need to show blood for it to be a big deal. It’s obviously a big deal to you, and that makes it a big deal.
You’re also definitely not a wimp. I’m glad Mr. Grump is there for you. You deserve support. You didn’t deserve what happened, and it wasn’t your fault.
I’m so sorry this happened. It’s a big deal. You’re not required to minimize anything.
Thanks, Policy of Madness! Funny thing, that’s very similar to what I’d say to someone if I was offering them comfort about this sort of thing. Oh, Nurse! Heal thyself! (or at least take your own advice)
Also, judging by your typing, your hand must be getting better. I certainly hope so! 🙂
My hand is, indeed, getting better, although a weird pain came back after I maybe got over energetic pulling a string around for the cat earlier this evening.
I don’t actually have any advice for what to do, really. What are the policies where you work with respect to violent patients? This was a violent act. I don’t even have to know exactly what happened to know it was violent, because of how upset you are. This is a violent patient. What do you do with violent patients? You should consider pursuing that course, but that’s ultimately your decision. Definitely do what you feel is best to minimize the danger to yourself and your co-workers.
We’re pretty good about violence. It’s the sexual aspect that makes things shaky. I don’t work in an in-patient setting. Patients come in for their treatments. If a patient is violent, we’ve had security come and sit for the duration of the patient’s appointment. It has a surprisingly calming effect to have a bullet-proof vest wearing, mace-packing security guard looming about! We’ve also developed patient specific care plans for inappropriate behaviours in the past. I’d rather go that way.
I want everyone to be safe. But, I also don’t want this to escalate.
I’ll talk to my manager on Monday. She’s usually pretty good. I just don’t want corporate to get involved (they’re mostly lizard people). So, I just have one more day to worry about a very difficult conversation that I need to have with my boss. Joy :/
Absolutely go to the manager and ask them what the approved strategy or current policy is available for dealing with sexually aggressive patients.
It is good for managers to be made to do their job from time to time and this is one of those times. The more the patient gets away with it the more they will try it. I do not know about interventions with regard to the patient but for sure there are procedures you can adopt to protect one another.
That is my take on it.
When choosing a course, just keep in mind that sexual violence IS violence. This is a dangerous patient, the same as if he was throwing punches at the nurses.
Good luck with your manager. thebewilderness is 100% correct: this is what managers are for. I know you’ll do the right thing.
Thanks, both of you. I needed the pep talk. 🙂
I seem to be a bit triggered by this. The thought of having to describe it to an authority figure is, in its own way, worse than the incident itself. My manager is usually pretty darn good, but I’m dreading bringing this up with her. I really don’t want any higher ups getting involved.
You’re right, thebewilderness. This behaviour needs to stop, now, before it escalates.
You’re entitled to be triggered by it. A terrible thing was done to you by a terrible person. You don’t have to defend feeling that way (at least not here).
I know you know this, but you are also entitled to see a therapist. There is no minimum amount of messed up you have to be before you can do that. You can do that tomorrow and be completely in the right.
The only additional thing I would suggest is that you stay professional and clinical. Rehearse it a few times, maybe even write it down. In fact if you put it in writing for your manager that might be the best way to hand it off to her without having to relive it.
Speaking as a former shop steward here, write out what you’d like to see as an outcome. Decide what kind of outcome is optimal, and what’s acceptable, and what you can’t live with. It will help you steer the conversation. I find that, when management has to deal with an uncomfortable situation, they’ll glom onto the first option that will make it go away. Make it easy for them to choose your option, and hard for them to choose the stupid option.
Like, “Hey, manager, we have a problem you need to know about, and here’s a possible solution.”
And I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
Right, again, Policy of Madness.
It’s just that I’ve had bad stuff happen to me, in the past, and I thought I had dealt with it (therapy and everything). But this happens, and I’m feeling kind of raw, again, like all the work I did last time around is just *poof* gone. Compared to what has happened to me before, this really is little league.
I’ve been groped, and stuff, by patients before. None of it has bothered me as much as this one. I think it’s maybe because I thought I knew this guy, and I thought we had a long standing therapeutic relationship. Also, he has no excuse. He’s not demented or confused or so high on narcotics that he’s forgotten right from wrong. I guess he just doesn’t really give a damn.
Again, thanks for listening.
Thanks for the suggestion to write it out, thebewilderness and Unimaginative. I will try to do that tomorrow.
Triggering doesn’t have to feel like it’s rational. I have triggers. I think a lot of people do, even if a lot of them don’t necessarily call it that. I know that my reaction is out of proportion from the trigger, but my reaction is what it is and it’s valid. So is yours. Your reaction is what is is, and your feelings are legit. You have a reason to react the way you do, and your reasons are legit.
@ Policy of Madness – 🙂
Chiming in to offer my support and to agree with what everyone else has suggested. I’m really sorry you had to go through that, grumpyoldnurse.
I’d approach it by asking the manager/person-who-does-managey-things whether the policy about supervising potentially violent patients applies exactly the same way if the actions are more sexual than violent. Or is it appropriate to change rosters so that women are not involved with this person’s treatment/management _and_ everybody knows why?
I know what you mean about getting HR involved. You’d think people who write and oversee policies about staff related matters would know what to do. The way many of them behave you’d think they’d been put into HR specifically to keep them away from all living things.
Thanks, pallygirl.
Yeah, mildlymagnificent. What’s up with lizard people going into human resources as a career choice. Is it that they literally see humans as renewable resources?
I’d love if we could arrange the assignment so that only men had to provide care for this guy, but we just don’t have enough male nurses to do so. I think every one on the unit should know what happened so that they can follow the same guide lines about interacting with him. We have had violent patients before, and developed care plans to deal with them.
grumpyoldnurse, I have no sensible suggestions to make (hell, my first preference would be like Mr Grump’s first reaction), so n’thing what everyone’s said, and adding extra hugs if you want them.
Have some cute.
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01250/kitten-rabbit_1250036i.jpg
http://www.loslunasvetco.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/puppies-and-kittens-11.jpg
Thanks for the squee kittehserf! Interspecies love is awesome. 🙂
Squee is always wonderful!
Have a walrus reacting to his keeper giving him a birthday cake made of fish …
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr06/2013/4/11/20/enhanced-buzz-10898-1365726224-3.jpg
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr03/2013/4/11/20/enhanced-buzz-11301-1365726255-0.jpg
Good luck, GrumpyOldNurse…
I don’t know what I’d do in your situation. The hospital here and the department have policies of “write an incident report, report to security/police, and prosecute” because they’ve had instances where a patient went from inappropriate behavior to staff to in appropriate behavior with patients…
… But even then, it’s still a hard call, and doesn’t always mean it’s the best call…
I think the others here had way better advice than mine, and way more real world experience.
I’m just going to leave it at this:
I have complete confidence that you’ll do everything you can to figure out a correct solution, whatever that may be. You aren’t omniscient, and you aren’t responsible for this patients actions: past, present, or future.
I’d like to offer Jedi, contactless hugs through the pillownet. I’m sorry that happened to you, and you’re a remarkable person.
Seriously. That the biggest thing on your mind right now is protecting your coworkers, and not fixating on what’s happened to you personally, is pretty darned incredible.
I would be really happy to be a coworker of yours.
Good luck, and I’m so sorry that happened to you.
@ kittehser – squee! You can tell he’s too humble to be a sea lion…
@ contrapangloss – “write an incident report, report to security/police, and prosecute” – Ah, HELL no!!! I wouldn’t bring it up if that was the only option. (I might still whisper in the ear of the hospital grapevine, though, so that people knew to stay out of grabbing range if possible) But the last thing I want to go through is another police report.
Thanks, everyone, for the kind words. I’m starting to de-stress a bit. Maybe I’ll try to meditate and then sleep (haven’t been able to so far tonight).
http://youtu.be/MxwH9RbQzJ0
Soothing kitties and old dog, resting together.