Open Thread for Personal Stuff: October 2014 Dog Walk Dog Edition

I hate to do this as the first post but

TW: involuntary committment

I just discharged from an absolutely horrific psych ward (to make a long and triggering story short, they ran on the biomedical model of psychiatry rather than the bio-psycho-social model). Thankfully my stay was relatively brief and I should be able to get back into classes. But I’m also worried that being there has made me worse not just mental-health-wise, but morally.

Because of how the ward was run and the mixed nature of the patients (everything from people who’d gone on a one-time drug-induced bender to a woman who was developmentally five), being there made me really anxious, feel trapped, and I had to present a false front of strength to both staff and patients so that they wouldn’t extend my stay (I was warned they might if I told them the ward was making me more anxious even if I wasn’t suicidal any longer) or treat me poorly respectively.

I’m way more anxious and argumentative now than I was before I got in, but I also feel like I’m somewhat less ethical. I feel like I’m less aware of what is and isn’t socially acceptable, I encouraged friends on the ward to do things that were inappropriate, and I’ve encouraged a friend off the ward to badmouth her friends to me because I find it entertaining when normally I tell her not to because I feel that form of gossip is more harmful than helpful.

So, all in all, I’m pretty miserable and worried about my moral character.

I met an awesome dude at work this summer. Now we are not working together and live two provinces away. Any advice about making long-distance relationships work would be much appreciated 🙂 We met near the end of the job so we’re still really trying to get to know each other (ps. He is sweet and cute and awesome and we are smitten)

Leum, I’m so sorry you went through that, and relieved you’re out of that place.

I can’t think of anything helpful to say about your fear that your ethics/morals have suffered, except that you’re aware of it, and not happy about it, which suggests you are ethical. Survival tactics in that dreadful place, still with you? Something that will wear off with time, I hope? I can only say, be gentle on yourself, you’ve been through a hell of a lot.

Leum, that sucks. Hope you’re feeling better (especially about yourself) soon. In the meantime, here’s a truly epic video:

That dog costume gives me the whim-whams.

This is cute, though:

I’d have thought it would be a rollypol of pug puppies

Yikes Leum, Hope u can find some1 in ur community. I’ve found it’s the best way.

Let’s see, was asked to alienate a woman cuz an in group doesn’t like her and she might be mentally ill. I wouldn’t alienate her.

Got a new mouseling, a young buck I named Cheech. He’s pathetic and his ear is torn. It makes me love him. He’s the class clown of mice. I can tell nobody in mouse land appreciates him but I love him to pieces.

Leum, sorry to hear you’ve been going through that. I can relate a fair bit with your ethics/morals worries. What I’ve find helpful myself when going through rough times, is trying to be the person I want to be as best I can and identify situations (sometimes also specific people) that makes it harder and stay away from those as much as I can. Sometimes I keep to myself as much as possible not to fall into traps, but I’m a bit of a lone wolf so that might not be a very good idea for someone in more need of social contacts.

One of my major problems in life has been being ridiculously hard on myself, taking the blame for everything and having very negative inner dialogue. This does not help me be a better person, so it’s extremely counter productive. I’ve learned now to separate responsibility from guilt, but it’s an ongoing process and something I need to continously work on.

Variants of a simplistic “think positive” approach can in my experience set you up for failures rather than help, and for me the game changer was when I decided to instead just go for neutral. When I handle something badly or whatever, I just make sure to identify what went wrong and why, perhaps think of a way to better deal with situations like it in the future, but then try to put it aside and not put any qualifiers on it one way or the other and just move on.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/environment/otters-just-wet-cats-2014100791441

Leum,
I’m sorry. It sounds like you are doing what you can with what you’ve got to work with. You’re a good person in a difficult situation.
((HUG))

Leum, I’m sorry you went through that. I agree with the suggestion to find someone you trust who you can talk to about it. I also agree that if you are concerned by whether your actions are ethical, you still have the same ethics and morals, you are possibly still using survival tactics from inside. I hope things get better for you soon.

Bad_dog, the only thing I can suggest is really working on communication. Best of luck.

I’m afraid I can’t help Mouse, but I will eagerly await advice from others that might help me 🙂

Mouse, I haven’t much to offer except the thought (which you already know, I think) that we’re way harder on ourselves and have way worse feelings about how others see us, than they really do. (Does that sentence make sense? This is my nearly-midnight comment mode.)

Have you tried any therapy to deal with this, or is it feasible for you to think about doing so? My go-to is usually to suggest cognitive behavioural therapy; I’ve had stress and anxiety issues (though not social anxiety) and found it very useful for getting at why I react to some stimuli, or some situations – not just the why as in background, but why the body reacts as it does, the nervous system and adrenaline and all that stuff. Understanding what was going on, mentally and physically, was surprisingly helpful in dealing with it, even on the level of “Yes this feels like hell right now but it’s physical and will pass.”

On the awkwardness … I’m betting you notice it more than other people do. Even if they pick up on anything, awkwardness isn’t a crime, nor is it rare.

On being caught up in your own concerns – again, so is everyone, really. I don’t know your gender, but if you’re a woman, I’d say that concern might be partly the socialisation that women are supposed to be thinking about other people (especially men) first, second and last. Blow that for a game of soldiers: why shouldn’t you be dealing with your own concerns? I know you said spaced out, so it’s obviously worrying you, but are you getting any feedback from other people that they’re concerned about your manner or anything else?

Ouf. Teal deer. Hugs, I’d better go to bed.