Ladies, we need to talk. About farting.
It has recently come to my attention that women sometimes fart. And that some of you even do it in the presence of men – including the men whom you allegedly love.
This is a gigantic no-no, a sign of disrespect for your man’s manliness. Also, never criticize his farting, because that too is a sign of disrespect for his manliness.
At least according to the douchebags of the Manosphere and the women who love them, farts and all.
In a brief post the other day titled She’s saving her farts for you, the Christian Red Pill blogger Dalrock let rip at a writer on a woman’s site for suggesting that “a man who lets you fart around him” is better marriage material than “a man who is grossed out by female functions.” Men in the latter category are ok only for a bang.
Dalrock sniffed:
Sure all of those other men banged her when she was younger and hotter, but you get something special.
Apparently hot, alpha-cock-carouseling women in their twenties never fart, saving all their flatulence for the betas they later rope into marriage after they hit the wall. Alpha fucks, beta … gets farted on.
In the comments, many of Dalrock’s readers agreed wholefartedly with his analysis.
“Anyone still doubt my assertions of Open Hypergamy now” asked Rollo Tomassi, the blogger at The Rational Male.
Earl let the farty ladies know that he was on to them:
The general thought process behind these comparisons is:
Marry: A man already comfortable in his emasculation.
Bang: A man who either isn’t or decided not to be emasculated.
I hate how marriage has become basically a one way ticket to emasculation in this day and age.
TFH — also known as The Fifth Horseman, and considered one of the leading intellectual lights of the Men’s Rights movement – attempted to put the Fart Question in historical context:
‘Feminism’, far from helping women, has instead exposed the full extent of female shortcomings (moral, mental, intellectual, spiritual, economic, civic) far more visibly than could ever happen before ‘feminism’.
Traditional customs taught women that if they farted openly, their chances of receiving a provider would go down. This allowed society to package women into something that men thought was unrealistically noble. ‘Feminism’ has exposed the truth.
And a stinky truth it is. No wonder TFH is looking forward with such eagerness to virtual sex and the ultimate replacement of farty human ladies with virtual ones, as he predicted in his Misandry Bubble manifesto.
Casey instructed any women reading to
Ignore the advice of other women, particularly feminists.
Marry young, marry pretty, give your husband your youth; not your flatulence.
The Brass Cat, meanwhile, recommended that men “of the gassy persuasion” use their farts as a way to show what totally dominant alpha dogs they are. This, he explained, was Fart Game.
Think of your fart as a primitive territorial marker; everything it touches is yours. When you feel the pressure building up, walk into the kitchen where your wife is (best be makin’ me a sammich!), deliver your payload, and walk away (to a safe distance) while laughing. And while you’re laughing she’ll discover what you just did. She’ll react like “Oh gross, I can’t believe you did that! That’s awful!” You should maintain the laughing and own it–no apology–and say something like “Oh man that was a good one!”
If you did it right she should walk over to you, say something like “You drive me crazy!” then kiss you.
Apparently Fart Game is an actual thing. Because, a few days after reading Dalrock’s thoughts on farting, I discovered a similar discussion in the Red Pill Women subreddit – an online hangout for mostly traditionalist women who want to snag themselves an alpha.
One aspiring Red Pill Woman posted a complaint – now removed by the mods – about her husband’s habit of farting in her presence, which she sees as disgusting and he apparently sees as hilarious.
Well, the farted-upon wife got an earful from the other gals there, who made very clear that it was her job as a Red Pill wife to learn to love her husband’s flatulence – and not be a “horrible, prissy bitch” about it, as one heavily upvoted comment put it.
Moggymojo noted that
I have never willingly farted in front of my partner (I leave the room), though occassionally one sneaks out (where upon I will apologise).
But her husband? He’s a farter, and she’s decided to roll with it. And she thinks that the fart complainer needs to do the same:
I don’t shame him or criticise him for farting …
You might prefer a different method but you have a partner who is being playful – if you respond to that angrily, in disgust etc then you will be rebuffing not only the farting but other light hearted playfulness, openess and ease which should be part of a LTR.
Fart shaming is misandry!
“A man who has a woman who laughs appreciatively at his farts is a happy man,” declared homo_homini_lupus, adding, in a followup comment directed at the fart complainer, that
the more a man is allowed to be a man in his home the happier he will be. If you don’t appreciate his humor you are communicating maternal lack of approval and signalling lack of love. It won’t kill you …
you , however, should not engage in fart and toilet humor, just laugh when he does.
So the Red Pill consensus is clear: Women, you should never fart. Nor should you ever criticize your husband’s farting, because that’s bitchy and emasculating and, well, just not ladylike.
To that I can only say
EQUAL FARTS FOR ALL!
H/T — The Blue Pill
Though of course, no mere human male uses Nap Game as well as the Furrinati.
http://previews.agefotostock.com/previewimage/bajaage/3fcd766356a71a3797e2bbfc59669520/alt-faa039000052.jpg
Odds are those two will use Fart Game and Breath Game, too. Teh doggie’s already doing Spit Game.
Is JB in a competition with herself to see if who gets more horrible or more nonsensical first?
JB is amazing. These people have the ethics of fleas.
If you go look at her original tweet, you’ll see that the overwhelming majority of her fans who responded thought it was a real quote, and when a few people pointed out that it was obviously fake because its way over twitters allowed character count, they all went with her explanation that it was a “poe” because it sounded just like something Sarkeesian would say.
Yeah, if you believe that Sarkeesian is the boogeywoman.
Oh, if any of you go over to look at her tweet, could you grab screenshots of it and all its replies? I’ve got a screenshot but the more people have screenshots the better, in case she takes it down.
Oh, and I found the original Sarkeesian tweet that was used to make the fake tweet “screenshot.”
She needs to be sued or go to jail this is really getting out of hand
Hey, David, stop dissing on fleas.
Brain bleach! Just saw this dog and cat photo page linked at Pharyngula. It’s hilarious.
http://cavemancircus.com/2014/10/03/dogs-vs-cats-20-photos/
One of my stepdad’s favorite jokes goes something like this:
This joke is clearly proof that women not only misander men whenever they fart, but they also constantly make false fart accusations as well. Clearly there is no end to their depravity.
Men are always having their entire lives ruined because of false fart accusations. It’s really quite a tragedy.
I got in a LOT of trouble yesterday for pointing out that famous rich white bros really don’t need to worry about false rape accusations because a) they’re infrequent and b) rape accusations, whether real or false, don’t go anywhere when they’re directed at famous rich white men because no one believes them. There are no personal or professional or legal consequences to rape accusations everyone perceives as lies.
And that apparently made me a racist misandrist against white men, LOLOLOLOLOLOL. One dude actually followed me around the forum and demanded apologies for my misandry in unrelated threads!
I’ve done enough misandering for the time being. I needn’t stick my head back in the guillotine by suggesting women farting be tolerated!
Can we all hold hands and sing the queef/equality song from South Park together:
Please?
lacerta viridis:
I have a cat who does this if I try to move her from my lap!
I’ve always found it funny that ALPHADOGS persistently identify themselves with, you know, dogs, when cats are the undisputed masters of Game on all levels. Cats constantly ignore and/or exude disdain for humans, and humans in turn shower them with service and physical affection, expecting nothing in return. This is the definition of alpha.
This whole discussion reminds me of the apocryphal tale about a prominent gentleman (whose name I have forgotten) recoiling in horror from his wife on their wedding night, because she had hair where Roman/Greek statues were smooth.
The female red pillers dialogue reminds me of some posts on the ‘love, joy, feminism’ blog, where Libby Anne analyzes the hugely misogynist fundamentalist christian literature that preaches female submission. In one, the husband offers to take the trash out (a household and therefore wife’s job, but sometimes these men are so magnanimously generous) and in a display of manly macho strength attempts to throw it to the bin from some distance, with such bad luck (or clumsiness) that the trash bag breaks and ends up spreading all the garbage on the floor. The wife, that could have gotten all “angry and bitchy” at the mess caused solely by his stupidity, in the spirit of “light hearted playfulness” goes and cleans it all herself. So long for dominance and “alpha” traits, all these guys want is a mommy who treats them like the babies they are.
This post is however hilarious.
I just had a great poop.
@gilshalos:
Pubic hair (on women) = misandry. That much is obvious.
=====
OT: I’ve gone to the beginning of WHTM / manboobz to read the earliest posts where David heroically battled MRA trolls alone (boy, did they come out of the woodwork…)
And I found this gem of an exchange between David and Paul Elam that should be an instant classic, IMO:
http://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/dfxw2/mens_rights_activist_suggests_taking_away_womens/
It is full of all kinds of awesome, including plenty of the usual stupid and pompous posturing by Elam, complete with his advice for David to, essentially, cease and desist, a conceited and supremely condescending lecture on blogging (seriously), and a “challenge” for David to present “real” ideas and arguments (you know, like MRA do 😉 ).
Elam was so full of hot air that he sounded ready to burst — which apparently happened when David did offer those longed-for arguments, because there was no more response from him. All that urgent interest in “ideas” and “debate” suddenly evaporated when he was faced with facts and figures.
MRA, such a waste of oxygen.
That was John Ruskin and Effie Gray. Eventually the marriage was annulled and she married John Everett Millais.
“The Earl of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to travel, seven years. On his return the Queen welcomed him home and said, ‘My Lord, I had forgot the Fart'”
– [Aubrey’s “Brief Lives”]
Terribly important question: who is actually Nap Gaming whom here?
http://i.imgur.com/R4L4Ag8.png
Everyone wins in that image.
I remember Will Eisner pointing out that people make the same defence for The Protocols of The Elders of Zion…
Traditional:
Where e’er thou be,
let thy wind blow free.
In church or chapel,
let it rattle!
Hanging out with my mom and sister today, and we were just talking about how all the food we were eating recently was making us fart so much.
Then we started singing, “Let It Go.” Let the misandry ring.
I am actually from a fart-shy family and am terribly fart-shy myself. I find farts hilarious, just not mine or my family’s. Anyone else and I laugh like an eight year old boy. I’ve been known to tell friends to go wipe their asses if their farts sound wet.
Brassy, sassy, gassy, lassies!
I can tell my kid’s farts apart. They think that’s hilarious. I think that means I have had to smell way too many farts.
*kids’*