Ladies, we need to talk. About farting.
It has recently come to my attention that women sometimes fart. And that some of you even do it in the presence of men – including the men whom you allegedly love.
This is a gigantic no-no, a sign of disrespect for your man’s manliness. Also, never criticize his farting, because that too is a sign of disrespect for his manliness.
At least according to the douchebags of the Manosphere and the women who love them, farts and all.
In a brief post the other day titled She’s saving her farts for you, the Christian Red Pill blogger Dalrock let rip at a writer on a woman’s site for suggesting that “a man who lets you fart around him” is better marriage material than “a man who is grossed out by female functions.” Men in the latter category are ok only for a bang.
Dalrock sniffed:
Sure all of those other men banged her when she was younger and hotter, but you get something special.
Apparently hot, alpha-cock-carouseling women in their twenties never fart, saving all their flatulence for the betas they later rope into marriage after they hit the wall. Alpha fucks, beta … gets farted on.
In the comments, many of Dalrock’s readers agreed wholefartedly with his analysis.
“Anyone still doubt my assertions of Open Hypergamy now” asked Rollo Tomassi, the blogger at The Rational Male.
Earl let the farty ladies know that he was on to them:
The general thought process behind these comparisons is:
Marry: A man already comfortable in his emasculation.
Bang: A man who either isn’t or decided not to be emasculated.
I hate how marriage has become basically a one way ticket to emasculation in this day and age.
TFH — also known as The Fifth Horseman, and considered one of the leading intellectual lights of the Men’s Rights movement – attempted to put the Fart Question in historical context:
‘Feminism’, far from helping women, has instead exposed the full extent of female shortcomings (moral, mental, intellectual, spiritual, economic, civic) far more visibly than could ever happen before ‘feminism’.
Traditional customs taught women that if they farted openly, their chances of receiving a provider would go down. This allowed society to package women into something that men thought was unrealistically noble. ‘Feminism’ has exposed the truth.
And a stinky truth it is. No wonder TFH is looking forward with such eagerness to virtual sex and the ultimate replacement of farty human ladies with virtual ones, as he predicted in his Misandry Bubble manifesto.
Casey instructed any women reading to
Ignore the advice of other women, particularly feminists.
Marry young, marry pretty, give your husband your youth; not your flatulence.
The Brass Cat, meanwhile, recommended that men “of the gassy persuasion” use their farts as a way to show what totally dominant alpha dogs they are. This, he explained, was Fart Game.
Think of your fart as a primitive territorial marker; everything it touches is yours. When you feel the pressure building up, walk into the kitchen where your wife is (best be makin’ me a sammich!), deliver your payload, and walk away (to a safe distance) while laughing. And while you’re laughing she’ll discover what you just did. She’ll react like “Oh gross, I can’t believe you did that! That’s awful!” You should maintain the laughing and own it–no apology–and say something like “Oh man that was a good one!”
If you did it right she should walk over to you, say something like “You drive me crazy!” then kiss you.
Apparently Fart Game is an actual thing. Because, a few days after reading Dalrock’s thoughts on farting, I discovered a similar discussion in the Red Pill Women subreddit – an online hangout for mostly traditionalist women who want to snag themselves an alpha.
One aspiring Red Pill Woman posted a complaint – now removed by the mods – about her husband’s habit of farting in her presence, which she sees as disgusting and he apparently sees as hilarious.
Well, the farted-upon wife got an earful from the other gals there, who made very clear that it was her job as a Red Pill wife to learn to love her husband’s flatulence – and not be a “horrible, prissy bitch” about it, as one heavily upvoted comment put it.
Moggymojo noted that
I have never willingly farted in front of my partner (I leave the room), though occassionally one sneaks out (where upon I will apologise).
But her husband? He’s a farter, and she’s decided to roll with it. And she thinks that the fart complainer needs to do the same:
I don’t shame him or criticise him for farting …
You might prefer a different method but you have a partner who is being playful – if you respond to that angrily, in disgust etc then you will be rebuffing not only the farting but other light hearted playfulness, openess and ease which should be part of a LTR.
Fart shaming is misandry!
“A man who has a woman who laughs appreciatively at his farts is a happy man,” declared homo_homini_lupus, adding, in a followup comment directed at the fart complainer, that
the more a man is allowed to be a man in his home the happier he will be. If you don’t appreciate his humor you are communicating maternal lack of approval and signalling lack of love. It won’t kill you …
you , however, should not engage in fart and toilet humor, just laugh when he does.
So the Red Pill consensus is clear: Women, you should never fart. Nor should you ever criticize your husband’s farting, because that’s bitchy and emasculating and, well, just not ladylike.
To that I can only say
EQUAL FARTS FOR ALL!
H/T — The Blue Pill
I’ve never been one for toilet humor. It’s never seemed funny to me. It’s just bodily functions, people. But these guys need to get over it. Men don’t have a monopoly on bodies, and don’t get to say what women or other men or nonbinary people do with theirs.
There are loads and loads of sapient beings. Most have bodies. Most of those have bodily functions. Not all of those are men. I’m female. I fart. Deal with it.
So…is James Joyce a beta? *explicit sex with farting, you’ve been warned*
“At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue come bursting out through your lips and if I gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.”
Chevrolet, hi, have a Welcome Package!
My 5 year old is performing her daily act of misandry at the top of her lungs. She is singing,
“If you’re stinky and you know it make a fart! *blows two fast raspberries*
If you’re stinky and you know it make a fart *blows two fast raspberries*
If you’re stinky and you know it
Then you better go and show it
If you’re stinky and you know it make a fart *blows two fast raspberries*”
J.J. : Farts farts farts. What’s next, a post about how gross periods are and how women should go into hiding while menstruating? If we ever get into a war with these guys the ladies can just eat some beans and walk among them while pelting them with used tampons, pads, and cups.
Hmmm – this sorta reminds me of the immortal quote
“For the love of God and all that is holy, MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!”
The sad thing is that in many developing nations women are forced to go into hiding during their menstruation, or in some places, to trade sexual exploitation for sanitary products. 🙁
Here’s an amazing program aiming to change that by providing low-cost, re-usable & washable kits. Careful reading the website unless you’ve got a strong stomach – there are some explicit details about what desperate women will use as substitutes when sanitary products aren’t available, and the resulting medical complications. O.o
That’s a really cool program, strivingally.
It’s a day that ends with Y, and JudgyBitch is lying on Twitter again:
https://twitter.com/sugarcrashed/status/518570299428970496
Two ways you know JB is lying: (a) she’s saying something, and (b) “Anita’s tweet” is way over Twitter’s character count.
Ever since getting married, farting has taken up like at least 5% of our marital humor. I’ve gotten really good at making short, very loud ones, and my wife makes the cutest high pitched toots I’ve ever heard, even if she is a tiny bit embarassed when it happens. These guys don’t know what they’re missing.
Cloudiah
Yellow perverts?
JB already claiming “satire”, knowing damn well that picture will be circulated amongst hundreds of dudes with a hate-on for AS already and willing to believe the worst about her. And they’ll agree with her that “even if she didn’t say it, it *sounds* like something she’d say”, even though IT FUCKING DOESN’T.
Twitter, please do re-ban JB.
Not a cool move, JB, at all.
Apparently to Ms Bloomfield, “PR” means saying whatever awful shit you want about people you don’t like and then making half-assed attempts to walk it back just far enough to avoid litigation or having to own being a lying liar who lies, once the original idea is stuck in people’s heads.
For a member of an organisation constantly telling feminists to “own their shit”, Janet Bloomfield seems curiously reluctant to lay claim to hers, instead trying to cobble together something vaguely resembling plausible deniability.
JudgyBitch, here’s a hint: if your enemies really are that awful, you don’t have to make up horrible quotes from them. You can find real horrible quotes.
You know, like David Futrelle does.
Dammit, Janet, can you not even fake tweets convincingly? #worstsocialmediadirectorever
Also, I’m no fan of farts, but sometimes they just happen and the likelihood that they’ll happen in front of your partner increases as you spend more time together, which is why the advice from RPW would be great if the writer hadn’t exiled women from the human category.
On another note, this reminds me of Melissa Gorga’s memoir, Love, Italian Style. In addition to hand waving things like her husband occasionally “taking her” after she said, “No,” because “it’s important for Joe that we connect physically,” she also reveals that, if she has to poop, she doesn’t use the house bathroom. She goes down the street to use Burger King’s. http://jezebel.com/real-housewife-melissa-gorgas-new-book-advocates-mar-1371722729
Yeah, apparently if you make up a tweet from someone about anime, that proves they are racist against Asians.
Also, my man is using nap game on me as we speak. (Okay, really, he’s just cuddling up to me and snoozing because he had a long day at work today and yesterday, and it’s really cute.) Unfortunately, we hunted the mammoth is preventing me from appreciating his Alphaphaness. I guess that it’s true that feminism ruins everything.
@cloudiah:
Also love the use of “losers and perverts”, which is completely uncharacteristic of Sarkeesian … BUT is very much a perception that anime fans get very defensive about. It’s a blatant attempt to use a geek interest as a lever to push her minions into attacking Sarkeesian again/harder. She’s trying to piggyback off the success of reactionaries manipulating gamers into attacking SJWs, except she lacks the strategy and guile.
If anything, that manufactured Tweet reflects how little Bloomfield thinks of her followers – she’s treating them as useful idiots that she can whip into a frenzy with a few projected insults that she knows they’ll buy into uncritically. I wonder what JB thinks of anime fans?
“Yellow perverts” might be an accurate description of her real opinions.
Furthermore, if she has to make up tweets or take quotes massively out if context because her opponents don’t actually provide her with enough legitimate material, isn’t she admitting that she’s wrong? If the facts aren’t evidence enough and you have to start inventing stuff, then you’re pretty much saying, “I’m wrong, and I have to lie if I’m going to get anyone to believe me.”
I have a cat who farts in disapproval at me if I try to move her from her preferred spot on the bed/couch/middle of the floor in everyone’s way/etc… If only I could train her to fart on MRAs instead. She could emasculate the hell out of them with her shockingly unfeminine ways.
There was a post on r/RedPillWomen (linked by r/thebluepill) about keeping an air of mystery around your body where a woman said she tried not to pee or poop while her husband was awake… and she was surprised how weirded out feminists were when she told her. I can’t find it, though, so if anyone knows what I’m talking about, please post it.
Because, you know, I understand wanting to close the door… but sometimes you have to go, you know?
Also, that will fuck up your kidneys.
David have you been getting my emails? Sorry I’v been sending quite a few. If you need time to look at them let me know I’ll stop sending stuff.
This post cracked me up.