Ladies, we need to talk. About farting.
It has recently come to my attention that women sometimes fart. And that some of you even do it in the presence of men – including the men whom you allegedly love.
This is a gigantic no-no, a sign of disrespect for your man’s manliness. Also, never criticize his farting, because that too is a sign of disrespect for his manliness.
At least according to the douchebags of the Manosphere and the women who love them, farts and all.
In a brief post the other day titled She’s saving her farts for you, the Christian Red Pill blogger Dalrock let rip at a writer on a woman’s site for suggesting that “a man who lets you fart around him” is better marriage material than “a man who is grossed out by female functions.” Men in the latter category are ok only for a bang.
Dalrock sniffed:
Sure all of those other men banged her when she was younger and hotter, but you get something special.
Apparently hot, alpha-cock-carouseling women in their twenties never fart, saving all their flatulence for the betas they later rope into marriage after they hit the wall. Alpha fucks, beta … gets farted on.
In the comments, many of Dalrock’s readers agreed wholefartedly with his analysis.
“Anyone still doubt my assertions of Open Hypergamy now” asked Rollo Tomassi, the blogger at The Rational Male.
Earl let the farty ladies know that he was on to them:
The general thought process behind these comparisons is:
Marry: A man already comfortable in his emasculation.
Bang: A man who either isn’t or decided not to be emasculated.
I hate how marriage has become basically a one way ticket to emasculation in this day and age.
TFH — also known as The Fifth Horseman, and considered one of the leading intellectual lights of the Men’s Rights movement – attempted to put the Fart Question in historical context:
‘Feminism’, far from helping women, has instead exposed the full extent of female shortcomings (moral, mental, intellectual, spiritual, economic, civic) far more visibly than could ever happen before ‘feminism’.
Traditional customs taught women that if they farted openly, their chances of receiving a provider would go down. This allowed society to package women into something that men thought was unrealistically noble. ‘Feminism’ has exposed the truth.
And a stinky truth it is. No wonder TFH is looking forward with such eagerness to virtual sex and the ultimate replacement of farty human ladies with virtual ones, as he predicted in his Misandry Bubble manifesto.
Casey instructed any women reading to
Ignore the advice of other women, particularly feminists.
Marry young, marry pretty, give your husband your youth; not your flatulence.
The Brass Cat, meanwhile, recommended that men “of the gassy persuasion” use their farts as a way to show what totally dominant alpha dogs they are. This, he explained, was Fart Game.
Think of your fart as a primitive territorial marker; everything it touches is yours. When you feel the pressure building up, walk into the kitchen where your wife is (best be makin’ me a sammich!), deliver your payload, and walk away (to a safe distance) while laughing. And while you’re laughing she’ll discover what you just did. She’ll react like “Oh gross, I can’t believe you did that! That’s awful!” You should maintain the laughing and own it–no apology–and say something like “Oh man that was a good one!”
If you did it right she should walk over to you, say something like “You drive me crazy!” then kiss you.
Apparently Fart Game is an actual thing. Because, a few days after reading Dalrock’s thoughts on farting, I discovered a similar discussion in the Red Pill Women subreddit – an online hangout for mostly traditionalist women who want to snag themselves an alpha.
One aspiring Red Pill Woman posted a complaint – now removed by the mods – about her husband’s habit of farting in her presence, which she sees as disgusting and he apparently sees as hilarious.
Well, the farted-upon wife got an earful from the other gals there, who made very clear that it was her job as a Red Pill wife to learn to love her husband’s flatulence – and not be a “horrible, prissy bitch” about it, as one heavily upvoted comment put it.
Moggymojo noted that
I have never willingly farted in front of my partner (I leave the room), though occassionally one sneaks out (where upon I will apologise).
But her husband? He’s a farter, and she’s decided to roll with it. And she thinks that the fart complainer needs to do the same:
I don’t shame him or criticise him for farting …
You might prefer a different method but you have a partner who is being playful – if you respond to that angrily, in disgust etc then you will be rebuffing not only the farting but other light hearted playfulness, openess and ease which should be part of a LTR.
Fart shaming is misandry!
“A man who has a woman who laughs appreciatively at his farts is a happy man,” declared homo_homini_lupus, adding, in a followup comment directed at the fart complainer, that
the more a man is allowed to be a man in his home the happier he will be. If you don’t appreciate his humor you are communicating maternal lack of approval and signalling lack of love. It won’t kill you …
you , however, should not engage in fart and toilet humor, just laugh when he does.
So the Red Pill consensus is clear: Women, you should never fart. Nor should you ever criticize your husband’s farting, because that’s bitchy and emasculating and, well, just not ladylike.
To that I can only say
EQUAL FARTS FOR ALL!
H/T — The Blue Pill
There’s a farty remix of Nicky Minaj’s Anaconda as well.
My 5-year old alter would like me to announce to everyone here that he is far cooler and waaaay more badass than the redpill dudes.
O.o….* o.o *…. 🙂 ….
You know, I’m a pretty private person when it comes to my bodily functions, even around my friends. I’ll pee in front of my them but not in front of a dude I’m dating, and I hate even talking about poop. I’m really good about not farting in front of anyone. After reading this, I’m reconsidering the whole thing. Maybe I should just start letting em rip in front of guys I’m interested in- it would seem to cull out a large section of immature jerks.
@NonServiam
No, they sit around worrying about the fact that they hold women to a different standard and that some day (aka, now) women might catch on to that and try to hold men to that same standard.
http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/sex-with-atm-machine-456932
That guy got thrown out of the bar and proceeded to have sex with a wooden picnic table located outside.
…Wow…in Murfreesboro, they sure do get hard up…
Sport-farters should get with each other and leave the rest of us out of it!
Personally I think that the famous difficulty of keeping a bit of romance alive in an LTR means that taking intestinal noises to the bathroom an unalloyed good…
but clearly, other people have other ideas. :O
I’m struck by the shocking lack of sporting spirit in the manospherean sport-farters, though. It’s only fun and funny if you’re running unopposed? What kind of idiotic game is that? Oh, right, the one where where the sole objective is the degradation of someone you purport to love.
…wow, this is so stupid. I mean, this is like second grade level of funny stupid.
Okay, so women should just pretend they don’t fart ever. I guess these guys are never having anal sex then!
And WTF is with this fart marking thing? You know who walks into a room, farts, and walks out again without an apology? My dog after eating broccoli. I don’t yell at him because he’s a DOG. Even though his farts are rank and I can’t figure out what he’s eaten to make them smell like that.
If my boyfriend walked into a room and farted and then expected me to show him affection I would assume he was actually a pod person. If I fart, it’s pretty much a non event.
Farts farts farts. What’s next, a post about how gross periods are and how women should go into hiding while menstruating? If we ever get into a war with these guys the ladies can just eat some beans and walk among them while pelting them with used tampons, pads, and cups.
Well, I believe it was Ben Franklin who said it (and I’m sure he would know): “Fart proudly.”
@blahlistic !!! Thanks, I needed a laugh. What a sexy beast! ewwww
They reached the rock bottom of absurdity… and promptly traded their shovels for picks.
After a year of marriage, I suspect how a couple farts together is a subject that really should have been addressed in school, song and literature. You don’t get sex everytime you share a bed, but sure as hell there will be competitive pooting going on.
Also, who goes first into the bathroom every morning is a subject fraught with unexpected traps, especially if cruciferous vegetables were consumed the night before…
Also, these guys should be thankful that we’re not like hippos:
This is why there’s all that open space between hippos and the public in zoos.
(This is also why I don’t do raw vegan diets.)
I’m more of a Belcher than a farter. Are burps misandry? Are queefs misandry? Or is it just farts?
My husband and I play the fart game all the time with varying degrees of hilarity. They have no idea how much the fart game can really cement a relationship. You know you’ve found someone special when you no longer care about their natural bodily functions and in fact laugh like hell about them.
What can be more healthy for a relationship that laughing hysterically together??
Guess I’m just a filthy feminist though…
BTW, I agree with an earlier poster, does this mentality not confirm that these men don’t see women as human, but as props for their pleasure?
blahtastic: That guy got thrown out of the bar and proceeded to have sex with a wooden picnic table located outside.
To be fair, I bet the picnic table was wearing a really short skirt and just asking for it…
This double standard stinks. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. The flogging for that terrible pun will be at noon. Seriously though, what the heck? You’d think they’d have better use of their time than complaining that women are, in fact human beings with bodily functions.
Yes, we will ask you about it. Obsessively. We will also listen to your tummy to see if it’s rumbly.
Perhaps I should rethink some of my life choices.
It’s all misandry! Burps because it means you eat; farts because it means you poop; and queefs because it means your vagina isn’t made of rigid Barbie plastic. Misandry. MISANDRY, I tellz ya.
Belly rumbling is good to near in horses, too!
That said, there was this horse I knew who had a fart powered lope. Every stride, just a teeny-fart. At least horse farts actually smell almost nice…
Pups, not so much. One of our dogs had a fart so powerful that the stench would wake him up if he farted while napping. He’d wakeup, look around all confused, and walk off to find a less stinky napping place.
Most precious (but horrid smelling) thing ever.
*hear. That’s it! Only posting from computers, from now on…
I can’t believe feminists want to deny me a bright future of being farted on by hot alphas while permanently holding my own digestive system in rigid stasis. It’s like they don’t even care about women.
I think I’ll just leave this here.
Perfectly consistent through the looking glass in Redpill Land, where “human” and “woman” are two distinct groups. Humans (i.e. Manly Men) are allowed to have bodily functions acknowledged, treated as normal and even laughed about. Non-humans (i.e. everybody else) has to laugh about the bodily functions of the Humans and pretend they have none of their own.
Those are The Rules. The scary thing for me is the Redpill ladies who are swallowing this garbage, AND trying to apply social pressure to other ladies who aren’t conforming.
“Fart game?” I have no words.
Two of the best pictures you’ve ever found, David!
I have had the privilege of picking 4 different people up after they’d had colonoscopies. The facility always let me in to wait in the recovery room until my friend and/or parent was released, and all I remember was a large number of small, cubicles surrounded by drapery, and filled with the sounds of people either farting or being asked by medical professionals whether they had farted.
This has been “Scenes from Cloudiah’s Exciting and Glamorous Life.”