Ladies, we need to talk. About farting.
It has recently come to my attention that women sometimes fart. And that some of you even do it in the presence of men – including the men whom you allegedly love.
This is a gigantic no-no, a sign of disrespect for your man’s manliness. Also, never criticize his farting, because that too is a sign of disrespect for his manliness.
At least according to the douchebags of the Manosphere and the women who love them, farts and all.
In a brief post the other day titled She’s saving her farts for you, the Christian Red Pill blogger Dalrock let rip at a writer on a woman’s site for suggesting that “a man who lets you fart around him” is better marriage material than “a man who is grossed out by female functions.” Men in the latter category are ok only for a bang.
Dalrock sniffed:
Sure all of those other men banged her when she was younger and hotter, but you get something special.
Apparently hot, alpha-cock-carouseling women in their twenties never fart, saving all their flatulence for the betas they later rope into marriage after they hit the wall. Alpha fucks, beta … gets farted on.
In the comments, many of Dalrock’s readers agreed wholefartedly with his analysis.
“Anyone still doubt my assertions of Open Hypergamy now” asked Rollo Tomassi, the blogger at The Rational Male.
Earl let the farty ladies know that he was on to them:
The general thought process behind these comparisons is:
Marry: A man already comfortable in his emasculation.
Bang: A man who either isn’t or decided not to be emasculated.
I hate how marriage has become basically a one way ticket to emasculation in this day and age.
TFH — also known as The Fifth Horseman, and considered one of the leading intellectual lights of the Men’s Rights movement – attempted to put the Fart Question in historical context:
‘Feminism’, far from helping women, has instead exposed the full extent of female shortcomings (moral, mental, intellectual, spiritual, economic, civic) far more visibly than could ever happen before ‘feminism’.
Traditional customs taught women that if they farted openly, their chances of receiving a provider would go down. This allowed society to package women into something that men thought was unrealistically noble. ‘Feminism’ has exposed the truth.
And a stinky truth it is. No wonder TFH is looking forward with such eagerness to virtual sex and the ultimate replacement of farty human ladies with virtual ones, as he predicted in his Misandry Bubble manifesto.
Casey instructed any women reading to
Ignore the advice of other women, particularly feminists.
Marry young, marry pretty, give your husband your youth; not your flatulence.
The Brass Cat, meanwhile, recommended that men “of the gassy persuasion” use their farts as a way to show what totally dominant alpha dogs they are. This, he explained, was Fart Game.
Think of your fart as a primitive territorial marker; everything it touches is yours. When you feel the pressure building up, walk into the kitchen where your wife is (best be makin’ me a sammich!), deliver your payload, and walk away (to a safe distance) while laughing. And while you’re laughing she’ll discover what you just did. She’ll react like “Oh gross, I can’t believe you did that! That’s awful!” You should maintain the laughing and own it–no apology–and say something like “Oh man that was a good one!”
If you did it right she should walk over to you, say something like “You drive me crazy!” then kiss you.
Apparently Fart Game is an actual thing. Because, a few days after reading Dalrock’s thoughts on farting, I discovered a similar discussion in the Red Pill Women subreddit – an online hangout for mostly traditionalist women who want to snag themselves an alpha.
One aspiring Red Pill Woman posted a complaint – now removed by the mods – about her husband’s habit of farting in her presence, which she sees as disgusting and he apparently sees as hilarious.
Well, the farted-upon wife got an earful from the other gals there, who made very clear that it was her job as a Red Pill wife to learn to love her husband’s flatulence – and not be a “horrible, prissy bitch” about it, as one heavily upvoted comment put it.
Moggymojo noted that
I have never willingly farted in front of my partner (I leave the room), though occassionally one sneaks out (where upon I will apologise).
But her husband? He’s a farter, and she’s decided to roll with it. And she thinks that the fart complainer needs to do the same:
I don’t shame him or criticise him for farting …
You might prefer a different method but you have a partner who is being playful – if you respond to that angrily, in disgust etc then you will be rebuffing not only the farting but other light hearted playfulness, openess and ease which should be part of a LTR.
Fart shaming is misandry!
“A man who has a woman who laughs appreciatively at his farts is a happy man,” declared homo_homini_lupus, adding, in a followup comment directed at the fart complainer, that
the more a man is allowed to be a man in his home the happier he will be. If you don’t appreciate his humor you are communicating maternal lack of approval and signalling lack of love. It won’t kill you …
you , however, should not engage in fart and toilet humor, just laugh when he does.
So the Red Pill consensus is clear: Women, you should never fart. Nor should you ever criticize your husband’s farting, because that’s bitchy and emasculating and, well, just not ladylike.
To that I can only say
EQUAL FARTS FOR ALL!
H/T — The Blue Pill
They literally are horrified at the thought that women might be human. Holy shit, they have symbiotic colonies of bacteria that produce methane and hydrogen sulphide!! Oh noes!
They can’t stand women doing ANYTHING! EVERYTHING is MISANDRY!
http://giphy.com/gifs/YAtLFXfe3xIDS
Good job, David. That was one of the more absurd posts over at Dalrock’s — and that’s saying something, given the race to the absurd misogynist bottom that his blog represents.
But, oh yeah, I can totally see how the Fart Game plays out in relationships. Flatulence is just a gift that keeps on giving, everything from hypergamy through alpha male dominance displays (cuz nothing sez alpha like ripping a loud and juicy one right next to your laydee whose job is to be properly impressed by it) to instilling submissive behavior in women.
That Rollo idiot agrees, obviously, as they all do, so it must be true.
@ Binjabreel:
“They literally are horrified at the thought that women might be human.”
Yep. Unacceptable.
Where do you find this stuff David – just when I think it cannot get anymore bizarre along comes another one!
As I have just said to my kids: feminism was never about farting – it is about slightly more important issues, but this debate really has brought home that farting may indeed be a feminist issue as women ‘should’ never fart in the presence of a male, but should also learn to love their mans flatulence!
Sadly I do have a man in my past who may not have specified farting rules, but had a tedious list of feminine behaviours that I was expected to adhere to. Thankfully I have not seen him for nearly 30 years.
Got to love the solidarity of these antifems. Can’t even complain about a man farting without getting called out.
Oh my god David where do you find these amazing images??
I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. It tends to act up when I’m stressed out. And when it acts up, I’m lucky if gas is all I get. If not, I get the trots.
Stupid guys like these really stress me the fuck out. I can hear my lower intestine gurgling already.
I guess what I’m really trying to say to them is this:
(And if that were me up there on the parapet, they’d be scurrying in terror the moment I hung my bare butt over the edge.)
Also, in case this subject should ever come up again, here are some useful kitties:
http://pictures.mastermarf.com/blog/2010/100529-farts.jpg
https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/279767808/hC56F3577/
The funny thing is that the most upvoted comment on the discussion, which David quoted, says,
“You don’t act like a horrible, prissy bitch when your husband farts, that’s how you handle it. Are you expecting a lesson in how to get him to feel ashamed of his bodily functions? I don’t really think fart jokes are very funny in general either. I don’t LIKE to be farted on. It isn’t a fun pastime of mine. But I married a human, and sometimes humans have less than pleasant bodily functions. Sometimes your husband will annoy you and do things you think aren’t funny. The only options are to deal with it or decide that revealing he is indeed not a robot is a deal breaker and find a new husband.”
Funny… “I married a human, and sometimes humans have less than pleasant bodily functions”, seems to be exactly what someone should be telling Dalrock and his cronies. And it seems reasonable to me to see a distinction between normal bodily functions and not hiding them, and purposefully “crop dusting” your wife as a form of “submission training.”
I think wondering if these assholes are 12 years old gives them several years too much credit.
Also, lady farts aren’t all bad:
“You’re IN!”
So let’s break it down: women must accept that men have bodily functions, but must conceal their own bodily functions and pretend they don’t happen.
Yeah, sounds like redpillers actually want sexbots.
Yes because bodily functions are only ok if a man does them…YOU DAMN FART SHAMMERS! You’ve emasculated me by making me feel like I can’t fart whenever I want to but you women aren’t allowed to fart because you’re not human. Any being with a vagina isn’t human so farting is NOT NECESSARY.
Hey P.O.M. can you imagine the shit fit they’ll have when the first sex-bot for a woman gets announced?
I can only imagine the look of horror on their faces when they first learned that girls actually POOP, too.
This reminds me that I met a guy a a bar one night who thought women ‘queefed’ instead of farting.
@Bina when I was a freshman in college I dated someone who was in a Facebook group named “Girls Don’t Poop (Angels Take it Away).” There were like 30 members and he was one. He must have really done some searching to find that one. Yeah, that doesnt make you self conscious at all when you have to excuse yourself to go to the bathroom on a date.
Needless to say, we didnt work out.
“Think of your fart as a primitive territorial marker; everything it touches is yours. When you feel the pressure building up, walk into the kitchen where your wife is (best be makin’ me a sammich!), deliver your payload, and walk away (to a safe distance) while laughing. And while you’re laughing she’ll discover what you just did. She’ll react like “Oh gross, I can’t believe you did that! That’s awful!” You should maintain the laughing and own it–no apology–and say something like “Oh man that was a good one!”
If you did it right she should walk over to you, say something like “You drive me crazy!” then kiss you.”
Being a bit new to this site, I figured this was satire. Some serious Poe’s Law going on here.
Oh my gawd…there’s not one, but TWO tooty versions of this parody:
And yes, I can guarantee you that Britney farts for realz, too.
So they actually sit around worrying about women farting?
Well, no WONDER alpha guys and I would never get along.
I’d fartbomb them right back.
However, between the vegan, bean-intensive diet and the N-acetyl-cystiene I take to help my asthma?
My farts are both bountiful and probably Illegal under the Geneva convention.
I mean, like, you know how dogfarts are bad?
I have had my girlfriend’s giant spheroid rottweiler mix give me looks, like “I can’t believe there’s not something dead up your butt.”
(BTW, if you have asthma with a lot of congestion, you might look into N-acetyl-cystiene, it’s a natural mucus thinning agent and good for your liver as well.)
LOL, I bet not.
I feel like crashing that group with some reading material:
http://dynamic.indigoimages.ca/books/192913214x.jpg?altimages=true&width=310&quality=85&maxheight=310&sale=5&lang=en&z=118685197-311314130
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/74/Gas_we_pass.jpg/220px-Gas_we_pass.jpg
True fact: After major surgery, passing gas is considered a good sign that a person’s vital functions are in order. And yes, nurses WILL ask you about it.
Nope, a queef is an entirely different category of embarrassing body noise.
Oh, but there already is one — it’s called an ATM!
Ba-dum-Tsssh!
See, cuz ladies just want money.
I’m surprised I haven’t heard that joke from any of the manospherians yet. Dudes, you can use it! Consider it my gift to you.
I Googled to see if anyone had made the joke before, and this was one of the top results:
http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/tennessee-man-attempts-to-have-sex-with-atm-machine.300103/
Apparently ATMs are actually sexbots for MEN.