Fellas! If you’ve got a girlfriend, and you don’t want to lose her, don’t ever leave her alone for more than a few days at a time, because if you do, she’ll feel so penis-deprived that she’ll cheat on you with whatever penis-having person she can get her hands on first.
That, at least, is the contention of C. M. Sturges, the woman-hating, gun-loving founder of the blog Apocalypse Cometh. And you can trust his insights on all things related to relationships because, as he boasts,
every relationship I’ve ever experienced, from my parents, to fiance’s, to my ex-wife and every other relationship I’ve ever had has gone down the crapper.
Mr. Sturges explains that all of these relationships came a cropper (or a crapper) not because of any fault in his personality, or anything like that, but simply because he was simply on the road too much. Which, as he notes, meant that
My dick wasn’t in the house.
Now that might seem harsh, but listen to me for a second. Here’s one rule of life that will serve you well and it’s a hard lesson for me but after nearly forty years of seeing it in action, it’s something you need to sear into your brain. This is it:
Once a woman starts menstruating, she won’t go for long without a dick in her.
Now, before you jump to conclusions, he doesn’t seem to be suggesting that women suddenly become ravenously penis-hungry the moment Aunt Flo makes her monthly visit. Instead, he seems to think that from the time of their first period onward, female human beings are ravenously penis-hungry all the time.
This is the dirty little secret that the medical, psychological and sociology fields won’t tell you. If a woman doesn’t have a hard dick around giving her what she needs, she is going to find that only thing that she needs to make her life complete. And that’s a hard dick. That’s the only thing she cares about and it doesn’t matter what size it is, if she orgasms, she has to have that and it is the only thing she has any care for.
So, let me get this straight: you’re saying that she wants a dick?
I know what you are all thinking, “Mitch, how can you say that with any conscious logic?”
That is one of the things I was thinking, though I wouldn’t have worded the question quite so politely. I was also thinking that the median age of first menstruation (menarche) in the US is about 12.5 years, while the average age at which American teenagers today have sex for the first time is 17; only 16% have had sex before the age of 15. In other words, most girls manage to wait for five years before having sex for the first time. I am thinking it took me all of five minutes to track down these numbers. I am thinking that perhaps Mitch is not the expert on female sexuality he thinks he is.
In any case, Mitch puts less faith in science than he does in his own (alleged) experience.
I have so many stories about fucking girlfriends of my friends, I have so many stories about my friends fucking my girlfriends … .
Huh. This couldn’t possible have anything to do with the sort of person you are, and the sort of people you hang out with?
To put it bluntly, the bitches can’t go without dick. And given their proclivities, they won’t. If they don’t have a hard dick in the house, they’ll find one somewhere. And plastic is only a stopgap, they need the real thing and they won’t stop until they get it.
Ok, ok, we get it, we get it. So what can we do?
My recommendation is that you don’t leave for more than a week. Personally, from my experience, that’s about as long as they can go without some flesh injection. Trust me on this, I’ve been studying this subject for almost twenty years. …
It only takes a few days of absence for your woman to stray. Six at the most in my opinion. But that is only for women worth fucking. Now we see the roots of feminism.
Wait, what?
Imagine if you are a woman who needs dick at the level that most women need it but can’t get it? That enrages them, they need it as bad as their sisters but can’t get it.
Pisses them off. Imagine needing something that is vital for your survival, you don’t realize what it is but you still can see other women around you getting it?
Hate to break it to you, Mitch, but feminists have sex too.
Mitch insists that he’s not “going to to volunteer to help … out” the world’s dick-deprived feminists, which I doubt is the terrible tragedy for them that he seems to believe it is.
Thus concludes today’s lesson from some dude who has no idea what he’s talking about.
HERETIC!!!!
So he has no problem participating in another person’s cheating. I wonder if he has cheated. What excuse he’d give for his own cheating.
Lesbians definitely don’t exist in his world, and apparently the penis is like heroin.
TL;DR
http://imgur.com/63BZPFi
Sweeping generalisations about what women enjoy sexually written by smart, self-aware mammothers are vastly better than generalisations about what women enjoy sexually written by Sturges, but even better are no sweeping generalisations at all. Size matters to some women a lot, not at all to others (freak show peens notwithstanding).
Also not a fan of ‘he has f*cked up ideas about women’s sexuality, therefore he must be gay’ comments…
I’ll be dreaming of cats snapping now. 🙂
@Jo Um, I don’t think we’re guilty of making sweeping generalizations about what women enjoy sexually.
If someone who had fucked up ideas about women’s sexuality was accused of being gay, it’s usually called out fairly quickly. Where was this?
I assume Jo is referring to this, which I found somewhat confusing myself.
“Feminists have sex too” is a shit rebuttal.
It undermines the feminist critique of intercourse in the first place and that many of us deliberately want nothing to do with intercourse with males.
Also, it completely erases Lesbians.
Doctor Who talk! woohoo!
**warning, semi-spoiler***
I actually liked tonight’s episode, mostly because I truly loathe Clara and her non-stop fangirling, and was really amused by how when the Doctor actually forces her to act like a fucking grown up and, you know, make an important decision that he hasn’t pre-thought for her, she gets mad at him and cries.
I think that the sweeping generalization to which Jo was referring was Bina’s comment, “And yes, size does matter. Too small and she won’t feel it, too big and she’ll feel it in the most unpleasant way” because Jo said, “Size matters to some women a lot, not at all to others (freak show peens notwithstanding)” in relation to the sweeping generalization. I didn’t take that to be a sweeping generalization because I figured that what felt “too small” or “too big” would vary from woman to woman, but I guess that I can see how it came across that way.
I’ve read screeds from obnoxious straight guys about how cock-obsessed gay men are, but I can’t remember reading it directed at straight women before. Isn’t the usual attack re: women’s sexuality that they don’t really want intercourse? This makes me think of the older fear-myth about the destructive power of untrammeled female lust.
Oo So lesbians don’t have sex? That’s news to me. Admittedly I’m straight, but damn.
(Or is this yet another person who defines sex way too narrowly? Yeah. More likely. I also smell straw for some strange reason. Weird. Oo)
“Feminists have sex too” was a direct response to this guy’s assumption that feminists are angry because they aren’t getting dick and that’s why we’re feminists. I didn’t interpret that as saying “all feminists have sex” or “feminists exclusively have sex with men.”
Hm… Some of the commenters here are missing, um, for lack of a better word, some of the points he’s trying to make.
He doesn’t say that any penis could give a woman an orgasm, and he doesn’t say that a woman can’t get an orgasm on her own.
He says that orgasms don’t matter to women.. All that matters to women is getting penis inside them (and he specifically points out that it has to be a real penis, no kind of dildo will suffice).
Which just makes his rant even weirder than if he had been under the illusion that women crave orgasms and the easiest way to get them is to have PIV with just about anyone.
Not gonna get into details, but after becoming a feminist, sex definitely got better, for many reasons. 😀
Here’s a piece of EvoPsych bullshit that needs to die off:
The notion that sex is vital to the survival of the individual – as opposed to the survival of their genetic phenotypes. The two things are very different.
Anyone can survive long periods of celibacy, but these misogynists seem to think men and women NEEEEEED to be having sex constantly, like it’s the same as eating or something.
And of course, when men neeeed sex, they should be justified in having it whenever and with whomever they consider fair game, because it’s biologically imperative.
When women neeeed sex, it’s because their gender is inherently weak and craven, and too stupid to control their basest instincts, obviously.
As if there aren’t enough double-standards already, these assholes have to use fake science to invent more!
I think he’s meaning to say the opposite of what his poor writing makes it look like.
“It doesn’t matter what size it is. It doesn’t matter if she orgasms. She has to have it” fits much better with everything else he says, than assuming he thinks female orgasms have any importance or even exist.
and ninja’d by Dvärghundspossen… should have read all the comments first
Dvarg, did you get the bit about orgasms not mattering to women from this?
Because I read it as meaning the orgasm-from-dick being the thing women have to have. Now I don’t know what he meant, which says as much about his lousy writing and imbecilic ideas as it does about my reading comprehension. 😛
Evenin’ Kim.
I was about to say are you happy or peeved about daylight saving starting, then remembered you lucky folks in Queensland don’t have it.
…. No it doesn’t. You indirectly stating no lesbians have sex (and that no lesbians are feminists) does. Try again.
Man that is truefax milked from the musky glands of the truthbeast.
Not to mention that saying “undermines the feminist critique of intercourse in the first place” is ignoring all the ideas or critiques that don’t come to the conclusion that PiV is all too close to rape, if not actually rape, in all circumstances, or the changes in society since those critiques were written in the 1970s. It’s also playing straight into the hands of the “feminist = man hating sex hating” twaddle. One doesn’t have to be a sex-positive type (I’m certainly not) to find that eyebrow-raising.
… I’m hoping that made sense. It’s late here and I have daylight-saving sleep theft catching up with me.
Kitten, yeah, I read it the way Kim did.
Oh my I don’t even know what to say to that level of nonsense. I am a new follower and almost hit unfollow after that first paragraph I am glad I read on to realize the views expressed were not your own. Thanks for the laugh.
I suspect not having a dick in the house all the time made this guy’s relationships last longer than they otherwise would have.