Men’s Rights Activists love to chastise feminists for allegedly dealing mostly with “first world problems,” trivial annoyances that pale in comparison to the REAL issues faced by women (and men) in the rest of the world. So it’s a good thing that MRAs only get themselves worked up about life and death issues.
Like COOKIE MISANDRY.
Let’s let Men’s Rights Redditor kizzan explain this insidious danger to modern man:
As Martin Luther King might have said, “A cookie delayed is a cookie denied.”
Well, he might not have put it that way exactly. But having to wait literally seconds for a cookie is pretty much the definition of justice denied.
In any case, as the 80 upvotes and 60 comments to his post suggest, Kizzan is not the only one outraged by this blatant oppression of men.
![p3ngwin 20 points 1 day ago chivalry when they like it, sexism when they don't. and yes, it's often called "benevolent sexism" by assholes, as if that justifies it. permalink save give gold [–]Revoran 8 points 1 day ago "Women and children first" as the men stay behind on the boat to drown. "Benevolent" sexism... not so benevolent if you're a man who gets the short stick.](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/titanic.png?resize=508%2C202&ssl=1)
Clearly waiting a few seconds for a cookie is equivalent to giving up a seat in a lifeboat on the Titanic so that some dumb lady can live.
ParanoidAgnostic blamed feminism and its “ladies first” agenda.
Exactly. Who can forget Mary Woolstonecraft’s 1792 manifesto “A Vindication of the Rights of Woman to Cookies Right Now Give Me the Goddamn Cookie You Filthy Man?”
Our old friend GenderNeutralLanguag [sic] suggested that these insidious misandrists be confronted for their terrible hypocrisy:
Mr. GenderNeutralLanguag [sic] must be fun at parties.
Khal534, meanwhile, reported on some important human rights activism he did on this very issue and that totally happened just like this uh huh:
Not everyone agreed that cookie misandry was the most important issue of all time.
Happily this cookie misandry denier was rightly chastised with downvotes for his manginaism.
Below, see a famous chick singer demanding that men and boys wait for cookies. At least that’s what I assume she’s singing about, from the song title. I really have no idea what the hell she’s saying.
NOTE: In case any MRAs think that I agree in any way with this clearly misandrist cookies-for-ladies-a-few-seconds-before-cookies-for-men agenda, let me just say that I firmly believe that cookies should be given to me first. And if there are any left the ladies can fight for them. Seems fair to me. In any case, that’s my Cookie Policy, and by accessing this website you have agreed to it.
H/T — r/againstmensrights
Cookie Monster confronts #Cookiegate (seriously, that’s what this is)
http://youtu.be/F6W6fG1FGpM
Inspired by Cloudiah…
MISANDRY COOKIES
1/2 lb. white chocolate and 1/2 lb. dark chocolate (BLACK & WHITE MIXED TOGETHER OMG DEMOGRAPHIC FAIL RACIAL ARMAGEDDON)
4 cubic tons butter (WESTERN LAND WHALE ALERT!)
1 grain of salt (for debunking MRA fallacies)
2 withered, ancient eggs
1 cup spoiled milk, way past its sell-by date. Preferably given away for free by an unbought cow.
1/2 cup nuts crushed by a designer high heel purchased with a miner’s dole check
Roll into balls, then flatten. Divorce onto ungreased cookie sheets and bake at 350 while you rip open and devour a delicious box of beta cookies.
MRAs could learn a lot from Cookie Monster. Even in his depths of id-driven gluttony, you know what Cookie Monster never does? Hurt people. Or insult them, If you give him a cookie, he takes it from you before he eats it, avoiding even the risk of biting your fingers. Hunger for baked goods is his only vice.
@childrenofthebroccoli
I know. But even if we accept at face value that some radfem family member was literally demanding that women be served cookies first, that still makes the complainer no better than the six-year-old who envies their toddler sibling for having lower expectations of behavior placed on them.
@Karalora
Cookie Monster is also always willing to learn, and he will share if you point out to him that sharing benefits everybody. Cookie Monster is a role model for all, and I bet the MRAs hate him.
Those cookies sound delicious, Buttercup!
Random side-note… A cubic ton is an actual thing, and with the density of butter being what it is, a cubic ton of butter is very close to 40 cubic feet. 40 cubic feet just so happens to be a standard definition derived from a cubic ton of timber.
“Women and children first”
The Titanic’s the famous one for that, isn’t it?
So I guess it’s pretty funny that it’s usually been every man for himself, especially in British shipwrecks. http://web.archive.org/web/20120417020732/http://www.nek.uu.se/Pdf/wp20128.pdf
Tom Waits is Cookie Monster, I’m pretty sure. Cookie politics… Cookie Monster for president, then! (Sorry. Will stop now.)
RE: kirbywarp
Rogan: Butter is as dense as timber?
RE: athorist
Rogan: Don’t be silly! Everyone knows that the Titanic, despite being over a hundred years ago, is still absolutely utterly relevant to women’s privileges today. (Even though it sank before women could vote.)
I bake alot of cookies. Guess what? Often, I get the first warm cookie. Maniacal laugh! Maniacal laugh!
So far, no one has complained. That’s probably because their mouths are stuffed with cookies.
@Rogan:
Apparently! Or rather, since wood density varies so greatly, apparently people decided on a standard, and that standard happens to be 40 cubic feet. Butter is about 56.9 lb/ft^3, which is around the density of dry Hickory, and is apparently dense enough to meet the requirement on timber for construction (according to the Royal Commission in Australia, which sets a lower bound of 46.82 lb/ft^3).
I think what this basically means is that if you could find a cold enough part in Australia, you could safely build a house out of butter. The internet is awesome!
RE: kirbywarp
Rogan: Truly, I have learned so much today. Who knew?
@kirbywarp, What I really want to know is how much weed (or how many tigers) you could swap for a cubic ton of butter.
Technically the Australian Royal Comission standards are defined for wood at 12% water content, so I figured butter wouldn’t pass that part. However, there just so happens to be a brand of butter (Straus Family Creamery) that has a 12.59% moisture content! Woot!
Also, apparently the water content of butter is causing a huge controversy, because butter is getting more expensive so companies are increasing the water content to keep prices low. Some brands are getting over 17% water content, and apparently the change in makeup is breaking a lot of recipes, including ones for…
*drum roll*
Christmas cookies!
Perfect segue back to an on topic conversation.
This is me. I love to bake and feed people. I make birthday treats for each person in my department and my favorite part is “testing” the results by eating the first piece myself the night before while it’s still nice and warm!! HAHAH!!
I will give all of the MRAs all of the cookies if they will stop being whiney fuckfaces. Granted, that will never happen, so they will just have to continue to go cookie-less. Too bad, because I bake fantastic cookies. And cheesecake. And bread. I love baking.
On second thought, they don’t get my cookies anyway. My cookies are not for the likes of them! *snatches cookies and storms off*
Hey. Testing the results is legit! I don’t want to serve cookies that I have not, myself, tasted and verified to be worth serving.
Michelle Obama misandering!
http://i2.wp.com/carlanthonyonlinedotcom.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/michelle-eats-a-cookie.jpg?resize=206%2C146
So, if I run out of butter, can I substitute some cordwood?
Kirby and chie, I admire your self-control. I eat the dough. I used to steal whole spoonfuls of cookie dough when I was a kid. Once, I ate half of the cookies I was supposed to bake before I baked them.
But yes, nothing better than melty, fresh from the oven cookies. That’s usually when most of them disappear. Oddly enough, once things are baked, I rarely eat them. I eat enough of my own baking to tell what I need to tweak for next time. I’m weird.
@Cloudiah:
Butter is apparently at an all-time high at the moment. In the US, the average price appears to be around $2.55 a pound, whereas in New Zealand, the prices is only around $1.35.
Weed prices vary a lot apparently, so I’ll just pick a random forum and see that an ounce of pot is about 300 dollars, so a pound of weed comes up to $4800.
A tiger, according to this rescue site, can cost around $2500 for a cub. Tiger cubs apparently can be bought at a really sketchy website at 5 months, so lets aim a little higher and say 6 months, at which point a male cub will weigh 90 to 105 pounds, and a female cub will be between 60 to 75. Let’s go with around 82 pounds to get an average, and the price of a tiger per pound seems to be around $30.42.
So, a cubic ton of butter (worth $5712) will net you a little over a pound of weed, or a little over two tiger cubs.
This was actually a moral lesson in the anime Yakitate Japan (just a tad nsfw). “When you’ve just made a batch of bread, who do you give it to first to eat?”
The answer was “yourself,” for the same reason you gave. Both the hero and the villain gave the same answer, which was shocking, but the villain twisted the answer towards selfishness while the hero was more about making sure the bread would make people happy.
Kirbywarp, would you like your Internet wrapped, or will you be having it here?
Huh… apparently the paraffin wax used in SCENTED FUCKING CANDLES is very close to the same density as butter! The price per pound is much higher though because of the scent oil (the wax itself is apparently around $1.85 per pound), somewhere between 20 to 30 dollars, making a quality scented candle close in price per pound to a tiger.
“Who gets the first cookie” is truly the human rights issue of our time.