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A Cookie Delayed is a Cookie Denied: The Soft Tyranny of Cookie Misandry

Instant cookie access: The foundation of all Men's Rights
Instant cookie access: The foundation of all Men’s Rights

Men’s Rights Activists love to chastise feminists for allegedly dealing mostly with “first world problems,” trivial annoyances that pale in comparison to the REAL issues faced by women (and men) in the rest of the world. So it’s a good thing that MRAs only get themselves worked up about life and death issues.

Like COOKIE MISANDRY.

Let’s let Men’s Rights Redditor kizzan explain this insidious danger to modern man:

Women love stereotypes...when it helps them (self.MensRights)  submitted 1 day ago by kizzan  I am sitting at a family gathering and noticed that someone in my family was admonishing someone else for giving newly baked cookies to all of the family members in random order instead of ladies first. And this is someone who hates it when women have to be bound by stereotypes.  It made me think of other women I know who are the exact same way. What is the best way to call them out on their bigotry?      60 comments

As Martin Luther King might have said, “A cookie delayed is a cookie denied.”

Well, he might not have put it that way exactly. But having to wait literally seconds for a cookie is pretty much the definition of justice denied.

In any case, as the 80 upvotes and 60 comments to his post suggest, Kizzan is not the only one outraged by this blatant oppression of men.

p3ngwin 20 points 1 day ago   chivalry when they like it, sexism when they don't.  and yes, it's often called "benevolent sexism" by assholes, as if that justifies it.      permalink     save     give gold  [–]Revoran 8 points 1 day ago   "Women and children first" as the men stay behind on the boat to drown.  "Benevolent" sexism... not so benevolent if you're a man who gets the short stick.

Clearly waiting a few seconds for a cookie is equivalent to giving up a seat in a lifeboat on the Titanic so that some dumb lady can live.

ParanoidAgnostic blamed feminism and its “ladies first” agenda.

ParanoidAgnostic 13 points 1 day ago   The true goal of feminism appears to be freeing women from their gender roles while maintaining the benefits women gain from men being trapped in theirs.

Exactly. Who can forget Mary Woolstonecraft’s 1792 manifesto “A Vindication of the Rights of Woman to Cookies Right Now Give Me the Goddamn Cookie You Filthy Man?”

Our old friend GenderNeutralLanguag [sic] suggested that these insidious misandrists be confronted for their terrible hypocrisy:

GenderNeutralLanguag 3 points 1 day ago   Call her out on it on the spot. "Serve women first? Do you also want to get paid less for the same work and not be allowed to run for political office? It's all sexism."  To make yourself the "good guy" you must make it clear that your lack of BS ("benevolent sexism") is in pursuit of equality. That sexism like serving women first is closely tied to sexism like the wage gap.

Mr. GenderNeutralLanguag [sic]  must be fun at parties.

Khal534, meanwhile, reported on some important human rights activism he did on this very issue and that totally happened just like this uh huh:

khal534 5 points 1 day ago   im what some might call a young chivalrous man, but two days ago, im getting on the bus, and here a lady scream " Come on guys, lets the ladies go in first.." , i immediately denied her a clear path to the entrance of the door. nawh lady, you arent going in front of me with that bullshit. but to stay on topic, call her out the most straight way possible. side ways look tilt, why the fuck do you think you deserve these delicious cookies before me.

Not everyone agreed that cookie misandry was the most important issue of all time.

sumfacilispuella -1 points 1 day ago   This happens at my family gatherings, but also, the men drink and watch sports while the women cook all the food and clean the kitchen, so really, wait 30 seconds for the fucking cookie.

Happily this cookie misandry denier was rightly chastised with downvotes for his manginaism.

Below, see a famous chick singer demanding that men and boys wait for cookies. At least that’s what I assume she’s singing about, from the song title. I really have no idea what the hell she’s saying.

NOTE: In case any MRAs think that I agree in any way with this clearly misandrist cookies-for-ladies-a-few-seconds-before-cookies-for-men agenda, let me just say that I firmly believe that cookies should be given to me first. And if there are any left the ladies can fight for them. Seems fair to me. In any case, that’s my Cookie Policy, and by accessing this website you have agreed to it.

H/T — r/againstmensrights

 

 

 

 

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ryeash
6 years ago

@mildlymagnificent

That sounds absolutely devine. It’s late in the Midwestern States, but tomorrow I have some time to mess around with a recipe or two. I’ll post results by Wednesday, folks.

Noadi
6 years ago

Meanwhile, it’s worth noting that even on board the Titanic, that exemplary example of bygone chivalry, plenty of (second- and third-class) women and children drowned, while plenty of (first-class, what did you expect) men were saved. Including the captain, who didn’t go down with the ship, as tradition allegedly demands.

History pedant here. While a number of officers on the Titanic survived, Captain Edward Smith did in fact go down with the ship. Exactly what his last moments were is unknown but he did not survive the sinking.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

Noadi, thanks for getting in there first! There are conflicting accounts of Captain Smith’s demise, whether he drowned in the wheelhouse, dived from the bridge as it went under, or possibly swam as far as the lifeboats before dying of hypothermia; but his body was never found, and if he’d been rescued, he’d have been at the centre of the inquiry, as Captain Turner of the Lusitania was a few years later.

Nequam
Nequam
6 years ago

I have only made one cheesecake in my life so far… and it was savory.Rosemary, shallots, and so on…

But good! Some friends of mine let me try it out on everyone at their wedding (the reception was a sort of potluck) and it went over very well.

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
6 years ago

Policy of Madness, you can jiuce lemons, put the zest into the juice, and then freeze that in small amounts. Just write on the bag how many lemons it is, and then you have juice and zest for 6-8 months. Or send me lemons. My 5 year old eats them. I am afraid to send them in her lunch because I’m sure her teachers would phone Children’s Services, but that’s her favourite fruit.

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
6 years ago

ryeash can I please have the cheesecake recipe? I will eat Policy of Madness’ share.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

@LBT:

I’d go if I felt like I wouldn’t just be standing around and being awkward… I’m not all that much of a comic-book guy. If you both were planning on having lunch or dinner somewhere, though, it’d be cool to do a mini meetup or something!

GT Patterson
6 years ago

@Policy of Madness: I cannot wait to try making my first batch of misandry gingersnap cookies! Thanks for helping me stay fat and happy/lay men low with the privileges of matriarchy!

nellodee1010
nellodee1010
6 years ago

LBT, that cake looks even easier than the one I usually make! Definitely gonna try it next time I bake.

I have had great success previously with this recipe: http://m.instructables.com/id/The-BEST-chococlate-cake-ever…that-happens-to-be/

I don’t do the glaze because using a pot in addition to the cake pan defeats the purpose of it being easy imo. It doesn’t need it anyway, and I haven’t had vegan frosting that doesn’t taste like soy 😛

The coolest part of that cake is even when it goes wrong it’s still tasty

nellodee1010
nellodee1010
6 years ago

Oh, btw, the best part of vegan baking? You can eat the batter/dough and not worry about salmonella!

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

Nanaimo Bars are delicious, chocolatey, all-Canadian MISANDRY!!!

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
6 years ago

@GT Patterson

LOL good luck, because that recipe is actually for pancakes, not cookies.

ryeash
6 years ago

@Shaun Day

Of course!

Batter:

1 lb cream cheese (if you can get your hands on fresh, that’s best, but the store bought stuff works too. Just make sure it’s full fat)
1 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk (or 1 3/4 c homemade)
2 eggs + 1 egg yolk
1-1 1/2 c flavor, to taste

Crust:

2c cookie crumbs
4tbs butter

Preheat the oven to 350.

Mix up the crust first. I usually pair up whatever flavor I’m using with the cookie flavor. So for the peanut butter cup cheesecake, I used peanut butter Oreos, and for my pumpkin cheesecakes I use either gingersnaps or gingerbread. Throw a bunch of cookies in a freezer Ziploc bag and pulverize them, or use a food processor/blender/however you want to go about it. It doesn’t need to be powder, but crumbs shouldn’t be bigger than 1/4″. Melt the butter and mix it in with the crumbs, then press it to the bottom of a 9″ pie pan (springform is best, and a nonstick one is usually fairly cheap at any supermarket). Now, you can either leave it in the fridge overnight to solidify or bake it in the oven at 350 for ten minutes. If it’s a really sugary cookie like a gingersnap, you’ll want to refrigerate it.

Let the cream cheese thaw to room temp or nuke it until it’s soft. Mix in the flavor and condensed milk to taste. Then very carefully mix in the eggs. You want minimal bubbles in the batter, so I use a spatula to gently mix them in. This step can take awhile, so be patient.

Pour the batter over the crust and bake it for 30 mins or until the sides are very lightly browned and the center is still a little jiggly. Put a towel down on a fridge shelf and let it set for an hour and a half.

While it’s doing that, you can mix up toppings, etc. I use sea salt caramel for my pumpkin cheesecakes and chocolate ganache for the peanut butter cup ones. One of my favorites ever was a strawberry banana cheesecake with windmill cookie crust and a strawberry puree topping. Experimenting with flavors is half the fun 🙂

ryeash
6 years ago

By the way, I just bookmarked a lemon bars recipe from a site that I’ve had great luck with as far as desserts go. I got the most amazing bread pudding recipe from it not too long ago. Will be picking up ingredients and trying it out after DBT group. It has the shortbread base marinerachel was talking about, so it looks promising.

cloudiah
6 years ago

I generally love Ina Garten’s recipes, and had bookmarked her lemon bars to try:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/lemon-bars-recipe.html

Which site were you looking at, ryeash?

Has anyone ever tried making them with Meyer lemons?

Shaun DarthBatman Day
6 years ago

ryeash, I sometimes make cheesecake muffins, 1 cookie (for crust) in a liner, cheesecake batter, bake, individual cheesecakes *poof*. If this works as no bake, that’s what I’m using from now on, thank you! Might invest in shot glasses, put them in the center for the firming part and put the topping inside when I pull them out, that would be so pretty.

ryeash
6 years ago

@cloudiah

http://www.food.com/recipe/lemon-bars-9989

Some reviewers already added their tweaks, so I’m going to try them. I guess it’s not technically a shortbread base with the powdered sugar, but it’s close. Either way, the recipe got really high marks, and it’s fairly simple. I’ll let you all know how they turn out and post the revised recipe.

P.S. I think we should make a WHTM cookbook.

@Shaun

That shot glass thing sounds like a good idea. I think I’ll try that the next time I make the strawberry banana cheesecake.

The first recipe I had for this called for 1 1/2lbs cream cheese, which made soooo much batter. I usually whipped up some extra crust and made minis in a muffin tin. They’re perfect for taking to work/school in lunches. I really wish I could find fresh cream cheese in my area, though. It makes so much of a difference in taste and texture. I miss my co-op market.

ryeash
6 years ago

Well they’re tasty, but they’re thin. I feel like they’re too sweet, but I like my lemon bars tart. The next version of the recipe I’m going to try:

Base:

3c sifted flour
3/4c granulated sugar (didn’t like the powdered sugar taste in the crust)
1 1/2c butter

Batter:

6 large eggs, beaten well
3c sugar
1c lemon juice
1/2c flour
1tsp baking powder
Zest of three lemons

Preheat oven to 350.

Melt butter. Sift together flour and sugar. Mix in butter by hand. Press into the bottom of a greased 9×13″ pan (or line pan with tin foil to lift out later onto a cutting board and use pizza cutter to slice into bars). Bake for 25-30 minutes or until lightly golden brown.

While the base is baking, beat together eggs, sugar, lemon juice, and zest. Sift together baking powder and flour. Add to lemon mixture and mix well. Pour onto warm base, bake for 30 minutes or until lightly browned at the edges. Let cool and dust with powdered sugar.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say this would work out better. I’ll try it soon and update.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: Shaun Day

My 5 year old eats them. I am afraid to send them in her lunch because I’m sure her teachers would phone Children’s Services, but that’s her favourite fruit.

Your child must have the tongue of a god. I can barely handle LICKING a lemon!

RE: kirbywarp

If you both were planning on having lunch or dinner somewhere, though, it’d be cool to do a mini meetup or something!

I will ask emilygoddes her feelings on the matter! (If she chooses to speak up here, that’s cool too.) My weekend will be basically entirely devoted to MICE, but I’ll be available during the weekdays!

RE: nellodee1010

LBT, that cake looks even easier than the one I usually make! Definitely gonna try it next time I bake.

Why do you think I make it? I’ve only managed to screw up that recipe ONCE and that was due to not stirring well enough.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

@LBT:

I will ask emilygoddes her feelings on the matter! (If she chooses to speak up here, that’s cool too.) My weekend will be basically entirely devoted to MICE, but I’ll be available during the weekdays!

Alrighty. Worse case I could always stop by the expo and hang out there. I’m sure it’d be fun enough just to hang out with fellow mammothers.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: kirbywarp

As far as comic cons go, MICE is honestly my favorite. It’s a group of great creators doing really interesting things with the medium of comics, and I personally like a lot of the creators. (I even got to participate in their panel on Comics and Medicine a couple years back!)

Also, it is free, so if you want, you can always show up, look around, and then leave if it’s not your cuppa.

C.C. Sinclair
C.C. Sinclair
6 years ago

Lazy Mary’s Improved Lemon Tart from Food52.com
Author Notes: Fear of crust making has led me to take the coward’s way out…premade dough from grocery stores and bakeries! Then, I found an old recipe written in my Great Aunt Evie’s (gone for 40+ years) handwriting. I gave it a try and have since become a “born again” crust maker. For this recipe, I added lemon zest to the dough to give an additional bite of fresh Meyer lemon to the tart. As to the filling; I am as lazy as ever! – dymnyno (less) – dymnyno

Food52 Review: Why improve on perfection? I wondered when I saw that Mary had tweaked her Meyer lemon tart. I’m an expert on this recipe, having prepared it about half a dozen times since it was first posted. I have to agree though with her revisions, adding the zest to the crust only further enhances the lemon flavor. I served it at a lunch party and it was all eaten before I could snap a photo. I still use less sugar than the original recipe and used 2 lemons as my Meyers were a bit small. I zested the lemons with my rasp. Thumbs Up! (less) – Lizthechef

Serves 8

Fancy Crust

3 cups all purpose flour
1 1/2 cups(12 ounces) cold butter, cut into slices
1 whole egg
6 tablespoons ice water
1 tablespoon white vinegar
1 teaspoon salt
grated zest of 1 Meyer lemon, I used a box grater
Lazy Mary’s Tart Filling

1 large Meyer lemon cut into pieces (1 1/2 – 1/3/4 ounces)
1 1/2 cup superfine white sugar
1/2 cup unsalted butter (1 stick)
4 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
Mix flour, butter, egg, cold water, vinegar and salt together with a heavy fork. Or, use a food processor with a large bowl. Don’t bother to totally break down the butter. Since this recipe makes enough for two crusts, divide the dough and form into two disks. Add the lemon zest to the lemon tart dough and wrap and save the rest. Place the dough in the middle of the tart pan and spread it out and up the sides of the tart pan with your fingers. (Use a tart pan with a removable bottom.) Blind bake the tart shell for about 10 minutes at 350 degrees. Remove the tart shell from the oven and pour in the filling . Return to the oven and bake for about 30 to 40 minutes. Check to see if the filling is set and the top is turning golden.
This recipe is a Community Pick!
This recipe was entered in the contest for Your Best Late Winter Tart (Sweet or Savory)

http://food52.com/recipes/10200-lazy-mary-s-improved-lemon-tart

ktrantingredhead
6 years ago

Yeaaaaah whenever someone tries that shit with me, first I tell them, “Just admit you hate women and that you think we belong in the home, in the kitchen, with the babies and nothing else.” Then, I ask them, “So, how bad do things have to get for women before we’re granted your permission to complain again?” That usually shuts them up.

ignorantianescia
ignorantianescia
6 years ago

The things these masculinists get worked up about. Though when you check on Google for “Sweden” and “chivalry”, there are a lot of anecdotes that Swedish men aren’t very chivalrous.

Unfortunately none of the first results have the sense of priority to include that important issue of first dibs on cookies.