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The Femborg Collective has its sights on … the NFL. Professional football is DOOMED!

Women ruining football in the 1920s. Click for more info.
Women ruining football in the 1920s. Click for more info.

Uh oh, fellas! It seems that the evil femmies are taking over another bastion of manhood: the NFL.

According to one Man Going His Own Way(very loudly)  known as Cybro, who blogs at Rex Patriarch,

Another male space is being assimilated.

Making the players wear pink was the beginning of the end. It may have even started before that with the female sportscasters getting in front of the cameras while men were trying to watch football but the trend is now clear.

Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together. LADIES IN FRONT OF CAMERAS!

The FemBorg Collective is taking over.

So what’s got Cybro’s knickers in a twist? An article noting that the NFL is – gasp! – now actually including some women in its policy making process. One women – NFL VP of community affairs and philanthropy Anna Isaacson – has now been given the title VP of Social Responsibility. And the NFL is consulting with several other women on how to win back women after all the recent domestic violence fiascos.

Cybro is convinced that these four women – that’s right, we’re talking about four entire women – are going to turn the NFL into some sort of Orwellian antimale nightmare.

Their idea of Social Responsibility is going to be whatever the Collective says it’s going to be. Sure it will start with something obvious men should already not be doing but it will snowball from there. They are going to push men to jump through every kind of hoop they can dream up just to get into a game.

Actually, I sort of like this idea. Let’s spice up football with some strategically placed hoops!

I can imagine whatever the players are being forced into doing will expand to the male fans. … [F]orget about doing what men do at games. Screaming like maniacs for their team. Last time I checked shouting was a form of Domestic Violence. Security will be all over that when the time comes.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that shouting abuse at your partner is different than yelling “J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets!”

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that any man who isn’t a complete eunuch will stop going to the games. Most men probably already have but the NFL doesn’t seem to make most of it’s revenue from ticket sales.

It comes from commercials ads.

For those of you who think you are going to just record the games and skip through those annoying ads I got some very bad news for you. Not only are you going to be required to watch those ads but you will have to take a test in order to continue watching the rest of the game. The internet and cable already have Parental Controls on them so it wouldn’t be a stretch to add some Male Controls to them as well.

No, that might be just a little bit of a stretch.

What will all this do to professional sports?

It will crash it if the FemBorg Collective has its way because that’s the whole idea to begin.

To assimilate male space and destroy it.

Yep, that’s right. The NFL gives one female executive a new title, and hires three other women as consultants, because NFL players keep getting arrested for (alleged) domestic abuse, and this means that FOOTBALL IS DOOMED, DOOMED I SAY! IT’S THE END OF MEN!!!

MGTOW… Because resistance is not futile.

Mr. Man Going Your Own Way, please, please, please, please, please, just go.

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Shaun DarthBatman Day
6 years ago

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rossalynwarren/14-very-real-feminist-facts#23pj1x2

SOCKS! OMG SOCKS!
Yeah, wrong thread, don’t care SOCKS!

Shaun DarthBatman Day
6 years ago

Also Canada is the absolute center of all feminist threat, as anyone who has spoken to Pierre clearly knows.

Tracy
Tracy
6 years ago

The TRUE conspiracy is revealed! It is Canada that is trying to take over, not women! Soon you will all drink dark ale, and eat poutine and say “eh” after interrogative statements!

It’s true… we’re so terribly sorry. It is rude of us. On the plus side, once we’re in charge you’ll all get a complimentary 2-4, pack of smokes and a cute toque.

grumpyoldnurse
grumpyoldnurse
6 years ago

Nice toques!

Tracy
Tracy
6 years ago

*gasp* @Shaun DarthBatman Day that is truly a magnificent toque, but this one? OMGwant.

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
6 years ago
Tracy
Tracy
6 years ago

See, @grumpyoldnurse? That’s the spirit. Look at the nice toques and prepare to be assimilated relax with a niiiiiiiice slice of maple syrup pie. Isn’t that nice? Hmm?

grumpyoldnurse
grumpyoldnurse
6 years ago

May I please have my complimentary 2-4 now? Also, I may have to re-learn knitting in light of Tracy’s most recent post. Aside; is it safe to knit after I drink my 2-4? don’t want any trouble with the RC’s!

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
6 years ago

Also, someone pointed out that in the chart, both deer have antlers, so I guess it is gay deer sex.

Who wants a gay deer sex hat?

ryeash
6 years ago
Shaun DarthBatman Day
6 years ago

Gay deer sex hat!?! I’m in!

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
6 years ago

Men’s Rights Redditors Agree: Women who get drunk at frat houses are at fault for frat boys raping them: http://np.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2hcepo/this_was_posted_on_forbes_and_quickly_deleted/

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: wordsp1nner

I am totally shocked by this news.

contrapangloss
6 years ago

Wordspinner, the article seemed more like:

“Poor frat boys! Raping these drunk feeeeemales is hurting their reputation! Females are ruining frats for boys!”

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

Is it worth mentioning this late that David wrote “So what’s got Cybro’s man panties in a bunch?” or was that beside the point?

Shaun, I love those 14 facts! Hilarious!

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

That Forbes sharticle was written by a dude who really needs to let go of the frat already and get a hobby that doesn’t involve being a sexist asshat.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

“Let go of the frat” sounds like a wonderful euphemism.

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
6 years ago

Thanks kitteh! Now this isn’t OT!

I joined in on #feministfacts and a white dude told me I’m not a real feminist. Since white dudes are experts on everything I totally believe him and, as a result, am now going bra shopping without matches.

cloudiah
6 years ago

Did you all notice that the top comment on that frat post on reddit is from JohntheOther? Apparently, the assumption that people shouldn’t rape unconscious drunks somehow “infantilizes” women. And only women.

Because it really helps male rape victims to say that if they were drunk they deserved it.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

But you’ll turn into a real feminist if you keep wearing trousers, Shaun! It says so!

cloudiah
6 years ago

Oh also, NPR covered Gamergate. (NPR is the main public radio station in the US, for those who don’t know.)

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

That Forbes blogger got his assistant fired for that. Silver lining?

I like knickers in a twist. It’s gender neutral and the word knickers is fun. Panties squick me out for some reason.

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

That was supposed to be ass not assistant. I hate auto correct.

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
6 years ago

So I should wear short shorts if I don’t want to start another Chicago fire? That was close! Thanks!

sparky
sparky
6 years ago

Oh also, NPR covered Gamergate. (NPR is the main public radio station in the US, for those who don’t know.)

Why do I always have to read the comments? I know better than to read the comments. Overall, the article was pretty good, it focused on the abuse and harrassment women like Quinn and Sarkeesian receive, but yeesh, the comments! This one was funny, though:

Breitbart did an article showing actual emails from a secret internet group the journalists involved made a secret group to try and manipulate the debate.

NPR is more interested in gender politics.

Yep. NPR tends to be more interested in covering actual reality rather than wonky conspiracy theories.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

I rather like drawers for underwear – totally neutral, plus out of date, plus always reminds me of this bit from The Goon Show:

Announcer: And now for a word from our sponsor.

Sponsor: DRAWERS!

Announcer: Next week, another word.

cloudiah
6 years ago

Will change the man panties thing.

David, oh David. You’re such a mangina. You need to dig in and insist on whatever phrasing first occurred to you, because otherwise SJW FEMINAZI KNITTING CATS control the universe.

marinerachel
6 years ago

I cast my vote for drawers. You have to pronounce it just like that though – draaaaahers.

katz
6 years ago

“Briefs” would work if you wanted something male-specific.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

It’s not just SJW feminist cats you need to fear with the knitting.

http://images.yuku.com.s3.amazonaws.com/image/jpeg/63a36486453174eddcfc91b8d7ed04a41e0b577a.jpg

duckbunny
6 years ago

Are knickers gender-neutral for youse all then? At least in the bubble I was raised in, knickers are for girls and pants are for boys. And panties are for Americans.

I think the logic on the enforced ad watching feminist plot thing might be that no woman actually cares about sports, but they do care about money, so if they’re getting involved with a sports organisation it’s because they have nefarious plans to monetise the sport, and it’ll be Male Controls because they’ll only activate them for manly programmes like sports and maybe violent films, and the plot is so nefarious it will alter the nature of recording devices so you can’t skip the ads. Because women are magic and destroy everything they touch.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

Knickers refers to women’s pants here in Oz, duckbunny.

Bee
Bee
6 years ago

Uh oh, don’t anyone tell this dude about basketball.

“My past is littered with the bones of men who were foolish enough to think I was someone they could sleep on.” Thrillingly perfect.

sparky
sparky
6 years ago

I rather like drawers for underwear – totally neutral, plus out of date,

At first, I misread “drawers” as “chest of drawers” like one of these things, then I got really confused trying to figure out when and how this pretty basic piece of furniture went out of date. 🙂

I think I need some coffee.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

Bee – I love this line from that piece:

She keeps her secrets in the skins of rabbits, which she releases in the highlands of the Orkney Islands, where they are hunted by bands of wild Picts.

Ha! Those Picts would be sorry. You just know those rabbits are littermates of the Rabbit of Caerbannog.

Sparky – LOL! I think the words come from the same idea – something that’s drawn or pulled. I was just looking it up and the underwear version dates from the 1560s or thereabouts, the furniture version from twenty-thirty years later. What the wretched dictionaries don’t say is whether the furniture is named for the idea of pulling or sliding the compartment, or because that’s where one stored the underwear.

Shaun DarthBatman Day
6 years ago

Can I vote for having one’s testes in a Gordian Knot, rather than any underwear bunched, twisted, or otherwise uncomfortably travelling? I just think it’s misandrier, and, thus, classier.

twincats
twincats
6 years ago

Wat?!? No man panties??

I started calling my husband’s boxer briefs man panties a few years ago. The first time I said “man panties” out loud, my friend and I had a five minute laughing fit. I still can’t utter those words without giggling. Typing it doesn’t do that, though.

No, I don’t know why. But I’m not going to let my undergarments get shifted into an uncomfortable position!

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
6 years ago

I rather like drawers for underwear – totally neutral, plus out of date, plus always reminds me of this bit from The Goon Show:

Announcer: And now for a word from our sponsor.

Sponsor: DRAWERS!

Announcer: Next week, another word.

<upper class British twit accent>Kitteh… Don’t do that.</upper class British twit accent>

ryeash
6 years ago

My boyfriend just asked me why my eyebrow shot into my hairline while reading this post. I showed him exactly why, and he shook his head and said I find the weirdest people on the internet.

Seriously though, I bet Reynolds Wrap is making a killing off this dude. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID I JUST READ.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

I am totally down with knickers or drawers. The word ‘panties’ has been forever tainted to me because of Piers Anthony. I just shudder when I hear it.

katz
6 years ago

At first, I misread “drawers” as “chest of drawers” like one of these things, then I got really confused trying to figure out when and how this pretty basic piece of furniture went out of date.

I remember reading a detective story when I was about 13 that had the line “The detective went upstairs and searched his drawers.”

It took me several minutes to regain my composure.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

“The detective went upstairs and searched his drawers.”

…Maybe that’s where he kept his case notes or something. You can never be too cautious with your notes.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

…Maybe that’s where he kept his case notes or something. You can never be too cautious with your notes.

Shades of the opening of The Sting. “Stuff it down your pants. Ain’t a tough guy in the world’s going to frisk you there.”

Purple Poodlecat
Purple Poodlecat
5 years ago

@kittehserf:

I rather like drawers for underwear – totally neutral, plus out of date, plus always reminds me of this bit from The Goon Show:

This is what it puts me in mind of. (Warning: “strong” language.)