Heartiste – real name James Wiedmann – is a proudly racist, woman-hating “pickup artist” guru known for advocating manipulative and often quite abusive “game” techniques to give men the upper hand in relationships and in the dating market. These run the gamut from emotional abuse – what he calls “dread game,” an elaborate portfolio of gaslighting ploys to keep women feeling insecure and off-balance – to straightforward physical abuse – slapping women “when necessary” to assert “alpha male” dominance.
Now he’s suggesting that wannabe lotharios borrow some tips on how to “game” women from the Duluth Power and Control Wheel, a widely used violence intervention tool designed to fight abuse, not provide a blueprint for it.
The Duluth Wheel highlights some of the most prevalent kinds of abusive behavior. Heartiste mines its descriptions of abuse for dating tips, claiming to find in it “a few curious nuggets of anti-feminist truth about relationships and how to keep them going.”
In his recent post, Heartiste goes through some of the descriptions of abusive behavior on the Duluth Wheel – and recasts them as handy tools for would-be “alpha males.”
“make her feel bad and guilty” — reframing.
“play mind games” — that’s one way to provoke a vaginal gusher.
“smash things” — occasional bursts of anger, when justified, are cues of sexy male dominance and they do turn on women. …
“threaten to leave her” — dread game. …
“take her money” — aka make a woman feel like she’s invested in you. she’ll try harder to make it work.
“be the one to define men’s and women’s roles” — chicks dig a leader. and they also dig benevolently sexist men! …
“treat her like a servant” — 50 Shades of Gray has sold millions of copies. To women.
His followers are, if anything, even more enthusiastic about adopting these abusive tactics to their dating life.
“[T]hanks for the road map,” writes dog king. “[A] handy chart for aspiring alphas,” notes Laguna Beach Fogey, also an occasional commenter on The Spearhead. “Much Thanks CH,” adds Ang Aamer. “It’s posts like these that turn the Femi-Matrix Vag monologues into decipherable ideas we can use.”
One commenter calling himself maldek offers a personal testimonial, claiming to have used the tactics on the Duluth Wheel to keep his wife of 20 years on her toes:
This is a female wishlist indeed.
Take it word by word.Most of the listed items are things I do on a regular base. I mean it. And for more than 20 years it is working. Wife is looking top 5% in her age group, 3 kids, good life.
IT DOES WORK!
PS: That is 200% true for the darker parts of this list, you know the points those white knights would want to burn you on stake for. These are magic.
A commenter by the name of J Fisc seconds this endorsement.
This is an instruction manual for how to keep your woman happy. My marriage was doing pretty shitty until I said ‘Fuck it’ and started acting ‘abusive’. At least half the things on this list I do regularly and she eats its up.
One reader calling himself zaltyskaralius explains a favorite technique he (allegedly) uses to anger and excite the women – sorry, girls — in his life:
In the theme of brilliant game moves that bring the moist looks of indignation from girls, one of my old friends: The “Touchdown”:
When a girl says something (incredibly) stupid, interrupt and ask her if she knows what “touchdown” means.
Ignore her lack of football knowledge, shake your head and proceed to tell her that it has another meaning, as you put your hand on her shoulder with a grin on your face. Ask her if she has ever heard of Down’s syndrome. Tell her that it’s a tradition in your friend circle, that once someone says something not-so-very-smart, you proceed to do a “Touch-Down”. If she doesn’t get it, do another “touchdown”.
Congratulations, you just got a “pass this shit-test and collect tingles” card for the particular girl. From that moment on, anytime she says anything you dislike or throws a shit test at you, all you will have to do is simply place your hand on her shoulder and give her a knowing look, every so often muttering “touchdown” under your breath. No effort, no thinking, just a little touch.
Great move for AMOG [Alpha Male of the Group] friends as well. Great move for everyone in the know.
Luckily I think the chance that he’s actually used this “great move” on anyone outside of his own imagination is roughly zero.
Heartiste seems to think that the Duluth Wheel was conjured up by some Social Justice Warrior on Twitter. Only one of his commenters – at least only one that I noticed – admits to knowing where it really comes from.
“They made me memorize that graphic in a class i had to take because a broad said i hit her,” writes monster221.
Needless to say, he seems not to have learned anything from that class, noting that the experience convinced him
that i should act however i want and let them come and go. … Lifes great when its onyour terms, fuck anybody who tells you how to handle your shit.
Somehow I suspect that the “broad” who says he hit her was telling the truth.
I’d rage if I didn’t know how pathetic internet tough guy heartiste actually is in real life :p
@ ellie: rage. Some of his readers are figuring out how to actually pull this off.
Of course if one wants a manlizard, one can’t beat this.
http://scifiology.com/community/media/kunena/attachments/1098/sci-fi-fantasy-gorn-in-the-u-s-a.jpg
I’d be balancing a tiny fedora on my skink’s head and taking pictures right now, if I weren’t pretty sure he’d bite me.
@kittehserf that’s… that’s amazing.
Which is why we all laugh derisively when the MRA crowd tries to use male DV survivors as human shields against claims their movement only exists to harm women. If they actually gave a fuck about male DV survivors – especially those in same-sex relationships – they’d encourage men to recognise signs of actual abuse, from themselves or others.
But that would involve helping people at the expense of their primary goal, which appears to be harming women. Awaiting evidence to the contrary.
lacerta viridis, it is, isn’t it? I’ve been cracking up for years every time I see that pic. Though I suspect it’s just as well the Gorn hasn’t done a cover album. I doubt his singing could match the Boss’s!
Your skink sounds like a wise skink! 😀
*hangs head in shame*
I’m a toucher. I’ve mostly trained myself not to touch people, because I know that there’s many people who don’t like it, and if I accidentally slip I immediately remove my hand and apologize. I’ve never thought it fine to do though, just a quirk that I have that I work consciously on making sure that I’m not doing.
As for why, I can only answer for me, because I don’t know how other people who do it feel about it. I use my hands while speaking, I’m a serial gesturer and sometimes I put a hand on an arm or shoulder. I really mean nothing by it, it’s almost a subconscious thing for me, especially if I enjoy talking to a person and get caught up in a moment of conversation even if it’s an enjoyable conversation with a stranger. I try to tuck my hands in my armpits or pockets or hold a drink or something in my hand in an effort to discourage it. I’ll also back up from the person if I can. It’s not easy but through practice, I’m so much better than I used to be.
Seriously, you don’t have to make a joke about it, these work just fine, as I’ve had those reactions if I accidentally touched someone. If I’ve slipped and saw either of these reactions, I’d definitely apologize, remove my hand, and keep from doing it again. I’ve also had people do the “stare at my hand as I touch them” trick and it works as well. It pisses me off when jerks use the “oh I had no idea!” thing for touching people. Or people who keep doing it despite all of the above obvious cues and/or even told that the person they are touching doesn’t like it.
And I find it really odd because I hate the huggers. No, don’t hug me, that’s too much contact. We can shake hands, you can touch my arm or shoulder, but back the fuck off if you think you can hug me, unless I know you well. I’ll always hold out my hand for a handshake instead of a hug. I think that’s why I try not to touch people, because I know how annoying it is to have your personal boundary violated, so I at least put in the effort to stop and am aware that I shouldn’t be doing it.
I suspect that part of the reason why these guys say “Hey, everyone! [Insert abusive behavior here] is a totally awesome game technique; it will make the females love you!” is their complete and utter lack of empathy.
When a person is abused, they may (I don’t have the stats to say if it’s a common reaction, but I don’t think it’s uncommon) change their behavior and take actions to attempt to placate their abuser, in order to attempt to avoid further abuse. These assholes see the “oh god please don’t hurt me” behaviors and think “Hey, she’s doing things to try to keep me happy! This must means that she’s happy and likes this situation, because I’M happy and like this situation! Awesome!”
Now excuse me while I go join the ‘nope’ badger.
McG, that reminded me of my favorite line from “I, Claudius”. The mark of adulthood for young men of the patrician class was donning the _toga virilis_. In one scene, a young man is telling his father that he will encompass his own revenge, because “I have put on my manly gown!”
These PUAs will apparently serially harass a score of women to find the one who, for whatever reason, will respond positively to their unpleasantness. Maybe she’d just made up her mind “I wanna get laid tonight, he just has to have brushed his teeth,” and he assumes it’s because his game is tight.
I went to the link on “dread game,” and read the comments. Why? Well, I found this winner:
Let me just highlight my favorite phrase here:
I’m trying to come up with a snarky comment in response to that, but I just don’t have the words.
Meanwhile, Ebil Ladybrainz has just graduated from Academie Le Tour, Summa Cum Laude, with a collection of anti-rape/domestic violence posters to her credit, which will hang, with honor, in the dormitory cafeteria.
So how does this genius figure out how all those evil slutty mcslutsters manage *not* to get superglued to the first dude they have sex with?
Personally, Silurians are my manlizards of choice. Especially a certain lesbian silurian living in victorian london with her wife. 😛
No matter how many times you re-read this sentence it still doesn’t make sense due to the “words mean things” problem.
And the dresses, the DRESSES!
You’d almost think he was acknowledging that women have sex with women, but that idea would require some sort of thinking on his part, and we know that ain’t happening.
VENUSIAN LIZARDPEOPLE!!!!!1!!!!11111!!!! ELEVENTY!!!!
Another person hanging out with the nope animals.
I can’t even describe how wrong the pua/mra crowd is. Just aaarrrggghhh.
Ok, was it Gannon or Heartiste advocating getting in a relationship up with a 15-year-old?
I was just wondering if it’s legal to advocate child sex abuse.
I try to read his site, but..it’s not so much that it triggers me..
It is that there is SO. MUCH. BULLSHIT. that my brain just kinda fails to compute at all the translating it has to do.
I have no idea how the random up got all up in there…
Well, these guys think that their getting it up should be all that’s required for a relationship to commence, so it works.
Today, I went to visit a friend of mine, and during the course of the conversation, she mentioned that she had a relative whose husband beat her to death. Another relative was grateful that the Catholic church now allows for annulments, as her husband beat her on their wedding night. Then, there was the story about the woman who stayed with her abuser, because she simply had no resources for escape.
That’s all in ONE family.
I’m with that badger, too!
So, the reason that guy’s wife of 20 years stayed is most likely not that she’s happy and in love, but that she’s trapped and terrified. It’s not that she’s so much in love with him that makes her try hard to please him. It’s that she’s afraid of what he’ll do if she doesn’t please him.
This isn’t love. Not at all.
And worse, those three kids are learning that this is how it’s supposed to be. He sons will learn that they are supposed to treat women like that, and his daughters will learn that they deserve to be treated like that.
When his daughter comes home from her honeymoon, sporting cuts and bruises, is he going to cheer on his son-in-law? Because his daughter deserved it? Or will he come to his senses, and think, “My sweet daughter deserves better than that?”
Odds are, he will actually go route #1.
Oh, and those references to 50 Shades of Gray? I never read it, but I read in depth “Re-craps” of it. The protagonist’s father DID encourage Mr. Gray to punish her. Out of all the unrealistic stuff in that whole series, this is something that rings true.
Yes, you can break the cycle. CHEERS, LBT! That’s why we need to support the people who are being victimized, especially the younger ones, so that they can learn what they need to know to break that cycle of abuse. That’s why we need to be supportive of those people who say, “I am really not cut out to be a parent,” and not force the issue, as if they owe it to the world to have kids. That’s why we need to STOP abuse when we see it, and teach the abusers that it is NOT OK, and not some tool for the abuser’s enjoyment.
@LBT and Justabrowngirl – My Dad also broke the cycle. And he was firm on the issue that being abused is not an excuse to abuse others.
@Shaun DarthBatman Day
I think all you have to do to commit misandry is be a feeeeemallllle and not have sex with them. Everything else you do is just gravy.
@cloudia – not only the best dog, but the best brain bleach! I totally cracked up!
Thanks so much!
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
I enjoyed reading the re-craps, as well as listening to the dramatic readings, but I think this just sums it all up so very nicely.
ROFL!
Seriously, though, from what actual text I have read or listened to from these books, I’d have to say that the only “gina tingles” I’d ever get from it are an unintentional consequence of the continual twitching that comes from seeing the English language mangled in such a disgusting manner.
Consenting ADULTS, people! Not consenting language! English never signed the BDSM contract, so stop spanking it.
As to why it’s such a hit, I really couldn’t say. I know at least 5 people who bought it simply so they could poke fun at it, but that did boost the sales, anyway. It’s like when we go read the originals that David so kindly links (to prove his veracity, as the MRAs will otherwise accuse him of lying… wait. They do that anyway). We just wind up boosting the number of clicks.
Fantasies? I understand that. And if it stays in the realm of fantasy, and role-playing, then it’s fine. But fantasies and role-playing are NOT examples of what we want in real life.