Heartiste – real name James Wiedmann – is a proudly racist, woman-hating “pickup artist” guru known for advocating manipulative and often quite abusive “game” techniques to give men the upper hand in relationships and in the dating market. These run the gamut from emotional abuse – what he calls “dread game,” an elaborate portfolio of gaslighting ploys to keep women feeling insecure and off-balance – to straightforward physical abuse – slapping women “when necessary” to assert “alpha male” dominance.
Now he’s suggesting that wannabe lotharios borrow some tips on how to “game” women from the Duluth Power and Control Wheel, a widely used violence intervention tool designed to fight abuse, not provide a blueprint for it.
The Duluth Wheel highlights some of the most prevalent kinds of abusive behavior. Heartiste mines its descriptions of abuse for dating tips, claiming to find in it “a few curious nuggets of anti-feminist truth about relationships and how to keep them going.”
In his recent post, Heartiste goes through some of the descriptions of abusive behavior on the Duluth Wheel – and recasts them as handy tools for would-be “alpha males.”
“make her feel bad and guilty” — reframing.
“play mind games” — that’s one way to provoke a vaginal gusher.
“smash things” — occasional bursts of anger, when justified, are cues of sexy male dominance and they do turn on women. …
“threaten to leave her” — dread game. …
“take her money” — aka make a woman feel like she’s invested in you. she’ll try harder to make it work.
“be the one to define men’s and women’s roles” — chicks dig a leader. and they also dig benevolently sexist men! …
“treat her like a servant” — 50 Shades of Gray has sold millions of copies. To women.
His followers are, if anything, even more enthusiastic about adopting these abusive tactics to their dating life.
“[T]hanks for the road map,” writes dog king. “[A] handy chart for aspiring alphas,” notes Laguna Beach Fogey, also an occasional commenter on The Spearhead. “Much Thanks CH,” adds Ang Aamer. “It’s posts like these that turn the Femi-Matrix Vag monologues into decipherable ideas we can use.”
One commenter calling himself maldek offers a personal testimonial, claiming to have used the tactics on the Duluth Wheel to keep his wife of 20 years on her toes:
This is a female wishlist indeed.
Take it word by word.Most of the listed items are things I do on a regular base. I mean it. And for more than 20 years it is working. Wife is looking top 5% in her age group, 3 kids, good life.
IT DOES WORK!
PS: That is 200% true for the darker parts of this list, you know the points those white knights would want to burn you on stake for. These are magic.
A commenter by the name of J Fisc seconds this endorsement.
This is an instruction manual for how to keep your woman happy. My marriage was doing pretty shitty until I said ‘Fuck it’ and started acting ‘abusive’. At least half the things on this list I do regularly and she eats its up.
One reader calling himself zaltyskaralius explains a favorite technique he (allegedly) uses to anger and excite the women – sorry, girls — in his life:
In the theme of brilliant game moves that bring the moist looks of indignation from girls, one of my old friends: The “Touchdown”:
When a girl says something (incredibly) stupid, interrupt and ask her if she knows what “touchdown” means.
Ignore her lack of football knowledge, shake your head and proceed to tell her that it has another meaning, as you put your hand on her shoulder with a grin on your face. Ask her if she has ever heard of Down’s syndrome. Tell her that it’s a tradition in your friend circle, that once someone says something not-so-very-smart, you proceed to do a “Touch-Down”. If she doesn’t get it, do another “touchdown”.
Congratulations, you just got a “pass this shit-test and collect tingles” card for the particular girl. From that moment on, anytime she says anything you dislike or throws a shit test at you, all you will have to do is simply place your hand on her shoulder and give her a knowing look, every so often muttering “touchdown” under your breath. No effort, no thinking, just a little touch.
Great move for AMOG [Alpha Male of the Group] friends as well. Great move for everyone in the know.
Luckily I think the chance that he’s actually used this “great move” on anyone outside of his own imagination is roughly zero.
Heartiste seems to think that the Duluth Wheel was conjured up by some Social Justice Warrior on Twitter. Only one of his commenters – at least only one that I noticed – admits to knowing where it really comes from.
“They made me memorize that graphic in a class i had to take because a broad said i hit her,” writes monster221.
Needless to say, he seems not to have learned anything from that class, noting that the experience convinced him
that i should act however i want and let them come and go. … Lifes great when its onyour terms, fuck anybody who tells you how to handle your shit.
Somehow I suspect that the “broad” who says he hit her was telling the truth.
Okeydokey…
*pauses to limber up*
I had bopped around his website before, and for some reason I thought y’all had already seen the “dread game” thing.
Unfortunately…
…Trauma bonding actually produces a TIGHTER bonding reaction than healthy bonding does.
http://www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Survivors/trauma_bonding.html
The above is a page I’ve pointed people to on support sites. Lots.
IIRC it takes abused women an average of four escape tries to leave an abusive partner. It is because of this phenomenon.
I’m not sure exactly why trauma bonding occurs in humans and other mammals. But part of it is the intermittent reinforcement. Behavior that is intermittently reinforced takes the longest to extinguish…that is, if you’ve been sporadically rewarded for doing something? once the rewards stop coming, you’ll keep doing it longer than if you were rewarded every time and that stops.
…That’s how people turn into gambling addicts, BTW.
So the abused person has a very intense craving to be comforted by…the person who traumatized them.
Getting away from that can be like sweating out an addiction…It pretty much IS an addiction.
Heartiste may not have (so far) been able to entrap a victim for a long period of time, but he has no qualms about doing it and telling others how to do it.
He is a malodorous, fleshy, malignant tumor protruding obscenely from the rectum of humanity.
Ryeash:
I’m very sorry.
…You know what? I think a lot of people find our fully-justified outrage uncomfortable to be around. Maybe they are not conscious of that, even. So they kind of see that anger as a problem. The thing is, anger properly applied can be very healing and positive.
Anyway…
My dad was horribly abused. Well, thanks to him, so was I!
Does that give me a free pass to treat people like crap?
I think not.
Something else…It occurred to me recently how crucial a detail this was. Neither of my parents struck me in front of the other or in public.
So…they could control themselves. I had never reasoned that out before.
So if they could control themselves? It follows they chose not to.
I think one or more of the kids in my head’s getting the concept ATM…
Sorry if we seem to be wearing a Captain Obvious cape.
italics fail
LBT, I couldn’t find it funny either, whether these dungfuckers have ever used it or not, and I haven’t been subjected to anything like this, ever.
Count me in with the Nope Badger too.
Lacerta viridis — d’aww, cute wittle skink! Nivi is now hiding behind the earlier plant, while dinner sits in front of it (I dropped it on zir head, ze had a bite and decided not to have another, we’ll see if the scallop gets eaten by morning!)
On topic — “…You know what? I think a lot of people find our fully-justified outrage uncomfortable to be around. Maybe they are not conscious of that, even. So they kind of see that anger as a problem. The thing is, anger properly applied can be very healing and positive.”
That, that, and more that. “We call talk about why you feel that way” in response to “my father is an asshole”? No, he really just is an asshole. EVERYONE feels this way about him, it’s not me. But the idea that I can be a bag of mixed nuts, an legitimately hate someone? Anathema. Nope, sorry, when someone fucking ENJOYS being a bigot and making entirely inappropriate comments in front of his kids? Yep, right in the “you’re an asshole” bin.
ryeash — I initially missed your comment but since my meds psych from hell left the clinic, you can steal the title for that psych (ditch the meds part if it doesn’t apply). Cuz yep, right into the asshole bin for that one. I’m sorry you had an asshole psych, actual empathy should really be required to get the degrees you need to be a practicing psych.
As far as the specific technique of putting his hands on a womans shoulders and telling her she has Downs syndrome, nope. I find it highly suspect that any woman would allow him to put his hands on her shoulders for longer than it would take to get away.
Also, notice how anger is more likely to be seen as a problem that needs to be solved (not by addressing the cause of the anger, but by becoming less angry) when it manifests in people perceived as female?
People who touch me don’t do it twice. I will actually back away immediately if I see someone reaching out to touch me, and if they manage to touch me anyway I will at least double my personal space with that individual to stay out of reach. I’m in the “nobody touches me unless there’s a fire and you’re trying to drag me toward the exit, seriously stay out of my personal space” camp.
I honestly do not comprehend why so many people think it’s okay to randomly touch people. I mean, I understand why the Abusers’ Lobby does it – they’re doing it purposefully to test my boundaries. But lots of people who aren’t abusers do it, too, and I don’t get why they think it’s fine.
Ummmm…I think vir/viri(s|d)- is the root for “man” and vers/verd- is the root for “green”.
I don’t get it either, PoM, nor do I tolerate it. Over the years I have learned to make the sign of the cross with my fingers and say “no touching” to make it easier for people to laugh off my rejection of their totally inappropriate desire to hug or otherwise handle me.
Let’s try this again:
I think vir/viri(s|d)- is the root for “man” and vers/verd- is the root for “green”.
@thebewilderness
I guess I could do that? But I don’t think it’s funny, and I’m kind of terrible at making jokes about things I don’t think are funny. I don’t have the kind of personality that can make a smooth joke that way. I don’t catch things that are thrown at me either. That reflex just doesn’t exist in me.
I don’t think it funny either, but I do try to avoid anyone getting hurt.
I’m not saying it’s the wrong thing to do. I’m saying it’s not something I am capable of deploying for myself. I’m not wired correctly for it.
And by that I mean: I am not capable of thinking of stuff like that “in the moment.”
*builds lego trap for ryeash’s former therapist*
Bina, aside from the “crazy”, yes, that’s exactly what happened. I’m thinking MRA, not PUA, though.
…And I was wrong.
Sorry.
@Michael McG You may well be right – I’m not sure, it’s been a while since I studied any Latin. I just picked the name because I like lizards and it’s the species name of a particularly pretty one. It would actually be kind of funny if whoever named it tried to go for ‘green’ and accidentally named it ‘manly lizard’ instead…
@Policy of Madness ugh, I can’t stand strangers touching me either. Unfortunately I tend to just freeze up and hope they stop doing it, which isn’t particularly effective.
@ Michael, close though.
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ver#Latin
NOPE! heh! Mike, you were RIGHT!
http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viridis
Translate page.
Viridis does mean green in Latin; it’s the origin of viridian. Virilis is the word for manly, as in virility.
Trivia: there was a deity called Viridios worshipped in Roman Britain. He’s only known from two inscriptions, one of which was a very high-quality carving lining a purportedly Christian grave.
Ninjaed! 😀
Perhaps I should just photoshop moustaches onto my avatar lizards, so they can be both green and also MANLIZARDS? (Or perhaps I am just awake far too late and am also way too easily amused.)
Or fedoras! They could have moustaches and fedoras! They could be Johnny Depp lizards!