Heartiste – real name James Wiedmann – is a proudly racist, woman-hating “pickup artist” guru known for advocating manipulative and often quite abusive “game” techniques to give men the upper hand in relationships and in the dating market. These run the gamut from emotional abuse – what he calls “dread game,” an elaborate portfolio of gaslighting ploys to keep women feeling insecure and off-balance – to straightforward physical abuse – slapping women “when necessary” to assert “alpha male” dominance.
Now he’s suggesting that wannabe lotharios borrow some tips on how to “game” women from the Duluth Power and Control Wheel, a widely used violence intervention tool designed to fight abuse, not provide a blueprint for it.
The Duluth Wheel highlights some of the most prevalent kinds of abusive behavior. Heartiste mines its descriptions of abuse for dating tips, claiming to find in it “a few curious nuggets of anti-feminist truth about relationships and how to keep them going.”
In his recent post, Heartiste goes through some of the descriptions of abusive behavior on the Duluth Wheel – and recasts them as handy tools for would-be “alpha males.”
“make her feel bad and guilty” — reframing.
“play mind games” — that’s one way to provoke a vaginal gusher.
“smash things” — occasional bursts of anger, when justified, are cues of sexy male dominance and they do turn on women. …
“threaten to leave her” — dread game. …
“take her money” — aka make a woman feel like she’s invested in you. she’ll try harder to make it work.
“be the one to define men’s and women’s roles” — chicks dig a leader. and they also dig benevolently sexist men! …
“treat her like a servant” — 50 Shades of Gray has sold millions of copies. To women.
His followers are, if anything, even more enthusiastic about adopting these abusive tactics to their dating life.
“[T]hanks for the road map,” writes dog king. “[A] handy chart for aspiring alphas,” notes Laguna Beach Fogey, also an occasional commenter on The Spearhead. “Much Thanks CH,” adds Ang Aamer. “It’s posts like these that turn the Femi-Matrix Vag monologues into decipherable ideas we can use.”
One commenter calling himself maldek offers a personal testimonial, claiming to have used the tactics on the Duluth Wheel to keep his wife of 20 years on her toes:
This is a female wishlist indeed.
Take it word by word.Most of the listed items are things I do on a regular base. I mean it. And for more than 20 years it is working. Wife is looking top 5% in her age group, 3 kids, good life.
IT DOES WORK!
PS: That is 200% true for the darker parts of this list, you know the points those white knights would want to burn you on stake for. These are magic.
A commenter by the name of J Fisc seconds this endorsement.
This is an instruction manual for how to keep your woman happy. My marriage was doing pretty shitty until I said ‘Fuck it’ and started acting ‘abusive’. At least half the things on this list I do regularly and she eats its up.
One reader calling himself zaltyskaralius explains a favorite technique he (allegedly) uses to anger and excite the women – sorry, girls — in his life:
In the theme of brilliant game moves that bring the moist looks of indignation from girls, one of my old friends: The “Touchdown”:
When a girl says something (incredibly) stupid, interrupt and ask her if she knows what “touchdown” means.
Ignore her lack of football knowledge, shake your head and proceed to tell her that it has another meaning, as you put your hand on her shoulder with a grin on your face. Ask her if she has ever heard of Down’s syndrome. Tell her that it’s a tradition in your friend circle, that once someone says something not-so-very-smart, you proceed to do a “Touch-Down”. If she doesn’t get it, do another “touchdown”.
Congratulations, you just got a “pass this shit-test and collect tingles” card for the particular girl. From that moment on, anytime she says anything you dislike or throws a shit test at you, all you will have to do is simply place your hand on her shoulder and give her a knowing look, every so often muttering “touchdown” under your breath. No effort, no thinking, just a little touch.
Great move for AMOG [Alpha Male of the Group] friends as well. Great move for everyone in the know.
Luckily I think the chance that he’s actually used this “great move” on anyone outside of his own imagination is roughly zero.
Heartiste seems to think that the Duluth Wheel was conjured up by some Social Justice Warrior on Twitter. Only one of his commenters – at least only one that I noticed – admits to knowing where it really comes from.
“They made me memorize that graphic in a class i had to take because a broad said i hit her,” writes monster221.
Needless to say, he seems not to have learned anything from that class, noting that the experience convinced him
that i should act however i want and let them come and go. … Lifes great when its onyour terms, fuck anybody who tells you how to handle your shit.
Somehow I suspect that the “broad” who says he hit her was telling the truth.
I guess the line between ‘pick up artist guru’ and ‘domestic violence cheerleader’ is pretty faint these days. Are all PUAs like this? Probably not. But the fact that one as ‘prominent’ as Heartiste can openly and explicitly advocate copying behaviors from a checklist on intimate partner violence is pretty appalling in and of itself. The fact that he receives no pushback at all from any other members of his community compounds that. I don’t expect any large group of people to be perfect, but these guys never call each out on their shit no matter how awful it gets. To me, that makes them all complicit in some way.
I’m not the only one who finds this hilarious, right? Just straight up using domestic violence guides as a For Dummies guide to relationships – subtle! Truly, he’s doing a great job of hiding that whole misogyny problem of his!
Keep being this obvious, dudes. It makes explaining to non-feminists why they should never, ever listen to you so much easier.
I feel ill. Let the frantic search for brain bleach begin…
I believe that these are deeply wounded boys who are stuck like flies in amber. Growing older is inevitable, growing up is not. These behaviours do not serve anyone well.
COOL STORY BRO.
Now wipe that Cheeto dust off your chin, put away the gunjy sock, and gradually re-enter reality. Where there is no wife, no kids, and no hope for you. Because every dude who ever operated by that list for realz actually gets left behind at some point, and quite unceremoniously. Ever read Sleeping with the Enemy?
WTF is this, middle school? Is this dude 12 years old? Because that sort of thing turned me off anyone who tried it even then. Sexism, ableism, juvenility, and a sure sign that he’s none too bright himself. Yeah, real ‘nad-tingling combo, that. Perhaps someone should ask him if he knows what a “nutcracker” is. And if he shakes his head, thinking this is also some kind of joke, BANZAI!
Plus, I know what a football touchdown is. Everyone knows that. And I can’t fucking stand football.
(Also, if my nether regions start tingling at such a stupid moment, that’s usually a sign that I need to stop at the pharmacy for some Monistat.)
I no curr if they’re “wounded”, dude. We can worry about that in the unlikely event that they stop trying to wound other people.
Yeah, you tell ’em, dude.
And go on ditching spelling, capitalization, grammar, and punctuation like a true badass rebel.
[/sarcasm, in case needed]
That’s not as surprising as it should be. Still, you’d think they’d try to disguise it a little.
I have a feeling that all their girlfriends have always been imaginary. I cannot imagine these guys approaching / communicating with any woman in real life. I mean, the abusers usually try to hide their true nature in the beginning of the relationship, and these fellows are openly misogynistic and awful. And their tactics seem to be so hilariously over the top evil that such relationship seems just way too unrealistic to me.
Alpha Male of the Group implies that there can only be one alpha in any group, which I suppose fits with their childish understanding of pack dynamics. So what happens when these Alphas gather for like a PUA conference or something?
Going by the video that the LaVey wannabe did it appears that they gather martial arts weapons that they don’t know how to use and have a dance-off.
I remember being very small, and my mom trying to justify my dad’s abusive behavior by saying that he was “the king of the family.” I didn’t buy it, and I sensed that she didn’t really, either – but after reading this it’s slightly more horrifying to me that those are the words her brain grasped at to silence her own cognitive dissonance.
It’s straight out of Use Male Privilege. If ever I needed a single argument against traditional gender roles (and I don’t), it would be that they obscure and diminish abusive behavior.
Zolnier, apparently they ram into women like they’re playing football and pour drinks on them, then go home alone.
http://aaronsleazy.blogspot.com/2012/10/guest-post-uber-alpha-manosphere.html
Somebody please tell me this is satire. Please! Ugh, I’m off to find brain bleach.
*crumples up ‘Faith in Humanity for the Day’ and pitches it*
I love how that troll yesterday was trying to justify the men’s rights subreddit ranter by saying he’d had bad experiences with every woman he came into contact with, and now today: this. Funny, many men I had the misfortune of coming into contact with would have fit right in with these Heartiste shitbags. Four of that number raped me, one repeatedly in a relationship, three after drugging me in my own apartment building. Yet here I am, friends with several men, dating a man, helping another man realize he was actually the victim in an abusive relationship rather than a fellow aggressor…actually caring about men’s rights, something the MRM only purports to doing…
This is nothing short of evil. Actually planning to abuse women. Oh this shit works to keep a woman in a relationship, as long as you also want to crush everything that woman ever was–what the fuck am I saying, of course they do. You know those “slavering male beasts” you like to tell us exist to justify victim blaming in domestic violence, men’s rightsers/pua fuckwads? Yeah, they’re YOU.
I knew I shouldn’t have read this before work. Ugh. Maybe I should just reactivate my Facebook and start arguing with idiots again. At least then I could operate under the assumption that they’re just ignorant human beings instead of monsters who know exactly what the fuck they’re perpetuating.
Ok, that one guy openly admitted to practicing spousal abuse – and I would not be surprised if it was aimed at more than just the wife. Don’t these assbags realize that just because she stays, that does NOT mean they are happy ? Well, not that they care, because they are horrible, selfish douchenozzles.
Someone should report that asshat. What a sad excuses for human beings.
I can’t find it funny. This is shit people used on me; I wouldn’t be surprised if my rapist thought things like this. My consolation is knowing that more and more people are seeing through it and know they’re full of shit.
RE: kinginascendent
I believe that these are deeply wounded boys who are stuck like flies in amber.
No, that’s the myth they use to excuse their behavior. They WANT people to believe that only deep wounds could cause people to be so hateful. I AM a deeply wounded man; I was raised with rape and child-molesters. Note that I have chosen to respond to this by FIGHTING this bullshit, not espousing it.
Please, don’t help me.
Ugh, this post upset me enough that I might have to write fluffy happy consent relationships again to reassure myself that no, these are a vocal minority of abusive shitbags, not the majority.
There was never a line to begin with.
I’m with that badger.
icallmycatmrtb
“Somebody please tell me this is satire. Please! Ugh, I’m off to find brain bleach.”
Wether it’s satire or serious it’s beyond disgusting and shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Have these guys ever thought the reason the ‘broads’ are staying because they are TERRIFIED!? No, they’re narcissistic and just plain evil. I hope the women/girls will stay away and get help.
Love that badger
This is revolting…I can’t even.
Just plain sad that anyone will have this way of thinking…and I’m out, too many triggers.