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You'll be horrified to learn where one popular pickup guru has found some, er, dating tips

The Duluth Power and Control Wheel
The Duluth Power and Control Wheel

Heartiste – real name James Wiedmann – is a proudly racist, woman-hating “pickup artist” guru known for advocating manipulative and often quite abusive “game” techniques to give men the upper hand in relationships and in the dating market. These run the gamut from emotional abuse – what he calls “dread game,” an elaborate portfolio of gaslighting ploys to keep women feeling insecure and off-balance – to straightforward physical abuse – slapping women “when necessary” to assert “alpha male” dominance.

Now he’s suggesting that wannabe lotharios borrow some tips on how to “game” women from the Duluth Power and Control Wheel, a widely used violence intervention tool designed to fight abuse, not provide a blueprint for it.

The Duluth Wheel highlights some of the most prevalent kinds of abusive behavior. Heartiste mines its descriptions of abuse for dating tips, claiming to find in it “a few curious nuggets of anti-feminist truth about relationships and how to keep them going.”

In his recent post, Heartiste goes through some of the descriptions of abusive behavior on the Duluth Wheel – and recasts them as handy tools for would-be “alpha males.”

“make her feel bad and guilty” — reframing.

“play mind games” — that’s one way to provoke a vaginal gusher.

“smash things” — occasional bursts of anger, when justified, are cues of sexy male dominance and they do turn on women. …

“threaten to leave her” — dread game. …

“take her money” — aka make a woman feel like she’s invested in you. she’ll try harder to make it work.

“be the one to define men’s and women’s roles” — chicks dig a leader. and they also dig benevolently sexist men! …

“treat her like a servant” — 50 Shades of Gray has sold millions of copies. To women.

His followers are, if anything, even more enthusiastic about adopting these abusive tactics to their dating life.

“[T]hanks for the road map,” writes dog king. “[A] handy chart for aspiring alphas,” notes Laguna Beach Fogey, also an occasional commenter on The Spearhead. “Much Thanks CH,” adds Ang Aamer. “It’s posts like these that turn the Femi-Matrix Vag monologues into decipherable ideas we can use.”

One commenter calling himself maldek offers a personal testimonial, claiming to have used the tactics on the Duluth Wheel to keep his wife of 20 years on her toes:

This is a female wishlist indeed.
Take it word by word.

Most of the listed items are things I do on a regular base. I mean it. And for more than 20 years it is working. Wife is looking top 5% in her age group, 3 kids, good life.

IT DOES WORK!

PS: That is 200% true for the darker parts of this list, you know the points those white knights would want to burn you on stake for. These are magic.

A commenter by the name of J Fisc seconds this endorsement.

This is an instruction manual for how to keep your woman happy. My marriage was doing pretty shitty until I said ‘Fuck it’ and started acting ‘abusive’. At least half the things on this list I do regularly and she eats its up.

One reader calling himself zaltyskaralius explains a favorite technique he (allegedly) uses to anger and excite the women – sorry, girls — in his life:

In the theme of brilliant game moves that bring the moist looks of indignation from girls, one of my old friends: The “Touchdown”:

When a girl says something (incredibly) stupid, interrupt and ask her if she knows what “touchdown” means.

Ignore her lack of football knowledge, shake your head and proceed to tell her that it has another meaning, as you put your hand on her shoulder with a grin on your face. Ask her if she has ever heard of Down’s syndrome. Tell her that it’s a tradition in your friend circle, that once someone says something not-so-very-smart, you proceed to do a “Touch-Down”. If she doesn’t get it, do another “touchdown”.

Congratulations, you just got a “pass this shit-test and collect tingles” card for the particular girl. From that moment on, anytime she says anything you dislike or throws a shit test at you, all you will have to do is simply place your hand on her shoulder and give her a knowing look, every so often muttering “touchdown” under your breath. No effort, no thinking, just a little touch.

Great move for AMOG [Alpha Male of the Group] friends as well. Great move for everyone in the know.

Luckily I think the chance that he’s actually used this “great move” on anyone outside of his own imagination is roughly zero.

Heartiste seems to think that the Duluth Wheel was conjured up by some Social Justice Warrior on Twitter. Only one of his commenters – at least only one that I noticed – admits to knowing where it really comes from.

“They made me memorize that graphic in a class i had to take because a broad said i hit her,” writes monster221.

Needless to say, he seems not to have learned anything from that class, noting that the experience convinced him

that i should act however i want and let them come and go. … Lifes great when its onyour terms, fuck anybody who tells you how to handle your shit.

Somehow I suspect that the “broad” who says he hit her was telling the truth.

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Michelle C Young
6 years ago

@Policy of Madness

I’m also not a teenager? I don’t think you meant to address me like one, but it kind of came off that way. I’m in my 40s, just FYI.

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I think I was projecting at my younger self, actually. When I was a teenager, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to be touched. I’m also in my 40’s.

Salespeople going for a hug? What’s up with that?

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

@Cassie’s Major Domo

I want to see that Colbert sketch version that makes it satire.

Seconded!

Yeah, I think the reason(s) he hasn’t been arrested are a combination of privilege and the “not a credible threat.” It’s still in the realms of Free Speech.

If he actually does start that Kickstarter, though, that’s a different matter. I think. I’m no lawyer. Also it’s the wee hours of the morning, so I’m fuzzy, anyway.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

@LBT

Yup. My mother was molested too. In my opinion, that she knew full well what she was sending us into only makes her behavior that less forgivable.

Yeah, knowing what it’s like, but sending your children to face the same demon? WHYYYY?!?!?!

I’m so grateful to my parents for breaking the cycle. And the reason they tried so hard to break it was BECAUSE they knew what it felt like, and how destructive it was. That’s the reason to stop it, not an excuse to do it.

Good for y’all for standing up on Kid’s behalf like that.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

@LBT – Thanks for the link to Something Terrible. That’s pretty powerful.

And escapism is, in my opinion, a good thing. I learned when I was young that if I were overwhelmed, just escaping into a movie or a book for a few hours could really help, because when I came back, my perspective had often shifted juuusssst enough to deal with the problem. Or, at least, I’d had time to breathe a bit, and felt better.

I also enjoy the super-hero genre, as well as fantasy. Frequently, I’ll find myself imagining either me, or some super-hero, using fantastic powers to deal with the creeps in the world, who don’t respond to simple words. It’s cathartic. It doesn’t actually get rid of the creeps, but it helps to get rid of the anger and the fear.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

Yeah, why couldn’t Wesley just come back, and say, “Guess what, Buttercup! I’m not dead!” That probably would have been enough of a shock, anyway, but the way he treated her was upsetting, to say the least.

Inigo and Fezzik. Yeaaahhhhhh. It’s kind of a toss-up. I’d just feel so darned SAFE with either one of them. Safe, to me, is a big turn-on.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

@Headless Unicorn Guy – IMO, High School is HELL, and should just be abolished. We need to come up with some other form of educating our children, rather then putting them in day-prison.

People say you go to school to learn how to socialize, but the first thing they tell you is to sit down and shut up. You get all of five minutes between classes, which time is spent using the bathroom, getting your books from your locker, and rushing aaalllllll the way across campus. Lunch? Yeah, that’s pretty much all your social time right there, and half of that is spent in the line, or choking on bad food.

This is why I fully support home-schooling. Now, I’ll grant you, there are plenty of people out there who are absolutely NOT cut out to home-school. But for those who ARE, I want them to have that option. I do not support cutting off that option to home-school, just because some parents are fools.

My nephew tried an online school for a while. It didn’t work for him, but I know it’s worked well for lots of kids. See, these options are great! We need more options, and especially options where the child’s safety is paramount.

The typical high school is downright dangerous, though. Bullies tend to know exactly when and where to strike so that they don’t get caught.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

That movie sounds so fun! Also, the comic book is promising.

A retrophrnolog… What now?

Oh, I have happy news! My sister read the first draft of my latest novel (she’s supposed to be editing it for me), and she got so caught up in it that she forgot to make notes. YAY! Also, she said the story is believable, the characters are good, and the villain is only juuuust over the top.

I am happy.

I told her Simming was good writing practice.

Anyway, I have all these extremely rough drafts that I’m not really ready to share, but she needs a new phone, and asked me what she could do for me that was worth that much money. So, I asked her to help me get from ROUGH first draft to not-so-rough second draft on all my novels. That’s a lot of work, and ought to be worth a phone.

Then, when she’s done with all her comments, and I can go through and polish a bit, I might actually feel safe enough to send them out to a non-family-member for editing.

It’s kinda scary, you know?

Side-note – I get most of my inspiration for villains from this site.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

Michelle – I was hunting around the other day to see if there are any programs for making Sims that mean you don’t actually have to get the game (I have nil interest in buying any games, let alone playing them). Sadly didn’t seem to be … but fingers crossed someone will do a portait for you!

On retrophrenology: it’s a Discworld thing.

I’d enjoy that job.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

@kitteh – BWAHAHHAAAA!

Yeah, that sounds like a fun job to have. Although you probably won’t have many repeat customers.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: Michelle C Young

Yeah, knowing what it’s like, but sending your children to face the same demon? WHYYYY?!?!?!

That guy had some hold over the family that is still around, despite him being dead. It’s unsettling, and I don’t understand it. I suspect that if I did, I would still be there.

Thanks for the link to Something Terrible. That’s pretty powerful.

It’s a really good comic. I bought a digital version; I wish I had a print version, but he doesn’t seem to have one for sale. *disappointment*

Shaun DarthBatman Day
6 years ago

kitteh, INORITE! Best job ever!

Seriously even better than evil overlordess. Especially if I still get to have a shark tank.

skybison
skybison
6 years ago

I’d tell Heartiste to go to hell, but I don’t think Satan ever did anything bad enough to deserve his company.

Ellesar
6 years ago

This what pimps do. Not actually use the wheel, but all the tactics described. Nothing really to add about how utterly disgusting this man is.

ryeash
6 years ago

Anyone for some hilarious, anime-based brain bleach?

http://m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=4rT3KsN_H6g

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[…] this sounds suspiciously like “emotional abuse”… well, that’s because it is. Much of the Red Pill philosophy is about regaining the upper hand because women somehow […]

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