How to get 200 upvotes on Reddit.
Step 1) Post an 800-word rant on the Red Pill subreddit starting with the sentence “Women are shit.”
Step 2) There is no step 2.
TRUE STORY.
I’ve seen the rant, and now you can see it too. If you’re not masochistic enough to click on that link, I’m not going to subject you to the whole thing. It contains so much pure misogyny per square inch that reading it wore me out. So I’m just going to post some giant chunks of it, make a few jokes, and then take the rest of the day off.
Ok, let’s go:
Women are shit. AWALT. Fuckoff snowflakes, nobody cares you think you’re different. Every woman thinks she’s special and different and expects to be treated as such. It’s all bullshit. Women are remarkably similar to each other across the board and HATE being generalised because of their narcissism. They’re so similar psychologically that we can make a fucking subreddit [The Red Pill] that generalises just over half the human race with an incredible degree of accuracy and use that knowledge as a proficient weapon in helping men get the upperhand in a social system where they’re systemically beaten down.
Dude, I don’t want to nitpick but “upper hand” is two words, not one. “Uppercut” is one word. “Upper hand,” two. Continue.
The upperhand is something a man needs if he ever wants to come out unscathed with any kind of social contract with a woman.
Dude, what did I just say? It’s two words. TWO WORDS.
Hypergamy necessitates it. She requires your superiority to be attracted to you, that’s probably the biggest joke about “equality.”
No, here’s the biggest joke about equality:
Have you heard about the constipated mathematician?
He had to work it out with a pencil
Sorry, that wasn’t about equality. But I thought it was pretty good for a poop joke.
Not all women are born equal, but all have a capacity for insanity and machiavellianism. … Never met a bitch who wasn’t crazy or manipulative. [U]nderneath that exterior of upward inflexion, smilies and a face full of chemicals their lurks something far darker and more destructive.
That they have to work out with a pencil? Ba-dum-tish!
Did you see what I did there? In comedy that’s known as a “callback.”
Men need to start living in bachelor pads together, library, gym, pool table. Swimming pool. No bitches living in the house.
Yeah, I think you’ve just invented the frat house. (Well, a frat house with a pool.)
It’s an effective way to avoid this clusterfuck of affairs we call women/marriage/divorce/hypergamy without being lonely/sacrificing a sex life.
I don’t think anyone calls it “ women/marriage/divorce/hypergamy.” That’s kind of a mouthful.
Jealous bitches will accuse you of being gay as an effort to shame you/your friends into adhering to the traditional narrative and wifing up her or one of her friends, laugh in their faces and shame them right back for being homophobic. Lay into them for hating gays and watch them shut the fuck up as you flip their own bullshit back at them.
Yeah, show those shitty bitches who the real hater is … wait, what?
Live your life on your own terms men don’t feel like you have some fucking duty to society and these ungrateful harpies who’ll never appreciate all the sweat and toil you put into making ends meat. Fuck ’em all. Society never gave a fuck about you so don’t feel some disjointed loyalty to it.
Disjointed loyalty? I’m beginning to think this guy doesn’t know how words work.
If you’re not already lumbered with a woman, a woman’s problems, and a kid, sit back, sip a JD & Coke from a cocktail straw and let it all fucking burn.
If it’s all burning, maybe you should jump in that pool of yours to stay safe.
We can literally redefine transactional sex from “shit woman does to control you” to “something women are paid to do and then quickly leave because you don’t want the crazy parasite trying to dig her claws into your life”
Wow. First you invented the frat house, now you’ve invented prostitution. Congratulation.
Wanna know something else pretty? Older women who are single tend to go even crazier. They’re not fucking built to do this alone, yet they’re designed in a way that makes you not want to put up with them.
Wait, single older women are designed to make you sick of them? Who exactly designed them like this? Evolutionary psychology just gets weirder and weirder.
Hahahaha. Couldn’t give a shit about woman’s struggles, everyone’s running around after them, men are the ones in most urgent need of help – mostly emotional support. I get too many messages from guys who want to kill themselves. It’s fucked up. Thanks women/feminism.
In all seriousness, I hope you tell these guys to call their therapist, or a hotline, because they’re not going to get the help they need from you, that’s for sure.
Some guys are desperate for something more meaningful with a woman, love, a proper relationship and blah blah. Fair enough, I understand that desire, but all this shit still applies. You will get fucked. It’s not a question of if, but when. Most people who make it work met very young, you were her first alpha or some shit. A lot of this shit still applies you just have far better odds at working through it.
Well, no, actually people who get married when they’re very young divorce at much higher rates than those who get married later. It’s almost as if people learn and grow from experience and can make better choices when they’re a bit older. The more experience a woman has with men, the less likely she’ll be willing to settle with a wannabe “alpha” asshole like you.
Oh yeah, another thing, any unfavourable opinion of women no matter how rooted in reality makes you a bitter misogynist, might as well embrace the label until it loses any meaning. Much how women call each other sluts and bitches to be cute. Oh you bitter misogynist you, have a soft punch in the arm.
If you think any of these ridiculous opinions of yours are rooted in reality, you’re not only a misogynist, you’re kind of an idiot, too. And possibly 14 yeard old.
NOTE: Thanks to the Red-Pill-watchers in the Blue Pill subreddit for pointing me to this, er, gem.
@saphy
Oh my god, I’m crying. That sounds hilarious from my end, but it would be incredibly creepy. I play on the 360 so I don’t get to cheat or mod :-. Belethor got enthralled during a vampire attack in my high elf play through, which I didn’t notice until it was too late to reload (even though I looted his pile of ash and was all like “weird, this thrall had a key to Belethor’s shop” like a dumb). That really was annoying, since I normally use Whiterun as my trading post because of all the merchants with relatively high selling limits.
And I totally steal anything that isn’t nailed down in both Fallout and Elder Scrolls. You pretty much have to at times, and good karma isn’t hard to earn back in Fallout. The difference when I’m drunk Skyrimming is that I take EVERYTHING. Wooden bowls and plates, platters, those flutes and lutes that you can’t do anything with, charcoal and rolls of paper…everything. It looks like a tornado in progress when I clean out my pack after playing drunk Skyrim. And without fail, I have like a 40 gold bounty. Booze is clearly a negative buff to sneak.
For my own funny glitch stories, I had mini-falmer randomly spawn in a Dwemer ruin. I have no idea how the code would have to bug out enough to produce mini-falmer, but I snapped a couple pictures because it was such a weird thing.
As to playing Fallout drunk, that is a terrible idea unless you’re going through an area with a lot of deathclaws apparently. I was having a party at my place a few years back, and I decided after several shots and single-handedly losing beer pong that I wanted to play Fallout 3 because screw it, I’m the host. I’d borrowed it from a friend, and he ended up being at my exact level of non-sobriety and wanting to watch me play. He warned me that an area I was running into without abandon had a lot of deathclaws. I was like “what are deathclaws?” and then one attacked me. I had a combat shotgun, hit V.A.T.S. at the last second, and blew it away. I was like “fuck your deathclaws! come at me!” Mowed down a whole pack. Came across one sober the next day and got my ass handed to me. Drunken stupidity can come in handy (in video games).
Nobody lives in a more fanciful universe than the so-called “gender realists”. And of course, no one is more irony-impaired, either.
“They know it’s a bad thing to be a bigot – whether racist, sexist, anti-gay, whatever – they know that bigots always end up being the villains of history. But they don’t want to change their behavior or beliefs, so they just try to redefine the terms until it doesn’t include them.”
They even have a word for it–they call it “frame.” They seem they think they can control reality itself, like wizards, and yet they claim everyone who is not “red pill” is deluded.
My husband’s eyebrows shot up nearly to his hairline when I read him that.
I’d be tempted to respond with “have you considered bathing?”
Ewwwww
Giving something to someone else sounds like they have it and you don’t anymore. “Sorry, dude, I gave this guy all my oral sex last weekend and I’m out. Give me some of yours, and maybe I can give some back?”
Reminds me of the joke about being a gay man: yeah, blowjobs are free, but half the time you’re giving them.
i don’t know where this guy works or pays taxes, but the average workweek for a us male is around 42 hours, and the average tax paid by a us citizen seems to be in the 10-30% of their paycheck range, though clear data on that is more difficult to find.
i think MenOnStrike is one of those TAXATION IS SLAVERY money is everything i did it all myself with no help from anyone libertarians. similar rhetoric.
of course this is they guy who says “you don’t care about male suicide” to someone… caring about the suicide of a male, so, y’know.
*the guy, sorry.
Gender realism is as transparently bigoted as race realism, and just as stupid. I mean, saying the exact same things with another name is supposed to convince?
Truly, we are raising the level of discourse in this conversation.
Hey, we’re a classy commentariat here.
::belch::
@andiexist:
I really, honestly, truly do not understand this idea coming out of the manuresphere that men have no “reproductive rights” but women do. I’ve tried to talk to a dude about this and just hit a brick wall when he was trying to tell me that for men to have reproductive “rights” they need to have access to a form of contraception that’s 100% effective, and/or the right to dictate whether a woman carries to term or aborts if he conceives with her.
When I tried to explain that the only 100% effective form of contraception is abstinence, he somehow tried to turn it into a … reverse-slut-shaming argument? He attempted to paint me as misandric because I wouldn’t tell a woman to keep her legs shut, would I? Somehow COMPLETELY MISSING THE POINT that when you don’t consider 95%, 98% or 99% effective contraception methods adequate, you’ve pretty much limited your sexual options to those that don’t involve fluid exchange or penetration of any orifices. And I’d tell that to anybody regardless of gender or genitalia.
strivingally, I dunno how you managed that without busting a gasket. I’d barely be able to function talking to someone like that in person. I’d just run away screaming.
kitteh, I’m gonna add a fart to that because I’m classy as well.
@ jared – I agree with your strong reaction against the ranter playing the Homophobe card (to which I’ll even take exception when straight people with whom I agree do so in a way which leaves me feeling like a convenient cannon ball – which is far too often). I might thank the ranter in a rather sarcastic manner for pointing out that considering homosexuality a legitimate point of accusation is indeed a vile attitude, and perhaps tally up incidents of such accusations from straight women and from straight men (no prize for guessing the heavier side of that balance). What irks me is the inference that it’s only a false accusation that’s such a vile thing as to justify pretending to care about gay men by way of retort.
@ ryeash
I am furious when I find things like wooden bowls and cups in my inventory, particularly when I have been trying to figure out what’s weighing my character down to a slow saunter.
“What the fuck is — WHY AM I CARRYING A CAULDRON WHY IS THERE EVEN THE OPTION TO PICK THAT UP”
And the musical instruments? So annoying not being able to play them. I mean, I’m a bard! Sometimes I would just like to make my character stand at the top of a waterfall and play a flute for a while because that would be cool but I can’t. Instead I just make them jump to see if they’ll survive the plunge into the water below. This is also cool, but less musical.
And I can’t do Skyrim fighting drunk because my combat is mostly stealth-and-arrow based and that requires concentration and aim (this is how I clear dungeons, draugr never see me coming).
I really like that Skyrim doesn’t have exploited sex workers or stereotyped female characters, although I was a bit uncomfortable with the quest to find Haelga’s lovers, with that bit of slut-shaming dialogue “What kind of a woman would do that?” and I was like Christ Almighty, Haelga’s an awful person but that doesn’t have anything to do with her consensual sexual activities.
As for the rant in general, I’m almost as surprised by its being kept to 800 words as Emma Woodhouse would have been by Miss Bates managing to say only three things very dull indeed at once.
@saphy
Exactly! Though I chalked it up to the same type of blackmail stuff you had to do for the Thieves Guild. I wasn’t happy with my “good”ish (maybe more chaotic neutral) character having to rough people up for money. The Thieves Guild questline was fun, though. I loooved the Nightingale armor. And I think that bow was the first weapon you could get with dual enchantments. It was pretty awesome.
I love the sneak-and-snipe style of fighting, which was why I picked a wood elf for my first playthrough. Then I just wanted to make a scary-looking villain character, so I went with heavy armor, two-handed, and a magic-type race for conjuring. That’s actually really fun. Just rampage through a dungeon with a mini-army clearing enemies with a swipe or two and taking barely any damage with the higher level armors. One thing I wasn’t happy with was the Ebony set for the female character. The breastplate had molded boobs. The Ebony stuff is so pretty, but the boobs looked ridiculous and were a really unnecessary sexualized touch. I couldn’t help but think ‘are breastplates supposed to have cup sizes??’ and how awkward that would be to forge.
Overall, though, they did a good job with keeping the sexist tropes to a minimum (one last thing: why does the female vampire armor have a cutout over the chest? Isn’t that kind of counterproductive?). And the scenery in that game really is beautiful. I love galloping around on Shadowmere between dungeons just as much as much as running through places. The puzzles were a little easy (turn the pillar to image on the wall directly behind it? I thought that was a trick the first time around), and run-and-dungeon can get monotonous, but it’s such a fun, pretty game. I’m glad they added the touches they did in the expansions, though I wish I had a decent gaming pc so I could mess with the mods. There were a lot of items I wish you could’ve used that just seemed like useless junk that, like you said, you really shouldn’t have even been allowed to put in your inventory. It is fun to pick up kettles and put them on NPCs’ heads, though. And mess people’s houses up with an Unrelenting Force shout. If you haven’t done that to the feast tables in the Whiterun and Windhelm Jarls’ palaces, you really should.
Oh! That Unrelenting Force shout suggestion is /so/ tempting!
RE: katz
Truly, we are raising the level of discourse in this conversation.
:B I AM AN ADULT!
I am also an adult now…
RE: grumpyoldnurse
Had never heard that song before. I like it!
I grew up with TPOH. They were big (well, as big as any band from the Canadian prairie gets) in the ’80’s. TPOH and The Northern Pikes. That’s my music…