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Anton LaVey impersonator Davis Aurini makes a "film," and it's worse than you could possibly imagine

[NOTE: The original video on Davis Aurini’s YouTube channel was taken down shortly after the post went up. So I’ve embedded the version that is, as of this moment, up on the director’s YouTube channel. I”d recommend that you download this for your permanent collection.]

Ok, so I’ve been working on a post about the latest ridiculous doings of our friends Davis Aurini and JordanOwen42 — the not-so-dynamic duo who’ve been desperately begging for money to make their Totally Serious documentary about how evil Anita Sarkeesian is. But then I watched this, and it’s too good not to post on its own.

This is Lust in the Time of Heartache, a short “philosophical” film written and produced, and  just posted on teh Interwebs, by Mr. Aurini. I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be a comedy, but I was laughing at it from beginning to end.

There’s nothing about this film that’s not terrible and ridiculous, from the choice of fonts in the title sequence to the names of the characters as revealed in the closing credits.

Where even to start in criticizing this mess? The, er, “acting?” The pretentious, pseudo-philosophical voiceover, delivered by Mr. Aurini himself? The shrill, frantic — yet somehow also meandering — music that plays almost continuously from beginning to end? The ludicrously unconvincing fight choreography? The ill-fitting suits? The evo psych? The dawning recognition that this whole thing is meant to depict how Aurini sees himself in our “fallen” world?

The fact that this ten minute film credits a “parkour consultant?”

I’m going to borrow a couple of lines from Pauline Kael’s famous review of the legendarily stinky 1970 film Song of Norway because they offer a pretty fair assessment of this one as well:

The movie is of an unbelievable badness. … You can’t get angry at something this stupefying; it seems to have been made by trolls.

She means “under the bridge”-style trolls, not the modern kind.

Oh, and the sound is awful, too. NOTE: Dialogue is supposed to be louder than the background noises.

Anyway, just watch it. It’s only ten minutes long. And definitely stay for the final credits. You’ll see why.

But hey, don’t take my word for it. Read this glowing review, from some dude on YouTube:

Excellent writing that encompasses the transitions from one cinematic style to the next. At first I was concentrating on the technical problems and lackluster performances, however, after about 5 mins in, the pacing kicked up a notch. Well done, sir.
Well done, indeed!

 

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Zolnier
Zolnier
7 years ago

Dark Enlightenment sounds like a great title for a Doctor Who novel.

Shaun DarthBatman Day
7 years ago

May I suggest a troll challenge? When we get an evo psych troll, can we force hir to end all sentences with “the mammoth”?

freemage
freemage
7 years ago

Okay, so….

I watched it with sound off, but captioning on. This… helped, in the sense of seeing the butchering process ‘helps’ identify Mystery Meat.

The cowboy scene is what happens when no bar will let you film your crap inside their establishment. The women are obviously meant to be “Sex and the City” types, because that’s still relevant (in MRAland). They get approached by a stranger–the cowboy–who is meant to be a stand-in for all the “Nice Guys” (one of them even uses that phrasing) who get taken advantage of by women who have no intention of fulfilling their sexual obligations that come from allowing someone to buy you a drink.

The fight scenes, though, are actually quite adept as an accidental visual metaphor for the way MRAs and other anti-feminists argue online. They make a post that seems to have the structure of an argument, but none of the actual logic, and which ignores the context, then expect their enemies to just fall upon it.

Puddleglum
7 years ago

Corruptella – one of Cinderella’s mean-ass stepsisters (not a good term for personified corruption, which is how LaVey wants it read probably)

I thought corruptella was what you called nutella you left open too long…

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

I was going to do a point-for-point mockery of the troll from Page 1, but he probably won’t be back to see it. (Typical boring drive-by pooper!) So, instead, I think I’ll just drop in another fine piece of filmcraft from Western Canada:

Actually, this has it all over that…THING…up top.

bodycrimes
7 years ago

I made it to four minutes. Diabolically bad.

Aitch
Aitch
7 years ago

Hey, there’s some good humour to be had with pig Latin 🙂 (nil illegitimi carborundum)

I guess when you use forms like ‘masochistae’ then you’re actually trying to be serious and failing, though.

Falconer
7 years ago

Well, yeah, there’s a difference between, say, Pratchett going Quanti canicula ille in fenestra and some deepity douchebag being all I AM SMARTER THAN YOU.

AbsintheDexterous
7 years ago

Fibinachi – that was a glorious takedown, and I’m in love with “ragesaurous wrathplex”. I’m so going to find opportunities to use that, if you don’t mind.

It’s the luxury that makes us cruel. What you need is a struggle. A enemy to overcome. It’s pain that defines the masculinity.

Well, sure, but don’t go making up imaginary struggles! Focus on REAL struggles and try to make change happen. Don’t go around hating on women and call that a “struggle”. THAT IS NOT A STRUGGLE. Tackling your own racist or sexist biases, hell, even walking around handing out a small plastic bag of wet wipes or snacks to the homeless…but no. That would be too hard and you don’t get the glory of being a hero.

IWhy was every dude wearing a suit and tie?

Two people didn’t – Bench Dude who was begging and Pick Up Hick Dude who was hitting on those chicks with faux southern charm.

If this is any indication as to what that Social Justice Warrior movie is going to look like, I sure as hell hope it actually gets made.

I’m with you there…hopefully it will so full of fail, it turns out amusing.

Alternative title: The Secret Life of Walter Shitty

This made me LOL, no lie.

Victims are not the other side of the coin. That implies responsibility.

THANK YOU! I couldn’t think of why that phrase pissed me off so much and that’s exactly it!

roguepixie
roguepixie
7 years ago

Oh my. Oddly grateful for Aurini. If you can’t laugh at all this—the crazy-making upside-down-ness of it—you can spend an awful lot of time crying. Thanks, David Futrelle, for the whole zeitgeist of this blog.

Wow, is Aurini silly.

pallygirl
pallygirl
7 years ago

This dude went to college. Did he graduate? If so, what was his grade average?

Canadian taxpayers: demand your educational dollars back.

Sunny
Sunny
7 years ago

Ehehe, dude wants to talk, “two sides of the same coin”?

I work in the sex industry, so I hear guys going on all the time about how they (“they” just being the dudes who get off on it, I’m under no illusion that this is some universal male fantasy a la what men always say women want) desperately want a beautiful woman in heels to take advantage of their desperation and smack them around and insult them and so on, specifically because they’ve internalized that stereotype about women but have turned it into an indulge-on-the-side fetish (and, I can only hope, mostly conduct their day-to-day life without the same impression of all their female peers) instead of…this

But this had me laughing super hard because oh my goodness, it’s really the exact same thing, with the intense obsession over women being cackling exploitative bitches. ~Two sides of the same coin~

Michelle C Young
7 years ago

I think the character “Profuge” is my favorite. I can’t point him out to you, but apparently, he’s a professional fugue!

Good grief, this is awful and pretentious. Thanks, David!

Michelle C Young
7 years ago

OMG, Wordspinner! That creepy PM is HILARIOUS!!!

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Yeah, victim and victimizer are NOT two sides of the same coin. One is the piñata and the other is the dude with the stick. You want two sides of the same coin? Try Nice Guy™ and douchebag.

Michelle C Young
7 years ago

@Fibinachi – I salute you!

@C.B. – Welcome! Please enjoy your welcome package. http://artistryforfeminismandkittens.wordpress.com/the-official-man-boobz-complimentary-welcome-package/

Kat
Kat
7 years ago

….

Ahahahaha! That was good! It made me laugh. It was supposed to make me laugh, right?

Wait…

creepycupcake a.k.a spazztica fantazztica
creepycupcake a.k.a spazztica fantazztica
7 years ago

It’s like watching The Room with Tommy Wiseau. It would have been better if he was in it.

canuck_with_pluck
canuck_with_pluck
7 years ago

Oh. Dear. God. As a Canadian, I feel obligated to fulfill the stereotype and apologize for this. I am so sorry.

One the bad (snarkily bad) things with these guys is they have ruined fedoras. I actually used to like them. (Oh god. Am I ostracized?)

Also, O/T, but is it true that ketchup chips are not really sold in the US?

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: canuck with pluck

What on EARTH are ketchup chips?

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Ketchup-flavored potato chips…yuck. (Admittedly, I have a thing against ketchup, and yes, I’m Canadian too.)

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

D:

OH GOD WHY DO THESE THINGS EXIST WHAT UNHOLY ABOMINATION

canuck_with_pluck
canuck_with_pluck
7 years ago

A) I can guarantee they taste nothing like actual ketchup
B) I guess you guys don’t want to hear aboot the maple flavored ones…(I haven’t actually tried those yet, though. Chips are a rare indulgence for me)

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

There are dill pickle ones, too. Not keen on them, either. Do they have ’em down south?

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

Ketchup potato chips? erm…
…Everything I like usually says ” hot” on it somewhere. Chronic sinusitis makes me very fond of heat in food.
Though I bought pickled habaneros…and owie…too much for my stomach. Barbecue sauce potato chips…similar.

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Jalapeño chips! Now there’s yum. Not terribly hot, for this chile-head, but enough to tingle quite pleasantly on the tongue. I grew Jamaican scotch-bonnet peppers this year, too, and the first ripe one is sitting on a tray in the kitchen, patiently waiting to be used. Anyone know a good recipe?

PS: Neti pots really helped with my sinuses…it’s kind of a long-term thing, though. I just recently gave mine a rest after more than 10 years’ daily nose-washing.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

I repurpose water piks for nasal irrigation.
I bought the first one because I realized the “pik” part of it would fit into my maxillaries perfectly.

Olive O'Sudden
Olive O'Sudden
7 years ago

Wait, I’m confused–when there is no love is it hate that’s left, or sex that’s left? And is it the feeling of pain or the inflicting pain that defines the masculine? Cause I’m pretty sure I’m female, and that pretentious adolescent brooding was excruciatingly painful to watch and listen to.

grumpyoldnurse
grumpyoldnurse
7 years ago

is it the feeling of pain or the inflicting pain that defines the masculine?

For this guy? Yes.

Olive O'Sudden
Olive O'Sudden
7 years ago

Okay, on the ketchup chip question: There are places you can get them in the US–in some regions–but the only ketchup chip that actually tastes like ketchup is made by a Canadian company: Herr’s Heinz Ketchup Chips, which the US Walmart site says are available in select stores (those stores seem to be located in New York, New Jersey, and Ohio). They are aggressively seasoned (your fingers and the front of your shirt will be red from the powder), but they contain no garlic as most ketchup flavour chips do (but most ketchups don’t) and they’re sweeter than other ketchup chips, which also adds to the verisimilitudinous ketchup-ness. My niece was a huge fan of them when she was younger. I’m glad she’s outgrown them, because the stores I used to get them at are no longer carrying the brand.

Puddleglum
7 years ago

Ketchup chips are one of those weird things that tend to taste good during a) long car trips and b) 3 drinks into the evening.

I used to really dislike them until someone made me try All Dressed. Ketchup is way less crazy.

Puddleglum
7 years ago

argh, I meant bizarre. I deeply apologize. Going to step away from the keyboard now.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
7 years ago

Ketchup chips … no, just no. Urgh.

Plain chips please.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 years ago

Seconded…plain, please. I’m already feeling pretty queasy from the word salad.

Speaking of which, I missed the troll, but this comment stood out:

To overcome men’s natural strengths, they must be emasculated via policy and law.

And there we have it: apparently, men’s “natural strengths” run to theft, embezzlement, assault, vandalism, public urination, and other things that we have laws in place to prevent. Oh, and rape.

That’s the most misandrist thing I’ve ever heard. Troll doesn’t think too highly of men, does he?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

There’s nothing that says “man is superior” quite like pissing in an alleyway! It’s less painful to watch than this movie, too.

gilshalos
7 years ago

OK, the seal is level with the end of comments here, and it is truly adorably cute.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

Did someone order a cute baby seal for their boat?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

(Actually a sea lion, but so is the one on the right, so…)

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

Or how about a full size one?

gilshalos
7 years ago

Sea lions actually led to my one moment of true horror on the beach. I walked behind a rock and round a decaying body that…well, I screamed. A lot.

gilshalos
7 years ago

round=Found

canuck_with_pluck
canuck_with_pluck
7 years ago

Lol, sorry for chip thread. I was eating them, and I remembered someone once saying it was a Canadian thing, and I didn’t know if it was true.

I don’t get the end. Are those his demons? Is he losing against them? Is this supposed to excuse violent behavior?

Zolnier
Zolnier
7 years ago

My mother nearly got gored by an elephant seal once.

grimner
grimner
7 years ago

Of all the hilariously hilarious things about this movie (by that I mean all of it), probably my favourite part is the director’s huge disclaimer.

Also, the fact that this was done with the help of a very socialist sounding studio. still wiping tears away

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

We used to have a lot of sinus problems (including the unfortunate Yearly Sinus Infection) until we discovered honey. I’m glad they’ve mostly cleared up, because I absolutely HATE water going up my nose. Blame an aquatic childhood; my kneejerk response is “NOOOOO DO NOT WANT”

Leon Gower
7 years ago

A message to the owner of this page.
I came home from work and discovered my youtube page had been taken over by a flood of hate filled comments calling me a variety of names and attacking the quality of my Videography work.
Comments suggesting a range of reasons for me (The Director) being so completely incompetent in what I had made. This overwhelming attack stood out as being far from normal, I am not familiar with your world of swarming, My regular viewers are not used to such an approach toward life. This is why I stopped the comments, My work being judged purely on the opinions of people who despise 1 man (Who I would presume is not me)

A message to those who leave comments:
Reading through the pages of comments I must say, attacking the actors? why?.. what have these individuals done to you or your politics? They were paid to say lines or take direction, direction I gave them.
Attacking the Choreographer? Why?.. He did his job and I’d suggest the various martial artists in the show did theirs. Do a little internal reflection, consider the effect of your actions and the multiple people caught in the crossfire of your shotgun approach.

I tracked the flow of abuse back to this page and would like to say. There is a big difference between Producer and Director, It was my job to bring the Producers story to life, I did that to the best of my ability and for that, for doing my job, you’ve decided to insult me and shock my regular viewing audience.
Your actions have Youtube reviewing me, I suspect that was not your intention and I do believe your initial actions were not meant to be abusive toward me, still it’s important for all people to understand the effect of actions. You have all had your voice, I have more than amply heard your opinions; often expressed in ways I would never have considered. So at this point I would request that you stop destroying my life, stop putting down the actors, and keep your abuse focused on those you truly want to abuse. Or perhaps, stop being abusive.

A message to those who’re interested in future productions:
While I am open to approach by those seeking to tell a story, I will not be Directing or working on this Producers next venture. So the answer is no, the work of his next show will not be the same as this one.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Dude, this has been posted on Reddit and no doubt elsewhere. Why are you assuming the comments came from here?

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

I personally did not heckle or harass you, nor did I advocate anyone do so.