[NOTE: The original video on Davis Aurini’s YouTube channel was taken down shortly after the post went up. So I’ve embedded the version that is, as of this moment, up on the director’s YouTube channel. I”d recommend that you download this for your permanent collection.]
Ok, so I’ve been working on a post about the latest ridiculous doings of our friends Davis Aurini and JordanOwen42 — the not-so-dynamic duo who’ve been desperately begging for money to make their Totally Serious documentary about how evil Anita Sarkeesian is. But then I watched this, and it’s too good not to post on its own.
This is Lust in the Time of Heartache, a short “philosophical” film written and produced, and just posted on teh Interwebs, by Mr. Aurini. I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be a comedy, but I was laughing at it from beginning to end.
There’s nothing about this film that’s not terrible and ridiculous, from the choice of fonts in the title sequence to the names of the characters as revealed in the closing credits.
Where even to start in criticizing this mess? The, er, “acting?” The pretentious, pseudo-philosophical voiceover, delivered by Mr. Aurini himself? The shrill, frantic — yet somehow also meandering — music that plays almost continuously from beginning to end? The ludicrously unconvincing fight choreography? The ill-fitting suits? The evo psych? The dawning recognition that this whole thing is meant to depict how Aurini sees himself in our “fallen” world?
The fact that this ten minute film credits a “parkour consultant?”
I’m going to borrow a couple of lines from Pauline Kael’s famous review of the legendarily stinky 1970 film Song of Norway because they offer a pretty fair assessment of this one as well:
The movie is of an unbelievable badness. … You can’t get angry at something this stupefying; it seems to have been made by trolls.
She means “under the bridge”-style trolls, not the modern kind.
Oh, and the sound is awful, too. NOTE: Dialogue is supposed to be louder than the background noises.
Anyway, just watch it. It’s only ten minutes long. And definitely stay for the final credits. You’ll see why.
But hey, don’t take my word for it. Read this glowing review, from some dude on YouTube:
Excellent writing that encompasses the transitions from one cinematic style to the next. At first I was concentrating on the technical problems and lackluster performances, however, after about 5 mins in, the pacing kicked up a notch. Well done, sir.
OH GOD THEY’RE EVEN WEARING THE HATS. I apologize on behalf of all men everywhere, and send my condolences to Canada.
RE: Viro Dianc
WHAT MEN NEED TO KNOW:
Oh goody! Oh goody! What wisdom will you bestow on me today, mister?
You are disposable.
🙁
RE: cassandrakitty
What’s a land rapper? Do they dress in map of the world sweaters and rap about ecologically friendly farming techniques?
They should hang out with M&M, the candy rapper.
LBT
“WHAT MEN NEED TO KNOW:
Oh goody! Oh goody! What wisdom will you bestow on me today, mister?
You are disposable.”
🙁
I’m sorry but I lol’d at that XD
@Puddlegum
Thanks for the detective work. Anton LaPUA doesn’t seem to be aware that hard-boiled narrative works better in seedy noir cityscapes that don’t have super-cute colorful retro diners.
Did Viro Dianc say one thing that isn’t already on the bingo?
Viro: you are a ridiculous person. Don’t be a ridiculous person.
You can look for the rest of your life, pal, but you’re never going to find the vampire woman of your dreams.
I also enjoyed that fine choreography. A riveting fight scene, truly.
I will be in Soviet Canuckistan next weekend. I can’t wait.
Actually, maybe this. WTF does that sentence mean? Viro wrote it twice.
It took me a few minutes to work out who the voiceover reminded me of …
Just me?
That’s it. I’m going to Kickstart a documentary where I follow these two around and film them making their documentary. They are too adorable for words. And they have access to nunchuks.
Title: The Sarkeesian Effect Effect.
Tagline: “As long as your heart beats, you still have blood to bleed.”
WHAT TABLETOP CALL OF CTHULHU PLAYERS NEED TO KNOW:
Never be the slowest runner in your party.
Grumpycatisagirl
I don’t know what that mean or any of these mean. Could it be my lady brain?
Whatever power you have as a man will be stripped from you via laws and policies.
If there’s a war, the patriarchy becomes the most important entity in existence.
If there’s a war, feminism evaporates.
To overcome men’s natural strengths, they must be emasculated via policy and law.
Viro, that was nonsensical, off topic, and TR;DL material. And you’re not being brave by running here, barfing in the thread, and leaving. It’s the online equivalent of ringing the doorbell and running away. Troll fail.
And the video doesn’t work for me, but I don’t think anything besides some unintentional hilarity. Yes/no?
@Shaenon, or would that be the Sarkeesian Sarkeesian Effect?
Wow… Anton LeFail’s video shows nothing about how humans actually behave. What kind of warped fantasy land do these morons live in?
Shaenon: But then who would provide us with our daily dose of silly cartoons?
Aww, Aurini’s trying so hard to be all gritty and noir-ish.
Wait, what? Why would you intentionally marry someone you thought was a “narcissistic sociopath?” Why would you intentionally do something to disappoint your spouse? Why is self-reflection a bad thing?
Grumpycatisagirl
Oh I think I know now. “Women make the future slaves” as in butt power, power of paint and powder, creep shaming and sperm jacking.
Feminism must be evaporating constantly, I guess.
Who makes men disposable? Patriarchy treats men as disposable.
Grumpycatisagirl
Well that happens when it’s over the heat of the patriarchy
@Sparky – That troll the other night who was going on about how people want to be worshipped and what’s wrong with that? He sounded like a narcissistic sociopath.
“Marry them and give them a reason to be disappointed.” Kinda Freudian. Meh. It’s all just cut and paste MRA talking points. None of it makes any sense.
It sounds like zie is saying women are going to be slaves in the future, but that would seemingly contradict zir whole “thesis” (so to speak). Either that, or women are enslaving the future. If only I knew where to start with enslaving the future . . .
Oh.
I thought the rule was: “Always reserve 1 bullet in your gun so you can disable another teammate, leaving a convenient screaming distraction in the hallways behind you”
I’m the slowest runner! And that’s okay. I don’t need to outrun them, I just have to outrun you.
[KNEECAP]
[FLEE]
Also I just found out there’s a call of cthulhu line set in imperial rome. Now I have to find a copy of Call of Cthulhu: Invictus.