[NOTE: The original video on Davis Aurini’s YouTube channel was taken down shortly after the post went up. So I’ve embedded the version that is, as of this moment, up on the director’s YouTube channel. I”d recommend that you download this for your permanent collection.]
Ok, so I’ve been working on a post about the latest ridiculous doings of our friends Davis Aurini and JordanOwen42 — the not-so-dynamic duo who’ve been desperately begging for money to make their Totally Serious documentary about how evil Anita Sarkeesian is. But then I watched this, and it’s too good not to post on its own.
This is Lust in the Time of Heartache, a short “philosophical” film written and produced, and just posted on teh Interwebs, by Mr. Aurini. I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be a comedy, but I was laughing at it from beginning to end.
There’s nothing about this film that’s not terrible and ridiculous, from the choice of fonts in the title sequence to the names of the characters as revealed in the closing credits.
Where even to start in criticizing this mess? The, er, “acting?” The pretentious, pseudo-philosophical voiceover, delivered by Mr. Aurini himself? The shrill, frantic — yet somehow also meandering — music that plays almost continuously from beginning to end? The ludicrously unconvincing fight choreography? The ill-fitting suits? The evo psych? The dawning recognition that this whole thing is meant to depict how Aurini sees himself in our “fallen” world?
The fact that this ten minute film credits a “parkour consultant?”
I’m going to borrow a couple of lines from Pauline Kael’s famous review of the legendarily stinky 1970 film Song of Norway because they offer a pretty fair assessment of this one as well:
The movie is of an unbelievable badness. … You can’t get angry at something this stupefying; it seems to have been made by trolls.
She means “under the bridge”-style trolls, not the modern kind.
Oh, and the sound is awful, too. NOTE: Dialogue is supposed to be louder than the background noises.
Anyway, just watch it. It’s only ten minutes long. And definitely stay for the final credits. You’ll see why.
But hey, don’t take my word for it. Read this glowing review, from some dude on YouTube:
Excellent writing that encompasses the transitions from one cinematic style to the next. At first I was concentrating on the technical problems and lackluster performances, however, after about 5 mins in, the pacing kicked up a notch. Well done, sir.
There are dill pickle ones, too. Not keen on them, either. Do they have ’em down south?
Ketchup potato chips? erm…
…Everything I like usually says ” hot” on it somewhere. Chronic sinusitis makes me very fond of heat in food.
Though I bought pickled habaneros…and owie…too much for my stomach. Barbecue sauce potato chips…similar.
Jalapeño chips! Now there’s yum. Not terribly hot, for this chile-head, but enough to tingle quite pleasantly on the tongue. I grew Jamaican scotch-bonnet peppers this year, too, and the first ripe one is sitting on a tray in the kitchen, patiently waiting to be used. Anyone know a good recipe?
PS: Neti pots really helped with my sinuses…it’s kind of a long-term thing, though. I just recently gave mine a rest after more than 10 years’ daily nose-washing.
I repurpose water piks for nasal irrigation.
I bought the first one because I realized the “pik” part of it would fit into my maxillaries perfectly.
Wait, I’m confused–when there is no love is it hate that’s left, or sex that’s left? And is it the feeling of pain or the inflicting pain that defines the masculine? Cause I’m pretty sure I’m female, and that pretentious adolescent brooding was excruciatingly painful to watch and listen to.
For this guy? Yes.
Okay, on the ketchup chip question: There are places you can get them in the US–in some regions–but the only ketchup chip that actually tastes like ketchup is made by a Canadian company: Herr’s Heinz Ketchup Chips, which the US Walmart site says are available in select stores (those stores seem to be located in New York, New Jersey, and Ohio). They are aggressively seasoned (your fingers and the front of your shirt will be red from the powder), but they contain no garlic as most ketchup flavour chips do (but most ketchups don’t) and they’re sweeter than other ketchup chips, which also adds to the verisimilitudinous ketchup-ness. My niece was a huge fan of them when she was younger. I’m glad she’s outgrown them, because the stores I used to get them at are no longer carrying the brand.
Ketchup chips are one of those weird things that tend to taste good during a) long car trips and b) 3 drinks into the evening.
I used to really dislike them until someone made me try All Dressed. Ketchup is way less crazy.
argh, I meant bizarre. I deeply apologize. Going to step away from the keyboard now.
Ketchup chips … no, just no. Urgh.
Plain chips please.
Seconded…plain, please. I’m already feeling pretty queasy from the word salad.
Speaking of which, I missed the troll, but this comment stood out:
And there we have it: apparently, men’s “natural strengths” run to theft, embezzlement, assault, vandalism, public urination, and other things that we have laws in place to prevent. Oh, and rape.
That’s the most misandrist thing I’ve ever heard. Troll doesn’t think too highly of men, does he?
There’s nothing that says “man is superior” quite like pissing in an alleyway! It’s less painful to watch than this movie, too.
OK, the seal is level with the end of comments here, and it is truly adorably cute.
Did someone order a cute baby seal for their boat?
(Actually a sea lion, but so is the one on the right, so…)
Or how about a full size one?
Sea lions actually led to my one moment of true horror on the beach. I walked behind a rock and round a decaying body that…well, I screamed. A lot.
round=Found
Lol, sorry for chip thread. I was eating them, and I remembered someone once saying it was a Canadian thing, and I didn’t know if it was true.
I don’t get the end. Are those his demons? Is he losing against them? Is this supposed to excuse violent behavior?
My mother nearly got gored by an elephant seal once.
Of all the hilariously hilarious things about this movie (by that I mean all of it), probably my favourite part is the director’s huge disclaimer.
Also, the fact that this was done with the help of a very socialist sounding studio. still wiping tears away
We used to have a lot of sinus problems (including the unfortunate Yearly Sinus Infection) until we discovered honey. I’m glad they’ve mostly cleared up, because I absolutely HATE water going up my nose. Blame an aquatic childhood; my kneejerk response is “NOOOOO DO NOT WANT”
A message to the owner of this page.
I came home from work and discovered my youtube page had been taken over by a flood of hate filled comments calling me a variety of names and attacking the quality of my Videography work.
Comments suggesting a range of reasons for me (The Director) being so completely incompetent in what I had made. This overwhelming attack stood out as being far from normal, I am not familiar with your world of swarming, My regular viewers are not used to such an approach toward life. This is why I stopped the comments, My work being judged purely on the opinions of people who despise 1 man (Who I would presume is not me)
A message to those who leave comments:
Reading through the pages of comments I must say, attacking the actors? why?.. what have these individuals done to you or your politics? They were paid to say lines or take direction, direction I gave them.
Attacking the Choreographer? Why?.. He did his job and I’d suggest the various martial artists in the show did theirs. Do a little internal reflection, consider the effect of your actions and the multiple people caught in the crossfire of your shotgun approach.
I tracked the flow of abuse back to this page and would like to say. There is a big difference between Producer and Director, It was my job to bring the Producers story to life, I did that to the best of my ability and for that, for doing my job, you’ve decided to insult me and shock my regular viewing audience.
Your actions have Youtube reviewing me, I suspect that was not your intention and I do believe your initial actions were not meant to be abusive toward me, still it’s important for all people to understand the effect of actions. You have all had your voice, I have more than amply heard your opinions; often expressed in ways I would never have considered. So at this point I would request that you stop destroying my life, stop putting down the actors, and keep your abuse focused on those you truly want to abuse. Or perhaps, stop being abusive.
A message to those who’re interested in future productions:
While I am open to approach by those seeking to tell a story, I will not be Directing or working on this Producers next venture. So the answer is no, the work of his next show will not be the same as this one.
Dude, this has been posted on Reddit and no doubt elsewhere. Why are you assuming the comments came from here?
I personally did not heckle or harass you, nor did I advocate anyone do so.