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Anton LaVey impersonator Davis Aurini makes a "film," and it's worse than you could possibly imagine

[NOTE: The original video on Davis Aurini’s YouTube channel was taken down shortly after the post went up. So I’ve embedded the version that is, as of this moment, up on the director’s YouTube channel. I”d recommend that you download this for your permanent collection.]

Ok, so I’ve been working on a post about the latest ridiculous doings of our friends Davis Aurini and JordanOwen42 — the not-so-dynamic duo who’ve been desperately begging for money to make their Totally Serious documentary about how evil Anita Sarkeesian is. But then I watched this, and it’s too good not to post on its own.

This is Lust in the Time of Heartache, a short “philosophical” film written and produced, and  just posted on teh Interwebs, by Mr. Aurini. I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be a comedy, but I was laughing at it from beginning to end.

There’s nothing about this film that’s not terrible and ridiculous, from the choice of fonts in the title sequence to the names of the characters as revealed in the closing credits.

Where even to start in criticizing this mess? The, er, “acting?” The pretentious, pseudo-philosophical voiceover, delivered by Mr. Aurini himself? The shrill, frantic — yet somehow also meandering — music that plays almost continuously from beginning to end? The ludicrously unconvincing fight choreography? The ill-fitting suits? The evo psych? The dawning recognition that this whole thing is meant to depict how Aurini sees himself in our “fallen” world?

The fact that this ten minute film credits a “parkour consultant?”

I’m going to borrow a couple of lines from Pauline Kael’s famous review of the legendarily stinky 1970 film Song of Norway because they offer a pretty fair assessment of this one as well:

The movie is of an unbelievable badness. … You can’t get angry at something this stupefying; it seems to have been made by trolls.

She means “under the bridge”-style trolls, not the modern kind.

Oh, and the sound is awful, too. NOTE: Dialogue is supposed to be louder than the background noises.

Anyway, just watch it. It’s only ten minutes long. And definitely stay for the final credits. You’ll see why.

But hey, don’t take my word for it. Read this glowing review, from some dude on YouTube:

Excellent writing that encompasses the transitions from one cinematic style to the next. At first I was concentrating on the technical problems and lackluster performances, however, after about 5 mins in, the pacing kicked up a notch. Well done, sir.
Well done, indeed!

 

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Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
6 years ago

I guess this guy has never read a movie review in his life.

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
6 years ago

That is . . . the weirdest comment I’ve read today.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

One of our posters here said

The “director”, Leon Glower, seems to be a relatively nice guy who spends a lot of his time doing tricks for his Bengal cat, if his youtube channel can be believed. I blame Davis Aurini entirely!

You were asked to shoot a short film for a guy who doesn’t seem to have such great motives, or morals, or planning, but is VERY full of himself

I kind of figured you brought the cameras, and he brought all the suck.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
6 years ago

I seriously doubt that you tracked the comments back to this blog. Maybe, I suppose, bur srsly, ask yourself. Where do the abusive asshats hang. Reddit or WHTM. The answer is obvious.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

We’re mocking a misogynistic piece of rubbish here, dude. Not harassing you, not following you. You choose to churn out stuff for *cough* producers *cough* like this, yeah, your work’s going to get laughed at.

This is a mocking misogyny blog. You do misogynistic shit, it’s going to get the point-and-laugh reaction. Maybe find out about the wannabe producer before you sign up next time?

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
6 years ago

I suspect that Aurini tried to weasel out of paying Glower.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Both your actors and your choreographers did their jobs very poorly. When that happens they are going to be subject to criticism, and if they want to have any sort of career in the entertainment industry they better get used to it.

Sensitive little lamb, aren’t you? You’ll never make it as a director with that attitude.

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
6 years ago

Both your actors and your choreographers did their jobs very poorly.

With material like that, I’d phone it in too.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Also, a suggestion – next time maybe read the script before you sign up for a project? Because really, the cartoon stink lines must have been wafting off this one.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

So, Leon Gower, did you get paid to do this stuff? Because if you did it for free … does that mean you’re as big a misogynist as Aurini? Or owe him something? Or have no idea how bad the material was?

I’d love to have thought you were pulling his chain by making such a hash of it, but your pearl-clutching here suggests otherwise. I’ll just have to hope you got some money from him, because otherwise, eugh.

None of this points to you having a great and glorious directing career ahead.

Catalpa
Catalpa
6 years ago

Ketchup chips are delicious and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

Well, no, not really, that would be an absurd overreaction. But I will judge you silently while eating this bag of chips all by myself. (Ketchup and french fries are the perfect combination, ketchup and potatoes in general should be good bedmates. This is my argument and I stand by it.)

Though the Lays Ketchup are pretty gross. Gotta go with Old Dutch, only way to do it.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

I do put ketchup on baked potatoes. Sweet potatoes get cinnamon, sweetener, and a bit of olive oil. I like sweet potatoes more.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

Hmm…Potato salad with ketchup instead of mustard…umm…have to carefully consider that idea…

Lee
Lee
6 years ago

Ketchup potato chips, huh? Herr’s had them available here (and with Heinz co-branding, no less) about 10 years ago, and I really liked them. I’m terrified of those Lay’s cappuccino chips, though.

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

But I will judge you silently while eating this bag of chips all by myself.

I love this image.

Kim
Kim
6 years ago

And we can’t even go to see what the comments were or who posted them because disabling comments hides them too. I too would be interested to see how these awful awful comments compare to the ones received by David and Anita.

That said, I hope there were no nasty personal comments like David gets, because no one should be making comments like that.

Nunyo Biznass
Nunyo Biznass
6 years ago

“She means ‘under the bridge’-style trolls, not the modern kind.”

…wait, you mean they’re not the same thing?

SomeDude
SomeDude
5 years ago

Wait, is this genuinely not satire?

HJ
HJ
5 years ago

6:40 – inspired by the Japanese Steakhouse

Seriously, these fight scenes make that kid from the really old video with the light saber look like Bruce Lee

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

Are ketchup chips like salt and vinegar chips but sweeter? Because that does sound good.

Has everyone seen the speech Anita Sarkeesian made recently where she mentions Jordan Owen as a guy who makes videos in his bathrobe? I recommend it.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

Leon (if this is you and not someone bogarting your Linkedin photo),

This POS short film can also be found on your production company’s website. What makes you think people from here are the only ones who have seen this steaming turd and thought it was worse than awful? We don’t do internet harassment here. That’s what you’re buddy Davis is into, not us.
http://www.socialhelpers.tv/sh-tv-shows/

Could you share with us how Davis’s misogynist shit sandwich fulfills your mandate, mission, vision and values? Also, are all the movies you make crimes against cinema or was it just the one?
http://www.socialhelpers.tv/our-mandate

marinerachel
5 years ago

Ketchup chips are much milder than salt and vinegar. They are sweet and (obvs) ketchupy flavoured. They’re certainly tangy but not omigawd acidic like salt and vinegar. Regardless, delicious.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

Marinerachel.
I am so curious now. They sound yummy. I will have to hunt those down one day.

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