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"Is u ass bif?" The Question of Our Time?

Is U ass bif?
Bif, such an ass!

Let’s take a quick break from all that gamer aggro to take a quick peek at the CreepyPM subreddit, where we find this lovely little Grindr exchange, posted by Jacob of rniraclewhip.tumblr.com, featuring a man with a strange question:

92vyo2k

I think our questioner was just being kind here, pretending that he actually was asking about ass size. No, his question was actually a very clever literary reference that went over Jacob’s head but which I picked up right away because I am so very, very smart.

It’s a reference to a famous scene in Death of a Salesman.  Biff Loman is telling his brother Happy about a job interview that didn’t quite go as planned.

BIFF (breathlessly): I did a terrible thing today, Hap. It’s been the strangest day I ever went through. I’m all numb, I swear.

HAPPY: You mean he wouldn’t see you?

BIFF: Well, I waited six hours for him, see? All day. Kept sending my name in. Even tried to date his secretary so she’d get me to him, but no soap.

HAPPY: Because you’re not showin’ the old confidence, Biff. He remembered you, didn’t he?

BIFF (stopping Happy with a gesture): Finally, about five o’clock, he comes out. Didn’t remember who I was or anything. I felt like such an idiot, Hap.

HAPPY: Did you tell him my Florida idea?

BIFF: He walked away. I saw him for one minute. I got so mad I could’ve torn the walls down! How the hell did I ever get the idea I was a salesman there? I even believed myself that I’d been a salesman for him! And then he gave me one look and — I realized what a ridiculous lie my whole life has been! We’ve been talking in a dream for fifteen years. I was a shipping clerk.

HAPPY: What’d you do?

BIFF (with great tension and wonder): Well, he left, see. And the secretary went out. I was all alone in the waiting room. I don’t know what came over me, Hap. The next thing I know I’m in his office — paneled walls, everything. I can’t explain it. I — Hap, I took his fountain pen.

HAPPY: (Angrily.) Is u ass, bif?

Is you ass, bif?

This is truly the question of our time.

EDIT: Ok, I changed the Death of a Salesman quote. Dammit, this dopey joke is funny to ME.

 

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Jarred H
10 years ago

Most physical public spaces (streets, parks and beaches, restaurants, public restrooms, etc.) and some virtual public spaces (Christian Mingle, JDate, Match, Zoosk, Tinder [?], etc) are not explicitly reserved for sexualized behavior

And I’d say therein lies your mistake. While it’s true that many men (quite likely the overwhelming majority that use it) use Grindr for hookups, that is not its sole purpose or the only way it can be used. So expecting a certain amount of decorum is not exactly unrealistic.

Also, I’d note that you’re playing into this idea that just because one may enjoy more casual sex one is not entitled to be treated a certain way — say as a person rather than merely as way for the other person to get their jollies.

No matter where I am, I have a right to set my boundaries and expectations on how I am to be treated.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I’m not seeing why being up for casual sex and actively seeking it out means that manners need to be abandoned, or that one has forfeited the right to be treated with respect.

Michelle C Young
10 years ago

“Is it a comedy?”

LOLOL!!!

No. sooooo deperesing.

Michelle C Young
10 years ago

@sparkly

I was lucky. We had to read The Crucible in high school instead of Death of a Salesman when we studied Arthur Miller. Still a heavy-handed allegory, though, but I enjoyed The Crucible and I’ve never been able to get into Death of a Salesman.”

We died both, and we saw a live performance of Crucible. here was topless dancing for the “witch ritual” scene, and several of he guys were really excited qboute that. Hehehe. Theire analysis papers were lousy, because all the3ye remembers were boooobs.

Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
10 years ago

MCY: I was lucky. We had to read The Crucible in high school instead of Death of a Salesman when we studied Arthur Miller. Still a heavy-handed allegory, though, but I enjoyed The Crucible and I’ve never been able to get into Death of a Salesman.”

Suffer horribly and expire, filthy Yanks! A curse on your entire species! May you suffer boils and cankers, and may you all DIE HORRIBLY!!!!!!!!

(I had “Owls Do Cry” by Janet Frame inflicted on me by my school system – to this day I suffer hysterical illiteracy if I see red hair on an author’s photo…)

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

RE: Michael McG

going to other public our virtual spaces (swingers’ clubs or bathhouses; Squirt, Manhunt, etc.), and being offended by sexualized interactions is a bit like going to the mall and being offended commercialized behavior.

Enh, I would argue that there’s still a way to be DECENT about that. There’s a difference between, “Hey, would you like to do a thing?” and “COCK OR GTFO.” Jarred H said it better than I could.

Also, sometimes people go into a very sexual space just to learn and see if this is something they want to do, with no intention of getting sexy their first time. Being a dick to them is the easy way to insure they won’t ever come back. (Note: this was why I never actually dared go to a kink party. I kept hearing horror stories and doubted I’d be allowed to just sniff it out unmolested.)

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

No matter how casual and meaningless sex is, I will never sleep with someone who treats me like an object rather than a person. That’s the biggest turn off.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Especially not if they tell you to fuck off when you object.

kittehserf - MOD
10 years ago

Jarred H:

@kittehserf: Welcome to the world of Grindr. I’ve also had several first-time messages there that consist of nothing more than a penis picture.

Eeek!

Say, did you get your Official We Hunted The Mammoth Welcome Package?

daintydougal:

The only plays I had to read in school were Shakespeare. Yawnfest.

Shakespeare’s definitely to be watched, not read.

LBT, yay for fairs and adventures! Glad you guys had such fun, it sounds like a great time out.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

RE: Kittehs

Most definitely. And then I took Mac out for tacos, we had a lovely (well, not so much) adventure in public transit, and I gave him cuddles and love and my undivided attention because Saturday night really freaked him out. He is now doing a little better.

Which is good, because my brain has started itching again.

Michael McG
Michael McG
10 years ago

There’s a difference between expecting the treatment and accepting the treatment.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

You have fun parsing out just how much crass behavior people should have to expect as the price of being on a dating site/app, dude, I’m going to go back to the other thread where at least it’s not the regulars going down that kind of path.

kittehserf - MOD
10 years ago

LBT, hugs to you and Mac and any of the kids who want them.

Robert
Robert
10 years ago

This (the OP) reminds me of the MAD magazine feature, Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions. Possible answers:
It can be seen from space.
Don’t move – it’s right behind you.
It is only wafer thin.

(seriously, though – that is crass.)

Michelle C Young
10 years ago

Jedi hugs @LBT!

Also – Shakespeare must be seen to be understood. But if you see it, you’ll probably like it. Mostly. Some of them were, actually, bleh.

One of them was a gore-fest. I wish I could remember which one, but it involved cannibalism. Like the horror-movie genre of the day. Plot was thin, violence was high, and it was a real mess to clean up the stage afterward.

katz
10 years ago

Michelle: That would be Titus Andronicus.

Michelle C Young
10 years ago

@katz – YEAH, that’s the one. So, the horror genre is definitely not new.

gilshalos
10 years ago

I quite enjoyed the Shakespeare we did. But then we always saw a video of the play in question, and sometimes got taken to a theatre to watch one live. Also, we got fun ones. Macbeth. Othello. Henry IV 1&2.
Othello has some wonderful lines, making full use of lots of -isms, to incite violence.
“Now, now, even now. An old black ram is tupping your white ewe!”
Hello racism 🙂
(Paraphrased, haven’t read the play in decades)

sylviavale
10 years ago

I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard in my entire life. Bif you very much!

kittehserf - MOD
10 years ago

I liked some of the BBC’s Shakespeare series, like Twelfth Night with Felicity Kendall and Robert Hardy and Sinead Cusack. I remember Jon Finch in his young and lovely days as Henry IV in the Richard II-Henry IV plays.

Zolnier
Zolnier
10 years ago

My primary and high school set reading materials were pretty normal. Halfway Across the Galaxy and Turn Left seems to have some weird hold on Australian English curriculum but it was pretty good for what it was. Closest thing we have to The Giver except way lighter. Actually I think The Giver is studied a bit in Queensland.

Oh and To Kill a Mockingbird *insert joke about it not illuminating how to kill mockingbirds* here

kittehserf - MOD
10 years ago

Hmm, books I read for high school that I’d never bother with again … A Patch of Blue … Wake In Fright … Three Musketeers … Monkey Grip (I was so glad I got out of doing HSC and into RMIT’s orientation program: meant I didn’t have to go on reading that nauseating thing.)

Jarred H
10 years ago

@kittehserf: Nope, never received one, though I’ve sen them before, as I spent a long time lurking before posting. Thanks, though!

@LBT:

(Note: this was why I never actually dared go to a kink party. I kept hearing horror stories and doubted I’d be allowed to just sniff it out unmolested.)

I can certainly understand this, and it really depends on the party organizers. Here, we have a pretty good BDSM club that holds monthly parties. I’ve been to a couple of their social events they hold at a local pub (you’re required to attend at least one publicly held social event before being invited to a party), but never made it to one of their parties. One of my first questions was whether I could just go to a party and converse. They assured me that it was okay and pointed out that their space is broken down into both lounging areas and dungeons, so I could even stick to the former if I wanted. I was also assured that politely (e.g. quietly, not leering, etc.) watching the scenes currently taking place in the play areas was welcome as well.

But as I said, that’s our local club, which is strongly dedicated to making people comfortable and upholding safety (they do a lot of educational work in addition to hosting parties). From what I understand, other place may not be so much.

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

I’ve been horrified by and had my boundaries violated at EVERY kink event I’ve attended in every community I’ve attended one in. I was feminist before but my foray into that….. subculture is what radicalised me. I became aware of the extent to which misogyny is present and acceptable in our supposedly progressive western culture through kink.

I keep being told “It’s totally comfortable and safe and respectful at our event/location” only to discover, no, it’s really not. Not for me and not for lots of other people.

I don’t assume anything about anyone based on what gets them off but if they’re an active participant in “the community” (god, it’s obnoxious the way so many of them refer to themselves) I become leery due to personal experience.

Real Kim - accept no imitations
Real Kim - accept no imitations
10 years ago

I’m not seeing why being up for casual sex and actively seeking it out means that manners need to be abandoned, or that one has forfeited the right to be treated with respect.

Yeah, implying that someone looking for casual sex doesn’t deserve manners or respect is essentially slut shaming.