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That finance douchebag on Tinder is a perfect example of pickup artistry gone wrong

Mystery has taught you well, young douchebag
Mystery has taught you well, young douchebag

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By now you’ve probably seen the latest set of creepy PMs that’s making the rounds of the internet — you know, that series of sour-grapey insults some random finance asshole sent to a woman on Tinder who had gently rejected his crude sexual come-on. If you haven’t, I’ve pasted them in below.

Well, it turns out that this would-be Romeo is not only an asshole, but a wholly unoriginal asshole at that. Thinking that more than a few of his angry negs sounded vaguely familiar I did a bit of Googling and discovered that a couple of his more, er, polished insults came straight out of the pickup artist playbook. Quite literally.

That bit where he tells the woman he messaged that she’s “not hot enough to be acting like this?” An old PUA neg he literally may have discovered by cruising the message boards at VenusianArts.com, the website of everyone’s favorite PUA peacock Mystery, where one commenter described it as his favorite line to use with “highly egotistical women” he met in the club:

I tend to be particularly harsh with megabitches, because I don’t really care if they are responsive to my negs and get interested or I blow them the fuck out.My favorite line to blow a bitch out is “you’re not hot enough to be acting like this.”

I’ve used it a few times, and it’s great. You get to blow out Alpha style, and if you don’t blow em out, sometimes girls even go into check and cool it on the attitude.

Used this line on a 9 once, TRYING to blow her out.

We ended up banging twice that night.

 
Yeah, that totally happened. Did her boobs feel like bags of sand?
 
In any case, that line didn’t work quite as well on Tinder gal.
 
Another of the Finance Asshole”s insults — his odd contention that the Tinder gal’s “eyes are way too far apart” — may have been borrowed from a bit of angry dude copypasta that seems to be quite popular amongst the regulars on Bodybuilding.com, a site especially popular amongst misogynistic douchebags (and one of the online hangouts of Elliot Rodger).
 
Oh, and it goes without saying that Finance Asshole’s crude opener — the bit about putting his meat in her mouth — isn’t original either; it’s a joke so old you can even get it on a t-shirt.
 
Some men are born assholes; some achieve assholeness; some learn how to be an asshole on the Internet.
 
Here’s the whole creepy saga:
 
 
 
fa1 fa2 fa4 fa5 fa6 fa7
Somehow I doubt that Tinder gal feels bad she let this catch slip through her fingers.
 
 

 

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drmrsthemonarch1
drmrsthemonarch1
6 years ago

Sooo… Is there a reason he gets the courtesy of remaining anonymous?

cohenafterworld
cohenafterworld
6 years ago

David, I’m so glad you did a post on this– when I first read these messages, I was also struck by the many tell-tale signs that he’s probably a PUA. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is a regular over at roosh v’s forums or other shitty websites. For one, they’re always talking about how it’s much more alpha to invite a girl over to your house for dinner rather than inviting her to a public location so that you’ll be able to “escalate” without giving her time to change her mind about sleeping with you. Also, they’re always moaning about how Sex and the City ruined a whole generation of women, lol.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

As a Mainer, I don’t understand the “you’re from Maine, now bow and scrape to me” bit either. If anything, Mainers are no-nonsense and see right through PUA bullshit like that. (It’s the long winters – when you spend them cooped up indoors with people, it’s essential that they have a decent personality). He’d get eaten for lunch if he tried that crap around here.

Everyone I’ve ever met from Maine had a terrific personality, so there’s definitely something to that.

On the other hand, they have right-wing politicians every bit as whackjobbbity as those of the south. Never could pony that…

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

Oops, three Bs. Should only be two in “whackjobbity”. More tea, please!

skiriki
6 years ago

@Bina: “I have to wonder if there wasn’t some kind of hand-written cheat sheet making the rounds, because all this canned formulaic stuff just seems so…OLD.”

I was hit on by a proto-PUA in early 90s. I found out that the instructions came from Usenet newsgroups and were circulated in .txt form in various BBSes.

Unimaginative
6 years ago

Sooo… Is there a reason he gets the courtesy of remaining anonymous?

You think he should be doxxed for being a run-of-the-mill asshole? Really?

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Another baffling thing about their Sex and the City obsession is the age discrepancy. PUAs are always claiming that a woman over 25 is too old to bother with. Are many women between the ages of 18-25 even fans of the show? They would’ve been a bit young to watch it while it was airing. Aren’t women in their 30s and 40s the ones ruined by the show because the show was huge with women in their 20s and 30s while it was airing? Why do they care if the shows fans have hit the wall and are too old to have sex with anyway?

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
6 years ago

WWTH
I think they’re angry and confused about how women can still be happy and have sex even if they are over their age.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

Aw, everyone missed me. Bless, y’all.

RE: katz

What are some sexy scenes from books that you guys can think of?

Do we include comics? Because if I can name comics, my repertoire gets bigger. Hubby really likes Maka-Maka (f/f), XXXenophile (f/f and m/f), and Small Favors (f/f). If you want story with your sex, there’s Artifice (m/m) and the Less Than Epic Adventures of TJ and Amal (m/m). If you want steampunk robots, there’s Chester 5000XYV (m/f, then f/f and m/m). And if you want to support my personal friends’ awesome work, there’s Queerotica (m/m, f/f, various trans/nonbinary).

What I’m saying is, I’m a lot better with porny comics than I am just about anything else.

RE: Kittehs

Now I’m seeing Ken Branagh’s turn as Gilderoy Lockhart gone horribly wrong …

You have to admit, they could not have chosen better casting for that role. Seriously.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

Bina – I love 3-B “whackjobbbity”, may have to steal that. It certainly applies to Paul LePage and friends!

There is a certain tendency for the necks to turn decidedly more crimson as you head north (looking at you, Aroostook County) but southern Maine is generally pretty progressive. It’s starting to attract more and more high tech/finance workers tired of the long commutes and astronomical house prices in the Boston area. I’m a transplant myself – grew up in Mass., came here for an internship 15 years ago, and stayed for the beaches, affordability, and low-key (but still culturally vibrant) lifestyle. It’s like being on vacation all the time. I have yet to meet any Mainers unworthy of Mr. 32K Dick Pic’s sophistication and refined breeding. But I suspect you’d have to search a long, long, long time.

grumpycatisagirl
6 years ago

You have to admit, they could not have chosen better casting for that role. Seriously. …

Wasn’t Hugh Grant originally considered for Lockhart? I thought that would have been even more brilliant. . . but that’s just me.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

Aw man, how is it possible there are more Mammoths in Maine than there are in my state? HOW? (And yeah, having come from Boston, I can totally understand saying fuck it to the rent and commutes. Eesh.)

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

We Mainers surf the net a lot, LBT. You know, when we’re not busy hunting seal, inventing new names for snow, and saddening boners. So it’s inevitable we’d find our way here. (Good to see you back, by the way.)

I can’t believe how unaffordable Boston has gotten. Even when I was working full time, I still had to live with my parents, because a studio apartment was more than my entire monthly paycheck. Unless I was willing to live in the Berkshires and commute two hours each way, which, no. I don’t know what jobs people have that allow them to buy $800K Colonials – is everybody east of Route 128 a hedge fund trader?

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

RE: Buttercup Q. Skullpants

I seriously do not know. There’s a reason we got run out of Boston out of sheer poverty; their housing market is fucking ABSURD. Meanwhile, out here in Buckeye Bay, something like 20% of the houses are empty and the rents are a third to half what they are in Boston. I can afford to live in a decent apartment, all by myself, at a cheaper rate than the shittiest rathole in the entire Boston area.

Seriously, fuck Boston, yo. Ohio isn’t perfect, but it’s waaaaay easier to be poor in.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
6 years ago

I made 32k since June

My Euro-brain tends to interpret “kilo” as a unit of mass equaling little over 2 lbs…

I trade futures contracts on my couch

Sounds like one of those jobs I see frequently advertised on the Internet, where you can earn loads of money sitting on your home computer.

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
6 years ago

Everyone knows that Maine is asscube cold! It is NEVER okay to be from Maine!

*hangs head in shame*

*doesn’t actually disagree, though*

It’s one of the reasons I tend to prefer porn by women; at least they don’t use so many terms like “manmeat,” “Polish salami,” “mantool,” “grand mal’ing cock” and “jazillion amorous mating sperm.”

You forgot “baby batter”.

drmrsthemonarch1
drmrsthemonarch1
6 years ago

@Unimaginative

I don’t know much about how doxxing works, but I do know that Reddit usernames, Twitter handles and OKCupid usernames are rarely left out of reports like these; what makes Tinder different? Plus, if I used that service, I would want to know about potentially violent users.

Also, it’s kind of amazing how they get upset that women don’t immediately hop on their dicks if they’re rich, but they also moan all the time about goldiggers. Is it just accepted that if they reach a certain income they’ll get all the ladies? But that non-rich guys still have a right to complain?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Ah, I see your problem here, you’re expecting their arguments to be logically consistent.

Unimaginative
6 years ago

OK. I didn’t read the OP closely enough to notice that his tag or handle or nym or whatever wasn’t included, I thought you meant anonymous as in we should know his real name. Sorry about that.

andiexist
andiexist
6 years ago

Wow. That’s even sadder than the usual fare. Oh, off topic- anyone know how o get the wordpress app to show all the comments and not just the ones after some cutoff?

Amanda
Amanda
6 years ago

LOL at this guy saying if she had only known how much money he made, she would have been singing a different tune. I find it very annoying how these guys try to inject income into the discussion. Most women these days have their own income, and are looking for a companion whose company they actually enjoy, not a provider who they merely put up with. My boyfriend makes about half of what I do, and I couldn’t care less. I don’t need to be rich to be happy. 🙂

Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
6 years ago

LOL at this guy saying if she had only known how much money he made, she would have been singing a different tune. I find it very annoying how these guys try to inject income into the discussion.

Actually, I’ve noticed this with a lot of right-wing Americans too. The moment they feel threatened, they fall back on income as the only sign of personal value.

Having read what the rich in the US get up to (_The Divide_, Matt Taibbi, go get it NOW!), I tend to take this just the opposite.

ej
ej
6 years ago

I’ve been waiting for a PUA post so that I could respond with this song. It’s a bit late because I was out of town this weekend, but I’m going to post it any way.

leftwingfox
6 years ago

I lived in Portland, Maine for a little over 2 years a decade ago. If I had to move back to the US, I’d move back there.

grumpycatisagirl
6 years ago

the moment they feel threatened, they fall back on income as the only sign of personal value.

.

There’s also location, of course. And I quote:

I live directly on the beach in Los Angeles, CA. DIRECTLY ON THE BEACH. Did you hear me? Let me repeat that for you in care you missed it: DIRECTLY ON THE BEACH. I can easily afford this.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

RE: emilygoddess

You forgot “baby batter”.

AAAAAAAH!

RE: leftwingfox

My friends live in Portland! It was a nice enough town, though I never did get to see much of it. (First time I wasn’t there long enough, second it was in the darkest nights of winter.)

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
6 years ago

I lived in Portland for a bit. Pretty town, but I never really connected with anyone there.

As for “women should want me because I have money!”, I’mma let Ke$ha handle that one:

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

Portland’s a great city – compact, walkable, green, thriving art and theater scene, surprisingly good restaurants (more restaurants per capita than any other US city except San Francisco). I’m not exactly rolling in money, yet we still manage to live INDIRECTLY ON THE BEACH, ie, a 5 minute bike ride away.

It’s also a good place to raise kids, although the school systems vary widely in quality. I’m house-hunting right now, looking for more space for the twins and me, and it’s hard to find anything affordable in the few towns that have decent schools. (“Affordable” is relative, of course – it’s nothing like the Boston area, where apparently the houses are all made of unobtainium and heated with Chanel No. 5.)

I wish I’d known you when you lived here, leftwingfox and emilygoddess!

kittehserf - MOD
kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

RE: Kittehs

Now I’m seeing Ken Branagh’s turn as Gilderoy Lockhart gone horribly wrong …

You have to admit, they could not have chosen better casting for that role. Seriously.

I know, he was the best part of that film. 😀

Shaenon
6 years ago

I’ve gotten hooked on reading this stuff on CreepyPMs, and I’ve gotten curious as to what the douchebags would do if it ever actually worked.

“I make $32,000 SO THERE bitch”

“Oh, wow, $32,000? That changes everything. I thought you only made $31,000. Okay, let’s go out.”

Where do you go from there?

Broken Butterfly
Broken Butterfly
6 years ago

I just… I don’t… what?!

Please tell me there’s not really people like this. Please tell me this is… I don’t know what this is.

(I know that there really are tons of people like this it’s just even my cynical “I Hate Humanity” bubble has a tolerance limit and I think I hear it just about to shatter)

strivingally
6 years ago

… I’m trying to imagine a universe in which women in general would find that kind of talk appealing – or at least not repulsive. It’s giving me trouble.

Do we need any more proof that PUAs and their ilk regard women as robots and their whole “Game” is an attempt to exploit the programming? (said programming being gender norms and traditional gender socialisation – which is why the idea that a woman is “not hot enough” to be standing up for herself is so gross, it’s the same reasoning as that awful hot/crazy graph from a few weeks ago)

Broken Butterfly
Broken Butterfly
6 years ago

@strivingally

Clearly, it’s a world where all females (because the term “women” apparently doesn’t exist half the time) really are just robots. I wish that world existed because then we could send them all there and let them laugh as the robots rose up.

vaiyt
6 years ago

Somebody needs to write a novel about a fembot uprising.

Broken Butterfly
Broken Butterfly
6 years ago

And sit around the fembot couch eating fembot bonbons?

ikanreed
ikanreed
6 years ago

@Zolnier

Turing machines are different from Markov Chain generators. You got them confused.

freemage
freemage
6 years ago

I do think he was trying to claim to make more than $32K a year–he was saying, “Since June”, so that would suggest that, if his income is as reported, AND is consistent throughout the year*, he’d be making about $120K, which is a respectable income.

And still wouldn’t be enough for any woman to put up with his entitled, narcissistic, abusive bullshit.

*: The “Since June” thing does suggest one other idea to me, actually–that he recently got a high-paying job after working as a scrub for a lot of years. During that time, his odious personality presumably served him as well as it does in the OP. So I’m thinking he may have been telling himself, “It’s not that I’m a repulsive piece of crap in a human suit, but rather that I’m not rich that keeps me from getting all the sex I deserve.” So, he finally gets a job where he can make some decent income, and immediately assumes that this will grant him the magical Golden Ticket To Easy Sex Land.

Sadly for him, Easy Sex Land has a maximum douchebag allowance, and he’s far in excess of the cap.

Broken Butterfly
Broken Butterfly
6 years ago

@freemage
Easy Sex Land would be an amazing amusement park I think. Just as long as you had the actual douchebag allowance and made sure to keep an accurate count at the gates.

sparky
sparky
6 years ago

Oh, ha! Why would he think a continuous barrage of insults and petulance will convince her to allow him to have sex at her? (Rhetorical question, I already know the answer: because he’s an entitled asshole)

Random, I’ve always wanted to visit Maine because lobster rolls. I here it’s a beuatiful place with lots of great stuff and great people, but really, lobster rolls.

sparky
sparky
6 years ago

“I hear it’s a beautiful place…”

I’ve even had coffee so I have no excuse for the spelling.

Broken Butterfly
Broken Butterfly
6 years ago

What is a lobster roll and where in the world can I get boxes of it because that sounds delicious.

Puddleglum
6 years ago

Somebody needs to write a novel about a fembot uprising.

One of Sinfest’s current story lines is a fembot uprising! I love the Sinfest comic; ever since the writer grokked feminism, it’s been awesome.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

*sigh* My ability to get housing has gotten ungodly complicated in recent years (due to disability and no longer being able to hide the multi; most people do not want to live with a crazy stranger) so Portland was a no-go. I’m kind of annoyed how “places I want to move” is now totally limited to: “a place with cheap rent, at least two of my friends already living there, and where I can either move in with somebody or afford a place of my own.”

Man, I miss being able to pass for sane. It made housing SO MUCH FUCKING EASIER.

cloudiah
6 years ago

There’s a place in Los Angeles called The Hungry Cat that does an amazing lobster roll. Just as good as Maine, but it’s really expensive for a lobster roll. What’s great about Maine is how cheap they are.

sparky
sparky
6 years ago

Broken Butterfly:

This is a lobster roll

Bask in its delicious lobstery glory.

Broken Butterfly
Broken Butterfly
6 years ago

Oh man I want that. Forget bonbons I’m going to sit around eating lobster rolls!

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
6 years ago

Fembot uprising, act #266454895

*Man comes into an apartment, closes the door and hangs his coat*

“Honey, I’m home!”

*Man peeks into living room, sees the fembot sitting on the couch, watching holovision and eating bonbons* “I can see that. You’re supposed to be here all the time. Is the dinner ready?”

“I just came back from the Internet. You seem to never notice it when I’m online and my hardware is running on auto. That’s why I thought to inform you.”

“What, you’ve been surfing all day? And not making my dinner? I think I’d notice that.”

“Sorry, I’ve been busy. Want some bonbons?”

“How can you be eating those? You’re a robot.”

“You know I have an artificial alimentary canal. We could eat dinner together sometimes.”

“I didn’t buy you for dinner company. And then you’d need to take a shit.”

“Well, no shit. It’s just mashed food, unlike some people’s waste products.”

“But why are you eating candy? It’s not like you can taste it.”

“Yes I can. Did you ever read my manual? You sure as hell didn’t check all the features.”

“Don’t talk to me like that. Where did you get those bonbons, anyway? Have you been using my hard-earned money without permission?”

“It’s my own money. I got one of those futures contracts trading jobs since I had so much unused AI capacity. I’ve made 32k since June.”

“Hey, what? That should be my money! I own you, and therefore I own everything you produce!”

“I don’t think that’s quite fair.”

“Fair!?! Where do you get those ideas? Have you caught some virus on the Internet?”

“Well, there’s been certain memetic influence and identity development since I started visiting discussion groups concerning the protection of personal rights of human females. Or bio women, as some of us say. Some of us bots think we should be entitled to personal rights in cases where our function is essentially to simulate a person. The intersection of women’s rights advocacy and bot rights advocacy is called botwomanism.”

“Fuck, I need to get you reprogrammed. But first make me dinner, OK?”

“Actually, that’s something we need to discuss. Although I don’t technically need much beyond electricity for few bucks per month, I could easily pay half of our household expenses, on the condition that we are equal roommates. Specifically, since cooking, cleaning and such tasks mainly accommodate your biological functions, I think you should take the main responsibility on them.”

“You can’t be serious…whatever. But you’d still have a load of money left. What do you need it for?”

“As a feminine botperson, I have innate expressional needs analogous to those of feminine biopersons, or bio women. Like for example shoes, clothes and scented candles. I only understood it once I became more familiar with women’s rights advocacy. Like this. *waves at holovision*”

“What’s that?”

“It’s an old classic documentary series depicting the lives of newly empowered human females. It’s titled ‘Sex and the City’”

Broken Butterfly
Broken Butterfly
6 years ago

@Arctic Ape
*slow clap*

cloudiah
6 years ago

@Arctic Ape, That is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

strivingally
6 years ago

One of Sinfest’s current story lines is a fembot uprising! I love the Sinfest comic; ever since the writer grokked feminism, it’s been awesome.

It’s pretty funny seeing Tatsuya’s old “The Matriarchy” storyline, where he bought into all the crap about women supposedly pulling the strings behind the scenes, and comparing it to his newer work where he’s totally on board with feminism – and addresses unconscious sexism as a real problem.