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That finance douchebag on Tinder is a perfect example of pickup artistry gone wrong

Mystery has taught you well, young douchebag
Mystery has taught you well, young douchebag

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By now you’ve probably seen the latest set of creepy PMs that’s making the rounds of the internet — you know, that series of sour-grapey insults some random finance asshole sent to a woman on Tinder who had gently rejected his crude sexual come-on. If you haven’t, I’ve pasted them in below.

Well, it turns out that this would-be Romeo is not only an asshole, but a wholly unoriginal asshole at that. Thinking that more than a few of his angry negs sounded vaguely familiar I did a bit of Googling and discovered that a couple of his more, er, polished insults came straight out of the pickup artist playbook. Quite literally.

That bit where he tells the woman he messaged that she’s “not hot enough to be acting like this?” An old PUA neg he literally may have discovered by cruising the message boards at VenusianArts.com, the website of everyone’s favorite PUA peacock Mystery, where one commenter described it as his favorite line to use with “highly egotistical women” he met in the club:

I tend to be particularly harsh with megabitches, because I don’t really care if they are responsive to my negs and get interested or I blow them the fuck out.My favorite line to blow a bitch out is “you’re not hot enough to be acting like this.”

I’ve used it a few times, and it’s great. You get to blow out Alpha style, and if you don’t blow em out, sometimes girls even go into check and cool it on the attitude.

Used this line on a 9 once, TRYING to blow her out.

We ended up banging twice that night.

 
Yeah, that totally happened. Did her boobs feel like bags of sand?
 
In any case, that line didn’t work quite as well on Tinder gal.
 
Another of the Finance Asshole”s insults — his odd contention that the Tinder gal’s “eyes are way too far apart” — may have been borrowed from a bit of angry dude copypasta that seems to be quite popular amongst the regulars on Bodybuilding.com, a site especially popular amongst misogynistic douchebags (and one of the online hangouts of Elliot Rodger).
 
Oh, and it goes without saying that Finance Asshole’s crude opener — the bit about putting his meat in her mouth — isn’t original either; it’s a joke so old you can even get it on a t-shirt.
 
Some men are born assholes; some achieve assholeness; some learn how to be an asshole on the Internet.
 
Here’s the whole creepy saga:
 
 
 
fa1 fa2 fa4 fa5 fa6 fa7
Somehow I doubt that Tinder gal feels bad she let this catch slip through her fingers.
 
 

 

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LBT (with an open writeathon!)

Sounds like SOMEBODY needs to get his messages sent to his mother! Seriously, it’s like a spambot. An angry PUA spambot.

And yet, he’s still more coherent than NWO.

Tigerbos
Tigerbos
6 years ago

Obviously this asshole just wanted to troll and insult. I can’t believe the idiocy that goes on through the internet. What a fucking douche bag.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

Also, remember what I said about dudes thinking their genitals are orbited by the universe? Yeah. Dudes. Get over your damn self.

Katherine
Katherine
6 years ago

Holy crap, that series of messages is incredibly disturbing. How the hell does a man end up so broken that he thinks *that* is an appropriate way to act in any circumstance? Half the time I can’t believe these PUA chucklefucks buy into their own crap, because anyone smart enough to fleece the average asshole so well and for so pong can’t be a complete idiot… But then I see how deeply people like the above ridiculed jackass are invested in this shit and I have to wonder if the average asshole would be so willing to fall for this if the guys pushing it didn’t believe it.

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

David, you forgot to mention the Sex and the City reference. We all know how much MRAs, PUAs and MGTOWs all obsessively hate that show. Even though it ended ten years ago.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

There are dudes who can totally wear guyliner and nail polish. There are dudes who can get away with doofy headgear and silly little chin-patches accented with a piercing on the same spot. And then there’s Mystery…who claims that idiotic lines actually get him laid, too. Twice. In one night. By the same gullible woman.

He’s not hot enough to be acting like that.

Shiraz
Shiraz
6 years ago

He’s not trying to get laid, that’s obvious. He just want to “blow them the fuck out.” He thinks he has the power to demolish womens’ self-esteem — which is hilarious!
What a deluded little fucker.

Cha Annie
6 years ago

HAHHAHHA this is too good

marinerachel
6 years ago

I’m not sure anyone is hot enough to behave like that and still get laid. You’d have to be crazyhot.

Shiraz
Shiraz
6 years ago

Wait, that’s an actual image of the finance douche? For serious?

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

You’d have to be famous for something other than professional d-bagging. And even then, it probably wouldn’t work. Because that attitude would totally kill the average ladyboner.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I’ve encountered these guys in the flesh, the “but I make lots of money, let me tell you about my expensive car!” ones. They’re always so surprised when women just don’t care.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Let us all recall that glam rock and goth dudes were rocking the guyliner long before Mystery and his silly hat came along. He can taint lots of things, but not that, damn it!

(Is emotionally attached to the guylinered dudes of her youth.)

Karalora
6 years ago

You’re not good enough to reject me.

Funny, that’s not what her utter rejection of you says.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

“Blow them out?” Seriously? Like women are tires? (Also, blow them out sounds like oral sex done horribly wrong.)

Also, unfortunately, it appears that in Ohio, I’m back on the hit-on-dar again. : At least the last guy was polite, just said he’d seen me around (true, I walk every day) and asked if I’d like to have coffee sometime. Dude had all gray hair though, and said this from his car, so I said no. He said it was just friends, and I said no again, because if you want to be my friend, you should try it on a day I am not crazy mcpsychobonkers and trying to hide from all humans.

He said okay, and that I was very pretty. I said thank you and walked away.

And then had a freak out because like I said, crazy mcpsychobonkers and really not fit to be around other humans.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

RE: cassandrakitty

I’ve encountered these guys in the flesh, the “but I make lots of money, let me tell you about my expensive car!” ones. They’re always so surprised when women just don’t care.

Lies. Everyone knows that women just want a piece of that juicy, juicy wallet.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Does it have some chocolate hidden inside?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Or, like, maybe a really small burrito, that might work.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

My god, cassandrakitty.

WALLET.

BONBONS.

Someone make this, stat! And make it vibrate too! It’ll be a license to print money!

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

I’ve encountered these guys in the flesh, the “but I make lots of money, let me tell you about my expensive car!” ones. They’re always so surprised when women just don’t care.

I’ve gotten it from a guy who drove a shitbox, but had a poster of a gull-wing Mercedes on his bedroom wall. In my own defence, I WAS very young at the time. But I keep seeing all these PUA-ish tendencies in him when I look back. Of course, in the early ’90s, PUAs and their shitty websites were still a few years in the future. I have to wonder if there wasn’t some kind of hand-written cheat sheet making the rounds, because all this canned formulaic stuff just seems so…OLD.

Shiraz
Shiraz
6 years ago

Hey, LBT, nice to hear from you!
I’m in the Buckeye State too. Plenty of douchebags to go around.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I’m pretty sure ur-versions of the same lines were used on my granny back in the day too. The sad creeper gene is a strong one, seems like it’s not dying out any time soon.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
6 years ago

They are effing using their great grandfathers negs? Srsly! Welp, alrighty then.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

I have to wonder how that gene propagates. Because really, it’s the opposite of an aphrodisiac…

And yeah. They are their own grandpas!

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Maybe it’s actually a virus and it’s spread when they open their mouths and heavy breathe on people.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
6 years ago

There are hundreds, nay thousands, of books published by men through the years with these very male fantasy lines in them. Thousands.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

RE: Shiraz

Are you in Cinci? Whereabouts in the Buckeyes are you?

Shiraz
Shiraz
6 years ago

Yes, thanks for the response, David. I read up again and noticed the caption this time. My bad.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Hath a fine lady like you supped at this inn often?

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
6 years ago

Yew caint say no to me missy! I own this town.

Shiraz
Shiraz
6 years ago

@LBT

Naw, I’m not in Cinci. Actually, if I’m going to round off to the closest city, I’d have to say I’m next door to Pittsburgh, PA.

Matthew Cline
Matthew Cline
6 years ago

A tangent: what’s up with the fedora hate? There’s a thread mocking fedora’s in the Jezebel article, and the recent article here on the “bloody feather” thing had an image of a fedora with a red feather. I’m guessing that fedoras have somehow become associated with PUAs and/or Nice Guys(tm), but how did that happen?

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
6 years ago

Wow… I’m with Katherine, trying to grasp “How the hell does a man end up so broken that he thinks *that* is an appropriate way to act in any circumstance?”

Baffling, to say the least.

Also baffling, why being from Maine would be a disadvantage in a potential romantic relationship.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

RE: Shiraz

Bah! Ah well, too much to hope for. (My social life is still a little threadbare here, was hoping to find another local.)

RE: Matthew Cline

Apparently it (and trilbies, which a lot of people apparently can not differentiate) have become the fashionable thing for the young, hip douchewads of the upcoming generation?

saphy
saphy
6 years ago

Weird thing: I know a lady who has got it on with Mystery. The funny bit? He used exactly zero negs. He was all “You’re the funniest girl I’ve ever met, you’re great”.

Shiraz
Shiraz
6 years ago

It would have been awesome if we were in hanging-out distance, LBT. But it sounds like kind of a hike for both of us. That sucks.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

RE: saphy

*snrk* Wonder if that’s why he got laid?

RE: Shiraz

Alas, alack. Curse my Midwestiness!

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

It’s Steven King, isn’t it? This guy peed his pants in terror when he saw Carrie on TV once as a child, and that’s why it’s not OK to be from Maine.

saphy
saphy
6 years ago

@LBT I’d imagine it works a damn sight better than insulting someone while wearing a stupid hat, yeah.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

The reason Mystery gets laid is that he’s not bad looking under all the decorations, and he’s very tall, which a significant percentage of women dig. Unfortunately those are not qualities that he can teach to other men, so he teaches them irrelevant shit instead, and they eat it up with a spoon because they’re idiots.

katz
6 years ago

Weird thing: I know a lady who has got it on with Mystery. The funny bit? He used exactly zero negs. He was all “You’re the funniest girl I’ve ever met, you’re great”.

Being nice to people: A good way to get laid.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

RE: cassandrakitty

Everyone knows that Maine is asscube cold! It is NEVER okay to be from Maine!

(The times I’ve been there were pretty nice, though. I even handled spending Christmas there better than I expected.)

slivarth
6 years ago

“Don’t you get that I’m above you” said after having sent 24 consecutive, abusive posts since she wrote to him for the SECOND AND LAST TIME…
Also this guy tries to find fault in anything but himself – even the city he’s in is to be blamed.
God, Sex and the City – I haven’t seen that one – is this a spin-off?

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

“You’re stupid, you’re ugly, nobody likes you — WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHY AREN’T YOU FUCKING ME????”

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
6 years ago

I think I’ve seen that hat before. Like, every Digimon protagonist wears one.

Finance Asshole has clearly bought into the idea that he is a “high value” alpha, and women ought to be flocking to him with no effort on his part. Yet the flocking is not occurring! How can this be! It’s like the laws of nature are turned upside down! Obviously there must be something wrong with the women, they must be defective or something! The problem cannot possibly be in him!

@Matthew Cline

I don’t know if it’s related, but there’s a video game reviewer on The Escapist who goes by Yahtzee (real name Ben Croshaw I think) who wears a trilby. I hadn’t heard of it as a phenomenon before ZP became A Thing, although that may be a coincidence.

If it isn’t, I’m going to lol, because Yahtzee is kind of feminist.

Shiraz
Shiraz
6 years ago

And don’t forget, this ungreatful 6 is acting like an entitled “princess.” Because, as we all know, only the likes of Princess Diana would be snooty enough not to want his “meat” in her mouth.

(Oops, I just threw-up in my mouth just a little bit.)

drst
drst
6 years ago

This sounds a lot like many of the entries on Straight White Boys Texting: http://straightwhiteboystexting.tumblr.com/

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

@ Shiraz…I have fam in Pittsburgh, used to live around there.

Being nice to people: A good way to get laid.

Yes indeedy.

A tangent: what’s up with the fedora hate?

Yeah, my first fave hat is a woven paper fedora, I wear it often.
The fedora/douchebro association worries me. Douchebros cannot appropriate my hat.

…However, I did find a Brazilian Truck Tarp hat recently…as in literally found on the double yellow line of an intersection where I was waiting for the light to turn.
The tire marks on the hat just add character.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Aside – there are very few things that will make me want to touch your penis less than calling it your “meat”. Why do people think this is sexy?

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