An open thread for personal stuff, continuing from here.
As usual for these threads: no trolls, no MRAs, no I’m-not-really-an-MRA-buts, don’t be mean.
Categories
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
We Hunted The Mammoth
Unsolicited introvert advice addendum: Not that that solves your camping dilemma, except that it might give you an opportunity to communicate to a bunch of individuals that you loved that one camping experience. You could also just try to be more aware of camping season, and start asking the key organizers early on, “Hey, are we doing that again this year? I had a great time when I went before!”
/unsolicited introvert advice addendum
blahlistic, yay for no more panic attacks. I’ve had one in my whole life and it was terrifying.
I sure didn’t think so at that lunch. Bet you didn’t think I am, either. 🙂
An accomplishment of sorts – I was able today to go to my boss and say
“Hey, you know how we were having problems with the BigComplicatedSystem and you nominated me to a department-wide BigComplicatedSystem working group? I can now say that the problem is RIGHT HERE with THIS CODE generated by THIS SYSTEM which happens before the data ever gets to BigComplicatedSystem. Now, if you don’t mind, I have this list of problems assigned by the working group on BigComplicatedSystem to deal with instead.”
Our ignorance has been transcended! We now know we are ignorant in new and entirely different ways than we thought! And I’m still on the BigComplicatedSystem working group and expected to, well, work.
Story of my life.
I am an interview next week for a job I really really want. This is good, except I am terrified of interviews. I have already botched a couple of interviews this year. The optimist in me says, “look at those interviews as practice for this, the *real* interview for the job you *really* want, while the pessimist in me says “bleregaetagadhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.”
All the hugs and good wishes, grumpycat!
So this isn’t a question about a specific person/situation or even about me specifically, but I’ve been meaning to ask what to do when people require more emotional support than you can give.
One’s instinct, especially if they’re people you like, is to give them as much emotional support as they need until taking care of them swallows your entire life. But nobody wants to tell people “stop sharing your feelings with me.”
How do you tell when someone is asking for too much emotional support? And what should you do then?
grumpycatisagirl, email me at my nym and that whole gmail thing if you want a pep talk from a fellow introvert who just went through a grueling series of job interviews that involved a lot of interaction. With people. OMG people. All over the place. Everywhere I turned, there they were! PEOPLE! It was terrifying.
Or if we don’t email… Try breaking it into manageable pieces. First I have to meet with this person. What can I find out from that person? Next I have to meet with this small group. What can I find out from them. Can I find out things in advance that will help me talk to them? People (not introverts, but many others) like to talk about themselves. You rarely go wrong asking questions.
That’s a really, really hard one, katz. I don’t have any good advice. I’ve known a few people edging into that category over the years, and I’ve just ended up cutting contact with them, as much because it was (or felt like, to me) all one-way support.
Kittehserf – thanks!
Katz – good question. To me, if I feel bad about myself or angry (at either myself or the person asking for it) after trying to give someone emotional support, that is a sign it is too much.
I suppose the right thing to do is to tell the person you need to take care of yourself before you can properly care for them, but I know that’s easier said than done.
I just wanted to say thanks everyone. Hugs appreciated from all.
PiatoR: Yeah. Only catch small town, no car, slightly different local interest set than I have.
fibinacci/blahlistic: Yeah, I think a lot of this is the jerk-brain talking and panicking.
Alex: Thank you. I really appreciate the encouragement, and the messy kitchen tale inspired me to take a crack at my own kitchen, which has been in an identical state since May. As to work, you wouldn’t happen to be an animator or a graphic designer, would you? My office here in Ontario is hiring for an animator job.
Cloudiah: Yeah, that actually worked really well for me at (big maritime studio). Had a lot of good friends there. I genuinely like the people at my current company, I’m just not quite meshing outside the office. It’s not usually a problem, this one just hurt, and at a time where I was vulnerable to it. And yeah, I’ll bring up the camping trip later on with the others, when I have a little better perspective.
So, again, than you all. 🙂
Truly an introvert’s nightmare.
katz: For what it’s worth, I think that question has been brought up a few times at Captain Awkward. Perhaps a browse through the archives there might help?
katz, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with acknowledging someone is hurting and at the same time you don’t feel equipped to give them the help they need.
PEOPLE. Genuinely terrifying.
Hugs to all. I’m still exhausted from interacting with all those PEOPLE yesterday.
PEOPLE. Genuinely exhausting.
G’night.
*much has happened in the thread since commenting last*
I will try getting ready earlier/tricking myself, gilshalos! Which means I will have to go to sleep earlier, because me+not enough sleep=OMG Freakout. Thanks for the tip. (It also helps that my boyfriend is really supportive and tells me to call if I’m scared or nervous, he’s talked me out of the house on a few occasions and then distracts me from my nervousness. I <3 him.)
*anime eye shine at the suggestion of cloudiah's job, since in my mind it involves old books and such*
To my fellow introverts, it's nice to know it's not just me. (OMG PEOPLE ARE EXHAUSTING.)
Also, dishes are so not important. Safe brain space is more important. (Though I really have no excuse for sitting on my stability ball because I have too much crap on my chair. I have massive amounts of empty hangers and shoes on the floor. Journaling is more important than putting away shoes.) But sometimes I suddenly get the urge to clean. I don't get it but whatever. Also I should put my shoes away because my dog thinks stealing them is fun and I have already sacrificed two pairs of flipflops to him. He's lucky he's my buddy who showers me with love.
POM, I appreciate the note on the cat food.
High fives for no panic attacks. They are very unpleasant.
grumpycat, I have crossed my fingers for you for your interview. Hope it goes well!
Cloudiah, thanks! I may e-mail you over the weekend. You may or may not recall, but I am a librarian too, although I am in the public arena. My interview next week is only supposed to last 45 minutes, though, so nothing like the marathon you just went through.
Actually my last interview was not really an interview but an “oral exam” that lasted 15 minutes and I wasn’t allowed to ask questions and my answers were timed. Actually not being able to ask questions is horrible to me. I *want* to ask questions in the interview.
Given a choice between an all-day interview and the 15-minute oral exam, I think I would choose the all-day interview because at least that would give me a chance to settle down. But I will take a 45-minute interview over either.
An oral exam? Ew. Sounds like being at the dentist. Worse.
Dishes: important when you get to the “I haven’t any clean crockery or cutlery left” stage. We do that every couple of days or so. Teh poor menz would be shocked, shocked! at the state of this house. Mum used to be house-proud, as they called it; not so much, these days. Me, I’m just lazy and leave it till the dust bunnies are threatening to evolve into the Rabbit of Caerbannog. Lucky for me Mr K is just as sloppy. The state of the royal apartments used to drive the poor Cardinal up the wall. 😛
Yeah, at least at the dentist I only feel like I’m being judged for my lack of flossing, not my worth in my chosen profession.
It’s the thought that I’m under a hyper-judgment microscope that seriously unnerves me. Feel like if I breathe the wrong way I’ll ruin everything.
I tend to feel like I’ve dodged a bullet if I end up in that sort of interview – though I have to say most of the interviews I’ve had have led to work, meaning I haven’t had all that many!
Are you working in a corporate sort of field, grumpycat? It sounds like it, from what you’ve described.
There are a few hundred things I’d like to say on this thread. Stuff like, grats, and I’m so sorry, and wow to Cloudiah on your project, and I’m glad Penny is doing better, and I’m interested in reading your book, and yes, I could use some motivation to do NaNo, except I’m not sure I actually can do it, because even though I know I can kind of write, I tend to doubt I have anything very interesting to say or stories to tell. Also, I like to cross-stitch too, but I can only do samplers, because I need the quicker gratification for finishing little sections in order to continue, but then the finished product is totally stupid and worthless to me. And I’m a first-degree slob, too. And most of all, you are all incredibly awesome.
But I guess, what I’ll say, for now, or rather ask, is doesn’t it seem like, from this thread, that David’s followers consist of a disproportionate number of extreme introverts vis a vis the general population? I so get where you’re coming from. Just having to leave my house can be so hard sometimes.
Kittehserf, no, public libraries – so, governments.
grumpycat, ah, right. Maybe it’s gummint culture being different – geographically and time-wise – it’s a long time since I was in government work and my interviews were never like that.
Belladonna, good question about introverts. I’d hazard a guess maybe yes? But that’s all it is.
Of course it suits the Furrinati overkitties to have introverts for servants. More time at home looking after them, less time wasted cavorting around with other humans or (shudder) allowing them into the Furrinati’s strongholds.
@kittehserf
I gladly bow down to the amazing Furrinati overkitties.