A bitter gamebro wandered into the Men’s Rights subreddit last night to deposit an angry little manifesto on the evils of women and Social Justice Warriors. He didn’t get a terribly friendly reception from the regulars — last I checked he’d been voted down to zero — but his manifesto is such a classic example of self-pitying gamebro misogyny that I sort of felt obliged to bring it to you all here.
Are you sitting comfortably? Good. Then let’s begin.
I am shocked — shocked! — to hear this about the laundry, as the females I live with are quite fastidious about their personal cleanliness, spending a good portion of their waking moments licking their fur coats clean. But they are cats, after all.
The human females I know are mostly slobs, actually, though I can’t claim to be any better myself.
How exactly did the state of one’s laundry come to be a factor in deciding a human being’s worth, anyway?
Also, I’m thinking that “cause I’m a penis, and that’s all I am” would look really good on a t-shirt. Anyone else agree?
@karak LOL
This is delightful. Rarely is anyone so unintentionally honest.
I get that it is hyperbole, but still…
Oh. wow. The insecurity, and toddler tantrum contained in that complaint are at Ron Burgundy proportions. That poor guy feels so slighted and denied. Women are just giving it away to guys who aren’t him and the sluts are still getting promoted! It’s so unfair you guys! He so much better than them. Why can’t everyone see that? He has such a sad!
http://youtu.be/CQI0E1WCLMU
His followup rant in the comments includes proof that only women can be sexy:
Well that proves it. Search engines magically scientifically account for and remove all traces of patriarchy, so their results are objective truth.
oh god why did i draw this
http://imgur.com/AC3yqqJ
Because it’s loltastic and you’re awesome.
leocigale
He needs a fedora with a bloody feather
@ leocigale
I’M SCREAMING
*clutches pearls*
*dies*
I read the words “I’m a penis” to the tune of Creep by Radiohead.
Cause I’m a dick
I’m a dildo
What the hell are you doing there
Why haven’t you blown me?
“Penis” by tesformes
(sung to the tune of “Creep” by Radiohead)
When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You look like a slut, girl
Makeup makes me cry
You bleed like a feather
In a feminized world
I wish I was privileged
You’re so fucking privileged!
But I’m a guuuuuuuyyyyyy
I’m a Peeeeeeeniiiiiiiiissss!
What the hell are you doing here?
Girls don’t belong here!
I don’t care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want to have your body
Cause you don’t have a soul
I want you to notice
When I go my own way
You’re so fucking privileged
I wish I was privileged!
But I’m a guuuuuuuuyyyy
I’m a Peeeeenisssss!
What the hell are you doing here?
Girls can’t computer!
She’s running out the door
Time to ride that carousel!
She runs runs runs runs..
Runs…
Whatever makes me happy
Whatever I want
You’re so fucking privileged
I wish I was privileged
But I’m a guuuuuuuyyyyyy
I’m a Peeeeeeeniiiiiiiiissss!
What the hell are you doing here?
Girls don’t belong here
Girls don’t belong here…
Thanks to you guys, I’m going to be humming that all day.
~~ applauds ~~
Bwahahahaha!!! THANK YOU TESFORMES. I was thinking of doing some altered lyrics of my own but alas, my talents do not lie in songwriting. Thank you for taking up the task with a hi-larious rendition.
oh god why did i draw this
Because somewhere in the executive control centre of your brain lurks a three year old giggling at the thought of rude bits.
No problem, sunny. I just had another idea though. Instead of “run run run run” at the bridge, maybe it should be “hamsters hamsters hamsters haaaaaaaammmmmstteeeeeerrrrs!”
OMG, I wish this thread was an actual, material object so that I could dip it in twenty-four karat gold. Perfection.
*laughter tears*
I.
Love.
You.
All.
@leocigale
“oh god why did i draw this”
Because, like tesformes, you are concerned about our collective mental health and decided, ever so correctly, to provide us with some much needed comic relief. For which we thank you, profusely (while LOLing out brains out, also profusely).
I second fruitloopsie’s advice on adding a fedora with a bloody feather. That would be perfection. Ah.
Get out of my brain, you sorcerer!
Seriously, WHTM has some of the best comments on the WWW. Evah.
oh my gaaawwwwdd help me
http://imgur.com/AC3yqqJ
whoops wrong image:
http://imgur.com/JXPFDkw
oh jeez i’m spamming WHTM with penis doodles am i like twelve years old jeezus.
leocigale,
Perfect!
*Falls out*