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Attention Heartiste: Don Draper is not an actual person

The REAL thousand-cock stare
The REAL thousand-cock stare

One of the odder folk beliefs of the pickup artist subculture is that women become worn down and used up and even a bit addled if they have sex with too many men. Men, by contrast, are said to be able to handle an equal number of female lovers with grace and aplomb.

In a recent post, our old friend Heartiste offers what he sees as decisive photographic evidence illustrating the different effects of promiscuity on men and women. One bit of this evidence: a picture of a young woman used to advertise some sort of singles event. Reflections from the photographer’s lights obscure her pupils, an offputting effect that gives her a slightly deranged look.

thousand

Heartiste, apparently not curious enough to wonder why the woman seems to have no pupils, sees this as clear photographic evidence of the tell-tale “thousand cock stare” that he believes women develop after exposure to more than the lifetime recommended allotment of penises.

To underscore his claim that promiscuous men are “more emotionally stable and contented” than their female counterparts, Heartiste offers this photographic evidence:

DOn Draper, looking content

I think we can all see the problem here. Aside from the fact that a single photograph of someone smiling offers no real clue to that person’s relative stability or degree of happiness with their life – there are plenty of people who can put a good face on all sorts of troubles – this is not actually a picture of a promiscuous man.

It’s a picture of actor John Hamm playing the character of Don Draper, a promiscuous ad exec on Mad Men, in full costume and makeup and doing his best to act the part of a contented man.

As regular viewers of the show are well aware, Don Draper is not always so contented. Indeed, the character is a near-constant drinker with a troubled past who ruins two marriages through his compulsive womanizing.

Here are pictures of Don Draper in some less-happy moments.

draper-sadtumblr_m2ando8Ago1r2r481o1_1280tumblr_m2qgh3LbXB1r2r481o1_1280DonDraperBukes

Can we conclude therefore that excess promiscuity will turn smiling, confident men into puking emotional wrecks? Well, no, because, again, Draper is a CHARACTER, not a person. He’s NOT REAL.

But don’t try telling Heartiste that, because he seems to prefer to live in an imaginary world.

A man can sample the slits and furrows of outrageous fortune and survive the whirlwind of passion to mark a day in the future when he contentedly and without pathological second-guessing slips into a stabler, longer term commitment.

Women who have sampled a poo poo platter of penes accumulate emotional scars that never heal; promiscuous women have a mental storage closet filled with five minute montages of alpha male love, and these exciting, prurient memories rob the female id of something important. Call it purity or innocence or self-worth or ability to appreciate romantic idealism, the slut with ass chafing from riding the cock carousel is never the same as she was before she let herself get pummeled by dick.

Uh, just so you know, Heartiste, the Chinese menu item you evidently have in mind is actually called a Pu Pu Platter. A Poo Poo Platter is something, well, a bit different.

Then again, I suspect that most of those women who’ve “sampled” Heartiste’s alleged charms would have, in hindsight, rather spent the evening cleaning shit out of a toilet tank.

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Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
10 years ago

@IB22

Although perhaps this response is pointless–I cannot tell if you’re just trolling for blog material or if you are trying to argue in good faith–but here’s how it boils down from my experience….

There was a time when I was younger when I had similar feelings regarding unpleasant, vile people: maybe they were hurt in the past, maybe they were suffering, maybe they needed that shoulder to cry on and let it all out. If they treated me horribly and did so to other people, I felt I had a duty as a good person to try to understand them and offer help.

And those attempts led to frustration and more hurt from these toxic human beings. Thankfully nothing horrible occurred to me: I’ve been fortunate never to have suffered physical or mental abuse that left permanent scars. Many more–and you can find them everywhere–have not had such fortune.

Time passed, and I discovered that there are indeed vile humans in this world who do not want to be anything other than what they are. Regardless of what in their past may have turned them into what they currently are (if anything), they have lost touch with basic humanity, and now they live to hurt people. You cannot reach them, you cannot heal them–they won’t let you, and they’ll probably do all they can to use empathy against you. Maybe they’ll turn themselves around some day, but it won’t come from good-natured souls trying to sympathize with them.

Fortunately, the good-natured people of this world do have someone they can help: the victims of those awful humans of this world. Each time we turn from them to “understand” their tormentors, we commit a grave disservice to them. We silence them, we ignore them, we place the aggressors’ needs over theirs. It’s not far before the victim-blaming starts. And we are swimming in a black ocean of victim-blaming today.

Heartiste is a human garbage heap full of poisoned needles: he’s a misogynist who loathes women and uses sex to damage them and get a thrill from it. He’s also an unrepentant racist. He’s a man who has created many victims. Those people need our support, our ears, our empathy. They don’t need one more person who thinks the tormentor needs the help, not them.

Whether Heartiste hates himself or not, or if he can benefit from therapy… that’s his problem. He’s drained enough from others that none of us owe him a thing. We owe it to others.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
10 years ago

“You still calling women who have sex with birth control “semen receptacles”?”

Are you implying that the women who have sex with the Heartiste’s of the world are being used for anything else?

So, women who use birth control when having sex are only having sex with Heartiste & co. Yeah, no.

kittehserf
10 years ago

Although perhaps this response is pointless–I cannot tell if you’re just trolling for blog material or if you are trying to argue in good faith–but here’s how it boils down from my experience….

Option one. 😀 She trolls here, then goes and whines on her blog about how mean we are.

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
10 years ago

You’d think– but then again the American Nazi Party put Norman Spinrad’s The Iron Dream on their recommended reading list …

Wow. I know Spinrad had mentioned that people had written him letters saying, “Hey, great story, but you should take out all that silly Hitler business.” Some people really do need it spelled out for them.

May I just chip in and say The Iron Dream is fantastic reading? Great way to do “alternate history,” and an interesting analysis of how fascistic ideas often enter into epic stories of “Great Heroes.”

redpoppy
redpoppy
10 years ago

Does anyone else find the idea of forcing sympathy onto someone who has mental illnesses and are abusive to people, rather, condescending? Infantlizing? Ableist? I understand that mental illnesses (I have depression/anxiety pretty bad) can greatly fuck up a person’s psyche and would need therapy and medication to help alleviate it. But people with mental illnesses are still adult human beings who are completely, 100% capable of NOT being an abusive asshole. And I find it insulting to coddle anyone.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
10 years ago

I cannot tell if you’re just trolling for blog material or if you are trying to argue in good faith

In case you need evidence, you can check the previous thread. IB22 came in, dropped some passive-aggressive bullcrap, but was IGNORED because a more interesting troll had dropped by at almost the same time. Consequently she waited until the more interesting troll had scooted away, then dropped a second load. She wasn’t happy when she got no response, and felt a need to try again until she did.

sparky
sparky
10 years ago

Are you implying that the women who have sex with the Heartiste’s of the world are being used for anything else?

You know, even if assholes like Heartiste think that women are “used” and “dirtied” from having sex with them, it doesn’t make it true. It doesn’t matter if a woman has had sex or how many partners she’s had, that doesn’t make her worthless.

Yeah, women are being treated like semen receptacles and deceiving themselves by calling it empowerment.

And, you know what? That says more about the men treating women like “semen receptacles” than it does about women. It tells us the men who are using women this way are assholes. It doesn’t tell us much of anything about women. At all. You know why? Because having sex doesn’t make a woman worthless.

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
10 years ago

The Iron Dream also finally has a kindle edition, for less than $3, and seems to be back in print in trade paperback, too. (I tried to find it a couple of years ago, and only found collectable copies online.)

Also, kittens:

http://i.imgur.com/wsBkvUI.jpg

Well, they are both over a year old now, so technically not kittens, but they’re still kittens to me.

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
10 years ago

@wordsp1nner

Good to hear about the Kindle edition. I have an old paperback copy I stumbled across in a used bookstore back when it was long OOP and we didn’t have Amazon or ABEBooks. Although I do love that I can get hold of almost anything I want to read now through online services, there was a thrill to those days of finally coming across a copy of a book you’d want to read for so long but which always eluded you.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
10 years ago

@redpoppy

I call it “pathologizing.” Attributing all actions to the (known or suspected) pathology, rather than to any agency on the part of the actor. This can be used to illegitimately excuse my behavior (on the grounds that my bipolar made me do it and I was a helpless lamb and could not resist), or to illegitimately excuse your behavior (on the grounds that my criticism of your behavior comes from the bipolar and it’s impossible that I might have a legit grievance). But it’s all the same idea: that the pathology is the only important trait, so everything must be explained in terms of the pathology.

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
10 years ago

And then there is the Australian series that the American publisher seemed to think is a trilogy when it actually was a quartet (it is longer now)…

I never did end up getting my hands on the fourth book. This would have been middle school or early high school, so almost a decade ago, but I kept checking for a couple of years.

It was the Obernewtyn chronicles.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

Does anyone else find the idea of forcing sympathy onto someone who has mental illnesses and are abusive to people, rather, condescending? Infantlizing? Ableist?

For me it grates really hard for a personal reason.

My evil dad had an absolutely horrible childhood. He passed that on to me. Mom had a fairly abusive childhood too, which she somewhat succeeded in rising above…after a few years of smacking me around. Maternal grandmother moved in and was verbally abusive, too.
So those were my role models.
I am grateful that with medication and with work on myself, I am not abusive to others, even thought that’s what I saw and learned to be.

It’s like…by giving mentally ill and/or traumatized people a free pass to hurt others? they are saying those people don’t have the freedom to choose.

There are very, VERY few people so debilitated they can’t be held responsible for their own actions. They can and DO choose.

redpoppy
redpoppy
10 years ago

blahlistic and policy, agreed! You guys just put it so much more eloquently. lol As a gift, I give you this adorable piggy. I seriously can’t even with piggies they’re so cute.

thebewilderness
10 years ago

I agree with you Blahlistic. It is important not to get the reasons mixed up with the justifications.

Shiraz
Shiraz
10 years ago

Troll’s using us as material for their blog? We should charge.

kittehserf
10 years ago

Kittieees! Pigggieeees!

I saw a grown pig – dunno what breed, smallish and black – being filmed by what looked like a TV crew in King’s Domain the other day. No idea what that was about, but I wished I could have gone over and met the piggy. Only time I’ve got close up to pigs was years ago, at the Melbourne Show. They were piglets, covered in chestnut fur – they looked like corgis. 😀

Alais
10 years ago

Yeah, when you believe that mentally ill people can’t control themselves, you pathologize everyone with mental illness and ignore the fact that most of them do control themselves and aren’t abusive shitholes. You also give abusers a reason that they can give out as to why they can’t help themselves.

Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
10 years ago

Lea: If a thousand cocks once ruins you, what does one cock a thousand times do?

“Baby, please, I’m not from Havana…”

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
10 years ago

If Heartiste can use an image of Don Draper to show that men can have sex without it ruining them, I will accept that, and raise Angela Montenegro with Bones, who is about as promiscuous and a much happier person:

http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/30800000/Angela-3-angela-montenegro-30816685-500-281.jpg

And here is what I imagine she’d look like if she found out about MRAs:

http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2jj3jqAJ51qfkxhno1_500.gif

Alais
10 years ago

Angie’s a way better fictional example than Don. Also, now we know for sure that the PUA camp has seen exactly as much of Mad Men as they have of Sex and the City.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I haven’t watched Mad Men in ages but wasn’t Don being miserable kind of a significant plot point?

toujoursgai
10 years ago

It’s THE plot, really.

And that is an excellent point, wordsp1nner. I love Angie.

Alais
10 years ago

Yeah, but Heartiste and Co. are probably incapable of imagining a man having lots of sex with lots of women and making lots of money while being miserable. That would imply a) that they were miserable or b) that they would still be miserable even if they got all of what they wanted.

redpoppy
redpoppy
10 years ago

They will always be miserable because complaining about women is their raison d’etre. If women weren’t around, they’d have NOTHING to do. Pathetic sacks of shit that they are.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

If Inanity ever had an original thought for her blob, she wouldn’t need to come here. we really should invoice her on general principle.

Sitting around going, “Fuck him and his presumably sad fee-fees and fuck you too,” makes you just as bitter as he is.

Lawls, no.

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