One of the odder folk beliefs of the pickup artist subculture is that women become worn down and used up and even a bit addled if they have sex with too many men. Men, by contrast, are said to be able to handle an equal number of female lovers with grace and aplomb.
In a recent post, our old friend Heartiste offers what he sees as decisive photographic evidence illustrating the different effects of promiscuity on men and women. One bit of this evidence: a picture of a young woman used to advertise some sort of singles event. Reflections from the photographer’s lights obscure her pupils, an offputting effect that gives her a slightly deranged look.
Heartiste, apparently not curious enough to wonder why the woman seems to have no pupils, sees this as clear photographic evidence of the tell-tale “thousand cock stare” that he believes women develop after exposure to more than the lifetime recommended allotment of penises.
To underscore his claim that promiscuous men are “more emotionally stable and contented” than their female counterparts, Heartiste offers this photographic evidence:
I think we can all see the problem here. Aside from the fact that a single photograph of someone smiling offers no real clue to that person’s relative stability or degree of happiness with their life – there are plenty of people who can put a good face on all sorts of troubles – this is not actually a picture of a promiscuous man.
It’s a picture of actor John Hamm playing the character of Don Draper, a promiscuous ad exec on Mad Men, in full costume and makeup and doing his best to act the part of a contented man.
As regular viewers of the show are well aware, Don Draper is not always so contented. Indeed, the character is a near-constant drinker with a troubled past who ruins two marriages through his compulsive womanizing.
Here are pictures of Don Draper in some less-happy moments.
Can we conclude therefore that excess promiscuity will turn smiling, confident men into puking emotional wrecks? Well, no, because, again, Draper is a CHARACTER, not a person. He’s NOT REAL.
But don’t try telling Heartiste that, because he seems to prefer to live in an imaginary world.
A man can sample the slits and furrows of outrageous fortune and survive the whirlwind of passion to mark a day in the future when he contentedly and without pathological second-guessing slips into a stabler, longer term commitment.
Women who have sampled a poo poo platter of penes accumulate emotional scars that never heal; promiscuous women have a mental storage closet filled with five minute montages of alpha male love, and these exciting, prurient memories rob the female id of something important. Call it purity or innocence or self-worth or ability to appreciate romantic idealism, the slut with ass chafing from riding the cock carousel is never the same as she was before she let herself get pummeled by dick.
Uh, just so you know, Heartiste, the Chinese menu item you evidently have in mind is actually called a Pu Pu Platter. A Poo Poo Platter is something, well, a bit different.
Then again, I suspect that most of those women who’ve “sampled” Heartiste’s alleged charms would have, in hindsight, rather spent the evening cleaning shit out of a toilet tank.
Do you know the one true cock when you pull it from a stone or should you wait for a lady in a lake to throw it at you?
InsanityBytes22, where are you getting the idea that he doesn’t hate women? He thinks that women are naturally irrational, fickle, and completely unable to move on from past experiences. In contrast, he sees men as calm, rational, and resilient. Sure, he thinks that he ruins the women that he has sex with, but he positively gloats about it in other posts. Seriously, he has a post wherein he brags about his partner curling up into the fetal position in despair after sex with him. He’s happy when he believed that he’s “conquered” a woman.
But in all seriousness, I really, really hope that your pity for men like him doesn’t extend so far that you’re actually willing to forgive behavior like this.
(CW: mentions of abuse and sexual assault)
There are plenty of people out there who have feelings of self-loathing and depression who don’t take feelings out on others. Their mental illnesses and other issues don’t make them abusive. However, there are abusive people who use their own feelings of self-loathing, whether real or feigned, to manipulate those around them into tolerating assholish behavior. I’ve encountered four people (three male and one genderqueer FAAB) who’ve used these tactics to manipulate me and my friends into forgiving everything from rape to attempted sexual coercion to sexual harassment to stalking to emotional abuse. Abusers are very good at making themselves appear pitiable so that their families, romantic partners, and friends continually forgive them for their shit and convincing their victims that they’ll kill themselves if they’re abandoned due to their behavior. And of course they say that their behavior isn’t their fault because they just can’t help themselves. And these abusers feeding everyone these myths about mental illness give the mentally ill a bad name in this society.
“If only they’d come to understand why they are vile and beneath contempt, the healing might begin”
It doesn’t work that way, unfortunately. The lousier he feels about himself, the worst he’s going to treat others.
I realize that some of you can’t see it, but peek beneath his words, “…Call it purity or innocence or self-worth or ability to appreciate romantic idealism..” Those are the things he desperately seeks in himself that he just can’t seem to find. Rather than confront his own demons, he’s trying to find himself hidden somewhere in women.
Also, because I just can’t help myself, “promiscuous women have a mental storage closet filled with five minute montages of alpha male love, and these exciting, prurient memories rob the female id of something important.”
Yes it does, it robs us of the ability to lower our standards. Five minutes? Sheesh.
They really, really hate the alleged alphas because those are the guys gaining access to all that “innocence, self worth, and idealism,” while no matter how hard the Heartiste’s try, they can never seem to access it. That’s because it’s lost somewhere in themselves and no matter how many women they blow through, either IRL or in their imaginations, they’ll never find it in another person.
Inanity: YOU go hug him if you feel that bad for him, I’m not his mommy and I have jack shit in the way of sympathy for him. Go on over to his blog and tell him what a poor misunderstood soul he is.
What amuses me is that IS think that we don’t see all that. We do, we just don’t think it justifies his behavior.
Also, Lea, AlphaChad, the tumblr redpillock who later turned out to be a parody, attributed this biotruth to something about pH. Apparently, too many penises exposed the vagina to too many different pHs and caused it to loosen up. He did an AMA on bluepill a while back, and he said he made that up after reading the redpill and wondering why they thought that a 24-year-old married woman who had sex with one man three or four times a weak would be tighter than a 24-year-old single woman who had sex with a different man, at most, once a week. It’s sad that the pillboys’ mockers spend more time trying to make sense of their logic than they do.
THIS!!!!
Fuck him and his presumably sad fee-fees and fuck you too. No, we do not need to worry about the poor fee-fees of hateful, bigoted assholes. They are adults with their own agency and they are using it to be vile to women for no reason at all but that it entertains them and feeds their twisted egos. I don’t care what his excuse is for being a misogynist douche bucket. He needs to stop being a misogynist douche bucket if he wants us to stop describing him as a misogynist douche bucket. You want to try to love him better and kiss his supposed boo-boos? Then go for it. Leave us out of your mission to save the assholes from contempt and criticism. Go to his blog and address your concerns. Don’t come here and admonish us to do what you won’t even do yourself.
Alais,
Wow, that’s one spectacular anatomy fail.
Gosh…
They just want their peens to be so much more important and magical than they are. Let’s all join hands and weep for them…
Joking.
http://media.giphy.com/media/goaet44RY49fW/giphy.gif
I miss the old WordPress links.
IB22, even if these guys found women who met their standards, they would still treat them like shit. I had one guy who’d become disillusioned with all the other girls he knew put me up on a pedestal when I was a teenager. When I wouldn’t date him after he broke up with his long term gf because we lived in separate states, he continued giving me regular updated on his pain over everyone else’s supposed shittiness, my alleged perfection, and the fact that we couldn’t be together. It got worse after I got into a relationship with someone else. I kept getting the updates on how much he was hurting and how much better his life would be if I just dumped my boyfriend (of over two and a half years by the point I finally got fed up). He also kept implying that he’d stop being suicidal if he had a girlfriend like me. And before you say that I didn’t do enough, I talked him through suicidal episodes over the phone twice, really tried to convince him to go into therapy, tried to get him to reach out to friends who lived close by, etc. It wasn’t until he told me that he was too selfish to be happy for me and that he didn’t want to move on that I was done.
Another of these men didn’t necessarily find me perfect, though he did call me slightly deviated from the standard female, and he used the excuse that it was me and a few other good friends who kept him from jumping off a building because he couldn’t get an “optimal female mate” at the college we were attending. And every time I asked him to stop making sexual comments to me because it made me uncomfortable, he’d claim that I was secretly attracted to him. Once I started ignoring him if he refused to stop making comments, he’d initiate conversations by talking about how depressed he was by his lack of girlfriend. (I should note that he didn’t actually have trouble getting dates.) It took him bullying an autistic, gay friend of mine for being openly unusual online for me to stop responding to him.
I guess my point IB is don’t try to save these guys. They don’t want any fucking saving, and if you try, they’ll just make you miserable because all the supposed pain is really just their tool for manipulating you.
@blahlistic – Good luck! I hope you don’t get too stressed – and if you do, there are a tonne of ways of dealing with it as well. I’m sure you know the tricks yourself 🙂
My favourite non-job-acquiring interviewee(*), when asked what he liked least about jobs, growled ‘Affirmative Action!’ at me in a furious tone.
We don’t have it, in our organisation, which I explained, and he went blank and confused. We then asked him precisely what he didn’t like about Affirmative Action, since he brought it up. He said that it meant that black people got jobs HE should clearly get. He had listed ‘friendly’ on his resume. The hilarious thing was he wanted to say ‘women’ but he had to change his little speech quickly because of my presence, and he chose to change it to that.
Sadly, it did not go well for him.
(*) Second favourite, for sheer chutzpah – the dude who came in shirtless, in shorts, with no shoes, who said his long term career goal was ‘stopping working’.
THIS. Over and over again I have seen people excuse some seriously bad shit from both real life people (usually straight white men) and fictional characters (again, usually straight white men) with the idea that he’s a very unhappy human being who had a really horrible past and therefore holding him responsible for how he behaves is very mean, and we need to switch the conversation to how miserable he is, and don’t you think that maybe his targets shouldn’t have provoked him if they wanted to be treated with respect? And on, and on, and on. It’s wearying.
As someone pointed out earlier, Heartiste believes sex with men degrades and damages women, and promptly devotes his life to trying to have sex (ie damage) as many women as possible. He is deliberately hurting others by his own admission, and thus forfeits any right to sympathy. My sympathies are with his targets before they are with him.
LOL. Yes, Lea, they really do want to believe that their penises are just that special and unique. I know that they compare themselves to wolves a lot, so I guess that they think that it’s a way of marking their territory without peeing on anyone.
They think so little of themselves that they pretend that their peens posses magical powers to punish ex-lovers who fuck other men.
Because they know the absence of their company and what it entails is not punishment at all.
…and they must have the delusion that they have punished women for not wanting them or not wanting them enough.
That’s alot of rage over not every single person you ever fancy not pining away for you. Sorry Inanity and other misogynist coddlers, but that much entitlement is just amusing. The people they are making look foolish and inadequate are themselves. That’s hilarious.
“IB22, even if these guys found women who met their standards, they would still treat them like shit.”
Of course they would. They’re the one’s that are broken.
“They don’t want any fucking saving, and if you try, they’ll just make you miserable because all the supposed pain is really just their tool for manipulating you.”
I can’t save them, nobody can. They have to save themselves. Empathizing with them isn’t about trying to save them, it’s about trying to understand where they’re coming from so you don’t internalize all this stuff. Sitting around going, “Fuck him and his presumably sad fee-fees and fuck you too,” makes you just as bitter as he is.
I see what you did there, Fartiste. Myopic astronauts on the moon could see what you did there tbh.
I bet he thinks he’s clever, too. I can just picture him giggling as he wrote that.
So, wait, Heartiste is a PUA? THis whole time I thought he was one of the Christian traditionalists. Or is he both, in that highly hypocritical way that slut-shaming PUAs often are?
Thank you for this, I needed the LOL.
LOL, people with developmental disabilities are hilarious! They’re almost like real people!
(/sarcasm. You’d think I wouldn’t need that disclaimer, but at least one troll has proven me wrong recently)
Monsters hurt people; Heartiste is only hurting women.
Nobody here is internalizing this stuff either. Do try to keep up.
IB22,
If I were to care for his poor little broken fee-fees as much as you seem to think I should, as well as caring for every other MRAsshat as much as you seem to think I should, I would be so tired of caring, so quickly.
Caregiver fatigue, it is a thing.
I am not responsible for these guys behavior. I don’t think I should be. I refuse to take on the mantle of “Healer and Support Binky for All Lost Souls” that you seem to be advocating.
If you want to do it, go ahead.
But, mocking these guys doesn’t make me bitter. It actually is a relief that I can laugh at their ridiculousness. It reminds me that there are so many good people who don’t believe that way, which is really really important to me.
So, forgive me, Oh Benevolent Matron Saint of All Bereaved Heartistes, whilst I laugh about how convinced these guys are about their magical man-juices.
IB, I’m not saying, “Fuck you.” I’m saying, “Be careful. There are too many decent people out there to waste your time and your wellness on abusive people who try to make you feel sorry for them.”
And the conversation turns back to Don Draper. 😛
For bonus points, lets think about how much easier it would be for women not to internalize this kind of crap without handmaidens like IB trying to convince them that they should always put men’s feeling before their own.
The pH theory is hilarious. Complete BS, but hilarious. These guys have imagination, I’ll grant them that.
🙂
IB,
Then fuck off and go care give. No one here needs your services.
IB,
You still calling women who have sex with birth control “semen receptacles”?