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Attention Heartiste: Don Draper is not an actual person

The REAL thousand-cock stare
The REAL thousand-cock stare

One of the odder folk beliefs of the pickup artist subculture is that women become worn down and used up and even a bit addled if they have sex with too many men. Men, by contrast, are said to be able to handle an equal number of female lovers with grace and aplomb.

In a recent post, our old friend Heartiste offers what he sees as decisive photographic evidence illustrating the different effects of promiscuity on men and women. One bit of this evidence: a picture of a young woman used to advertise some sort of singles event. Reflections from the photographer’s lights obscure her pupils, an offputting effect that gives her a slightly deranged look.

thousand

Heartiste, apparently not curious enough to wonder why the woman seems to have no pupils, sees this as clear photographic evidence of the tell-tale “thousand cock stare” that he believes women develop after exposure to more than the lifetime recommended allotment of penises.

To underscore his claim that promiscuous men are “more emotionally stable and contented” than their female counterparts, Heartiste offers this photographic evidence:

DOn Draper, looking content

I think we can all see the problem here. Aside from the fact that a single photograph of someone smiling offers no real clue to that person’s relative stability or degree of happiness with their life – there are plenty of people who can put a good face on all sorts of troubles – this is not actually a picture of a promiscuous man.

It’s a picture of actor John Hamm playing the character of Don Draper, a promiscuous ad exec on Mad Men, in full costume and makeup and doing his best to act the part of a contented man.

As regular viewers of the show are well aware, Don Draper is not always so contented. Indeed, the character is a near-constant drinker with a troubled past who ruins two marriages through his compulsive womanizing.

Here are pictures of Don Draper in some less-happy moments.

draper-sadtumblr_m2ando8Ago1r2r481o1_1280tumblr_m2qgh3LbXB1r2r481o1_1280DonDraperBukes

Can we conclude therefore that excess promiscuity will turn smiling, confident men into puking emotional wrecks? Well, no, because, again, Draper is a CHARACTER, not a person. He’s NOT REAL.

But don’t try telling Heartiste that, because he seems to prefer to live in an imaginary world.

A man can sample the slits and furrows of outrageous fortune and survive the whirlwind of passion to mark a day in the future when he contentedly and without pathological second-guessing slips into a stabler, longer term commitment.

Women who have sampled a poo poo platter of penes accumulate emotional scars that never heal; promiscuous women have a mental storage closet filled with five minute montages of alpha male love, and these exciting, prurient memories rob the female id of something important. Call it purity or innocence or self-worth or ability to appreciate romantic idealism, the slut with ass chafing from riding the cock carousel is never the same as she was before she let herself get pummeled by dick.

Uh, just so you know, Heartiste, the Chinese menu item you evidently have in mind is actually called a Pu Pu Platter. A Poo Poo Platter is something, well, a bit different.

Then again, I suspect that most of those women who’ve “sampled” Heartiste’s alleged charms would have, in hindsight, rather spent the evening cleaning shit out of a toilet tank.

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icecreamjones (@Ice_Cream_Jones)

Not only is Don not a real person, the show makes it pretty clear he’s not even remotely a good person. Even the most cursory examination of the show’s themes and story show that its about how shitty he is.

bunnybunny
bunnybunny
7 years ago

the slut with ass chafing from riding the cock carousel is never the same as she was before she let herself get pummeled by dick.

I love how he always uses passive language when he talks about women having sex. So transparent. Men fuck, women get fucked. /eye roll

idledillettante
7 years ago

“poo poo platter of penes”

Suck a bag of dicks, Heartiste.

Z
Z
7 years ago

Don’t you mean her pupils, not her irises?

carswell
carswell
7 years ago

a poo poo platter of penes

LOLOLOL. What is a poo poo platter anyway?

Adi Doyle
7 years ago

Is anyone really sure that Heartiste isn’t in fact just a posturing virgin? I’m just looking at the blog and the logical deduction is -frustrated virgin who’s afraid girls will laugh at his pee-pee. I kinda view his particular expression of misogyny as entertaining in a “short bus special” and “do you have a helmet for daily use” way…

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

Um, John Hamm has been in a monogamous (as far as I know( relationship with Jennifer Westfeldt for many, many years. Since Mad Men isn’t a porn, he isn’t actually having sex with the actresses on the show. Therfore he wouldn’t have a thousand vagina stare or whatever. Not that that’s a real thing but he could have least tried to come up with a better example.

Anonymouslazycat
Anonymouslazycat
7 years ago

Wait, is he comparing a “thousand cock stare” to the look of someone with *twenty* lovers? HOW MANY COCKS DO MEN HAVE IN YOUR WORLD?

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
7 years ago

There’s a thing in anime where a persons eyes are drawn with filled in pupils. It’s used to show someone is possessed, someone who’s “snapped,” or is otherwise not fully present. The pupils come back when they wake up or the possession goes away.

Apparently Heartiste thinks this is real life.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

“five minute montages of alpha male love”

One would hope for longer than 5 minutes.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Am dying over “poo poo platter.”

Heartiste really needs to believe this. Probably because any woman who’s not a virgin would laugh him out of bed.

redpoppy
redpoppy
7 years ago

Again, it’s so fucking dumb that they get so upset over women having any sort of sex at all and yet feel the need to constantly have sex with…women. They can’t decide which is worse: “whores” or “prudes denying them sex.” I suppose it all boils down to: Women who have sex with other men = evil and Women who have sex with me= not as evil.

girlscientist
girlscientist
7 years ago

@Adi Doyle: Is Heartiste the one who’s an admitted rapist, or is that the other gross PUA guy with a blog? I can’t tell them apart.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
7 years ago

Now I’m imagining what would happen if you showed Heartiste porn. Bear with me…

“What is this man doing?”

“He is simply sampling the slits and furrows of outrageous fortune, surviving the whirlwind of passion to mark a day in the future when he contentedly and without pathological second-guessing slip into a stabler, longer term commitment.”

“And what is this woman doing?”

“Oh, she. She is tasting a poo poo platter of penes, accumulating emotional scars that never heal. She is a promiscuous woman that is filling her mental storage closet with five minute montages of alpha male love, and these exciting, prurient memories will rob her female id of something important.”

“Oookay, then… Um, how would you describe the actual act that the male is performing here?”

“Delighting in the moment, sharing pleasure with another in intimate embrace. He is experiencing a love that will remain a dear memory in his heart long after this romantic encounter. Of course, he will have passion enough for his beloved partner as well.”

“And how would you describe the act that this female is performing here?”

“She’s getting pummeled by dick.”

“You know these are all the same video, right?”

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

This guy sure fantasizes alot about women being harmed by sex with men, doesn’t he? Seems to be a theme with these jealous jerks.

He’s absolutely obsessed with this myth that fucking isn’t as fun for women as it is for men. He’s still pretending that lesbian and bi women don’t exist too. He really, truly hates and resents women who have happy, healthy sex lives with a variety of partners of their choice. He’s so bitter. As for him sampling the furrows…*projectile vomit* I think that’s as much a fantasy as anything else he claims. He’s like a kid covering his eyes so the monster under the bed can’t see him. If he just pretends hard enough, I guess he thinks women will stop having sex with lovers he can’t hold a candle to and will never be. He fertilizes his sour grapes with the shit that he uses for brains. I really do hope he’s a miserable as he seems. He doesn’t deserve better.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

“short bus special” and “do you have a helmet for daily use” way…>/blockquote>

Nonononononononononoooo!

Ableism is a nopey-no here.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Blockquote failing, however, is fine.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
7 years ago

If it’s true that women are ruined by sex with men, why in god’s good name is he running a fucking business out of getting men to have sex with women? He’s knowingly (according to his internal logic) harming people. He should be preaching abstinence from the rooftops!

By his own logic, he’s a despicable monster.

redpoppy
redpoppy
7 years ago
bunnybunny
bunnybunny
7 years ago

He’s knowingly (according to his internal logic) harming people.

Don’t be silly, women aren’t people.

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
7 years ago

This is very similar to the Neocon obsession with proving that “Torture works!” by referring to Jack Bauer on 24 as documentary evidence.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

kirbywarps,
First, you nailed it with the porn commentary.
Second, he hates women. That’s why he dreams of hurting them with the very thing he wants from them. I’d wager his hatred and desire get all mixed up in his garbage bin of a head and these rationalizations are the result. Dude has issues.

maistrechat
7 years ago

While were at it, Walter White was not the hero of Breaking Bad, and the show was not about how a righteous alpha dude is held back those around him.

redpoppy
redpoppy
7 years ago

Major- It’s stupid, isn’t it? Neocons are also the type to use the argument “All they understand is violence!” It’s an excuse to perpetuate violence and not give ANY OTHER SOLUTION a chance. Irony. They do not see it.

ej
ej
7 years ago

@kirbywarp Thank you for that amazing dose of humor about showing Heartiste porn. I had to wipe a few tears from my eyes because I was laughing so hard.

tcwill00
tcwill00
7 years ago

A man can sample the slits and furrows of outrageous fortune

That’s it, I’m calling the metaphor police and the Federal Bureau of Shakespeare.

Some people just can’t handle the responsibility of the English language. It’s so sad.

Tough love is what is needed here.

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
7 years ago

Yes, the Neocon comeback that if you didn’t want to resort to immediate violence as answer #1, you were a “terrorist sympathizer.”

pendraegon
pendraegon
7 years ago

@girlscientist

@Adi Doyle: Is Heartiste the one who’s an admitted rapist, or is that the other gross PUA guy with a blog? I can’t tell them apart.

The admitted and proud rapist PUA would be Roosh. Heartiste as far as I know has never admitted to rape, though it would shock none.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Tough love is what is needed here.

What we’ve got here is… failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
7 years ago

“A man can sample the slits and furrows of outrageous fortune and survive the whirlwind of passion to mark a day in the future when he contentedly and without pathological second-guessing slips into a stabler, longer term commitment.”

They all like to tell themselves that, don’t they. As if emotionally stunted PUAs (and/or MRAs and their ilk) were capable of “a stabler, longer term commitment” with a human being.

What a hideous, perverted idiocy these… men represent. Dregs of society, the whole bunch of them, projecting their wretchedness of women day in and out.

Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
7 years ago

Mind you, he has a point – when pussy goes hunting cock, the results can be pretty frightening.

BringTheNoise
BringTheNoise
7 years ago

Also worth noting: That picture is AN AD, so we have no idea how many people she’s had sex with either. He may as well have shown us a drawing of stick figures from friggin’ MS PAINT!

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
7 years ago

@kirbywarp

If it’s true that women are ruined by sex with men, why in god’s good name is he running a fucking business out of getting men to have sex with women? He’s knowingly (according to his internal logic) harming people. He should be preaching abstinence from the rooftops!

By his own logic, he’s a despicable monster.

I don’t think Heartiste or those who think like him would enjoy sex if they didn’t think they were somehow damaging women. It doesn’t seem to be the sex itself, but rather “winning” against an opponent that the that they’re after.

What would be the point of “defeating” a woman into letting you have sex with her if she enjoyed the experience and wasn’t any worse off afterwards?

drmrsthemonarch1
drmrsthemonarch1
7 years ago

Does anyone happen to know how prevalent Heartiste and his… ideas… are in the MRA? I was informed by a polite and charming AVfMer that nobody has even heard of him, though I suspect that might not be true.

insanitybytes22
7 years ago

“Second, he hates women. That’s why he dreams of hurting them with the very thing he wants from them. I’d wager his hatred and desire get all mixed up in his garbage bin of a head and these rationalizations are the result. Dude has issues”

Now you’re getting close. It’s not really women he hates however, it’s himself.

“By his own logic, he’s a despicable monster.”

Yes. Kind of sad, isn’t it?

Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
7 years ago

Z.E.L. What would be the point of “defeating” a woman into letting you have sex with her if she enjoyed the experience and wasn’t any worse off afterwards?

Think more in terms of “conquering” than “defeating”, and I think you’ll be closer. To conquer someone, they have to acknowledge you dominant and suffer as a result; since sex with a women is “conquering” her, in Heartiste terms, she must be damaged by as a result by definition.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
7 years ago

@ib22:

Now you’re getting close. It’s not really women he hates however, it’s himself.

Oh, do tell. *grabs popcorn*

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
7 years ago

aww, blockquote monster ran away from me.

The first line should be quoted.

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
7 years ago

@drmrsthemonarch1

Does anyone happen to know how prevalent Heartiste and his… ideas… are in the MRA? I was informed by a polite and charming AVfMer that nobody has even heard of him, though I suspect that might not be true.

http://www.donotlink.com/bdoo (avfm search for “heartiste”)

There are a number of articles at AVFHM that quote him approvingly.

Heartiste is one of the more well known redpill theorists*, and MRAs tend to agree with him when he theorizes about alpha/beta bullshit sexual dynamics and how women are ruining everything.

There are definite differences between H-ist PUAs and MRA ideology. They more or less come down to MRAs think women are horrible and run the world and only fuck assholes and that this should be changed because of the poor betas and PUAs think the same thing but have just decided to become the biggest assholes they can be.

Not sure if that helps.

Oh, and Heartiste is a huge racist and homophobe. AVFM claims not to be, but that doesn’t seem to stop them from fawning over his “incisive analysis” when it supports their position.

*hahahaha

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Kirby: please pass the popcorn.

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
7 years ago

@IB22

You’re just reading these off index cards, aren’t you?

redpoppy
redpoppy
7 years ago

IB22- Preeeetty sure he really hates women. I mean, it’s certainly reasonable to think he also hates himself but he really really really hates women. A lot. It’s his primary focus.

Orion
7 years ago

@Bringthenouse,

Stick figures from MS paint, you say? Heartiste has in fact already been down that road. It was gloriously awful. I think you can find it in the mammoth archive.

@tcwill,

Will you judge me if I admit that I actually do occasionally appreciate Heartiste’s bon mots? “Slits” is a pretty gross word, and “furrows” is just weird, but that was actually a funny and coherent shakespeare call back. Also, “platter of penes” is a great turn of phrase, though “pu pu” was an overreach (even with correct spelling).

Re: the post. I suspect that any person would indeed be worn down and a bit addled if they had been bullied and exploited 1000 PUAs. Or 20, which I guess is pretty much the same number. Presumably Heartiste is experiencing a familiar of imagination vis a vis the nature of sex with non-PUA men.

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
7 years ago

Even if he does hate himself, who cares? The issue here is how he treats others.

loonybrain
loonybrain
7 years ago

Hey guys. Got some worried emails, so thought I’d drop in, let folks know that my sanity has shat the bed and I’m not really fit for human company. You probably won’t see me for a bit. Is totally a separate problem to Mammoth, I am behind on everything, apparently missed rannygazoo, and will likely take a good while to catch up, since right now, too crazy to really be a human.

Argenti, katz, and Kittehs have my email, if you want to say hi. Can’t promise a response though. Like I said, not good at being a human right now.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Also, uh, apparently my wordpress account is being weird? It’s being weird. Yeah.

Here is a video of a happy two-legged cat and his buddies playing with a laser dot:

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Trying again:

Hey guys. Got some worried emails, so thought I’d drop in, let folks know that my sanity has shat the bed and I’m not really fit for human company. You probably won’t see me for a bit. Is totally a separate problem to Mammoth, I am behind on everything, apparently missed rannygazoo, and will likely take a good while to catch up, since right now, too crazy to really be a human.

Argenti, katz, and Kittehs have my email, if you want to say hi. Can’t promise a response though. Like I said, not good at being a human right now.

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
7 years ago

Here’s part of a little poem that Heartiste wrote:

Cuckold suffering tolls, Hypergamy sings
in the rooms of Freddie’s Mountain Dew mansion.
Bear’s black mamba creams in his wife’s wet vajeen;
Her asshole and mouth are for Bear’s fun.
And farther below, Freddie’s marital ho
takes in what Bear’s privilege can send her,
And Freddie will know as all swinging alphas know
it’s two women-one man not the inverse.

But it’s not that he’s racist and hates non-whites or anything. He just hates himself and needs a hug.

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