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D'oh! A deer, a female deer

I don't even ... what?
I don’t even … what?

I don’t usually bother to read the comments on Chateau Heartiste; making it through Heartiste’s own florid yet turgid prose is exhausting enough. But after skimming a recent post of his on the increasing historical fatness of British women, I happened to glance down at the comments, only to see a discussion of the comparative anatomy of female humans and deer that was so odd and creepy I felt obligated to bring it to you all.

Brace yourself, because the following might just ruin your breakfast:

 

FuriousFerret  Well at least tits are bigger now. That’s one silver lining.      on August 26, 2014 at 12:12 pm | Reply CH      not even. big tits on fat women aren’t attractive. they hang like deerskin fur canteen bladders and are about as flat.          on August 26, 2014 at 12:20 pm prevailtolegend          One time I was skinning a doe deer in the field and when cutting out the rectum and thus the entrails, my finger accidentally slipped into the vagina. I sell home consumer goods and there are women I encounter every day, spending their husbands money, that are so large they would have me less aroused.

Ewwwwww.

I’m pretty sure that guy’s hunting license should be taken away from him. And if there were sex licenses for human beings, well, all three of these guys should lose those as well.

 

 

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fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
10 years ago

Disney based most of his movies on actual fairy tales. He doesn’t hate mothers, he’s just mostly copying of what’s in those tales.

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

Why would anyone know their grandmother’s waist circumference anyway? Why would you know anyone’s unless you are a tailor or fashion designer and making something for them?

Michael McG
Michael McG
10 years ago

Hans Chirstien Andersen: misogynist extraordinaire

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
10 years ago

Michael McG
I read about him, he was actually gay who wrote a story about the little mermaid based on his love for a man but was rejected. I don’t know if it’s true though.

I do love the story: the snow queen

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
10 years ago

I dunno if you can give Disney a pass though. If they can make Ariel live at the end of Little Mermaid, they can keep at least a few parents alive.

I wonder if part of it was that they didn’t want to have to deal with the question “where are the parents” when the kids (and they are kids to be more relatable (yes, chrome, that is in fact a word) to the target audience) go off on their fairy tale adventures. That and they didn’t want to write parental interaction? I dunno…

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

The other thing about small waist sizes: anorexics and others given severely restricted calorie intakes have them. Having a really small waist is not an indicator of healthiness.

The only medicine-related references I can find to waist size is an alternative to BMI where you use a formula to see whether you’ve over or under a single cut-point which gives you an overview of how healthy you are: https://www.kiwicover.co.nz/your-health/bmi/waist-metrics

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
10 years ago

Wow, what are the odds of getting two different refrences to the same story?

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

Fun fact: A lot of fairy tales featured evil mothers but the Grimms changed it to evil stepmothers to be more palatable to the audience.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

Wow, I didn’t know that. Given that mothers I knew didn’t give the Grimm versions of fairy tales to their kids because those tales are still brutal, that’s mindblowing that they made a relationship change.

freemage
10 years ago

kirbywarp: Yup–absent/dead parents are pretty much required for stories featuring children having grown-up-ish adventures, because without that element, you end up with, “Why the hell aren’t their parents doing something about this?” destroying the audience investment in the story. Disney is quite good at coming up with ways to eliminate them as a factor.

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

Hansel and Gretel is one I know for sure they changed. They didn’t think a mother would deliberately starve her kids. Ad of course it’s always a woman’s fault. Their father had no responsibility to stop his mean wife from doing so.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
10 years ago

Now that I’ve stopped laughing, I’d like to know where this, um, gentleman sells those “consumer goods” so I can make sure to avoid his store (or road-side stand).

There are so many possible jokes to be had at his expense that I have to restrain myself (as all of them would be just terrible).

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
10 years ago

@daintydougal:

“SO MANY SCIENCE”

Ain’t that the truth (lol).

One reason for reading manurespherian commentary is its hilarity value. The theories those idiots come up with can be endlessly entertaining and enlightening, in a “I’d never imagine anyone would be so stupid to believe such crap!” way. And yet, there it is. Always surprising.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
10 years ago

BTW, David, the title of this post is just priceless. Made my day.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
10 years ago

Maybe we can make up our own fairy tales?

Dvärghundspossen
10 years ago

I have a book of fairytales from the 1940:s. It’s fun. Some of them are pretty weird. My favourite from when I was little is “Ulf the prince”. I liked that one partly because it’s so strange, with loads of strange details, partly because the main character is a princess who’s fairly smart and gets to be really active in the story. It’s sort of a version of “east of the sun, west of the moon”, but much weirder than the versions you usually hear.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

Once upon a time, prevailtolegend was a seller of ice creams DIRECTLY ON THE BEACH.

GrumpyOldNurse
GrumpyOldNurse
10 years ago

No, no, NO!!!! Stupid deer skinning guy. That’s NOT how it works!!!!!

Sorry, I know the thread has passed, but, $&$*#@ that annoyed me! I grew up on a farm, and we hunted or grew most of our meat, and YOU ARE SO WRONG!!!! Stupid guy is stupid. Also perverted. Also, blergh!! Congrats, asshat, you made a nurse feel nauseated.

bekabot
10 years ago

The hunter who would feel up a slain doe in the field is no gentleman. You, sir, are a cad.

leftwingfox
10 years ago

All this talk of faerie tales made me realize I had two early 80’s versions of Aladdin mixed up in my head: Shelly Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theatre, which has Leonard Nemoy as the evil magician, and James Earl Jones as the Genie. (I really ant to see that again now), and “Aladdin to Mahou no Lamp”, an anime version badly dubbed into English.

Because of this, I have false memories of a REALLY AWESOME Aladdin cartoon with incredible voice actors that never actually existed. Poop.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
10 years ago

I have an old book of fairy tales laying around somewhere, that was one of my favorite books as a kid. One of the longer stories had a donkey as the protagonist. The donkey gets buried in snow which turns his coat white, finds his way to fairy land, is giving a cake that lets him speak human language and (IIRC) pink ears, and then goes back to the dude who dumped him where he could be buried in snow.

The longest story was about a little girl who saved her village by skipping rope.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
10 years ago

WTF does “sell home consumer goods” even mean?

Amway representative.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
10 years ago

The problem with the standard orphaned/parentless fairy-tale trope is that you then get libertarians/GTOW types thinking this is literally true – that heroes are always lone, and mommies/daddies/governments are inconvenient obstacles who prevent the hero from realizing his true destiny. They’re always making him do annoying beta things like go to bed on time, eat his vegetables, pay taxes, hold doors for people, and otherwise be a decent part of human society. How can anyone have an epic video-game life if someone’s always telling them what to do?

@Aunt Edna:

I’d like to know where this, um, gentleman sells those “consumer goods” so I can make sure to avoid his store (or road-side stand).

I picture him stacking hand towels at Bed Bath & Beyond and making disgusted faces as the women walk by. Soon he’ll be promoted to bath towels, if only the manager doesn’t find out about that little fling with the roadkill skunk.

@WWTH:

Why would anyone know their grandmother’s waist circumference anyway?

Probably his grandfather and father were also misogynist douchebags and made sure to mention this fact as often as possible throughout his childhood, so that the commenter would admire the manliness of his elders and also learn to prize tiny waists as a measure of manly man manhood manliness.

Back then, average waist sizes for women were skewed by the Depression and war rationing – and even then, they were closer to 30 inches. It’s not reasonable these days to demand a 19″ waist unless a woman is deliberately starving herself, loves corsets, is underage, and/or is part wasp.

Karalora
Karalora
10 years ago

That “spending their husbands money” bit really grates on me. Especially if what they’re spending it on is Amway or similar items for the home. That’s not frittering away “someone else’s” money, that’s doing a good job as a homemaker, keeping the domicile pleasant and well-equipped for purpose by spending money that belongs to the couple by virtue of their teamwork. It’s like blaming the members of the Purchasing Department for spending money brought in by Sales…on office furniture and computers that the people in Sales use.