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D'oh! A deer, a female deer

I don't even ... what?
I don’t even … what?

I don’t usually bother to read the comments on Chateau Heartiste; making it through Heartiste’s own florid yet turgid prose is exhausting enough. But after skimming a recent post of his on the increasing historical fatness of British women, I happened to glance down at the comments, only to see a discussion of the comparative anatomy of female humans and deer that was so odd and creepy I felt obligated to bring it to you all.

Brace yourself, because the following might just ruin your breakfast:

 

FuriousFerret  Well at least tits are bigger now. That’s one silver lining.      on August 26, 2014 at 12:12 pm | Reply CH      not even. big tits on fat women aren’t attractive. they hang like deerskin fur canteen bladders and are about as flat.          on August 26, 2014 at 12:20 pm prevailtolegend          One time I was skinning a doe deer in the field and when cutting out the rectum and thus the entrails, my finger accidentally slipped into the vagina. I sell home consumer goods and there are women I encounter every day, spending their husbands money, that are so large they would have me less aroused.

Ewwwwww.

I’m pretty sure that guy’s hunting license should be taken away from him. And if there were sex licenses for human beings, well, all three of these guys should lose those as well.

 

 

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Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
10 years ago

In Europe, there is a greater availability of food, the breasts are therefore just ready to start making milk and will produce more milk because they are larger. So that is why men maybe prefer them.

I am intrigued by this famine-free history of Europe. These fellas need to take their greater skills and go update Wikipedia, stat. Hurry! Thousands are people are being misinformed every minute!

Also, bigger breasts = more milk? I’m very fortunate that my two didn’t starve to death, then. I’m almost flat-chested at my normal weight, and I guess it’s obvious that breasts are incapable of expanding from pregnancy or nursing. That three cup size increase was a figment of my imagination – twice. Wow, breaking news in anatomy and physiology on top of that first-class history. What a morning!

Misha
Misha
10 years ago

@Policy of Madness

“I’m not convinced it was accidental”

arglebargleBLARGLE!!

Julie (ᴍᴄ) Galliard (@mcjulie)

This is the sort of thing that causes me to wonder if the MRA world is full of deep cover trolls, who post the most outrageous and disturbed “I am a serial killer waiting to happen!” red flags to see if anybody notices.

No one does, though. That’s still a problem.

BritterSweet
10 years ago

I was just eating breakfast when I saw and giggled at the awfully punny title of this post (thanks, David). Ruin my breakfast? Really? Let’s see.

That was the equivalent of “What’s the worst that could happen?”

It’s gross, but not exactly surprising. To them, a hole is a hole. Actually, the less evidence of being a living thing it has, the better.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
10 years ago
pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

Yeah, I was wondering what about the skinning comment didn’t ring true.

It’s this: skinning is literally removing the skin. When one is talking about removing the entrails etc, that is termed disemboweling or, more commonly, gutting. I don’t know any hunter who would accidentally call “gutting” “skinning”. I also don’t know why removing entrails would be involved in simply skinning an animal – you don’t need to remove their insides to do that.

I think they have also confused the terms “rectum” and “anus”.

If you’ve the ability to gut/skin animals – and you’re doing this while the corpse is still warm – then you’re not going to be squicked out by anything. You’re also going to know how to hold the corpse to do the skinning and gutting as quickly as possible. And you’re handling a knife, so you don’t want fingers slipping.

I call made up BS on that comment.

gillyrosebee
gillyrosebee
10 years ago

comment image

What has been seen cannot be unseen

cloudiah
10 years ago

I would like to distract you from the subject matter of this post with a tweet, and a hilarious video.

Tweet:

http://twitter.com/josswhedon/status/504508687722250240

Hilarious video (note non-standard use of “consignment,” which had me almost in tears):

sparky
sparky
10 years ago

A famine-free Europe, omega-3 fatty acids are stored in the butt, and bigger breasts make more milk faster than smaller breasts.

I don’t think my puny ladybrains can take all this manly-man STEM logic.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
10 years ago

“I’m not convinced it was accidental”

arglebargleBLARGLE!!

I’ve cleaned deer (and never called it skinning ??? why would you kill a deer and go to all that effort and not take the meat?) and believe you me, keeping one’s fingers from going the wrong place is actually kind of important. I’ve never had my fingers “accidentally” go into any questionable places, because I intend to eat this animal and I’m going to be using my hands to prep the carcass for that purpose. Someone whose fingers “mistakenly” slip into the animal’s genitals is probably also smearing musk all over the carcass and making it inedible.

Shaun DarthBatman Day
10 years ago

“Now one of them is blaming Title IX for his abnormal liking of butts. This is literally incredible.”

I would go look, but I’m sure my imagination is far more funny and less depressing than actual comments.

Michael McG
Michael McG
10 years ago

I’m not convinced it was accidental.

I’m not convinced that it was his finger.

::vomit::

Michael McG
Michael McG
10 years ago

That last comment should probably come with a trigger warning…sorry.

🙁

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

I call made up BS on that comment.

I don’t know what’s more disturbing. If the story is true or if someone would make up a story like that.

gillyrosebee
gillyrosebee
10 years ago

He’s telling it, so on some level he’s proud/happy with it, and worse, he doesn’t expect any social consequences for doing so.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

Maybe they’re trying to establish their manly man credentials ahead of their statement that they “sell home consumer goods”.

WTF does “sell home consumer goods” even mean? I guess they’re not a real estate agent, otherwise they would be selling homes, or a car salesman, because car’s aren’t typically referred to by linking them to a home. All I can parse is that they work in retail or telemarketing and deal directly with customers. I bet they’re so good at that too.

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
10 years ago

I suddenly had this horrific idea that this is the guy who killed Bambi’s mother, and now my childhood is even more ruined than it was before.

(Actually, as a child I was always more traumatized by Dumbo’s mother being imprisoned. I think it’s the song “Baby of Mine” that really drives it home.)

daintydougal
daintydougal
10 years ago

My grandmother, born before WWI, had a 19″ waist on her wedding day.
My wife, born after WWII, had a 20″ waist on our wedding day.

But my grandmother was 4’10” and my wife was 5’4″. Proportionately my wife was more slender than my grandmother.

Yeah take that Grandma! Wait, what was the question.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

@Cassie’s Major Domo: what is with Disney and all the hate directed at mothers/ stepmothers? I can’t watch Finding Nemo, it’s like Bambi with clown fish.

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

Dead mothers are just a really cheap and easy device for character development and making characters more sympathetic. It’s not just Disney that does it. It’s all over popular culture.

leftwingfox
10 years ago

Cloudiah: Distraction appreciated.

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
10 years ago

@Pallygirl: I used to think Bambi was harsh… then I read the original German-language novel by Felix Salten. That… is… brutal. Bambi’s mother’s death scene also involves wholesale slaughter of many other forest animals, including Friend Hare (the basis for Thumper in the movie). However, Salten was specifically writing the novel as an anti-hunting story, and not one directed at children. The Nazis later banned the book, claiming that Salten’s deer were allegorical for persecuted Jews.

gillyrosebee
gillyrosebee
10 years ago

Yay, culture industry! Achieving emotional growth for men through subjecting women to pain and death since always!

Ugh, I really just can’t today. Going off in search of kitten pictures.

dustedeste
dustedeste
10 years ago

My grandmother, born before WWI, had a 19″ waist on her wedding day.
My wife, born after WWII, had a 20″ waist on our wedding day.

Who actually gives a shit about women’s waist circumferences on their wedding days? What is this, Little House In The Big Woods?

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

I just had my baby (okay he’s coming up 8 towards the end of this year, but he’s my youngest and I’ve had him since he was the cutest kitten) ragdoll on my lap, purring. He wanted a lot of firm chin scratching. 🙂