I don’t usually bother to read the comments on Chateau Heartiste; making it through Heartiste’s own florid yet turgid prose is exhausting enough. But after skimming a recent post of his on the increasing historical fatness of British women, I happened to glance down at the comments, only to see a discussion of the comparative anatomy of female humans and deer that was so odd and creepy I felt obligated to bring it to you all.
Brace yourself, because the following might just ruin your breakfast:
Ewwwwww.
I’m pretty sure that guy’s hunting license should be taken away from him. And if there were sex licenses for human beings, well, all three of these guys should lose those as well.
It took me ages to get this.
Not being a native English-speaker, I used to assume that “teal” was an obscure word meaning something like “butthurt” and “deer” would be derived from condescending “dear”. So teal deer would be kinda like drama llama.
Vaginal flora makes me think there are flowers lurking in there.
Prolly just as well they’re not, I don’t imagine the vagina dentata is herbivorous.
You know, I admit to being a bit confused.
They didn’t exactly seem to have run out of horses, I guess.
Fibi, I don’t even dare ask what that means!
::hides under desk::
Kitteh: brings new meaning to the term deflowered? I should investigate the origins of that word in its context. Probably comes from Shakespeare, almost everything does.
Some flowers have thorns. Ouch.
According to the Grammarphobia blog, to deflower in the sense of taking a woman’s virginity was used as far back as 1300, way before Shakespeare. Back then “flower” meant “virginity” as well as actual flowers, and since women were prized for their virginity, it makes sense that to take it meant taking her “beauty” from her, like you would if you stripped a flower bush of blossoms.
Mind you to deflower also meant to violate, so I’m not sure If the original meaning actually meant “to rape a virgin”.
http://www.grammarphobia.com/blog/2009/12/deflower-child.html
@redpoppy – I protest the attempt to claim bridge, but canasta might work.
@Arctic Ape – :), describes the spiels produced by Mens Righsters to a tee:
“There they go, being drama llamas again”.
I’m just going to go ahead and assume Greg’s another Pell until proven otherwise. Hi, Dr. Pell.
@ Arctic Ape – teal is a real word. It’s a shade of blue-green.
Telling people weight-loss is all just thermodynamics is about as useful as telling a kid they can pitch for the majors by throwing the ball fast. At best it is an over-simplification and at worst may lead to counterproductive or damaging behaviors.
Also, people drop that nugget like it is the only information a fat person needed to get started. Thanks for the patronization, ass. I know you probably mean well, but intent ain’t magic. Would you tell an asthmatic they just need to use their willpower to breathe better?
In my last weight-loss attempt, I dropped 160lbs. To be clear, I lost as much weight as some people weigh. It took concerted effort to make it easier to make the right food choices. What did me in was over-exercising and unemployment related depression. I was riding my bike 70 miles each week for work and errands. I was eating 3000 calories a day without gaining weight. When I lost my job, I lost my will and need to ride those miles. My body still expected a higher caloric intake though and I fell back into bad habits.
Lectures and advice on weight-loss act like people are clueless. Please stop treating patients and advice seekers without respect for their exists ng knowledge.
Also, the worst thing I noticed about losing that much weight is it dropped the blinders I had up about the difference in how people treat others based on weight. People would come up to congratulate me on my efforts, but some of them seemed to be unable to do so without revealing how poorly they thought of me before I lost weight. The doctor I was seeing as part of my weight-loss even told me “You look human now.”. He meant that as a compliment. So my opinions on the usefulness of medical opinion on the actual effort involved in losing weight is about a inch up from fuck all.
A teal is also a kind of duck. The color was named after the duck, which has blue-green feathers on part of its head.
@ Arctic Ape
To be completely honest, I also didn’t know what tl;dr or teal deer was and thought the second one was some sort of venison tender meat reference (possibly from a book). 😛
In addition to meaning green, “teal” is also a bird that looks a bit like a duck.
Completely off topic, at my uni accommodation we had this ~20cm tall duck that was grumpy and use to chase people around the carpark. I remember was a bit distracted and I tried to go to uni one day and this duck was outside my door and chased me back into the flat. 😛
So if you change “butthurt” to “anklehurt” then its actually a pretty good description. 🙂
DrMrsTheMonarch, I approve of your nym and fandom choices <3
I’ve thought about doing this just to see what I can get them to agree with, but it would require me to actually spend time on and read MRA sites.
I’m not convinced it was his finger. Heyooooooo! (Sorry)
I LOL’d.
LOL. Now I’m picturing a lush, colorful jungle, in which lurks a carnivorous tooth-monster hunting its phallic prey. I like it 🙂
Can we talk abotut the irony of Greg posting his full name, medical license and practice name around the same time Anita Sarkeesian was being harassed out of her home and probably hundreds of women looking on were double- and triple-checking that they had no identifying information online? This is what we mean when we sar male privilege isn’t an accusation, it’s just a statement of differences in experience. Greg knows he has nothing to fear from posting all that information in one place; women know we would risk our safety and sanity if we did the same thing.
@Kim – I’ve never been to Vegas, so I wouldn’t know how to write that underwater. Although I’ve seen movies, so I guess that’s all the research I need!
Where’s that sarcasm tag?
But truly, if I write it, I’ll make it up to be whatever suits the story.
@contrapanglass – OH, yes! I love knowing that these hateful bigots won’t waste my time. I don’t really date, but at least I know that when a fellow flirts with me, it’s with ME, not with “HB10.” It takes time and effort to come to terms with your body, but that’s a definite selling point. Also, I LOVE my short hair. I cut it off because it hurt too much to maintain it (thanks to my car accident – all the raising of the arms – OUCH), so short hair was practical. Now, I just love it, anyway. Time for another haircut, actually. It’s almost three whole inches long!
@Greg – This is NOT a weight-loss site. Those are in abundance elsewhere, and if we want to see it, all we have to do is go there. Many of them are in our faces with pop-ups and side-banner ads, anyway. Secondly, fat-shaming is a feminist issue. Don’t do it. Thirdly, if you aren’t aware of the concept of food deserts, especially in poor urban areas, please do look it up. It’s really hard to be thin when all you can afford are ramen noodles. And it’s really hard to get nutrition when you have money, but no actual physical access to fresh produce.
Also, weight-loss talk can be very triggering for people. As said above – children can be cruel. So can adults. Lots of us have been downright ABUSED because we weren’t “fit.” And a lot more females than males, actually. Males are judged on a less stringent physical standard. For example, the kerfuffle recently about the Irish opera singer. She was beautiful and talented and “overweight,” and therefor many (male) critics focused on her appearance and didn’t care about her singing. Some commenters even came right out and said that for males, weight and appearance did not matter, but for females, weight and appearance were ALL that mattered. It’s a feminist issue. And since 95% of dieters can’t keep the weight off for 5 whole years, let alone a lifetime, it’s a vital issue to learn to be accepting of people at all sizes, rather than insist they have to torture themselves for their ENTIRE LIVES, in a vain attempt to change themselves to please the bullies, rather than just teach the bullies not to be so darned bullying.
Yeah, I’m fat, so this hits home. And it’s also the whole reason for the original post. We started mocking the comment in Heartist’s post about fat women. Let’s stick with the point, please. Misogyny.
@weirwoodtreehugger – I always hated lentils, until my sister taught me the trick. Cook them with celery, and that makes the flavor pop! Also, if possible, include some yummy sausage in the meal, for even better flavor.
Wait, what do you mean, the sausage defeats the purpose? Lentils are yummy, when properly prepared and presented. THAT is the purpose.
That’s an intriguing theory, although the simple fact of seeing other women in normal, face-on perspective would make it unlikely. It makes me wonder how isolated one would have to be in order to believe that she really looked like this. Plus, bodies of still water are the original mirrors. And we don’t all go around constantly looking at ourselves from the standing position, from a foreshortened head-to-toe perspective. Sometimes we sit, or lie down, in which case our shape is different again. Suddenly, we have legs and feet! And we’re not all boobs/belly/hips/thighs, with tiny shrunken arms.
It really IS hard to say what the sculptor’s intent was, though, without written records of any kind to identify the person and their desires. At best, all we’ve got are educated guesses.
Nothing obscene, really. I was thinking along the lines of “fucking a dead horse”, since, y’know, beating a dead horse is an idiom.
——–
But Doctor,
Dear Doctor,
Oh Doctor!
Allow me to say:
You’re somewhat off base with the claim that you make
Given that exercise won’t help ameliorate
a state of affairs where your intake
of food is restricted to supermarket fare
or perhaps fast food, if you care
For that sort of stuff
You can run quite a lot
but it won’t be enough
Obesity is not a lack of running ’bout
Kids these days don’t sit down when they should strout and shout
The food structure has changed, and the intake too
the take-away is that the choices available to you
won’t leave much in the way of abdominal muscles
just endless tussles
with the number you’re asked to mark
Which, in itself, is off the mark
“Weight” is not the the mathematical answer to a nominal problem
Individual variance is a physiological fact
but what is that?
Is it the adipose tissue with which we have issue?
Did I just binge drink three liters of stuff, and that’s now enough
to change my fluid balance and push it over the cuff
( Rendering me unable to strut my stuff )
People rage against carbohydrates and sitting too still
thinking squatting around leads to too many ills
Yet popping a pill
Another medical measure
Often leads to weight gain
A point few people treasure
I could be genetically pre-diposed
to having six toes
a shock of ginger hair, a cross eyed stare
three loci twists in my genetic structure
an allele, mutation or minor restructure
ends up with 30 extra pounds over ten years
scary stuff
but fucking Heartiste will claim I don’t fucking crossfit to an eligible standard
for boner pleasing
I apologize
But coming up with a rhyme that fits the sceme and matches a gene
is difficult
with geneologists continue the trend
of naming their markers ten digit phrases
They should think more of the rhyming fools on the internet
who must touch their bases to work into a sentence with some semblance of order
Anyhow, for an Doctor whoose credentials I don’t wanna doubt
I find it highly suspect eventual differences
in metrics more bearing on health
Like the wealth of triglycerides in your blood
the pressure of same
a short notation of available literature on the influence of insulin?
Is neither mentioned nor expected to have an implicit bearing on
my otherwise fantastic health?
Nah! Give me a number, some sort of easy scale
perhaps a number derived from a scale
and I shall tell you
Without a doubt
If you’re
fuckablehealthy andattractivewellOh sure! “Run a bit more” is good advice, if you’re dis-inclined to think twice
about the nature of health
But unless people ask
don’t take them to ask
about the percentages of tissue their bodies have
it’s not nice
and frankly, it’s less a spice of life
than just laughing at fools who sometimes fuck deer
and rage against all people hold dear
Doctors are very privileged economically and often do not understand this concept. Cooking nutritious meals also requires having a decent sized kitchen stocked with the right cookware. As far as exercise goes, not everyone can afford a gym membership and some neighborhoods aren’t safe enough to easily go on walks and runs. Both in terms of crime and asthma inducing environmental pollutants. Even running, which is theoretically free to do outside requires a sports bra, exercise clothes and good shoes. A lot of people are really willfully blind to the fact that it takes some privilege to have a healthy lifestyle.
A funny thing about “health” – fat people are lectured all the time about their “health”, as if health is the most important thing about a person, and that a person must be doing everything in their power to increase their health.
And then we turn around and idolize professional and Olympic level athletes, many of whom are engaging in extremely dangerous activities, regularly getting injured, and often retire at a young age with permanent physical damage. If their sport doesn’t literally kill them.
@ karalora – I did not know that. Thank you.
I really do enjoy knitting. I have to be careful, though, because of my shoulders, but it’s fun!
Contrapangloss, may I suggest that you start with wash cloths and tea towels? Baby bibs are also quite good for starters. They are fast and you get to actually finish before your fingers fall off.
@kitteh – I love the cane and the moth! Thanks for sharing!
@Noadi
For some reason, I read that as, “have weight gain as a snide effect.” Made me laugh! Thanks!
Speaking of making me laugh, my sister has just coined the phrase, “As awesome as a colonoscopy.” Of course, she means that something is seriously awesome. You see, a few weeks ago, when my sister was in the hospital, my nephew was at our house, and we explained about his aunt Slappy (we don’t use her real name online) being in the hospital. “She’s getting a colonoscopy right now.”
“What’s that?”
“Well, basically, a colonoscopy is when they stick a camera up your butt.”
His eyes got really big, and he grinned, and shouted, “THAT IS AWESOME!”
So, now, whenever anything is really great, it’s “As awesome as a colonoscopy.”
The test where they run the camera down your throat, on the other hand, was not so awesome. “You could choke!”
Isn’t medicine fun?!
Also, I love my family.
So, I’ve never posted a pic here before, and I’m going to try. This is my kitten, Mittens.
http://i1.wp.com/scontent-a.cdninstagram.com/hphotos-xaf1/t51.2885-15/10617189_317271111786040_1756427501_n.jpg?w=512
Did that work? If not, it’s posted at my sister’s website. http://poppycockpublishing.com/tammyjrizzo/of-course-im-comfy-dont-i-look-comfy-you-think-id-be-like-this-if-it-wasnt-comfy-silly-human/