I don’t usually bother to read the comments on Chateau Heartiste; making it through Heartiste’s own florid yet turgid prose is exhausting enough. But after skimming a recent post of his on the increasing historical fatness of British women, I happened to glance down at the comments, only to see a discussion of the comparative anatomy of female humans and deer that was so odd and creepy I felt obligated to bring it to you all.
Brace yourself, because the following might just ruin your breakfast:
Ewwwwww.
I’m pretty sure that guy’s hunting license should be taken away from him. And if there were sex licenses for human beings, well, all three of these guys should lose those as well.
Sure, prevailtolegend. “Accidentally.”
Also, it doesn’t matter how you try to contextualize it–you just admitted to being more attracted to a dead and partially dismembered hooved mammal than to human women.
Sex licences! Now there’s an idea. These guys should never be granted one, not even to split amongst the lot of them.
And thanks for the warning. I was literally on my last sip of tea, so I swallowed it before scrolling down. Otherwise, you’d owe me a keyboard!
That’s such a…just bizarre thing to say. Really?
Also can I just point out: women who are married or in committed relationships very rarely want strange men to find them attractive. They have life and sex partner(s). No1curr if you are angry they’re fat or unattractive while they’re decorating the house they share with another man/men (or even woman/women!)
Gross, gross, gross. Ew.
Wow. He really went there. He’s not just the kind of person who does shit like that, he’s the kind of person who volunteers the goddamn information. What a pro.
Ehhhh. He’s butchering a deer, and the thing that pops into his head is sex?
I’m just backing slowly away from this one.
“Deerskin fur canteen bladders” = I AM SUPER MANLY HUNTER WITH MUSCLES
“Oh yeah? I killed, skinned, gutted, and fingered a deer once” = I AM EVEN MANLIER THAN YOU AND ALSO FAT CHICKS ARE SO GROSS AMIRITE
Y’know, deer dude…when most of us are dealing with raw venison, we just marinate that baby in a nice red wine, cook it with bacon and wild mushrooms, and eat it.
But I guess you’d kvetch about how that’s why we’re so “fat”, eh?
I… I have no words.
Well. Better tell the other ladies that Heartiste does Not Approve of our collective British wobble. And that this has inspired anecdotes of mistakenly feeling up deer genitalia.
I’m sure they’ll be distraught.
http://media.tumblr.com/26e4429b5df7799335c0e5ef83765adf/tumblr_inline_mpa5abeXDB1qz4rgp.gif
That’s so, so very nasty.
I came here because I was experiencing some MRAssholery fatigue. I expected a chuckle, and the comforting sensation that at least one place on the internet has got things sorted out.
Instead it’s deer erotica. I give up on today.
I’m not convinced it was accidental.
I thought the picture was going to be the most disturbing part of this post….
Eww. He’s killing deer, skinning and disembowelling them, feeling them up, going into work and handling retail goods with those very same fingers (while mentally slagging off the customers), then bragging about how bestiality > housewives on the internet for douchepoints.
And women are the repellant ones?
Where do you even begin with this? My goodness. Can you imagine the looks he gives the poor women attempting to buy his ‘home consumer goods’? If ever the word creepy was fit for anybody. *shivers*
Yeah, dude, you “accidentally” went to third base while you were cutting up a dead animal you killed. Let’s stick with that, shall we? The alternative is way too…shall we say James Gumb in “Silence of The Lambs”?…. for 99% of the population.
So I wondered what else they might be discussing, if you guessed ‘weird racist shit’ you would be correct!
SO MANY SCIENCE
What a charming fellow.
Oh, sure, that was an accident. Uh-huh. Kind of like the ER stories where people have “fallen” on any number of foreign objects.
Looks like I’m skipping breakfast.
Now one of them is blaming Title IX for his abnormal liking of butts. This is literally incredible.
So environmental influences like World War II and associated food rationing that went on for years afterwards had influence on things like body size? Even after that was finished, it’s only recently – and only in First World countries – that cost/calorie of foods has meant that even the poor can become overweight or obese. For centuries, no poor person anywhere could afford to eat that way.
But clearly this is an issue that only affects women because men haven’t been getting heavier. Soylent Green is men!
Here’s a tip for all you heartisters: bra sizes have two parts for a reason, and the cup size doesn’t tell me shit without a band size. A 30 G is the same as a 36 D. Also, band size isn’t that sensitive to weight gain–I’ve gained weight since I quite college (bad town for walking, lots of sit-down work) and gained a pants size and three cup sizes, but the band size hasn’t changed.
Shhh wordsp1nner, you’re giving away all our secrets that we are using to take over the world. Today it’s the mysteries of bra sizing, tomorrow we will change men sizing conventions to be the same as women sizing conventions.
And typo in my comment above, it should have read “…that went on for years afterwards had no influence on…”