I don’t usually bother to read the comments on Chateau Heartiste; making it through Heartiste’s own florid yet turgid prose is exhausting enough. But after skimming a recent post of his on the increasing historical fatness of British women, I happened to glance down at the comments, only to see a discussion of the comparative anatomy of female humans and deer that was so odd and creepy I felt obligated to bring it to you all.
Brace yourself, because the following might just ruin your breakfast:
Ewwwwww.
I’m pretty sure that guy’s hunting license should be taken away from him. And if there were sex licenses for human beings, well, all three of these guys should lose those as well.
Yay! It worked! Now, to go track down the kitten, and take more pictures. Assuming she’s not hiding. She likes to hide.
So much this. I am very much in the minority as a privileged guy who has taken great care to separate this nym from any identifying info, and even then that’s more because of employment-related reasons than any threat to personal safety. I’m also aware that even if I did post my name, address, phone number and upload a photo, the level of abuse I would receive would be NOWHERE NEAR the amount a woman in my position would be subjected to (and quite frankly concern for my partner becoming a target is another reason why I’ve tried to separate this ID from my real name). It’s an eye-opening experience having to check all your posts from several years to see if you’ve accidentally let slip more than you want the world to know – eye-opening for me, anyway. I know those more vulnerable don’t find that shit optional.
Re: unwanted side effects.
I actually had headache medication that listed *headaches* as a side effect.
Ummm…
As for fertility as part of the “SMV,” I don’t get it. These guys are going their own way, and don’t want to be saddled with kids, right? Don’t they keep saying that? Pregnancy is just women’s way to trap men, and the courts will make you pay through the nose for the rest of your life, and all that jazz, and you’d best get a vasectomy, blah, blah. So, who cares if the woman is fertile?
Fertility is only important if you A) want to have children, and B) oppose adoption.
Of course, I believe most MRA’s also oppose adoption, because the only children worth raising are the ones that share their “f***ing liquid gold” semen. I mean, genetics.
@redpoppy
Someone who actually admits to it, online? AND finds something symbolic about the eeeevul wimmenz in it, too.
Oh, btw, by “oppose adoption” I meant FOR YOURSELF. Lots of people are in favor of adoption, but because reasons are opposed to it within their own families.
Sometimes, those reasons are even valid. For instance, if the rest of the family treat adopted children like dirt, and they would rather live childless than expose any more poor children to that sort of treatment. That’s a very valid, albeit painful, reason to refuse adoption.
Also, adoption can be very difficult to achieve, because of the draconian rules, such as you must be young and “healthy,” and what not. Or you may be able to afford to raise a child, but not afford to actually pay all the exorbitant adoption fees.
So, tl;dr – “oppose adoption” was a poor choice of words. Sorry about that.
Should be “can’t/won’t adopt for whatever reason.”
KathleenB – I’m glad the surgery went well for you, and I wish you a full and uncomplicated recovery.
@Bittersweet – LOL! Are those kittens sedated? They are so calm!
OK, as soon as I can figure it out, I will get video of my kitten watching the automatic litter-box. Or maybe I’ll just ask my sister to do it. She already knows how.
My kitten just loves the litter-box show.
@opium4themasses
HUMAN!?!?!?!
I am shocked, but not at the fact of his hate-filled rudeness. Just the shock one feels when a known bully actually punches one in the gut. The punch shocks, physically, even if you’re expecting it.
Also, RAGE!
Did this doctor also ask advice columnists questions like, “How do I tell (X person) they are fat?” Because, you know, fat people are so clueless they don’t even KNOW that they are fat, and but live in a complete delusion of being tiny and thin.
Might as well ask, “How do I tell Michelle that she’s short?” Because, years of jumping to reach the cups in the cabinet were all in my imagination. I never KNEW, I tell you!
@emilygoddess
THIS!!!!
Anita Sarkeesian AND her parents! Because it’s not enough to just go after the woman who calls out problems in your games, but to go after the people who brought her into this world, as well.
It occurs to me that it’s entirely possible that they got that information simply by googling her father, and finding out that he had, confident that no one would dox HIM, posted his info online.
When I decided to use my real name online, I made the decision quite carefully. And, yes, I know the risks. And no, I don’t put my address out there. And there’s a reason that one of my sisters is always referred to as “Slappy.”
Greg, if you’re real (someone thought you might be a sock puppet for someone named Pell), then you are either very brave, or very naive. I’m hoping brave. Still, your privilege allows you to have a lower risk, even in your bravery.
@Fibinachi – Great poem! I loved it!
Regarding bridge, reading the bridge column in the newspaper helps me understand what D&D sounds like to non-players. At this rate, I’ll probably teach myself to knit before I learn to play bridge.
My younger son was visibly fat for several years, as a result of the psychiatric medications he was taking. Then puberty happened, he grew about six inches and now looks somatotypical*. When I had the same kind of growth spurt at the same age, I developed Osgood Schlatter syndrome and couldn’t move faster than a walk for a year. I was excused from running in middle school P.E., and got to walk the track with the other two official Weird Boys. Curiously, I eventually got so into running that I joined the high school track and cross country teams.
*I don’t know if this is a word, but it seems to work.
@Michelle The worst part is that he was trying to compliment me. He prefaced it by saying “This is going to sound awful, but…”. That was hardly the only time someone insulted what I had been to compliment what I was then. This was just the most egregious one.
@opium4themasses
There’s a reason why etiquette mavens say to avoid complimenting people. It too frequently comes out wrong. Especially if you are complimenting their appearance.
Miss Manners recommends, “Don’t you look well?”
Of course, if the person has lost a lot of weight due to meds, chemotherapy, being unable to keep down anything but crackers and water, terminal illness, etc., “Don’t you look well?” won’t go over as intended, either.
I have learned that if someone announces they have lost weight, I should first look for cues, before saying “congratulations.” It might be an “I’m so sorry” moment. Similar to divorce.
Once, a friend announced that her divorce was final. I’d heard the horror stories, so I knew she was glad to be shot of the guy, but I responded, “I’m sorry and congratulations.” She burst into tears, hugged me, and said, “YOU UNDERSTAND!” She was grieving for the loss of the relationship, even while being overjoyed to be rid of the jerk.
Weight loss, divorce and pregnancy announcements – treat them the same. See if the other person is actually happy about it before you say how much better it is now. You might very well be surprised!
Now, complimenting a person on their accomplishments or their personality almost always goes over well.
@Michelle Young, I often respond to announcements like those with, “Am I happy or sad for you?” It usually goes over okay. Or I compliment their clothing or hairstyle. “That colour looks good on you.”
Um, I didn’t mean that as a correction, or anything. Just throwing a few more suggestions into the thread.
I kind of do what you do Unimaginative, with the happy/sad thing, though I phrase it more along the lines of “Is this a good thing or a bad thing?”
But I also spend a lot of time reading etiquette forums, so I try not to comment on other people’s appearances unless it’s positive and not extremely personal (unless it’s a really close friend). I also find a well-placed and sincere “How are you doing?” will never fail – if someone wants to talk about it, they will mention it. If they don’t, I take the cue that they probably don’t want to mention it and asking how they are doing without any other context might come as a welcome reprieve from constantly fielding intrusive questions. Either way, you do good.
And that doctor opium4themasses, UGH. I’d be flabbergasted.
…I totally get that.
Michelle,
Mittens is adorable! I see she has a little white smudge on her forehead. Darrow has one of those too and it’s my favorite thing about his looks. It’s very kissable.
Usually if I’m going to compliment someone’s appearance I stick to clothes or hairstyle. Or say something that can be interpreted as positive like “you look cute today.”
I have a policy of never saying something about a person’s weight unless they bring it up first and clearly want to discuss it. In addition to weight loss sometimes being the result of an illness, it can also be from disordered eating and compliments only reinforces that behavior. People always assume that a compliment on weight loss is a good thing, but not necessarily.
When I first got down to 200-ish, and before I got sick, I was bicycling up to 10 miles a day in traffic, I had a butt you could bounce rocks off of, legs muscled like a weightlifter, was using only one asthma inhaler.
I got sick first, THEN put on weight-stress eating and lack of exercise due to being chronically ill.
According to the WHO, I should weigh no more than 163. I’m at about 175 now, but was a lot fitter and healthier at 200.
Health=/=correct weight.
Reminds me of the ducks and geese I saw at St James’s Park, back in the day. They’d bite your bum if you didn’t feed ’em fast enough.
This would be my favoured type:
http://i.imgur.com/Vs5TyaU.jpg
Michelle, my pleasure! It’s great to see you posting again, too.
Speaking of knitting, are you on Ravelry?
Mittens is so adorbs!! I love tuxedo kitties. My Mamie and Sheba were tuxedos.
That’s a good description, Robert. I read all the game discussions here and go “Buh?” before looking for another thread. 😀
Compliments – I’ll go for “Gorgeous hair-colour!” or “I love your jacket/boots!” or stuff like that. Never anything more personal, because it’s not people I know I’m talking to, except on the odd occasion people post pics of themselves here.
Compliments: not just what is said, but how (tone, exact phrasing, body language) and by whom (power relationship). I work in a small office with mainly women, and most of us have the personality where we notice if someone is wearing something new, and make a positive comment about it. We also want to see what people have bought in their lunchhour so we can oooo and ah over other people’s purchases. This is the first office I have worked in which has this type of dynamic, and I think it’s because we’re so small.
I remember years ago when I was …?23 I went to a horse racing day with my then boyfriend, who had passes to the members stand so I had to dress up. I bought a cheap but smart two piece suit and a top to go with it, both of which took me a while to hunt down. I also had my hair done. While we were inside the members bar, a very attractive and very nicely dressed woman a little older than I was then came up to me and said that she just wanted to let me know how nice I looked. And I thanked her for the compliment, and said that I thought she looked lovely too. I still remember that compliment because it was unexpected and genuine, and made my entire day.
But yeah, context is everything. 🙂
I actually appreciate compliments from women, especially older women, much more than compliments from men. Probably because it usually doesn’t seem like there’s any ulterior motive, if they’re telling you that you look nice it’s just because they think that you look nice.