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Heartiste hails great leap forward in sexbot technology. Bonus: anatomically improbable kissing and boob simulators!

Oriental Industries' new "Dutch Wife" sex dolls: Cannot be distinguished from real women (if you've never seen a real woman).
Oriental Industry’s new “Dutch Wife” sex dolls: Cannot be distinguished from real women (if you’ve never seen a real woman).

 

Over on Chateau Heartiste, everyone’s favorite racist pickup artist gasbag Heartiste excitedly reports on the a giant leap forward in the ongoing “Sexbot Revolution” – a Japanese company has a new lifesize sex doll that looks slightly less creepy than the creepy sex dolls now on the market.

Heartiste quotes a Daily Mail article on the dramatic new development, because where else would you turn for important news in science and technology other than the Daily Mail?

Orient Industry say their new range of dolls, made from high quality silicon, are so realistic there is very little to distinguish them from a real girlfriend at first glance. …

[A]dverts in the media boast that anyone who buys one will never want a real girlfriend again.

Thoughts in my head respond that the potential girlfriends of the world will not be heartbroken at the news that dudes who can’t tell the difference between a giant rubber doll and a real woman will be leaving the dating market.

Heartiste, however, is delighted, writing:

The dolls come with a “skeleton”, which means they can be arranged into any position. Any position.

I’m pretty sure you can already do that with Stretch Armstrong, at a fraction of the price.

The coming sexbot revolution — and make no mistake, it is coming — will have profound ramifications on social order and the functioning of the sexual market. To this day, people underestimate the effect the Pill had on Western society; multiply that effect by a thousand and you’ll get an idea of the subversive havoc mass consumable sexbots will wreak.

Of course, these new sex dolls aren’t, strictly speaking, sexbots. They’re inert human-sized, human-shaped sex toys that probably weigh more than me.

If you want to experience true interactive setbottery, you need to go virtual.

The video below shows just how advanced modern kissing simulators have become. Indeed, one would be hard pressed to tell the difference between the software demonstrated in this video and actual real world kissing.

The video below that, meanwhile, offers a glimpse of what technology has achieved in the realm of breast simulation, though sadly the current technology only supports one breast at a time.  But make no mistake, the frighteningly wiggly and anatomically, er, improbable simulated boob revolution is coming! NSFW, obviously. And even weirder than the kissing video, if you can believe it.

Kissing:

Boobs:

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blahlistic (@blahlistic)

I like kitties and doggies for hugs, but I have allergies to them. Therefore cuddle-time is limited and followed by washing.

Davecat’s doll IS his SO.

I get that.
But the doll’s “personality” is all in Davecat’s head.
I’d say there’s a certain commonality. He’s using the doll in a much more psychologically-complex manner, but it’s a physical and psychological comfort item.

It’s a “her” to Davecat, but it’s still a non-living object.

Kat
Kat
10 years ago

What. Did I. Just. Watch.

:fetal position:

Xanthë
10 years ago

Where’s the little-lamented David K. Meller when a good sexbot thread turns up? I’m sure these advancements would be right up his alley, as possible improvements to his coterie of porcelain pretties.

(Linkie to WHTM ancient history)

friday jones
friday jones
10 years ago

And they think that the word “objectify” is just made-up?

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

Speaking about love and kitties:

13blues13moons
13blues13moons
10 years ago

You know, if the men on the pick up websites decide they want to save up their allowance and pull a Lars on us, then it wouldn’t be all that bad honestly.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago

<3 <3 <3 kittieeeee <3 <3 <3

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

His first purchase, which he named Sidore Kuroneko, he considers his wife

DaveCat is the most weaboo-ish weaboo who ever lived.

On another note, since we’re posting cute pics and videos now, here is Robin Williams meeting Koko the gorilla and getting a cuddle.

http://mellebelle.tumblr.com/post/94807337353/koko-the-gorilla-is-a-resident-at-the-gorilla

It’s endlessly depressing that we keep losing the kind, empathic men while roaches in human form like Roosh and Heartiste just keep on creeping.

Z
Z
10 years ago

Wait, what? Is “Kuroneko” supposed to mean “black cat”?

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

…forgot to mention. My bunny is wearing my girlfriend’s freshly-laundered underpants.
Psychological comfort item.
When I go to England, I’m getting a pair of my guy’s underpants, too, because.

This still involves people who are not projections from within my own psyche and I need to shut up and go to sleep now….

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I guess it could be worse. If he’d called his sex doll ChocoCat I might have had to kill him for violating my niece’s childhood memories.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

I went to the website just now using David’s donotlink link thingie. I started reading the comments. This gem made me go ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Ewwwwwwwwwwww anatomy WARNING

Also, not at all realistic from a keeping organs fresh perspective. In the fridge, seriously?

They already can grow vaginas for human transplant. Just get some chem engies to industrialize the process so you can keep disposable ones in the fridge (maybe develop tongues as well?), get some mechs & elecs for the robotics, and you’re pretty much set.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

Oh, forgot to mention that the organ-sexbot interface is something that he* completely omits to consider.

* I don’t think this was written by a woman.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Is he trying to sound like Hannibal Lecter or was that an accident?

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

No idea, but I feel that this guy should be on a watchlist.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Also, does he think that the tongues will be moving when he pulls them out of the fridge? How is this supposed to work?

I’m not sure why it isn’t obvious to some people that suggesting that you want to keep disembodied vaginas in your fridge is liable to be a bit alarming to others.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

I’m picturing him telling people about this plan at social events and then wondering why none of the women want to give him their phone numbers.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

It’s your ladybrain meaning you don’t do manlogic right. Clearly, the tongues will come with a female-to-female interface so it’s all plug and play. Just like a USB stick.

Do you think he will imagine he keeps the tongues and vaginas in the same fridge as either his food, or do you think the beer fridge will get repurposed?

I’m also not sure how he thinks the vagina will be held in place to give a correct anatomical feel when it is attached(?!) inside the sexbot.

Do you think he wants them to be disposable as he can’t be bothered cleaning out any sexbot parts between sessions?

The comment was wrong on so many levels that I can’t begin to count the fails.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

Oh, and if any of the women say “guys, don’t do this” then we get sexbotgate.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

It’s amazing how much time and effort some men are willing to put into figuring out how to access women’s body parts without having to actually deal with the women they’re normally attached to. You’d think it would be easier to just figure out how to get along with people to the point where they might be willing to let you touch their bits, but apparently not.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

One of the other charmers in the comments basically said don’t put a voicebox in the sexbot.

I’m not seeing why the sexbots are so attractive for them when it appears that the current sex dolls, available from I assume all sex shops, meet the criterion of not talking. And I’m sure it’s possible to make vinyl plus lube feel like moist membrane. No matter how realistic the sexbot, it’s still not going to be a human with intellect or emotions, so paying out vast sums for something barely lifelike seems to be a complete waste of money.

Me, I’d rather have a robot housekeeper.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

If I’m going to invest in a bot I want it to clean the toilets and mop the floors. If it can polish hardwood properly I might even pay extra.

The idea of having sex with a bot gives me nightmares. The uncanny valley effect is far too strong for me, I’d be waiting for it to try to kill me in my sleep like some sort of prettier version of Chucky.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Basically the point of robots is usually to either do jobs that humans can’t do easily/safely/efficiently or to do things cheaper than humans can, right? Well, having sex with humans is a thing you can do if you’d like, it’s just that you usually have to treat them like humans rather than like people-shaped vending machines in order for that to happen.

Sexbots seem like a waste of really cool technology, basically. Why not carebots that can be programmed to keep track of people’s health and do stuff for them around the house so that elderly people can live in their own homes for longer rather than being shunted into institutions without women being forced into unpaid caretaker roles, or mining bots so that people don’t have to go into the really dangerous parts of the mine?

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago

Not least, as has been said already, the bots aren’t going to respond with distress, pain, fear, anything – and what other point is there to sex with women, as far as these misogynists are concerned?

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago

The only sexbot story I’ve read where it was a genuine AI was The Silver Metal Lover, and given the robot’s skin was silver, the uncanny valley effect might have been minimised. But he was definitely a person in the book, to the point of developing (iirc) a soul.