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Heartiste hails great leap forward in sexbot technology. Bonus: anatomically improbable kissing and boob simulators!

Oriental Industries' new "Dutch Wife" sex dolls: Cannot be distinguished from real women (if you've never seen a real woman).
Oriental Industry’s new “Dutch Wife” sex dolls: Cannot be distinguished from real women (if you’ve never seen a real woman).

 

Over on Chateau Heartiste, everyone’s favorite racist pickup artist gasbag Heartiste excitedly reports on the a giant leap forward in the ongoing “Sexbot Revolution” – a Japanese company has a new lifesize sex doll that looks slightly less creepy than the creepy sex dolls now on the market.

Heartiste quotes a Daily Mail article on the dramatic new development, because where else would you turn for important news in science and technology other than the Daily Mail?

Orient Industry say their new range of dolls, made from high quality silicon, are so realistic there is very little to distinguish them from a real girlfriend at first glance. …

[A]dverts in the media boast that anyone who buys one will never want a real girlfriend again.

Thoughts in my head respond that the potential girlfriends of the world will not be heartbroken at the news that dudes who can’t tell the difference between a giant rubber doll and a real woman will be leaving the dating market.

Heartiste, however, is delighted, writing:

The dolls come with a “skeleton”, which means they can be arranged into any position. Any position.

I’m pretty sure you can already do that with Stretch Armstrong, at a fraction of the price.

The coming sexbot revolution — and make no mistake, it is coming — will have profound ramifications on social order and the functioning of the sexual market. To this day, people underestimate the effect the Pill had on Western society; multiply that effect by a thousand and you’ll get an idea of the subversive havoc mass consumable sexbots will wreak.

Of course, these new sex dolls aren’t, strictly speaking, sexbots. They’re inert human-sized, human-shaped sex toys that probably weigh more than me.

If you want to experience true interactive setbottery, you need to go virtual.

The video below shows just how advanced modern kissing simulators have become. Indeed, one would be hard pressed to tell the difference between the software demonstrated in this video and actual real world kissing.

The video below that, meanwhile, offers a glimpse of what technology has achieved in the realm of breast simulation, though sadly the current technology only supports one breast at a time.  But make no mistake, the frighteningly wiggly and anatomically, er, improbable simulated boob revolution is coming! NSFW, obviously. And even weirder than the kissing video, if you can believe it.

Kissing:

Boobs:

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blahlistic (@blahlistic)

I like kitties and doggies for hugs, but I have allergies to them. Therefore cuddle-time is limited and followed by washing.

Davecat’s doll IS his SO.

I get that.
But the doll’s “personality” is all in Davecat’s head.
I’d say there’s a certain commonality. He’s using the doll in a much more psychologically-complex manner, but it’s a physical and psychological comfort item.

It’s a “her” to Davecat, but it’s still a non-living object.

Kat
Kat
6 years ago

What. Did I. Just. Watch.

:fetal position:

Xanthë
6 years ago

Where’s the little-lamented David K. Meller when a good sexbot thread turns up? I’m sure these advancements would be right up his alley, as possible improvements to his coterie of porcelain pretties.

(Linkie to WHTM ancient history)

friday jones
friday jones
6 years ago

And they think that the word “objectify” is just made-up?

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

Speaking about love and kitties:

13blues13moons
13blues13moons
6 years ago

You know, if the men on the pick up websites decide they want to save up their allowance and pull a Lars on us, then it wouldn’t be all that bad honestly.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

<3 <3 <3 kittieeeee <3 <3 <3

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

His first purchase, which he named Sidore Kuroneko, he considers his wife

DaveCat is the most weaboo-ish weaboo who ever lived.

On another note, since we’re posting cute pics and videos now, here is Robin Williams meeting Koko the gorilla and getting a cuddle.

http://mellebelle.tumblr.com/post/94807337353/koko-the-gorilla-is-a-resident-at-the-gorilla

It’s endlessly depressing that we keep losing the kind, empathic men while roaches in human form like Roosh and Heartiste just keep on creeping.

Z
Z
6 years ago

Wait, what? Is “Kuroneko” supposed to mean “black cat”?

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

…forgot to mention. My bunny is wearing my girlfriend’s freshly-laundered underpants.
Psychological comfort item.
When I go to England, I’m getting a pair of my guy’s underpants, too, because.

This still involves people who are not projections from within my own psyche and I need to shut up and go to sleep now….

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I guess it could be worse. If he’d called his sex doll ChocoCat I might have had to kill him for violating my niece’s childhood memories.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

I went to the website just now using David’s donotlink link thingie. I started reading the comments. This gem made me go ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Ewwwwwwwwwwww anatomy WARNING

Also, not at all realistic from a keeping organs fresh perspective. In the fridge, seriously?

They already can grow vaginas for human transplant. Just get some chem engies to industrialize the process so you can keep disposable ones in the fridge (maybe develop tongues as well?), get some mechs & elecs for the robotics, and you’re pretty much set.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

Oh, forgot to mention that the organ-sexbot interface is something that he* completely omits to consider.

* I don’t think this was written by a woman.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Is he trying to sound like Hannibal Lecter or was that an accident?

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

No idea, but I feel that this guy should be on a watchlist.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Also, does he think that the tongues will be moving when he pulls them out of the fridge? How is this supposed to work?

I’m not sure why it isn’t obvious to some people that suggesting that you want to keep disembodied vaginas in your fridge is liable to be a bit alarming to others.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I’m picturing him telling people about this plan at social events and then wondering why none of the women want to give him their phone numbers.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

It’s your ladybrain meaning you don’t do manlogic right. Clearly, the tongues will come with a female-to-female interface so it’s all plug and play. Just like a USB stick.

Do you think he will imagine he keeps the tongues and vaginas in the same fridge as either his food, or do you think the beer fridge will get repurposed?

I’m also not sure how he thinks the vagina will be held in place to give a correct anatomical feel when it is attached(?!) inside the sexbot.

Do you think he wants them to be disposable as he can’t be bothered cleaning out any sexbot parts between sessions?

The comment was wrong on so many levels that I can’t begin to count the fails.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

Oh, and if any of the women say “guys, don’t do this” then we get sexbotgate.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

It’s amazing how much time and effort some men are willing to put into figuring out how to access women’s body parts without having to actually deal with the women they’re normally attached to. You’d think it would be easier to just figure out how to get along with people to the point where they might be willing to let you touch their bits, but apparently not.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

One of the other charmers in the comments basically said don’t put a voicebox in the sexbot.

I’m not seeing why the sexbots are so attractive for them when it appears that the current sex dolls, available from I assume all sex shops, meet the criterion of not talking. And I’m sure it’s possible to make vinyl plus lube feel like moist membrane. No matter how realistic the sexbot, it’s still not going to be a human with intellect or emotions, so paying out vast sums for something barely lifelike seems to be a complete waste of money.

Me, I’d rather have a robot housekeeper.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

If I’m going to invest in a bot I want it to clean the toilets and mop the floors. If it can polish hardwood properly I might even pay extra.

The idea of having sex with a bot gives me nightmares. The uncanny valley effect is far too strong for me, I’d be waiting for it to try to kill me in my sleep like some sort of prettier version of Chucky.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Basically the point of robots is usually to either do jobs that humans can’t do easily/safely/efficiently or to do things cheaper than humans can, right? Well, having sex with humans is a thing you can do if you’d like, it’s just that you usually have to treat them like humans rather than like people-shaped vending machines in order for that to happen.

Sexbots seem like a waste of really cool technology, basically. Why not carebots that can be programmed to keep track of people’s health and do stuff for them around the house so that elderly people can live in their own homes for longer rather than being shunted into institutions without women being forced into unpaid caretaker roles, or mining bots so that people don’t have to go into the really dangerous parts of the mine?

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

Not least, as has been said already, the bots aren’t going to respond with distress, pain, fear, anything – and what other point is there to sex with women, as far as these misogynists are concerned?

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

The only sexbot story I’ve read where it was a genuine AI was The Silver Metal Lover, and given the robot’s skin was silver, the uncanny valley effect might have been minimised. But he was definitely a person in the book, to the point of developing (iirc) a soul.

Fibinachi
6 years ago

Well because women are already basically robots in their eyes, so an actual sexbot is not a replacement but an upgrade.

Essentially they’ll finally manage to fix the “firmware” issues that causes all those “things I don’t care about unrelated to putting my dick in it”. I don’t know that it’s about feeling anything re: the women you domineer and punish for being female, my guess is it’s a measure of bragging to other men about how little you like women.

“Sure, I can’t wait for the sexbot revolution where I can have acesss vagina without all those icky womanly things getting in the way, am I right fellas?

—–

Anyhow, mechatronics is a hugely awesome field that I wish I had gotten into but I couldn’t hack it in engineering school. Have half an inkling to go back, since they’ve got spaces for ROBOT TECHNICIANS.

First order of the day? Building a robot that can do something amazingly complex like walk up a stair and open a door.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

One thing with the sexbot is that it’s not going to be a cyborg – it’s not going to have the ability to move like a human and feel like it has the musculature of a human. If they want it to move like a human and be ballpark human weight, I assume they’ll need to use titanium for the “bones” as other metals will be too heavy. So once you start looking at the options for engineering limb movement, let alone body sculpting/feel, plus circuitry and logic programming, we’re talking serious money. And that won’t even get you a robot that can walk like a human, we’re only talking an object that can animate itself into relatively few positions.

No way is this sexbot going to be anything like a human for looks, feel, movement, intellect, working in harmony with the other person (would need an AI that could develop in ways not yet possible).

So yeah, they seem to have this bloody dream of a sexbot that is capable of all these things that is also *affordable to them*. Not going to happen.

They have been developing carebots in Japan, as their elderly population is exploding ahead of other countries’. Here is a link to one that I saw discussed: http://www.roboticstrends.com/service_healthcare/article/service_robot_to_aid_japanese_elderly

Note how this is a typical robot that does not have human legs. So stairs and uneven surfaces (e.g. like you mind find in a mine) prevents their wider usage. They also have to make the robots have some human-like characteristics so that people will accept their use. You can see from this thread that they are typically given friendly human-like faces: http://www.doc-center.robosoft.com/Investors_wiki/Kompaii_Business_Plan/Kompaii_concurrents and note the large “eyes”, which are designed purposefully to be that way.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

/sigh “…like you might find in a mine…”

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

That’s the best part, when they predict fully functional sexbots within the decade. Well, we have one that can play football very poorly, so I’m sure blowjobbots that won’t accidentally cause serious injury are just around the corner.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Yeah, I was thinking of the Japanese carebots. I’m sure DaveCat is terribly disappointed that the country has lost its way in prioritizing care of its elderly population rather than his boner.

Karalora
6 years ago

First order of the day? Building a robot that can do something amazingly complex like walk up a stair and open a door.

ASIMO can do stairs (and kick a soccer ball!). I dunno about doorknobs, but that honestly seems like it would be easier to program because there are no awkward balance issues.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

Or blowjobbots where the sexbot actually blows. LOL This has always confused me, how on earth did the word “blow” get tacked onto the start?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I wonder if they’ve taken how literal even a robot with a good AI would be into account. I’m picturing what would happen if they tried hints and innuendo on one.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

These are PUAs, do you think they do innuendo?

Point taken about misunderstandings. Look at the word meaning differences between predominantly English-speaking countries (e.g. fanny in US/Canada vs. in NZ/Australia/UK), let alone immigrants from a different language background trying to understand colloquialisms.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

Good reason for a Queen video:

Anarchonist
Anarchonist
6 years ago

They’re not going to be satisfied with sexbots. Like with MGTOW, the point of the fantasy is not to live your own life away from women, it’s to punish women in some arbitrary, passive-aggressive manner by robbing them of your pleasant company. It’s going Galt, but for self-absorbed rageboners instead of self-absorbed money-grubbers. What they fail (or fear) to grasp is that no one wants them in the dating pool as long as they act like the entitled manchildren that they are.

At first, they were like “we’re going our own way, and won’t you be sorry!”, and failed to go away anyway. When anyone didn’t care in the least, they’re all “we’re getting our own sexbots and having a lot of sex with them instead of you and then you’ll be sorry!” I don’t know what the next step in their grand plan I like to call SPAM (Somebody Pay Attention to Me) will be, but I do know this: Even if we all chipped in to buy them their own sexbot to get them to leave the rest of us alone, the knowledge that the women they hate are out there, living their life, having relationships with people who actually like them and not wasting a single thought on these fuckers (pun somewhat intended) will drive them out of their self-imposed exile.

I also find it hilarious that they seem to think sexbots are some universal sexual ideal for all men. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to have relationships – both platonic and sexual – with human beings instead of dolls, thank you very much.

Anarchonist
Anarchonist
6 years ago

@pallygirl: All reasons to post Queen videos are good reasons.

Fibinachi
6 years ago

I also find it hilarious that they seem to think sexbots are some universal sexual ideal for all men. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to have relationships – both platonic and sexual – with human beings instead of dolls, thank you very much.

That is old fashioned.

I just want to be left alone. GITOFFMAHLAWN.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

The idea that women will be sad because the kind of men who want to fuck sex dolls or a vagina that they keep in the fridge don’t want to date us is just so ridiculous, though.

Falconer
6 years ago

Or blowjobbots where the sexbot actually blows. LOL This has always confused me, how on earth did the word “blow” get tacked onto the start?

Yeah, it’s rather more the opposite, isn’t it?

Falconer
6 years ago

I … I … oh god.

A vagina. That you keep in the fridge.

That is horrifying. And yet, somehow, the much cheaper alternative is rather more horrifying:

Jbhyqa’g vg or purncre gb ohl phgf bs orrs?

Content note for all the ewww.

(Copy and paste here for a translation … if you want it.)

Anarchonist
Anarchonist
6 years ago

@cassandrakitty: It is kinda ridiculous, isn’t it?

Personally, I think it’s what you become if you never grow out of the Mary Sue fantasy phase of imaginary relevance. Doesn’t matter what disgusting things you do or how crass you act in real life, your amazingness should shine through to other people like a fucking beacon of awesomeness. When blowjobs fail to materialize, there must be something wrong with the world (probably the lesser creatures conspiring against you out of envy and jealousy), since there’s certainly nothing wrong with you.

At least, that’s how I felt while reading Fountainhead.

@Fibinachi:

GITOFFMAHLAWN.

Never!

You can’t own a lawn, man, you can’t just, like, own a lawn. Can you claim you own a particular piece of air? Property is theft, man, and your lawn is, like, where I happen to like to smoke weed and be all, like, philosophical and shit.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

It does seem like an arrested development issue, given how prone they are to monologing.

Fibinachi
6 years ago

Bah, Anarchonist! I turn 23 today. I’m allowed to stake inaginary grandiose claims on non existent property and act properly flummonxed when nary a soul allow my stake a smidgeon of consideration because each and all is a baseless proposition borne from hard-edged egocentricity!

Act like an mra? Why I never…

@Falconer

Your bountiful, ceaseless presenting of nightmarish terrors finds new lows. I hate your fetid presents of ohgodnowhyyyy and the stains they leave, permanently, on my soul :b

Also? Probably true, really.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

@ Falconer

And you thought it was weird when hipsters started freezing their super expensive selvedge jeans so they wouldn’t have to wash them. I’d rather find jeans in the fridge/freezer than random body parts.

Anarchonist
Anarchonist
6 years ago

Well, fuck me. Happy birthday, Fibinachi! Come join me on your metaphorical lawn and share this metaphorical joint with me. Then, if you’re up to it, we can go to a metaphorical amusement park on a few metaphorical rides, and I’ll buy you metaphorical cotton candy with my metaphorical money.

Then, at the end of the metaphorical day, we can sit down, watch the metaphorical sunset and wonder what the fuck all these metaphors were supposed to represent.

Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
6 years ago

Falconer: A vagina. That you keep in the fridge.

V fjrne – V’z whfg ubyqvat vg sbe n sevraq…

Falconer
6 years ago

@Fibinachi: Well I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night, why should anyone else?

@Phoenician: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhh I guess that serves me right.

Falconer
6 years ago

@Cassandrakitty: Wait what now? Freezing jeans so you don’t have to wash them? How does that work? And yes, there are things I’d rather find in the freezer.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

So the theory is that you shouldn’t wash the really dark, high quality selvedge jeans for at least 6 months so that they can develop a unique wear pattern based on where they crease when you move and so on and mold to your body shape. Even the most dedicated follower of this theory eventually starts to ask themselves (let’s be honest, usually himself) if a. germs might be a problem and b. the jeans might be getting a bit whiffy. So they freeze them, the theory being that this will kill any germs that might have accumulated.

I would not be thrilled about this, since jeans that have been worn for months right next to my food? No thanks. It’s still better than finding random body parts, though.