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Heartiste hails great leap forward in sexbot technology. Bonus: anatomically improbable kissing and boob simulators!

Oriental Industries' new "Dutch Wife" sex dolls: Cannot be distinguished from real women (if you've never seen a real woman).
Oriental Industry’s new “Dutch Wife” sex dolls: Cannot be distinguished from real women (if you’ve never seen a real woman).

 

Over on Chateau Heartiste, everyone’s favorite racist pickup artist gasbag Heartiste excitedly reports on the a giant leap forward in the ongoing “Sexbot Revolution” – a Japanese company has a new lifesize sex doll that looks slightly less creepy than the creepy sex dolls now on the market.

Heartiste quotes a Daily Mail article on the dramatic new development, because where else would you turn for important news in science and technology other than the Daily Mail?

Orient Industry say their new range of dolls, made from high quality silicon, are so realistic there is very little to distinguish them from a real girlfriend at first glance. …

[A]dverts in the media boast that anyone who buys one will never want a real girlfriend again.

Thoughts in my head respond that the potential girlfriends of the world will not be heartbroken at the news that dudes who can’t tell the difference between a giant rubber doll and a real woman will be leaving the dating market.

Heartiste, however, is delighted, writing:

The dolls come with a “skeleton”, which means they can be arranged into any position. Any position.

I’m pretty sure you can already do that with Stretch Armstrong, at a fraction of the price.

The coming sexbot revolution — and make no mistake, it is coming — will have profound ramifications on social order and the functioning of the sexual market. To this day, people underestimate the effect the Pill had on Western society; multiply that effect by a thousand and you’ll get an idea of the subversive havoc mass consumable sexbots will wreak.

Of course, these new sex dolls aren’t, strictly speaking, sexbots. They’re inert human-sized, human-shaped sex toys that probably weigh more than me.

If you want to experience true interactive setbottery, you need to go virtual.

The video below shows just how advanced modern kissing simulators have become. Indeed, one would be hard pressed to tell the difference between the software demonstrated in this video and actual real world kissing.

The video below that, meanwhile, offers a glimpse of what technology has achieved in the realm of breast simulation, though sadly the current technology only supports one breast at a time.  But make no mistake, the frighteningly wiggly and anatomically, er, improbable simulated boob revolution is coming! NSFW, obviously. And even weirder than the kissing video, if you can believe it.

Kissing:

Boobs:

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Bonelady
Bonelady
6 years ago

Sad.

vaiyt
6 years ago

That’s just perfect. We’re finally get to the point where the assholes will all get their sexbots and leave normal people alone…

Oh hahahahaha who am I kidding.

Bonelady
Bonelady
6 years ago

But these guys are obviously better off with rubber dolls and computer simulations than with real women. Andwomen are better off without them. So every one should be very happy.

Holytape
6 years ago

“The coming sexbot revolution — and make no mistake, it is coming — will have profound ramifications on social order and the functioning of the sexual market. To this day, people underestimate the effect the Pill had on Western society; multiply that effect by a thousand and you’ll get an idea of the subversive havoc mass consumable sexbots will wreak.”

Wait, I thought gym socks and playboys were already widely available…..

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Are misogynists just immune to the uncanny valley effect or what?

vaiyt
6 years ago

But these guys are obviously better off with rubber dolls and computer simulations than with real women. Andwomen are better off without them. So every one should be very happy.

If you say that, you don’t know the Manosphere. The mere thought of women enjoying themselves and accomplishing things makes their blood boil. They believe (or sell the belief) that the only thing keeping women’s rights alive in society is that women use their butts to convince men to do what they want.

When the “sexbot revolution” fails to make women unnecessary, they will moan and gnash their teeth as they have always done.

seranvali
6 years ago

You know, I think most women would be only too delighted if these men removed themselves from the gene pool.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

When the “sexbot revolution” fails to make women unnecessary

Unnecessary to whom? That’s one of the (many) things that a lot of men never seem to consider, that regardless of how men feel about us women are necessary to ourselves, and to each other.

estraven
estraven
6 years ago

Has anyone here seen the movie “Lars and the Real Girl”? My late sister loved that movie but it totally creeped me out. Of course Lars wasn’t a Heartiste type or anything–he’s quite a sympathetic character–but still, I had that squicky feeling.

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
6 years ago

…so realistic there is very little to distinguish them from a real girlfriend at first glance.

Oh, that’s good to hear. Because you wouldn’t want to mistake them for a “casual acquaintance,” “close friend,” “fiancee,” or “wife” a first glance. All of those have distinguishing features from a “girlfriend.”

Wait… wut?

Howard Bannister
6 years ago

Listen, I love to play around with the uncanny valley as much as anybody. Stories of vampires who are less than human and crawl sideways across the wall while making hissing noises? I am all there.

These pictures fill me with dread and make me fear the long nights when those things could be watching me without me knowing.

It’s fine, I didn’t need to sleep anyway. Ever again.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
6 years ago

If only a perfect, affordable sexbot would make these men enthusiastically withdraw from the dating scene!

I can’t think they’d be satisfied with only dolls, though. You can’t manipulate or degrade a sexbot, and having it off with a doll would do nothing for your alpha-manly notch count. Maybe they think this will be the ultimate threat to hold over women’s heads? “Sleep with me or I’ll buy a sexbot and you’ll never get any from me!” “If you won’t do [sex act woman doesn’t want], I’ll just buy a sexbot!”

[Cue women, digging through purses, flinging cushions from couches, setting up lemonade stand to help finance these purchases]

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
6 years ago

These pictures fill me with dread and make me fear the long nights when those things could be watching me without me knowing.

Ever seen the 1963 Mario Bava film Black Sabbath? The living corpse prop in the “One Drop of Water” segment (click here if you dare), one of the most terrifying creations ever to grace the screen, is less eerie to me than these dolls.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I love how even the Daily Mail, bastion of misogyny that it is, knows that these things are creepy as hell, and yet they remind Roissy of his “girlfriends”. Um…

Cassie's Major Domo
Cassie's Major Domo
6 years ago

The coming sexbot revolution — and make no mistake, it is coming — will have profound ramifications on social order and the functioning of the sexual market…. you’ll get an idea of the subversive havoc mass consumable sexbots will wreak.

Translation: In the future, Yul Brynner will be able to gun down James Brolin and then relentlessly chase Richard Benjamin through a series of amusement park settings.

mildlymagnificent
6 years ago

OK. Do I want to click on either of those videos? My bold courage just isn’t as bold and dashing as usual today.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

OTOH, I guess a totally unresponsive sex doll would produce less of an uncanny valley effect for users who’re accustomed to a complete lack of enthusiastic participation from their sexual partners.

Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
6 years ago

Vaiyt: When the “sexbot revolution” fails to make women unnecessary, they will moan and gnash their teeth as they have always done.

Probably – but at the very least, they waste some of their time and money pursuing their Plastic Pollys rather than annoying normal people. It’s a win-win stuation really.

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

I don’t mean to disrespect anyone’s kink, but those vacant glassy stares are not bringing the hotness for me. They just look like big rubber dolls. I mean, if you put a string in their backs they could “talk’, but they’d still be dolls. I can appreciate the artistry involved in doll making and be somewhat fascinated at the combination of doll and sex toy. That’s interesting. It’s not revolutionary, though. In fact, it seems sort of cumbersome and fucking one that was more life like in appearance would still look like like fucking an unconscious or *shiver* dead woman. While I understand that there are people that does it for, I don’t think those kinks are so common that sex dolls are going to ever be that popular. First of all, they’re expensive. Vibrators and various other sex toys are cheaper and have been around for a while now. People use inanimate objects to get off all the time. Objects that thrill your tingly bits are pretty popular. But, those toys store easily, don’t ‘stare” soullessly at you and can be used with intimate partners.

Which prompts me to ask:

If these guys think improved sex toys for men (If you consider these dolls an improvement) will start some sort of anti-woman revolution, why do they think that vibrators and dildos have not caused an anti-man revolution in which straight and bi cis women to stop having sex and relationships with men? Since they seem to think women don’t care for sex, why do they think ladies buy all those sex toys? It doesn’t make sense.

Auntie Alias
Auntie Alias
6 years ago

@mildlymagnificent

They’re both dumb. I had to quit the second one because the loud whooping was getting annoying.

How is that a kissing simulator? Lips never meet.

I watched some of the video on the Daily Mail before it cut me off. From a technological standpoint, it’s amazing how even the fingers of the dolls are bendable. The child-like faces on some of them were kind of creepy but I guess it’s better that men with those inclinations go for the dolls instead of real children.

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
6 years ago

That “kissing simulator” is going to give me nightmares.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

The tongue-up-nostril bit was my favorite part of the kissing simulator. Sexy.

bunnybunny
bunnybunny
6 years ago

If these guys think improved sex toys for men (If you consider these dolls an improvement) will start some sort of anti-woman revolution, why do they think that vibrators and dildos have not caused an anti-man revolution in which straight and bi cis women to stop having sex and relationships with men?

‘Cause vibrators and dildos don’t have wallets to go along with them. Everyone knows that ladies are just trading sex for money and security from guys. /s

Chaos-Engineer
Chaos-Engineer
6 years ago

This bit is really quite good:

The dolls come with a “skeleton”, which means they can be arranged into any position. Any position.

This would be a great line to put in an H.P. Lovecraft-style horror story. The repetition of “any position” makes me think that there’s some particular position that he’s particularly enthused about, and the deliberate vagueness gives me the uneasy sense that it’s a position so horrifying that I’d never be able to imagine it on my own. It could probably only be described using the coordinate system of some grotesque non-Euclidean space.

That said, the “any position” in the first sentence is just overblown marketing hype. I’d guess that there are very few positions in which the dolls could stand unsupported without falling over.

freemage
freemage
6 years ago

bunnybunny: Which just brings us back to the question of why the sex-toy business has such a heavily female market. While this might fit with the “All women are sluttymcsluts” crowd, it doesn’t really fly in the ‘women only have sex to get paid’ group.

Also, some highly amusing brainbleach:

sadie6
6 years ago

I welcome this “sexbot revolution”

that means puas/mansophere dudes will stop complaining about women and focus on their bots right? 😀

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

This is funny. Heartiste imagines that no man would choose a real woman over a sexbot. He’s going to be disappointed to learn that a lot of men actually want to be in relationships and the sexbot threat from misogynists just isn’t that threatening.

Go your own way assholes. Good riddance.

Lids
6 years ago

I don’t get these people. If I was going to get a sexbot, I would NOT want it to look like a person. I would want it to be a legitimate robot because it would be a helluva a lot less creepy than a dead eyed plastic doll. Maybe that’s just me.

jared
jared
6 years ago

You know it is ironic that Heartiste is promoting the new sexbots. After all he is considered a pua guru and and some of these pua teachers I read charge a lot of money to gullible men to attend their pua seminars. So really if these so called sexbots become popular and sell (I doubt it will happen), Heartsiste will have no business anymore. These men won’t need a pua coach they will just have their sexbots. I find it kind of ironic how Heartiste is promoting something that can ultimately ruin his livelihood.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
6 years ago

@jared – I was thinking the same thing. The best I can figure is that maybe Heartiste is aiming for an endorsement deal? Or hoping the manufacturer will send him a free sample? (yuck 😛 )

saphy
saphy
6 years ago

@Howard Bannister

Tell me more about your hissing crab-crawling vampires!

daintydougal
daintydougal
6 years ago

Presumably only men at the bottom of the sexual market place (not a thing) will be needing these dolls as 134.7% of women are having sex with 5.98% of men (that was the stats wasn’t it?) so which women is this punishing? And is the mention of the pill suggesting that sex toys will liberate men in the same way? Really?

I never thought I’d feel sorry for a sex toy, but then I thought it would be a good idea to find video of these revolutionary things in action. I regret that decision.

Falconer
6 years ago

@Howard:

It’s fine, I didn’t need to sleep anyway. Ever again.

Are you available for babysitting?

Redcap
Redcap
6 years ago

The boob simulator video was so funny that I completely forgot about the awful dead stare of sex dolls. 10/10, perfect brain bleach.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
6 years ago

Daintydougal
“I never thought I’d feel sorry for a sex toy”

I feel awful for them too. 🙁 I prefer them going their way… To the moon or Antarctica whichever is fine I suppose.

Freemage
Lol! That was so cute! And that line: “look at my abs”

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

Does this make anyone else want to watch Blade Runner?

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

I, for one, welcome our new glassy-eyed overlords.

I mean, overladies.

@FlyingMouse:

I can’t think they’d be satisfied with only dolls, though. You can’t manipulate or degrade a sexbot, and having it off with a doll would do nothing for your alpha-manly notch count.

DING DING DING We have a winner!

Didn’t someone comment awhile back that blowup dolls frequently get returned to the manufacturer with horrifying damage (stabs, burns, gouges, slash marks)? I mean, far better to take out their aggressive misogyny on an inanimate object, but these guys aren’t going to be satisfied with that. It’s no fun enslaving and abusing something if the thing isn’t aware of it.

Howard Bannister
6 years ago

@Howard:

It’s fine, I didn’t need to sleep anyway. Ever again.

Are you available for babysitting?

Ah, the potentially useful and rewarding uses of mind-destroying Lovecraftian horrors!

I guess it depends whether little kids find the gibbering funny or horrifying.

Falconer
6 years ago

I want a girl with the full articulation
I want a girl who never sweats
I want a girl with silicone
And eyes that stare like marionettes

I want a girl with all the positions
Who’s cold and clammy
And prone to mold
She’s sitting on the show room
She’s lying on the bed
She’s swimming in the pool
So hand me that hook

I want a girl with a doll face and a hiiiiiiiiigh price tag

Fibinachi
6 years ago

Thank you, Falconer.

Say, Howard, can I join you with the gibbering?

Argh argh argh

Undfreeland
Undfreeland
6 years ago

Some of ya’ll just don’t get it. Yeah, there are plenty of men who get off controlling women and who care deeply about their notch count. Some of these guys actually do find women to do those things with (duped or low self-esteem etc.) but there are plenty of men, like myself, who lack the good looks and social skill to attain what we want, which is regular sex with a beutiful, willing women.
Advanced sex bots would be the perfect solution. And yeah, the only people effected would be dudes like me and the unattractive women we occasionally slum it with (who will have less relationship options.) society won’t be devastated, but low-status men soul be a lot happier. I bet companies like GE would even get into financing the things

MaudeLL
6 years ago

It’s creepy as hell, but really, the more these guys masturbate the better.

Now, I wonder if they’ll feel the girlfriend experience when they have to clean the robot up afterwards (for those who actually clean it up… ew).

dsfrogs
6 years ago

To me, most of these dolls look so sad and disturbed. Is it just my imagination? Is that what’s supposed to be sexy? Is it their reaction to Heartiste?

Falconer
6 years ago

You’re welcome, Fibinachi.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
6 years ago

Didn’t someone comment awhile back that blowup dolls frequently get returned to the manufacturer with horrifying damage (stabs, burns, gouges, slash marks)?

I didn’t know that; I find that really, really disturbing.

I really hope that isn’t true.

Although given that that’s essentially the premise of Deadgirl, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I’d prefer it if real life didn’t imitate horror films, though.

daintydougal
daintydougal
6 years ago

Young hairless and sad seems to be the ideal doll. Blech

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
6 years ago

I guess they’re going for the lolicon market.

bunnybunny
bunnybunny
6 years ago

Although given that that’s essentially the premise of Deadgirl, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I’d prefer it if real life didn’t imitate horror films, though.

I’m not sure why, but I’ve been waiting for that movie to come up on here the last few weeks. I’m certain it’s a manosphere favorite.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
6 years ago

Well, crap. I didn’t think of that either.

You’re probably right, bunnybunny, and my faith in humanity has just hit a new low.

I’m going to go re-read some Nausicaa so I feel better….

Puddleglum
6 years ago

The dolls don’t actually look all that bad to me, but then, my fav doll as a kid was this: http://www.barbiecollector.com/shop/doll/oriental-barbie-doll-03262

The creepy factor for me is the size and bendiness. Eugh.

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