True, though there are also delberate OD/suffocation combos, as the mass suicide of the Heaven’s Gate group graphically showed.
At any rate, it sucks no matter what caused it, and condolences to his family.
Policy of Madness
10 years ago
Not saying it’s impossible (at all), just that it’s not the first assumption I would make. There are also other possibilities, but you’re right, this is not a terrific topic and should probably be dropped.
Nequam
10 years ago
Yeah. On more sanguine birthday notes, I did have a lovely dinner with my husband Sunday (he’s a mail carrier, so Mondays tend to be long, sucky workdays). And i have gotten several interesting books from Amazon and elsewhere.
Policy of Madness
10 years ago
That’s awesome. Quiet dinners out with family are my favorite birthday presents.
grumpycatisagirl
10 years ago
Happy birthday, Nequam. I’ll raise a glass tonight for you and for Robin.
beegee
10 years ago
@K, I don’t know. I would call “having no say over events in my life” as having a lack of control. I would call “guy/MIL having that say instead” as them having control. 😉 And I tend to think that people who are inconsiderate repeatedly are doing it on purpose, and purposly being inconsiderate is abusive.
But I’m not trying to argue, just point out a different way you can look at it. I’m not there in the situation either.
I don’t want to get too deep into my problems because the more I think about them, the angrier I get. But I’ll leave it at this; financial problems tend to compound over time unless you do something about them in the beginning.
Hugs for everyone!
Lea
10 years ago
Just found out about Robin Williams. I’m so upset. He has always occupied a special place in my heart. He deserved so much better. So many people do.
curlyfries
10 years ago
Hey all. I know I don’t comment as much as I should, but I enjoy this blog immensely. My boyfriend has been struggling with depression and anxiety for years; it’s gotten so bad that I am really afraid for his safety. This news of Robin Williams’ death has triggered a fear in me about bf that I am not sure how to deal with. Feeling really helpless tonight.
Hugs all round! I’d offer baby kisses but they apparently have a coxsackievirus.
@curlyfries: You are not alone. I wish I had something more proactive to tell you.
Policy of Madness
10 years ago
@curlyfries
May I suggest a therapist? For you? If money is a problem, many areas have low- or no-cost counseling options. Being close to a mad person is sometimes as difficult as being a mad person, and you deserve care, too.
Auntie Alias
10 years ago
I had a visit from my former boss’s widow this evening. He committed suicide 2.5 months ago. She told me she’s been diagnosed with PTSD from finding him. 🙁
@ curlyfries
I’m very sorry. Is your boyfriend seeing a therapist?
grumpycatisagirl
10 years ago
Hugs where they’re wanted, anyone who wants them.
Robin Williams was a rare celebrity. Pretty much universally loved by everyone who knew about him, young and old. He truly didn’t belong to any one demographic of people.
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago
@littlekatze, welcome! 🙂
@cloudiah, that exchange is hilarious.
@viscaria, that guy used the term chaperone and complained about other people coming along. You weren’t mistaken at all, and he’s a fucking scumbag. You don’t need to second-guess yourself.
@seraph, congrats!
@Policy of Madness, that’s such beautiful work! Those blues just glow.
teacat
10 years ago
My husband’s aunt/everybody’s “auntie” committed suicide weekend before last :(. She suffered with depression, among other things, for years and was receiving a lot of support – there were several people she knew that she “had” to call when she was feeling suicidal. After her father passed away this spring (an event that also affected my husband significantly), the depressive episodes got worse and the depression eventually found a way to get around her massive support system.
She was an amazing person who survived through years of extremely violent abuse and came out strong, incredibly loving and non-judgmental. She wouldn’t take anybody’s shit. She was like a third parent to my husband, especially when his parents divorced. It would take hours to list all of the amazing things she did in the community, especially for those affected by gang violence. I was lucky to have known her and have been welcomed as one of her own and will never forget all the work she put into our wedding (particularly the amazing cake she had made for our rehearsal dinner).
Perhaps the worst part is that she knew how much she was loved and would be missed. We knew because, among other things, she left an extremely personal item she’d worn constantly, one that her father had given her, directly to my husband with the note “keep this and know we’ll always be with you”. THIS is the physical representation of why suicide sometimes inspires anger in family members and I am unable to even type out that part without sympathy-crying.
I was a sobby, snotty mess at the funeral this weekend and, while he’s still dealing with the anger and “what now/what if”, we’re both OK and able to go through our everyday lives. Now that Robin Williams committed suicide and it’s looking increasingly likely that I caught a bad cold from the whole ordeal/his relatives, we just feel like depression did a double-take then punched crippled us in the bellies. Yuck.
That was probably horribly written, but I don’t even care.
Depression and suicide can go step on a bunch of LEGOs using somebody’s soft, malleable human feet then get so annoyed by the experience that they decide they want to leave us all alone forever. 🙁
@Falconer, that’s actually incredibly proactive, thank you.
@Policy of Madness & Auntie Alias, I have a horrible habit of rationalizing all the reasons I put off self care. I know I shouldn’t, a therapist might actually help me. As far as my bf, he has seen therapists, many of them in addition to taking a myriad of different drugs. Nothing seems to help in the long term. It starts to feel so hopeless, and that’s on my end; I can’t even imagine what it feels like to be the one affected.
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago
teacat, I am so, so sorry. Virtual hugs and tissues if you want them.
Thanks to all for the kind words. If I could, I’d pass the positive energy back to those who need it.
Auntie Alias
10 years ago
@ curlyfries
I’m like that, too, when it comes to mental health but I’ve been pretty stable for years on Zoloft so I haven’t had to push myself to do anything proactive except get the meds. If your boyfriend’s problems are causing your own mental health to deteriorate, seeing a therapist yourself could benefit both of you.
@ teacat
I’m so sorry about your beloved auntie. I can relate to the cycle of anger and “why”.
Even having a pretty good understanding of the “why” in my boss’s case till doesn’t stop the question from popping into my head occasionally. Some of it made sense and some made no sense at all. I have to come to terms with the idea that the final emotional pain was so acute that all he was thinking of was stopping a pain he couldn’t cope with. He didn’t even leave a note for his wife who he loved dearly.
Things are kind of sucking all around tonight. I went looking for a pick-me-up and came across this again, so here. Have some laughing babies.
BreakfastMan
10 years ago
Can I get some hugs, everyone? I have just moved out of my parents house for the first time, and it is super-hard emotionally, especially since I have a really good, loving relationship with them. D:
teacat
10 years ago
Thanks for your kind words, everybody.
@Auntie Alias The fact that her emotional pain appears to have lasted over a couple days of meticulous planning and wasn’t entirely acute (something that a family member with experience in suicide thought was rather out of the ordinary) makes it all the more hard to come to terms with.
But various things about the note she left and other things she did during that period clearly came out of a wish to reduce the pain of those who would’ve mourned her and get the thoughts of those people out of her mind enough to “justify” the suicide.
Only a very deep pain could initiate something like that in somebody and I don’t think any of us will ever be able to understand it.
Healing will come as it can, but none of us will ever know the “whys”. We’ll just have to accept that that’s OK.
I wish to you, and your boss’s family, the same steady road to recovery that we’re hoping to find. To all those affected by suicide, really.
redpoppy
10 years ago
*hugs for breakfastman* I feel a small, yet gnawing emptiness in me whenever I think about my dad. He passed away in January. We had a complicated relationship but, I really do miss him.
Viscaria
10 years ago
Very much appreciate the perpetual baby giggling machine.
We Hunted The Mammoth
True, though there are also delberate OD/suffocation combos, as the mass suicide of the Heaven’s Gate group graphically showed.
At any rate, it sucks no matter what caused it, and condolences to his family.
Not saying it’s impossible (at all), just that it’s not the first assumption I would make. There are also other possibilities, but you’re right, this is not a terrific topic and should probably be dropped.
Yeah. On more sanguine birthday notes, I did have a lovely dinner with my husband Sunday (he’s a mail carrier, so Mondays tend to be long, sucky workdays). And i have gotten several interesting books from Amazon and elsewhere.
That’s awesome. Quiet dinners out with family are my favorite birthday presents.
Happy birthday, Nequam. I’ll raise a glass tonight for you and for Robin.
@K, I don’t know. I would call “having no say over events in my life” as having a lack of control. I would call “guy/MIL having that say instead” as them having control. 😉 And I tend to think that people who are inconsiderate repeatedly are doing it on purpose, and purposly being inconsiderate is abusive.
But I’m not trying to argue, just point out a different way you can look at it. I’m not there in the situation either.
I don’t want to get too deep into my problems because the more I think about them, the angrier I get. But I’ll leave it at this; financial problems tend to compound over time unless you do something about them in the beginning.
Hugs for everyone!
Just found out about Robin Williams. I’m so upset. He has always occupied a special place in my heart. He deserved so much better. So many people do.
Hey all. I know I don’t comment as much as I should, but I enjoy this blog immensely. My boyfriend has been struggling with depression and anxiety for years; it’s gotten so bad that I am really afraid for his safety. This news of Robin Williams’ death has triggered a fear in me about bf that I am not sure how to deal with. Feeling really helpless tonight.
Hugs all round! I’d offer baby kisses but they apparently have a coxsackievirus.
@curlyfries: You are not alone. I wish I had something more proactive to tell you.
@curlyfries
May I suggest a therapist? For you? If money is a problem, many areas have low- or no-cost counseling options. Being close to a mad person is sometimes as difficult as being a mad person, and you deserve care, too.
I had a visit from my former boss’s widow this evening. He committed suicide 2.5 months ago. She told me she’s been diagnosed with PTSD from finding him. 🙁
@ curlyfries
I’m very sorry. Is your boyfriend seeing a therapist?
Hugs where they’re wanted, anyone who wants them.
Robin Williams was a rare celebrity. Pretty much universally loved by everyone who knew about him, young and old. He truly didn’t belong to any one demographic of people.
@littlekatze, welcome! 🙂
@cloudiah, that exchange is hilarious.
@viscaria, that guy used the term chaperone and complained about other people coming along. You weren’t mistaken at all, and he’s a fucking scumbag. You don’t need to second-guess yourself.
@seraph, congrats!
@Policy of Madness, that’s such beautiful work! Those blues just glow.
My husband’s aunt/everybody’s “auntie” committed suicide weekend before last :(. She suffered with depression, among other things, for years and was receiving a lot of support – there were several people she knew that she “had” to call when she was feeling suicidal. After her father passed away this spring (an event that also affected my husband significantly), the depressive episodes got worse and the depression eventually found a way to get around her massive support system.
She was an amazing person who survived through years of extremely violent abuse and came out strong, incredibly loving and non-judgmental. She wouldn’t take anybody’s shit. She was like a third parent to my husband, especially when his parents divorced. It would take hours to list all of the amazing things she did in the community, especially for those affected by gang violence. I was lucky to have known her and have been welcomed as one of her own and will never forget all the work she put into our wedding (particularly the amazing cake she had made for our rehearsal dinner).
Perhaps the worst part is that she knew how much she was loved and would be missed. We knew because, among other things, she left an extremely personal item she’d worn constantly, one that her father had given her, directly to my husband with the note “keep this and know we’ll always be with you”. THIS is the physical representation of why suicide sometimes inspires anger in family members and I am unable to even type out that part without sympathy-crying.
I was a sobby, snotty mess at the funeral this weekend and, while he’s still dealing with the anger and “what now/what if”, we’re both OK and able to go through our everyday lives. Now that Robin Williams committed suicide and it’s looking increasingly likely that I caught a bad cold from the whole ordeal/his relatives, we just feel like depression did a double-take then punched crippled us in the bellies. Yuck.
That was probably horribly written, but I don’t even care.
Depression and suicide can go step on a bunch of LEGOs using somebody’s soft, malleable human feet then get so annoyed by the experience that they decide they want to leave us all alone forever. 🙁
Love ya, auntie.
What the ever-loving fuck??
http://www.wtrf.com/story/26248983/teen-convicted-in-steubenville-rape-back-on-football-roster
@Falconer, that’s actually incredibly proactive, thank you.
@Policy of Madness & Auntie Alias, I have a horrible habit of rationalizing all the reasons I put off self care. I know I shouldn’t, a therapist might actually help me. As far as my bf, he has seen therapists, many of them in addition to taking a myriad of different drugs. Nothing seems to help in the long term. It starts to feel so hopeless, and that’s on my end; I can’t even imagine what it feels like to be the one affected.
teacat, I am so, so sorry. Virtual hugs and tissues if you want them.
Thanks to all for the kind words. If I could, I’d pass the positive energy back to those who need it.
@ curlyfries
I’m like that, too, when it comes to mental health but I’ve been pretty stable for years on Zoloft so I haven’t had to push myself to do anything proactive except get the meds. If your boyfriend’s problems are causing your own mental health to deteriorate, seeing a therapist yourself could benefit both of you.
@ teacat
I’m so sorry about your beloved auntie. I can relate to the cycle of anger and “why”.
Even having a pretty good understanding of the “why” in my boss’s case till doesn’t stop the question from popping into my head occasionally. Some of it made sense and some made no sense at all. I have to come to terms with the idea that the final emotional pain was so acute that all he was thinking of was stopping a pain he couldn’t cope with. He didn’t even leave a note for his wife who he loved dearly.
My heart goes out to you all. All the hugs.
Things are kind of sucking all around tonight. I went looking for a pick-me-up and came across this again, so here. Have some laughing babies.
Can I get some hugs, everyone? I have just moved out of my parents house for the first time, and it is super-hard emotionally, especially since I have a really good, loving relationship with them. D:
Thanks for your kind words, everybody.
@Auntie Alias The fact that her emotional pain appears to have lasted over a couple days of meticulous planning and wasn’t entirely acute (something that a family member with experience in suicide thought was rather out of the ordinary) makes it all the more hard to come to terms with.
But various things about the note she left and other things she did during that period clearly came out of a wish to reduce the pain of those who would’ve mourned her and get the thoughts of those people out of her mind enough to “justify” the suicide.
Only a very deep pain could initiate something like that in somebody and I don’t think any of us will ever be able to understand it.
Healing will come as it can, but none of us will ever know the “whys”. We’ll just have to accept that that’s OK.
I wish to you, and your boss’s family, the same steady road to recovery that we’re hoping to find. To all those affected by suicide, really.
*hugs for breakfastman* I feel a small, yet gnawing emptiness in me whenever I think about my dad. He passed away in January. We had a complicated relationship but, I really do miss him.
Very much appreciate the perpetual baby giggling machine.