Open Thread for Personal Stuff: August 2014 Suspended Kitty Edition

Ooh, that looks very helpful! Thanks, Unimaginative!

And in exchange, I give this really handy link on formatting a manuscript for someone else to read over! (It explains all the rules so I understand WHY I need to do shit.)

My friend and I just quit our job, and I feel relieved, but also really guilty. See, we decided while our boss was away on vacation and we quit the day he came back. And there are a lot of jobs in the works and he has no one to do them; anyone new he’d have to train all over again, without the help of a former employee to do it. It’s just a tiny, family-owned business of he and his wife, and they have two children, one of them severely disabled, and I just hate the idea that I’ve kind of screwed them. But the thing was, the reason I quit was I was being hit on at that job more than when I go to the bar, and I could even have been okay with that, except that one of the people doing the hitting on was my boss himself.

That, and just this past week, one of our clients had a job done with us, and I stayed late to complete it, and also because other people were coming to get their stuff. He offered to drive me home, and I tried to avoid it, but he stayed till the other people got their stuff and by then I was too exhausted to argue anymore. He drove me home, and then insisted on helping me take my stuff to the entrance of my building, despite my saying I was fine to take it up myself. I then tried to tell him thanks and say goodbye, but he insisted on coming up to my apartment. I again tried to tell him thanks and goodbye, but he wanted to take it inside. I warned him my apartment was messy, he insisted it couldn’t be that bad, and on and on till I let him in. I put my stuff away while he gave himself a tour and then sat on my couch, trying to get me to sit down too. The only thing that made him leave was that I said I had to go get food for my caterpillars, and that I said, “Maybe” to him coming by on Saturday. Which he did, and I had to suddenly have to go visit my grandparents.

I can’t deal with this shit anymore. I put up with a lot, and tried to ignore the inappropriate remarks my boss was making, laugh them off, or just not see them as a big deal, but then my friend was having other problems and she was planning to quit, and I just knew I couldn’t do it on my own again, so I told her and she was outraged, so we talked and agreed to quit together. I’m glad I didn’t stay till something more physical happened. I mean I would have cried and bolted there and then, but I’d rather not have to go through that at all.

One Friday one of the printers’ fusers broke, and it was late and I was already stressed out. My boss invited me to sit down and somehow that turned into him fondling my hair and then insisting I drive to a city with him that’s an hour and a half away. I managed to talk him down to just going to dinner, in our own city, but on the way home he held my hand.

Several times he’d text me in the evening and want me to meet him for dinner or ice cream, and, fuck, I’m not good at saying no, or sticking to no once I’ve said it.

There was a plan for a trip to Chicago for this trade show. He wanted me to go, and I said yes, figuring it was a business trip, but just a few weeks ago I found out his wife (who also works for the company) wouldn’t be attending and that he wasn’t going to tell her. He also didn’t seem to realize that it was a given that we’d be in separate hotel rooms.

He also said something one Saturday; he’d mentioned having a crush on someone slim, and that he was going to make a move soon. He said I knew her very well. The only two women I know very well that he also knows are his wife and my friend. I’m the only one of them who’s slim. He’d mentioned being attracted to an electrician who worked for us now and again (who happened to be slim). I asked if it was her (not that that would have been okay), but he said it wasn’t.

So…now I’m hoping I can get a job again quickly, and I hope the guilt of inconveniencing him and his family will subside, but I can’t stay where I’m not safe. I can’t. He tried to convince my friend and I to stay (I never mentioned his harassment of me as a problem; I only mentioned the guy who followed me home), gaslit, minimized, praised, tried to separate us (called us a union lol), but we did it. There was no solution to be found, no way to start over, no turning back the clock. It had to happen. And he was so adamant to try get me alone, and the sad thing is if he had, I would have caved, which is why I insisted on having my friend with me and why she insisted on staying. He knew that.

Goddam. Sorry for the long post. Hope everyone’s doing okay, and hugs for those who aren’t if they want them!

Dude, Alex, don’t feel guilty, that asshole was trying to cheat on his wife with a goddamn employee, and going about it in a creepyass thing. Seriously, what the everloving hell? If he wanted to keep his employees around, he shouldn’t have TRIED TO CHEAT ON HIS WIFE WITH THEM.

What the fuck is wrong with these dudes, that they think this is an okay way to act?

Alex, what a creepy creep! You had every right to quit. I hope you get a new job in short order.

@Alex: what that sounds like, in a NZ employment context, is constructive dismissal. I don’t know what the employment laws are like where you are, to even know if that’s an avenue you can pursue. In NZ, basically constructive dismissal occurs when the employee resigns because their work situation is so bad that they are basically forced to resign (bullying and sexual harassment being the key grounds).

It sucks what you went through, and I hope you find a better job.

Alex: You’re feeling guilty because you’re decent person, but this dude is a weapons-grade toad and his family situation is not your problem. Fuck him, I hope his business tanks. You and your coworker are so totally in the right.

I find the US confusing as I never know whether something is federal law or state law, and whether state law is allowed to override federal law (or it depends). That “at-will” employment exists in law in at least some states is a horrifying reality.

pallygirl,
I live in an at will state and my husband has lost jobs for making waves over things like abuse directed at special needs adults or as one employer bluntly put it, “My nephew wants your job.” It is terrifying. Employers will openly tell you that they can fire you any time for any reason, including reporting abuses that employer has committed. If the company contests your unemployment insurance, you’re most likely screwed.

Testing.

pallygirl: In the U.S., if it’s a small company under 50 people, a person is shut out of a lot of the protections afforded someone who works for a larger company. It is deeply fucked-up.

That’s similar to the situation here, though I think it’s fewer than 100 people with us. (Yes! An aspect of industrial relations where we suck more than the US! But don’t worry, Tone will do his best to pass you on all forms of social suckage.)

Unfortunately I can’t get EI since I quit, but I know some people who are understaffed and might take me on.

Alex, would they take any notice if you told them about the sexual harassment and the fact that your colleague also quit, or would it have to be something you were taking legal action about for them to take note?

Or, would getting your doctor (assuming you have a good regular doc to talk to) to provide a letter saying you had to leave due to stress help? I swung that back when I quit Centrelink, and I was just stressed from the job, not having to quit for my own safety.

But look how beauuuuuuuuuuuuutiful it is! http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c6/3ert.png

Is it like a huge horse pill that’s hard to choke down without tasting?