Today, a look at an appalling apologia for domestic violence and abuse from everyone’s least favorite creepy expat, the anonymous “game” blogger behind Random Xpat Rantings. Oh, and he also offers a handy rationalization for child abuse as well.
Xsplat, is, by his own description, an expat in his late 40s living in Indonesia and “dating” a teenager considerably less than half his age. Well, not just dating: apparently he feels that he “owns” her.
He starts off his post by arguing that parents have the right to spank their children because the children are, in essence, their property:
Society as a whole remains agnostic as to the value of judiciously spanking recalcitrant children. We remain agnostic because at a fundamental level we realize that the parents have the right to choose. Their children are THEIR children. They literally belong to them.
He then extends this metaphor to relationships between adult men and women in perhaps the creepiest way possible:
Much of sexual love is an add on and re-working of mammalian Daddy/daughter love, and also mother/son love. Men who want to retain sexual tension in the long term must keep the relationship as Daddy/daughter.
You have a right to punish, if she accepts that you have the right to punish.
Xsplat thinks that women find his “pimp hand” sexy:
Laying ownership claims is brute force sexy. Women at a fundamental level understand that while they will always struggle to be a free agent, that when properly owned she can be an entirely different king of person. A deeply sexually charged, constantly submissive and sexually engaged, better woman. A woman with direction.
He argues that women need this sort of “discipline” — which, he makes clear, can involve physical violence — because they are essentially children.
Children and women need boundaries. They will test and act out to the limit of those boundaries. Some children respond well to a gentle word. Some wind up in juvie despite every best effort. Some pimps and parents reward and discipline purely psychologically, while others get physical. Some children learn and behave well under gentle conditions of subtle hints and direction, others have stubborn negative habits that require more forceful re-direction.
A woman who is owned is a very different creature from one who considers herself a strong independent woman.
An owned woman will give you her all, just for the opportunity to remain owned.
He ends his post by boasting about how he applied his “pimp hand” to “N18” – that is, his 18-year-old girlfriend – when she “acted out” at a night club because, he says, she was jealous of the attention he was paying to another woman.
I’m in Bali now with N18, a 32 year old ex who I met when she was 23 … and a potential new intern/partner. We were out clubbing and N18 started to get jealous of the attention that the older woman was getting. … So she started to act out a bit and attention whore on the stage and the dance floor. I’d had a lot to drink, and so by the time we got home my emotions were unrestrained. I called her out on her behaviour, and was not gentle.
In his mind, this assertion of his “ownership” of her only brought the two closer together:
As usual I was awoken with blowjobs and the day was filled with constant attentive behavior. Plus. This is not a reaction out of fear, it is a pure bonding reaction.
That’s what he wants us to think, anyway.
Or maybe he’s trying to convince himself that he’s not, you know, an angry, jealous asshole living in a country with a per capita income less than one-fifth that of the US who’s using his money to exploit and possibly abuse a teenager who wouldn’t give him the time of day if she weren’t poor and he weren’t, at least relatively, rich.
Xsplat is not the most influential manosphere blogger by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s enough of a celebrity in that little world that he had his own “Ask Me Anything” thread on Reddit’s Red Pill subreddit last year.
Me three, Viscaria.
marinerachel, I get what you were saying, and I don’t think you’re either a troll or a pedo-apologist, but it’s just that most people who insist on coming here to make that distinction are in fact doing so to minimize the sexual abuse of post-pubescent young girls so it’s kind of always going to get the side-eye around here. Even when the person doing it is neither a troll nor a pedo-apologist, and clearly condemns the sexual abuse of girls no matter their age. It’s just blowback from all the asshats who’ve stopped by to derail discussions about the sexual abuse of young girls by bringing up the distinction.
Viscaria: I agree with you. We can split these hairs all damn day, but why we really want to is beyond me. Our cred isn’t in jeopardy.
There’s also the fact that it makes no sense to say that whether or not someone is a pedophile depends on whether or not the kid they’re perving on has hit puberty, and giving an age at which that rule takes effect, because not everyone hits puberty at the same age. I was no longer pre-pubescent at the age of 9. If anyone wants to argue that the men who harassed me at that age weren’t pedophiles because I had boobs and was menstruating, well, just be glad you’re not in the same room I am right now.
Of Course! If they can convince women, and themselves, that the Bad Boy Abuser/Good Girl Cringing (TM) model of relationships is the true and healthy one, they can abuse and rape all they want and not consider themselves criminals for doing so.
I realize that my wonderful husband and fellow journeyer through the cosmos would be considered a beta by these guys, but I will take intelligent, caring, funny, loving and kind over their version of alpha any old day.
The issues I have with defining pedophilia as being an attraction to specifically pre-pubescent children are that:
1.) Puberty is a process, not an instant thing, so at what point specifically do we define a child as post-pubescent? As soon as the process starts? When it’s finished? Somewhere in between? My mom didn’t menstruate until she was in college, I believe, but I wore a C-cup by the time I was 13. Was my dad, who started dating my mom when they were in high school, a pedophile? Were the men who catcalled me on the street at 13?
2.) Because “pedophile” has become a catch-all phrase for people who lust after and sexually abuse children, arguing about the term can generate a smoke screen for abusers who then argue that they’re not pedophiles technically speaking, they’re “only” ephebophiles or whatever, semantically attempting to transform this into a “lesser” offense.
3.) While I am a fan of having and using accurate terminology where possible, I’ve yet to see anyone use the term “ephebophile” in any way that doesn’t excuse abusers, and I will not be party to excusing child abuse. Until there is a term for the abuse of adolescent children that doesn’t carry connotations of condoning said abuse, I’ll continue to use the term “pedophile” to mean adults who sexually abuse children, adolescent or otherwise.
Warning: Possible Trigger
Sadly, I think that these pervs have an instinct that lets them zero in on women who have been abused as kids and/or have serious self esteem problems. Once they target one, they are able to “condition” the woman to accept being “disciplined.”
It is similar to BDSM, with a Master/slave 24/7 thing, but without the mutuality of a healthy bdsm relationship.
@samantha:
“Of Course! If they can convince women, and themselves, that the Bad Boy Abuser/Good Girl Cringing (TM) model of relationships is the true and healthy one, they can abuse and rape all they want and not consider themselves criminals for doing so.”
Yup. Men gonna men, as one poster here (sorry, don’t remember who!) put it so well.
“I realize that my wonderful husband and fellow journeyer through the cosmos would be considered a beta by these guys, but I will take intelligent, caring, funny, loving and kind over their version of alpha any old day.”
You, me, and billions of women out there.
One unintended benefit of the manuresphere is underscoring how wonderful the wonderful men (i.e., the non-manurespherians) are. Dipping my toes into the manurespheric evil makes me appreciate my husband, my father, my sons, and all the good men — including David here, obviously — all the more every day.
P.S. “… including David and all the Mammothian men here, obviously…”
Obviously. 🙂
Goddammit, is it time for another goddamn pedophilia vs. child-molestation thread AGAIN? How about we just only talk about child-molesters, since those are the fuckers we’re mad at anyway. BAM! Problem solved, and I never again have to suffer through people decided whether what I went through was rape, statutory rape, or child molestation.
It’s FUN being people’s theoretical example! Gee, I sure do love it!
RE: Susie Cross
I hope those voices in his head tell him to harm himself.
Let’s not compare this guy’s abusive douchebaggery to fucking schizophrenia, huh? Schizophrenics have enough shit dumped on their heads.
Hey, what about the guy who tried to pull me into an empty bedroom at a Christmas party when I was 10, huh? He knew I was 10, since he knew my family. It’s very important that everyone know that he was not a pedophile, since I was wearing already wearing a bra! This is totally a distinction that we need to make, and not at all playing right into the hands of creeps who want to push the idea that any kid who’s visibly hit puberty is fair game.
I’m going to go sit in the “fuck you” corner with LBT now if he doesn’t mind.
No, they don’t, cassandrakitty. To know those things you have to accept the humanity of others, as well as the fact that their needs and desires are as real and important as yours are. They feel only their own “needs and wants,” and seek to fulfill them – even at the expense of others.
This is not a conversation I had any right to bring up and insert myself into. I want to apologize to you and yours, LBT, for doing so anyway, and discussing/attempting to define experiences that are not my own. That apology extends to anyone else who was hurt by my words and my actions. I will stay out of the thread now.
Umm…Ok…
Triggers below…
As I understand it, pedophilia is the attraction to children.
When the person who has those desires acts on it, that is child sex abuse.
Pedophiles come in two varieties, the exclusive pedophile (rare) and the nonexclusive pedophile (far more common). The exclusive is only interested in kids, the nonexclusive is interested in adults as well.
These particular guys that we’re discussing, though, are *really* interested in subjugation, that is their turn-on. They WANT to be feared and worshiped. They also want to be able to *mold* their victims to exact specifications.
So the idea that they would find children attractive kind of follows.
Kids are easier to brainwash, less powerful, more vulnerable, and are hardwired to love the people around them, even if those same people hurt the child.
Besides, this guy views his children as possessions. I suspect a lot of people who abuse their kids (in both sexual and physical ways) think of their children as possessions.
Ok, this is both a heavy and complicated subject, +++out of coffee error+++
My opinion is that they want and need what only a living being can give them – fear, obedience and the illusion that the guys are kings and/or demi-gods. Blow up dolls just lie there. Real women cry, fight back and can be beaten down. This is what these…guys…see as “respect.”
You didn’t bring this subject up, Viscaria. It was, unfortunately, already part of the thread by the time you commented. Dunno about LBT, but I’m not annoyed with you at all.
(Can this please be the last damn time we have to have the “but but but! some of them aren’t actually pedophiles and it’s very important that we note this!” conversation on this site?)
Viscaria, you didn’t start this this shitshow.
marinerachel, FYI, but I really don’t fucking care what kind of pervert my grandfather was when he molested me at 12.
Oh, kittehserf –Greebo? Should I be concerned? Tell me about Greebo…PLEEZE…I must KNOW!!!!!
A non Pratchett reader on Manboobz? Clearly we haven’t finished assimilating you yet.
And now MAGRAT!!! What is Magrat? Do I want to know?
…Molestation sounds like they were just bothering us or something. But agreed.
Magrat is a witch whose mother’s spelling left something to be desired. She has lots of occult jewelry and some of the best lines in several Pratchett books.
(Borg assimilation program initiated.)
I mean…like, pardon for getting pungent here…but when you feel like someone’s ripped your soul out, molestation doesn’t feel like a powerful enough word to convey the damage.
These folks at the Internet Watch Foundation have the resources to pursue complaints in more than one country. https://www.iwf.org.uk/
If you are sure it is a US person then the FBI is the appropriate agency to contract.
( I have one tattoo…it is Death of Rats)