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Creepy expat: "Properly owned" women appreciate a man's "pimp hand."

Western "tourists" in Southeast Asia (Cambodia)
Western “tourists” in Cambodia

Today, a look at an appalling apologia for domestic violence and abuse from everyone’s least favorite creepy expat, the anonymous “game” blogger behind Random Xpat Rantings. Oh, and he also offers a handy rationalization for child abuse as well.

Xsplat, is, by his own description, an expat in his late 40s living in Indonesia and “dating” a teenager considerably less than half his age. Well, not just dating: apparently he feels that he “owns” her.

He starts off his post by arguing that parents have the right to spank their children because the children are, in essence, their property:

Society as a whole remains agnostic as to the value of judiciously spanking recalcitrant children. We remain agnostic because at a fundamental level we realize that the parents have the right to choose. Their children are THEIR children. They literally belong to them.

He then extends this metaphor to relationships between adult men and women in perhaps the creepiest way possible:

Much of sexual love is an add on and re-working of mammalian Daddy/daughter love, and also mother/son love. Men who want to retain sexual tension in the long term must keep the relationship as Daddy/daughter.

You have a right to punish, if she accepts that you have the right to punish.

Xsplat thinks that women find his “pimp hand” sexy:

Laying ownership claims is brute force sexy. Women at a fundamental level understand that while they will always struggle to be a free agent, that when properly owned she can be an entirely different king of person. A deeply sexually charged, constantly submissive and sexually engaged, better woman. A woman with direction.

He argues that women need this sort of “discipline” — which, he makes clear, can involve physical violence — because they are essentially children.

Children and women need boundaries. They will test and act out to the limit of those boundaries. Some children respond well to a gentle word. Some wind up in juvie despite every best effort. Some pimps and parents reward and discipline purely psychologically, while others get physical. Some children learn and behave well under gentle conditions of subtle hints and direction, others have stubborn negative habits that require more forceful re-direction.

A woman who is owned is a very different creature from one who considers herself a strong independent woman.

An owned woman will give you her all, just for the opportunity to remain owned.

He ends his post by boasting about how he applied his “pimp hand” to “N18” – that is, his 18-year-old girlfriend – when she “acted out” at a night club because, he says, she was jealous of the attention he was paying to another woman.

I’m in Bali now with N18, a 32 year old ex who I met when she was 23 … and a potential new intern/partner. We were out clubbing and N18 started to get jealous of the attention that the older woman was getting. … So she started to act out a bit and attention whore on the stage and the dance floor. I’d had a lot to drink, and so by the time we got home my emotions were unrestrained. I called her out on her behaviour, and was not gentle.

In his mind, this assertion of his “ownership” of her only brought the two closer together:

As usual I was awoken with blowjobs and the day was filled with constant attentive behavior. Plus. This is not a reaction out of fear, it is a pure bonding reaction.

That’s what he wants us to think, anyway.

Or maybe he’s trying to convince himself that he’s not, you know, an angry, jealous asshole living in a country with a per capita income less than one-fifth that of the US who’s using his money to exploit and possibly abuse a teenager who wouldn’t give him the time of day if she weren’t poor and he weren’t, at least relatively, rich.

Xsplat is not the most influential manosphere blogger by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s enough of a celebrity in that little world that he had his own “Ask Me Anything” thread on Reddit’s Red Pill subreddit last year.

 

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LBT (with an open writeathon!)

That is a sweet tattoo, blahlistic. *has a few himself*

RE: cassandrakitty

It feels like such a red herring, taking the focus off the victims and putting it on the perps instead. Even though uh, VICTIMS TALKING RIGHT HERE. Really fucking annoying! Especially since, frankly, someone who rapes children will use any justification or reasoning to weasel out of getting punished, so the waters are so cloudy, I honestly don’t think it’s worth it.

I don’t care why someone rapes children. If they do, that’s terrible. If not, congratulations for maintaining basic human decency.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

@ LBT

It is a red herring, and it comes up every single time this topic does. Can someone just hand me a whack-a-mole mallet? Because that’s pretty much my instinctive response at this point.

contrapangloss
6 years ago

Can we be done yet? And, you know, throw this whole conversation down into a deep, dark pit from which it can never escape?

It feels like we are just rehashing and rehashing and rehashing the same stinking thing, over and over and over again and it’s never going to have a happy conclusion even if most of us are kind of sort of on the same page about abusing kiddos being wrong-sick.

So, can we not?

Also, I’m half wondering if we could just send any future posts with “ephebophile” or “ephebophila” straight to the mod bin? It seems like the only people who use it are the ooky-“but it’s okay for me to think post-pubescent kids are okay to hit on even if they’re still obviously kids” type.

I’m kind of sick of those people.

Correction. Replace “kind of” with “really, really, extraordinarily”

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

I consign this topic to the trash bin and replace it with a much more fun, enjoyable topic: due to how awesome my writeathon’s going, I’ll be throwing another one this month! I also am throwing a tie-breaker poll after my last one to figure out what story gets posted next.

And finally: HEY CLOUDIAH! I owe you a bonus sketch! What story would you like illustrated?

Alex M
Alex M
6 years ago

@LBT

While this round of your writeathon is technically over (your username needs updating), I have a plot sapling I’d like to share:

A dyed-in-the-wool MRA that writes articles for all the “major” manosphere websites and everything discovers their 8-14 year old daughter is developing/has developed angel-style, flight-capable wings, the first in recorded human history, and it’s not public yet. How does the MRA react?

Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
6 years ago

@Alex: How does the MRA react?

Trick question – the MRA doesn’t have anything to DO with any children who are supposedly his offspring, it only happened the once, the bitch is lying because she wants child support, women are all gold-digging hos.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Oop, you’re right Alex. *fixes* Thanks! Sorry, I technically don’t consider it closed till I finish putting out bonuses and such.

And that is an intriguing prompt. You know, seeing as my next writeathon opens on September first on the theme of Servitude, you should hang onto that prompt and give it to me then!

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

@GrumpMog, hi, have a Welcome Package!

Love your avatar. One can never see too much of Inigo.

@gilshalos, yes, I saw that cat’s paw pattern for the first time the other night! I must learn it. 🙂

@Aunt Edna, good work, I hope they follow up on it.

@redpoppy, Elvis is adorbs. I take it his human used the term “work” pretty loosely. 😉

@pallygirl,

“you’re starving me*”, then action is required but verbal response is optional.

* a 3mm square of the bottom of 1 of 4 cat bowls can be seen.

That’s exactly like our household.

@daintydougal,

Unless a cat literally has food in its mouth there’s no possible way of knowing when it’ll ever be able to eat again! That’s especially true if their head is half an inch above their full food bowl.
That’s just science folks.

So. Much. Truth.

@samantha

I realize that my wonderful husband and fellow journeyer through the cosmos would be considered a beta by these guys, but I will take intelligent, caring, funny, loving and kind over their version of alpha any old day.

::fistbump:: Same here!

@LBT: there should be a word for “but it wasn’t this category of sexual abuse, you have to grade them precisely” attempts. I’d suggest Dawkinsing.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

@samantha – here’s stuff on Greebo from the Discworld wiki.

http://discworld.wikia.com/wiki/Greebo

GrumpyOldMan
6 years ago

I have only one small comment on the issue that has been thrashed out beyond what was necessary already: “ephebophile” is a euphemism for “predator”.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: Kittehs

there should be a word for “but it wasn’t this category of sexual abuse, you have to grade them precisely” attempts. I’d suggest Dawkinsing.

Creeperbating? Seriously, my general response is, “Were you THERE? No? Then STFU.”

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I was going to go with “irrelevant bullshit”, personally.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

Seriously, my general response is, “Were you THERE? No? Then STFU.”

Which is definitely the response Dawkins should have had.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

Quelle surprise, Dawkins is being a fuckhead on the subject again. Slimy PoS he is.

GrumpyOldMan
6 years ago

As I have been following this discussion I’ve had the feeling that the most important point is being missed. In categorizing why child sex abusers commit their crimes one needs to recognize that this is irrelevant to the effect of the crimes on the victims. Child sex abuse is horrible; NOBODY should be trying to categorize the severity of its effects on the victim, NOBODY should be critiquing the victim’s experience or response to their abuse, full stop. The only reason for categorization is to try to figure out how to deal with child sex abusers with the purpose of trying to minimize the occurrence of child sex abuse.
In the US we have been throwing far too many mentally ill people into prison. Prisons are run on the theory that the proper combination of rewards and punishments will obtain the standards of behavior they wish to enforce. But if a person cannot conform to the desired behavior due to mental illness, punishment seems to me both useless and cruel. (I have some experience with mental illness; my first wife suffered/suffers from serious mental illness, and any attempt to punish her behavior would have surely been useless and cruel.)
So if, in fact, you have offenders whose crimes are due to some sort of mental illness, they should not be punished, they should be treated (if possible) BUT ALSO prevented from having access to vulnerable children. Offenders who abuse children because they are available and vulnerable should be publicly shamed and punished. One thing that bothers me is the tendency for legislatures to establish ever harsher punishments and more draconian restrictions for registered sex offenders, because there is a reluctance to impose these harsh punishments, and I tend to believe that it is the probability of exposure and punishment rather than the potential severity of the punishment that is the best deterrent. (Sometimes I think the best thing would be to bring back the pillory.)

cloudiah
6 years ago

@blahlistic, that is an awesome tattoo. Thanks for sharing it!

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Actually the point in your first paragraph has been stated multiple times by multiple people.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I do agree that social shaming is a good thing in the case of pedophiles, though. And nope, don’t care which definition of that we’re using, since the only goal here is to stop people from abusing children.

cloudiah
6 years ago

@LBT, I can’t pick! DON’T MAKE ME PICK! (Can you pick for me?)

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
6 years ago

Much of sexual love is an add on and re-working of mammalian Daddy/daughter love, and also mother/son love.

Was this the same guy who had to teach himself to love women by pretending they were his children, which turned out to be easy because women are “inherently neotenous”?

Truth be told, based on my experience, interracialist white gay men can be just as creepy.

Yeah, the fact that “rice queen” is even a term that exists has always skeeved me out. Dudes, no, fetishizing people is still uncool even if you’re doing it within your own gender.

@Thread: Greebo! I wanted to get in on the cat avatar meme and as a huge Pratchett fan, he was the obvious choice. I know there is art of Greebo in his usual form, but I like having a stealth catvatar. (For those still confused: in a couple of the books, Greebo the cat is magicked into a human shape. My avatar is Greebo’s human form)

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

“Stealth catvatar” I love it!

Ooh, that made me wonder – what sort of cat would Inigo Montoya be?

(That was your daily tangent.)

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

I think Inigo Montoya would be a lot like Puss ‘n’ Boots.

I mean, http://silkitalia.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Pictures-of-puss-n-boots.jpg

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I kind of miss Puss n Boots as a panto. It’s just so silly and fun.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I think that post is probably one of those things where your brain immediately tries to make its own bleach as a form of self-defense.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

WWTH, I should have thought of that! Film Puss even has the right accent.

Now if only he’d said “You keep using that word …”

friday jones
friday jones
6 years ago

I’ve noticed a trend with these wannabee patriarch types who like to go to places like Thailand to pay young people to pretend to belong to them: Every single one of them is a self-indulgent manchild with all the self-discipline of a wet strand of spaghetti. I have never seen one of these guys that I couldn’t have beat up back in the late Seventies when I was a super-queer teenager. I have never seen one of these guys who would be capable of holding their temper and simply abiding an unpleasant experience. These are the kinds of men who whine like hungry toddlers when things don’t go exactly the way they want. All their talk of women being childish is just these men projecting their own traits onto women.

Women are ridiculously strong and enduring. My late mother, God rest her soul, she worked when she was sick, and hardly ever complained about her own problems. She endured the agony of childbirth twice. My natal father could never accomplish any of that, his strength was in his back and in his arms, hers was in her character.

Grumpmog
6 years ago

Kitteh – thanks for the welcome package. 🙂

Inigo rocks… and having his greatest quote in the avatar often saves time later…

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

LOL on this site, it certainly will!

vaiyt
6 years ago

I tend to believe that it is the probability of exposure and punishment rather than the potential severity of the punishment that is the best deterrent.

It seems to correlate well with real life too. Crime flourishes in places where police is brutal but inefficient, because people committed to a crime don’t think of what will happen if they get caught. It makes sense, since their objective is to NOT get caught!

taitaisanchez
6 years ago

I’m half Filipino. This makes me so angry I can’t think.

freemage
freemage
6 years ago

You know, I used to be one of those guys who argued the pedo/hebephile split, but I did so from the opposite side–someone with a diagnosis of a seemingly incurable mental illness should be placed in a treatment facility where they cannot abuse again, or, if they’ve never actually committed an act of abuse, should be placed in some sort of controlled setting with oversight, for their own good as well as preventing harm to victims; someone who is just violating the consent laws, as a matter of free choice, in order to target a population that is more vulnerable because they get off on domination and manipulation deserves hard-core prison time, and guys who target ‘barely legal’ women for largely the same reason should be publicly shamed. So I was for stronger moral and legal condemnation for creepers.

Then I looked at my fellow-travelers arguing for that distinction on the internet and stopped pushing for the distinction, because holy shite those shitheads are creepy as hell.

“Check your fellow-travelers” should be right up there with “Check your privilege” in the ally-wannabe handbook. It got me to stop focusing so much on cosmetic male infant circumcision, too.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
6 years ago

http://youtu.be/2ovm1J_AxLQ

I’m sorry that I’m going to sound really awful for saying this and I don’t mind if you bash me me for it but people like this should just get off the internet, pack their bags and just live in Antarctica or someplace where there are no innocent people anywhere. Someplace that matches the temperature in their hearts.

Pallygirl
Can we please leave religion out of this? I’m a Christian and I met a lot of Christian men and they treat their wives like QUEENS. Our church even had a princess slumber party for women/girls only and they teach that every girl/woman is a princess, and taught us about Esther that women/girls can be heroes too and our pastor preaches that the men should love their wives.

I also met all kinds of people from different religions and atheists and they are very kind. It has nothing to do with religion or anything, people choose to be abusive and we should blame them not medical conditions, religion, etc.

sparky
sparky
6 years ago

Okay, yeah, I’m done. This is just pure evil right here.

The fact that there are people like him out there. The fact that there are people who are in a place of such vulnerability that they can be exploited by people like him.

And, he got his own “Ask me anything” thread on the Red Pill subreddit. Isn’t that just precious.

Here’s a cute kitty.

I don’t know what else. I’m done.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: cloudiah

@LBT, I can’t pick! DON’T MAKE ME PICK! (Can you pick for me?)

I shall! Thanks! Just wanted for you to know of your option!

RE: GrumpyOldMan

WE KNOW. MOVING THE FUCK ON.

Mizuki
Mizuki
6 years ago

I have not read something that triggered me this badly in a while. I knew as I clicked on it that it would end poorly. Ugh

On a slightly different note, would anyone mind telling me how they deal with these kinds of posts if they are into BDSM? I don’t mean to pry but I’m scared to look it up incase more of this comes up. Thanks.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: Mizuki

On a slightly different note, would anyone mind telling me how they deal with these kinds of posts if they are into BDSM?

As someone actually INTO Daddy/boy play, I deal with it by basically acknowledging that all kinksters are human, and thus, there will always be HORRIBLE people who use kink as a justification of their most abusive, disgusting behavior, just like there will always be horrible religious people who use religion as justification to abuse their spouses and children.

I tell myself that the best thing I can do in this kind of situation is show just how unacceptable behavior like this guy’s is.

And then I go home and cuddle my husband and feel gratitude that he is a nice person and not a colossal jackass like this chucklefuck.

Orion
6 years ago

I don’t think being into BDSM changes anything. Doesn’t keep you from recognizing how horrible it is; doesn’t really effect how you feel about your consensual relationships.

Merbo
Merbo
6 years ago

This guy is just the worst. I honestly wonder how so e people can come to these conclusions

friday jones
friday jones
6 years ago

In the pan BDSM community, Subs are generally honored and respected by everybody except the N00berDom. It’s all just an extended game, complete with pre-play Negotiation. This guy actually believes his own schtick, those are the most dangerous people to play with. Avoid them at all costs. That’s why newbies need to attend lots of Munches and actually get to know the people in the community before they even think about playing with any of them.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
6 years ago

@thebewilderness:

Thanks for the link. The creep’s spelling suggests a non-USian, so this may be a better place to contact.

@Fibinachi:

That was an epic [Obsidian Files’] smack down.

“Your direct advocacy of rape is that you don’t mind other people doing it, you just won’t do it yourself.”

Yup. This is his MO all throughout his blog and not only.

He is a pompous but cowardly ass, who loves to hear himself talk and is rabidly intolerant of the slightest dissent and criticism directed at him, especially when it comes from women. In the brief period of my intermittent observations of J4G(aack…), I’ve seen people banned by him — in a frothing frenzy of threats, baseless accusations, and childish foot stomping — after just a couple of civil but not sufficiently agreeable or supplicating comments.

He’s quite a petty little dictator there, which makes me hope, against hope, that at least he noticed and appreciated (yeah, lol) how long he was allowed to stay here and do his “spirited debating” (my eyes started to glaze over around page 8).

And big lolz at his oh-so-classic response to kittehserf:

====

“Obsidian Files | June 22, 2013 at 4:28 am

O: Where is this proof that I am a misognynist? Simply because you say so?”

====

Hmm… Now that he mentioned it, we cannot find one instance where he calls himself a misogynist or says that misogyny is awesome. Therefore he is no misogynist.* Obviously. 🙂
Just as the fact that he never used the word rape in his advice on sexual games (and only advocated forcefully dismissing a woman’s objections) shows that he does not advocate rape. Besides, rape is unnecessary for guys with game, which includes the ability to override or disregard a woman’s objections.

This kind of provocative obfuscation is such a classic OF’s tactic that it should be trademarked by him.

*Or maybe it was a sneaky Jedi mind / typo trick. Maybe he indeed was saying that he is not a *misognynist.* Again, we have no choice but to concur, without even searching for proof.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
6 years ago

LBT:

*guiltily raises hand* I… have a REALLY hard time getting into Pratchett. I liked his golem book, but you can sell me just about anything with a golem in it. And I liked Monstrous Regiment. Everything else… enh?

Based on this, a casual observer might think that you are, technically speaking, a Pratchett reader. But then, unless you read at least half the books AND liked them, you’re No True Feegle.

Alex:

A dyed-in-the-wool MRA that writes articles for all the “major” manosphere websites and everything discovers their 8-14 year old daughter is developing/has developed angel-style, flight-capable wings, the first in recorded human history, and it’s not public yet. How does the MRA react?

I assume the MRA is a divorced guy who pays minimal child support and hardly ever spends time with his daughter, yet complains that her mother has “alienated” her from him.

“And now she’s teaching her to pretend that she’s an angel, to promote the feminist dogma on women’s innocence.”

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

@fruitloopsie:
My quote:

Where does all this “boundaries” shite come from? There’s the obvious stuff in the bible about the man being head of the family and instructing them, but it’s not obvious to me that this dude is religious.

Your quote:

Can we please leave religion out of this? I’m a Christian and I met a lot of Christian men and they treat their wives like QUEENS. Our church even had a princess slumber party for women/girls only and they teach that every girl/woman is a princess, and taught us about Esther that women/girls can be heroes too and our pastor preaches that the men should love their wives.

I did only mention the bible, and it was a reference to verses like these:
Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Ephesians 5:33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

1 Corinthians But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

My statement was purely to point out that people have used the bible as justification for the husband to be the head of the household over the wife. I never said all religions, nor did I say all Christians either. My comment was purely in the context of where he might base his belief about being head/being respected etc, and I didn’t know if it was biblical-based or not.

I also stated “but it’s not obvious to me that this dude is religious.”

This was not a general attack on religion.

Howard Bannister
6 years ago

Based on this, a casual observer might think that you are, technically speaking, a Pratchett reader. But then, unless you read at least half the books AND liked them, you’re No True Feegle.

We willna be fooled again!!

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
6 years ago

Pallygirl
Oh sorry my bad.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

@fruitloopsie, people’s religions (or spirituality, or lack) are their choice. 🙂 And there’s a huge number of misogynist arseholes who are atheists. Those atheists seem to have “logicked” themselves into being misogynist arseholes, which means they think they are using Science(tm) to be sexist. /rolls eyes at the misogynist atheists.

I thought about it some more last night, and I think I have answered my own implied question. People who are misogynist arseholes may be this way through upbringing (through whatever sociocultural means), but given how small the world is now via technology, *their adult misogyny is a choice*. That is, they have to make a conscious decision to stay that way given the availability of alternative viewpoints to them. Some misogynist arseholes have access to alternative viewpoints more frequently than others – that this doesn’t stop them being a misogynistic arsehole is not a credit to them.

/hugs to fruitloopsie I’m sorry.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
6 years ago

Pallygirl
No, it’s my fault and you are right. Those are very interesting thoughts, anyone from anywhere from no matter what they been through can just be terrible people.
::hugs back::

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

/more hugs to fruitloopsie

And they’re terrible people by choice. Which is really scary: they want to be horrible. 🙁

katz
6 years ago

*guiltily raises hand* I… have a REALLY hard time getting into Pratchett. I liked his golem book, but you can sell me just about anything with a golem in it. And I liked Monstrous Regiment. Everything else… enh?

Yeah, I never got into him that much either. I’ve read maybe half a dozen of his books and I liked them, but they all started to blend together.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
6 years ago

Pallygirl
Ugh I need brain bleach ::hugs back::
http://youtu.be/1Jsf2kFK3co