Today, a look at an appalling apologia for domestic violence and abuse from everyone’s least favorite creepy expat, the anonymous “game” blogger behind Random Xpat Rantings. Oh, and he also offers a handy rationalization for child abuse as well.
Xsplat, is, by his own description, an expat in his late 40s living in Indonesia and “dating” a teenager considerably less than half his age. Well, not just dating: apparently he feels that he “owns” her.
He starts off his post by arguing that parents have the right to spank their children because the children are, in essence, their property:
Society as a whole remains agnostic as to the value of judiciously spanking recalcitrant children. We remain agnostic because at a fundamental level we realize that the parents have the right to choose. Their children are THEIR children. They literally belong to them.
He then extends this metaphor to relationships between adult men and women in perhaps the creepiest way possible:
Much of sexual love is an add on and re-working of mammalian Daddy/daughter love, and also mother/son love. Men who want to retain sexual tension in the long term must keep the relationship as Daddy/daughter.
You have a right to punish, if she accepts that you have the right to punish.
Xsplat thinks that women find his “pimp hand” sexy:
Laying ownership claims is brute force sexy. Women at a fundamental level understand that while they will always struggle to be a free agent, that when properly owned she can be an entirely different king of person. A deeply sexually charged, constantly submissive and sexually engaged, better woman. A woman with direction.
He argues that women need this sort of “discipline” — which, he makes clear, can involve physical violence — because they are essentially children.
Children and women need boundaries. They will test and act out to the limit of those boundaries. Some children respond well to a gentle word. Some wind up in juvie despite every best effort. Some pimps and parents reward and discipline purely psychologically, while others get physical. Some children learn and behave well under gentle conditions of subtle hints and direction, others have stubborn negative habits that require more forceful re-direction.
A woman who is owned is a very different creature from one who considers herself a strong independent woman.
An owned woman will give you her all, just for the opportunity to remain owned.
He ends his post by boasting about how he applied his “pimp hand” to “N18” – that is, his 18-year-old girlfriend – when she “acted out” at a night club because, he says, she was jealous of the attention he was paying to another woman.
I’m in Bali now with N18, a 32 year old ex who I met when she was 23 … and a potential new intern/partner. We were out clubbing and N18 started to get jealous of the attention that the older woman was getting. … So she started to act out a bit and attention whore on the stage and the dance floor. I’d had a lot to drink, and so by the time we got home my emotions were unrestrained. I called her out on her behaviour, and was not gentle.
In his mind, this assertion of his “ownership” of her only brought the two closer together:
As usual I was awoken with blowjobs and the day was filled with constant attentive behavior. Plus. This is not a reaction out of fear, it is a pure bonding reaction.
That’s what he wants us to think, anyway.
Or maybe he’s trying to convince himself that he’s not, you know, an angry, jealous asshole living in a country with a per capita income less than one-fifth that of the US who’s using his money to exploit and possibly abuse a teenager who wouldn’t give him the time of day if she weren’t poor and he weren’t, at least relatively, rich.
Xsplat is not the most influential manosphere blogger by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s enough of a celebrity in that little world that he had his own “Ask Me Anything” thread on Reddit’s Red Pill subreddit last year.
“Female” is a sex term, not a gender term.
That’s where I’m going wrong then, I’ve been using it as a gender term – not a sex term. Too many years of working with survey data – where the term is clearly used to self-identify and therefore is a gender term *in that context*. My apologies.
Why not just call us all women and girls?
Think of it this way – if we want to talk about female cats we call them female, right? We don’t call them woman cats. “Women” and “men” are the human-specific terms that reference all the gender-associated stuff.
This asshole is absolutely vile. And what the hell is it with him and his ilk and their fucked up notions of “respect”? Like “their” women need to “respect” them, but they don’t need to do anything to earn that respect, and they don’t need to do any respecting themselves? Hot damn but this shit makes me so angry.
I don’t think they realize that fear and respect aren’t the same things.
I don’t think they understand what respect is at all.
I mean hey, I read Machiavelli as a teenager too, but when he said that it’s better to be feared than to be loved he was talking specifically about kings or other political leaders.
My growing intolerance for “females” as a nown to represent women makes going to my video game forums more and more difficult. I hate it sooo much. I much prefer “ladies” to be the equivalent of “guys” though I know some don’t like it.
We need a new word.
I think this is going to happen a lot when I read your blog – I don’t want to actually like an article when this is the subject matter, but it was definitely interesting, in a “what the hell is wrong with this person” way.
A non-condescending word that was the equivalent of guys would indeed be nice. The problem is that it would quickly become condescending, and then become a word that men use to insult each other, because that’s how cultural misogyny works.
This:
Does he have children, in particular daughters? As bad as all the rest of what he said is, this is the bit that really makes me shudder.
That bit suggests to me that he can’t tell the difference between fear and arousal either.
Plus, iirc from then, it was “if you can only have one, have the fear,” and yes, that was still only within the context of the Italian Renaissance’s politics!
Precisely. Male and female are adjectives, not nouns, if we use them of humans – female anatomy, male anatomy, and so on.
Is it all the evopsych BS as well. That “mammalian” statement – I didn’t think there were many mammals that had parent/child boundaries (i.e. a concept of vertical incest) let alone great apes. Really weird language to use.
All of this stuff is basically How To Abuse 101. They should republish Why Does He Do That with a chapter just for PUAs.
Also I keep thinking of the bit from Witches Abroad about how the thing about small scared creatures in the sights of predators is that, just occasionally, one of them is a mongoose. May this guy meet someone like that, preferably sooner rather than later.
Or fear and disgust. Dude, making me think of my father, or acting like you’re a generic father, is all kinds of ewwww.
I’d be happy for him to meet Greebo.
I think having a Magrat turn on him would be rather more instructive.
He wasn’t gentle.
…
Well, that was some prime minimization right there. It’s like he read Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That?” and mistook it for an abuse manual. He has a conscience and he’s doing everything in his power to shut it up. Of all he’s said, that has to be the most disgusting.
Raises head over parapet (long time lurker etc)
It seems to me that all the talk of ‘respect’ and the like drills into the same deep well of corrupting toxicity as ‘honour’, when used to justify (for example) murdering women for looking at the wrong person at the wrong time. It is, to paraphrase Pratchett, ‘evil beginning by treating people as things’. These ‘men’ think they can own women. At best they can hope for Stockholm Syndrome.
Thanks, kitteh — and ally.
pallygirl,
it sounds as though this pervert has daughters.
[A serious TW for incest, sexual abuse:]
This is what he writes in another post titled “Use the force. Of paternal love” (ugh) which he starts describing his erection when he held his baby boy (implying that he also has girl children right there, and elsewhere below):
“I’ve found this a very useful persona [Daddy], both for arousing passion in and having control over women, as well as raising my own quality of life. Quality of life is raised by the enjoyment of intimacy and romance, as well as the resulting sex-slave behaviour from daughters.”
(omfg…)
But it is even worse as he “explains” it as “a sign that paternal love and eroticism mesh” and something “hard-wired” (of course…) in men.
Dude is a child sexual abuser without a doubt. The question is, how do we alert authorities? There must be something we can do.
!!? Does this person still have access to his children?
Oh my god, Aunt Edna, that is horrific. Can we report this? Is there a watchlist for this sort of thing?
I don’t know, Cassandra. It’s impossible to tell from that one post (and I cannot stomach going into his writings any deeper to investigate it). If it’s not his children anymore, it can be anyone’s children, judging by his predilections.
I don’t want to sound paranoid, but there has to be something we can do to at least get him on the radar of law enforcement. Oh, Lord…