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Creepy expat: "Properly owned" women appreciate a man's "pimp hand."

Western "tourists" in Southeast Asia (Cambodia)
Western “tourists” in Cambodia

Today, a look at an appalling apologia for domestic violence and abuse from everyone’s least favorite creepy expat, the anonymous “game” blogger behind Random Xpat Rantings. Oh, and he also offers a handy rationalization for child abuse as well.

Xsplat, is, by his own description, an expat in his late 40s living in Indonesia and “dating” a teenager considerably less than half his age. Well, not just dating: apparently he feels that he “owns” her.

He starts off his post by arguing that parents have the right to spank their children because the children are, in essence, their property:

Society as a whole remains agnostic as to the value of judiciously spanking recalcitrant children. We remain agnostic because at a fundamental level we realize that the parents have the right to choose. Their children are THEIR children. They literally belong to them.

He then extends this metaphor to relationships between adult men and women in perhaps the creepiest way possible:

Much of sexual love is an add on and re-working of mammalian Daddy/daughter love, and also mother/son love. Men who want to retain sexual tension in the long term must keep the relationship as Daddy/daughter.

You have a right to punish, if she accepts that you have the right to punish.

Xsplat thinks that women find his “pimp hand” sexy:

Laying ownership claims is brute force sexy. Women at a fundamental level understand that while they will always struggle to be a free agent, that when properly owned she can be an entirely different king of person. A deeply sexually charged, constantly submissive and sexually engaged, better woman. A woman with direction.

He argues that women need this sort of “discipline” — which, he makes clear, can involve physical violence — because they are essentially children.

Children and women need boundaries. They will test and act out to the limit of those boundaries. Some children respond well to a gentle word. Some wind up in juvie despite every best effort. Some pimps and parents reward and discipline purely psychologically, while others get physical. Some children learn and behave well under gentle conditions of subtle hints and direction, others have stubborn negative habits that require more forceful re-direction.

A woman who is owned is a very different creature from one who considers herself a strong independent woman.

An owned woman will give you her all, just for the opportunity to remain owned.

He ends his post by boasting about how he applied his “pimp hand” to “N18” – that is, his 18-year-old girlfriend – when she “acted out” at a night club because, he says, she was jealous of the attention he was paying to another woman.

I’m in Bali now with N18, a 32 year old ex who I met when she was 23 … and a potential new intern/partner. We were out clubbing and N18 started to get jealous of the attention that the older woman was getting. … So she started to act out a bit and attention whore on the stage and the dance floor. I’d had a lot to drink, and so by the time we got home my emotions were unrestrained. I called her out on her behaviour, and was not gentle.

In his mind, this assertion of his “ownership” of her only brought the two closer together:

As usual I was awoken with blowjobs and the day was filled with constant attentive behavior. Plus. This is not a reaction out of fear, it is a pure bonding reaction.

That’s what he wants us to think, anyway.

Or maybe he’s trying to convince himself that he’s not, you know, an angry, jealous asshole living in a country with a per capita income less than one-fifth that of the US who’s using his money to exploit and possibly abuse a teenager who wouldn’t give him the time of day if she weren’t poor and he weren’t, at least relatively, rich.

Xsplat is not the most influential manosphere blogger by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s enough of a celebrity in that little world that he had his own “Ask Me Anything” thread on Reddit’s Red Pill subreddit last year.

 

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cloudiah
6 years ago

Me three, Viscaria.

marinerachel, I get what you were saying, and I don’t think you’re either a troll or a pedo-apologist, but it’s just that most people who insist on coming here to make that distinction are in fact doing so to minimize the sexual abuse of post-pubescent young girls so it’s kind of always going to get the side-eye around here. Even when the person doing it is neither a troll nor a pedo-apologist, and clearly condemns the sexual abuse of girls no matter their age. It’s just blowback from all the asshats who’ve stopped by to derail discussions about the sexual abuse of young girls by bringing up the distinction.

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

Viscaria: I agree with you. We can split these hairs all damn day, but why we really want to is beyond me. Our cred isn’t in jeopardy.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

There’s also the fact that it makes no sense to say that whether or not someone is a pedophile depends on whether or not the kid they’re perving on has hit puberty, and giving an age at which that rule takes effect, because not everyone hits puberty at the same age. I was no longer pre-pubescent at the age of 9. If anyone wants to argue that the men who harassed me at that age weren’t pedophiles because I had boobs and was menstruating, well, just be glad you’re not in the same room I am right now.

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  Aunt Edna

One of their cherished myths is that all women everywhere fall for Bad Boyz (TM), leaving the poor-beta-menz (a.k.a all the Nice Guys of the manosphere, lol) behind. Thus even the Nice Guys should employ the dread game if they are to attract and keep a woman/women. Dread game ranges from indifference and emotional manipulation to outright physical abuse.

Of Course! If they can convince women, and themselves, that the Bad Boy Abuser/Good Girl Cringing (TM) model of relationships is the true and healthy one, they can abuse and rape all they want and not consider themselves criminals for doing so.

I realize that my wonderful husband and fellow journeyer through the cosmos would be considered a beta by these guys, but I will take intelligent, caring, funny, loving and kind over their version of alpha any old day.

dustedeste
dustedeste
6 years ago

The issues I have with defining pedophilia as being an attraction to specifically pre-pubescent children are that:

1.) Puberty is a process, not an instant thing, so at what point specifically do we define a child as post-pubescent? As soon as the process starts? When it’s finished? Somewhere in between? My mom didn’t menstruate until she was in college, I believe, but I wore a C-cup by the time I was 13. Was my dad, who started dating my mom when they were in high school, a pedophile? Were the men who catcalled me on the street at 13?

2.) Because “pedophile” has become a catch-all phrase for people who lust after and sexually abuse children, arguing about the term can generate a smoke screen for abusers who then argue that they’re not pedophiles technically speaking, they’re “only” ephebophiles or whatever, semantically attempting to transform this into a “lesser” offense.

3.) While I am a fan of having and using accurate terminology where possible, I’ve yet to see anyone use the term “ephebophile” in any way that doesn’t excuse abusers, and I will not be party to excusing child abuse. Until there is a term for the abuse of adolescent children that doesn’t carry connotations of condoning said abuse, I’ll continue to use the term “pedophile” to mean adults who sexually abuse children, adolescent or otherwise.

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  marinerachel

I’m just imaging how gross someone who uses the expression “rip roaring” when referring to sex is and exactly how many hot twenty year olds want to fuck them.

Warning: Possible Trigger

Sadly, I think that these pervs have an instinct that lets them zero in on women who have been abused as kids and/or have serious self esteem problems. Once they target one, they are able to “condition” the woman to accept being “disciplined.”

It is similar to BDSM, with a Master/slave 24/7 thing, but without the mutuality of a healthy bdsm relationship.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
6 years ago

@samantha:

“Of Course! If they can convince women, and themselves, that the Bad Boy Abuser/Good Girl Cringing (TM) model of relationships is the true and healthy one, they can abuse and rape all they want and not consider themselves criminals for doing so.”

Yup. Men gonna men, as one poster here (sorry, don’t remember who!) put it so well.

“I realize that my wonderful husband and fellow journeyer through the cosmos would be considered a beta by these guys, but I will take intelligent, caring, funny, loving and kind over their version of alpha any old day.”

You, me, and billions of women out there.

One unintended benefit of the manuresphere is underscoring how wonderful the wonderful men (i.e., the non-manurespherians) are. Dipping my toes into the manurespheric evil makes me appreciate my husband, my father, my sons, and all the good men — including David here, obviously — all the more every day.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
6 years ago

P.S. “… including David and all the Mammothian men here, obviously…”

Obviously. 🙂

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

Goddammit, is it time for another goddamn pedophilia vs. child-molestation thread AGAIN? How about we just only talk about child-molesters, since those are the fuckers we’re mad at anyway. BAM! Problem solved, and I never again have to suffer through people decided whether what I went through was rape, statutory rape, or child molestation.

It’s FUN being people’s theoretical example! Gee, I sure do love it!

RE: Susie Cross

I hope those voices in his head tell him to harm himself.

Let’s not compare this guy’s abusive douchebaggery to fucking schizophrenia, huh? Schizophrenics have enough shit dumped on their heads.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Hey, what about the guy who tried to pull me into an empty bedroom at a Christmas party when I was 10, huh? He knew I was 10, since he knew my family. It’s very important that everyone know that he was not a pedophile, since I was wearing already wearing a bra! This is totally a distinction that we need to make, and not at all playing right into the hands of creeps who want to push the idea that any kid who’s visibly hit puberty is fair game.

I’m going to go sit in the “fuck you” corner with LBT now if he doesn’t mind.

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  cassandrakitty

What is friendship? What is compassion? What is altruism? Misogynists know not these things.

No, they don’t, cassandrakitty. To know those things you have to accept the humanity of others, as well as the fact that their needs and desires are as real and important as yours are. They feel only their own “needs and wants,” and seek to fulfill them – even at the expense of others.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

This is not a conversation I had any right to bring up and insert myself into. I want to apologize to you and yours, LBT, for doing so anyway, and discussing/attempting to define experiences that are not my own. That apology extends to anyone else who was hurt by my words and my actions. I will stay out of the thread now.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

Umm…Ok…
Triggers below…

As I understand it, pedophilia is the attraction to children.
When the person who has those desires acts on it, that is child sex abuse.

Pedophiles come in two varieties, the exclusive pedophile (rare) and the nonexclusive pedophile (far more common). The exclusive is only interested in kids, the nonexclusive is interested in adults as well.

These particular guys that we’re discussing, though, are *really* interested in subjugation, that is their turn-on. They WANT to be feared and worshiped. They also want to be able to *mold* their victims to exact specifications.

So the idea that they would find children attractive kind of follows.
Kids are easier to brainwash, less powerful, more vulnerable, and are hardwired to love the people around them, even if those same people hurt the child.

Besides, this guy views his children as possessions. I suspect a lot of people who abuse their kids (in both sexual and physical ways) think of their children as possessions.

Ok, this is both a heavy and complicated subject, +++out of coffee error+++

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  pallygirl

I really don’t know why they bother with real females when all they seem to want is a sex doll.

My opinion is that they want and need what only a living being can give them – fear, obedience and the illusion that the guys are kings and/or demi-gods. Blow up dolls just lie there. Real women cry, fight back and can be beaten down. This is what these…guys…see as “respect.”

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

You didn’t bring this subject up, Viscaria. It was, unfortunately, already part of the thread by the time you commented. Dunno about LBT, but I’m not annoyed with you at all.

(Can this please be the last damn time we have to have the “but but but! some of them aren’t actually pedophiles and it’s very important that we note this!” conversation on this site?)

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

Viscaria, you didn’t start this this shitshow.

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

marinerachel, FYI, but I really don’t fucking care what kind of pervert my grandfather was when he molested me at 12.

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  kittehserf MOD

I’d be happy for him to meet Greebo

Oh, kittehserf –Greebo? Should I be concerned? Tell me about Greebo…PLEEZE…I must KNOW!!!!!

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

A non Pratchett reader on Manboobz? Clearly we haven’t finished assimilating you yet.

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  cassandrakitty

I think having a Magrat turn on him would be rather more instructive.

And now MAGRAT!!! What is Magrat? Do I want to know?

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

How about we just only talk about child-molesters, since those are the fuckers we’re mad at anyway.

…Molestation sounds like they were just bothering us or something. But agreed.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Magrat is a witch whose mother’s spelling left something to be desired. She has lots of occult jewelry and some of the best lines in several Pratchett books.

(Borg assimilation program initiated.)

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

I mean…like, pardon for getting pungent here…but when you feel like someone’s ripped your soul out, molestation doesn’t feel like a powerful enough word to convey the damage.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
6 years ago

These folks at the Internet Watch Foundation have the resources to pursue complaints in more than one country. https://www.iwf.org.uk/
If you are sure it is a US person then the FBI is the appropriate agency to contract.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

( I have one tattoo…it is Death of Rats)

cloudiah
6 years ago

Yeah, I’d go with sexual abusers of children for a more accurate description. But I also think it’s fine to colloquially shorten it to pedos. (My spell-check, however, wants to make that pesos.)

WHTM made me a Pratchett fan — I’d never even heard of him before this place. Now I’m kind of mad that I’ve been deprived of years of fun reading.

cloudiah
6 years ago

And now I want to see a pic of blahlistic’s tattoo.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I will forever bless the ex-boyfriend from my final year of high school who introduced me to Pratchett.

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  cassandrakitty

All the attempts I’ve seen to make these kinds of distinctions so far seem to have been attempts to persuade the public to view pedophilia as a legit sexual orientation, like being gay, and arouse sympathy on that basis.

So yeah, I’m really not liking the idea of us going down that path here. I’m just not seeing what the purpose of it would be.

I agree, cassandra. And pedophilia should NEVER be seen as a legit sexual orientation.

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  cassandrakitty

Also, since this conversation is both creepy and depressing, have an adorable panda sitting on a plane.

Awwww…That really IS adorable…Thanks, cassandrakitty – I feel better. More cheerful. 🙂

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Can you imagine being the person whose job it is to accompany the panda on flights?

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

Like, I’m sure everyone meant well, but every time someone starts dissecting child molestation and dividing it into categories, even if they don’t INTEND to rate them, it makes me feel like I’M under analysis to see exactly what kind of abuse I underwent, so the analyzer can categorize and judge me accordingly. You know, like those people who like to argue about how you can only get raped if penetration occurs, and that sexual assault can be just as bad BUT BUT BUT.

Yeah. No matter what they say, they’re still telling you that your opinion of our own abuse is wrong, and just needs some nice little armchair theory-spouter whose never experienced what you have to pat your little head and set you on the right path. (Or worse, someone who HAS experienced what you have but want to kick you out because you aren’t THEIR kind of victim.)

Because YOU can’t set down your own criteria. Only objective bystanders can do that!

RE: cassandrakitty

I’m going to go sit in the “fuck you” corner with LBT now if he doesn’t mind.

There is ALWAYS room in the fuck you corner.

A non Pratchett reader on Manboobz?

*guiltily raises hand* I… have a REALLY hard time getting into Pratchett. I liked his golem book, but you can sell me just about anything with a golem in it. And I liked Monstrous Regiment. Everything else… enh?

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

Can I be the person who gets to accompany the panda on flights?

And seriously (sure!) did they ask it if it understood the briefing they give people who sit in the exit rows (hooray for legroom).

Child sex offenders works for me as a term, to separate them from child abusers who do verbal and other physical abuse, assuming that one doesn’t want an all-inclusive category.

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

I also get aggro, because of COURSE I can fucking tell the difference between someone who is attracted to children and never acts upon it, and someone who sexually abuses children for whatever reason.

And yet still, always, ALWAYS this fucking comes up and I have to drop everything and explain once a-fucking-gain that yes, I know the fucking difference between people with unfortunate brain-wiring and abusers. No I don’t begrudge people with unfortunate brain-wiring getting treatment and avoiding stigma BECAUSE I’M NOT FUCKING TALKING ABOUT THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

It’s like the damn religion threads only a bajillion times grosser.

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  cassandrakitty

This is the movie, btw. I swear it looks like the same guy. David, did you do that on purpose?

I looked at the trailer and I do believe you are right, cassandrakitty.

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  cassandrakitty

Magrat is a witch whose mother’s spelling left something to be desired. She has lots of occult jewelry and some of the best lines in several Pratchett books.

Ahhhh….I have only read a couple of Pratchett’s books – The Color of Magic and Hogfather – and I do not recall Magrat being in either. I will read more Pratchett… I will read more Pratchett… I will read more Pratchett… I will read more Pratchett…

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  cassandrakitty

Can you imagine being the person whose job it is to accompany the panda on flights?

For me, it would be a combination of fear and meltyness from being cuted out.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

At least my cats don’t do this, and being a kiwi I pondered the vents in the floor for a while and decided it must be some kind of central heating system (am I right?):

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

@ LBT

And the thing is, we’ve had this conversation here before. As soon as the conversation starts someone always says “um, can we not?”, and yet, nope, apparently we have to do this over and over again, because it’s just that important to…what, exactly? Demonstrate that the person knows the DSM definition of pedophilia? Because hey, the rest of us can read too.

Also, that thing where people keep going, well, it’s important to note that it’s not really pedophilia if the kid has hit puberty? Is exactly what people like the asshole who tried to get me into bed at the Christmas party when I was still in elementary school use to excuse their actions. Because it’s not pedophilia, you see, and we’re not saying that means it’s OK, but still, we must note that this is not pedophilia…and then the whole disgusting mess is summed up in the GIANT FUCKING TRIGGER WARNING loathsome expression “if there’s grass on the field, play ball”, which I heard oh so many times as a kid who developed early and who would try to point out to the much older men creeping on me that I was in fact a kid.

I know that people who bring this shit up every single time there’s a discussion about this stuff don’t intend to play into that behavioral pattern and provide the creeps who use it to justify the fact that they’re sexually harassing children with a convenient excuse for their behavior, and yet that is in fact exactly what they are doing, and they need to stop.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

@ Samantha

It really is the same guy, right? He’s creeping here, he’s creeping there, apparently he is creeping everywhere. There are moments in that documentary when you can see the filmmaker struggling to suppress a shudder, and who could blame her?

samantha
6 years ago
Reply to  cassandrakitty

It really is the same guy, right? He’s creeping here, he’s creeping there, apparently he is creeping everywhere. There are moments in that documentary when you can see the filmmaker struggling to suppress a shudder, and who could blame her?

Yes, cassandrakitty, it really DOES look like the same, creepy…slimy…goose-bump raising guy. I shudder, she shudders, we all shudder…ewwww. I think I will go and make myself a comforting cup of tea…and maybe shake a bit.

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

That feel when you read “pimps and parents” together in a sentence equating the two and suggesting men behave like them toward women.

http://reactiongifs.me/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/enough-internet-Dean-Winchester-supernatural.gif

Robert
Robert
6 years ago

Regarding the SeekingAsianFemale man – he also showed up on the creepywhiteguys tumblr. Apparently, actually getting married did not restrain him from being an obvious creep on the streets of San Francisco. Color ME surprised.

Truth be told, based on my experience, interracialist white gay men can be just as creepy.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

And now I want to see a pic of blahlistic’s tattoo.

I had to move it from a protected forum, took a bit. The artist did an absolutely awesome job.

http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=adkBqYNLltv6EPPG2J7GwYh4l5k2TGxc#.U-f4seNdVA0

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Do random people come up to you and make Pratchett references?

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

hrm, think I used wrong URL…sorry.
http://oi60.tinypic.com/2yuzjq0.jpg

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

Do random people come up to you and make Pratchett references?

I was hoping for that, but sadly, no. 🙁

redpoppy
redpoppy
6 years ago

Neat tattoo, blahlistic! I’m dying to get more tats.

I keep meaning to read Pratchett (I’ve had a couple friends let me borrow books) but I just never seem to get around to it. I’m really into non-fiction so that takes up most of my reading time.

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

Blahlistic,
That is a great tat!
I love it.

Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
6 years ago

@cassandrakitty: Magrat is a witch whose mother’s spelling left something to be desired. She has lots of occult jewelry and some of the best lines in several Pratchett books.

She was also written as a wet hen and New Agey, Pratchett being interested in skewering as many witch tropes as possible when the characters were introduced. she hasn’t really lost those qualities despite being married, having children, and personally beating the shit out of an Eldritch Abomination with cookware.