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Creepy expat: "Properly owned" women appreciate a man's "pimp hand."

Western "tourists" in Southeast Asia (Cambodia)
Western “tourists” in Cambodia

Today, a look at an appalling apologia for domestic violence and abuse from everyone’s least favorite creepy expat, the anonymous “game” blogger behind Random Xpat Rantings. Oh, and he also offers a handy rationalization for child abuse as well.

Xsplat, is, by his own description, an expat in his late 40s living in Indonesia and “dating” a teenager considerably less than half his age. Well, not just dating: apparently he feels that he “owns” her.

He starts off his post by arguing that parents have the right to spank their children because the children are, in essence, their property:

Society as a whole remains agnostic as to the value of judiciously spanking recalcitrant children. We remain agnostic because at a fundamental level we realize that the parents have the right to choose. Their children are THEIR children. They literally belong to them.

He then extends this metaphor to relationships between adult men and women in perhaps the creepiest way possible:

Much of sexual love is an add on and re-working of mammalian Daddy/daughter love, and also mother/son love. Men who want to retain sexual tension in the long term must keep the relationship as Daddy/daughter.

You have a right to punish, if she accepts that you have the right to punish.

Xsplat thinks that women find his “pimp hand” sexy:

Laying ownership claims is brute force sexy. Women at a fundamental level understand that while they will always struggle to be a free agent, that when properly owned she can be an entirely different king of person. A deeply sexually charged, constantly submissive and sexually engaged, better woman. A woman with direction.

He argues that women need this sort of “discipline” — which, he makes clear, can involve physical violence — because they are essentially children.

Children and women need boundaries. They will test and act out to the limit of those boundaries. Some children respond well to a gentle word. Some wind up in juvie despite every best effort. Some pimps and parents reward and discipline purely psychologically, while others get physical. Some children learn and behave well under gentle conditions of subtle hints and direction, others have stubborn negative habits that require more forceful re-direction.

A woman who is owned is a very different creature from one who considers herself a strong independent woman.

An owned woman will give you her all, just for the opportunity to remain owned.

He ends his post by boasting about how he applied his “pimp hand” to “N18” – that is, his 18-year-old girlfriend – when she “acted out” at a night club because, he says, she was jealous of the attention he was paying to another woman.

I’m in Bali now with N18, a 32 year old ex who I met when she was 23 … and a potential new intern/partner. We were out clubbing and N18 started to get jealous of the attention that the older woman was getting. … So she started to act out a bit and attention whore on the stage and the dance floor. I’d had a lot to drink, and so by the time we got home my emotions were unrestrained. I called her out on her behaviour, and was not gentle.

In his mind, this assertion of his “ownership” of her only brought the two closer together:

As usual I was awoken with blowjobs and the day was filled with constant attentive behavior. Plus. This is not a reaction out of fear, it is a pure bonding reaction.

That’s what he wants us to think, anyway.

Or maybe he’s trying to convince himself that he’s not, you know, an angry, jealous asshole living in a country with a per capita income less than one-fifth that of the US who’s using his money to exploit and possibly abuse a teenager who wouldn’t give him the time of day if she weren’t poor and he weren’t, at least relatively, rich.

Xsplat is not the most influential manosphere blogger by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s enough of a celebrity in that little world that he had his own “Ask Me Anything” thread on Reddit’s Red Pill subreddit last year.

 

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Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
10 years ago

Meanwhile, over at Just4Guys, the violence against women fest continues. They are congratulating Obsidian on having his post re-blogged on AVfM, and share their “wisdom” on the subject:

[TW: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE –df]

109
Mr. Grey says:
August 9, 2014 at 6:58 pm

“One thing to note is that this [physical violence] must come from a certain alpha (for lack of a better term) frame. Women desire men there to be dominant. You do not have to be an ass or even speak loudly.

I started spanking a few years back. I have spanked 20 year old and mature corporate women types. I have pulled down on my lap, pulled down their pants or panties and smacked their butts red. They all react the same way. Their behavior improves and they become more respectful. Another side benefit is that there is usually some very hot rip roaring sex afterward.

I don’t know how to start doing this in a relationship that is already solidly in HER frame. I know I usually bring it up humorously in the beginning of a relationship and when an infraction happens I will spank her. I then judge her reactions. If she is negative then I discontinue seeing her. I do this because when a woman refuses discipline then that means she refuses to respect. That is something I will not compromise on. Most women just never learned how to respect men in general. However, that does not mean that they cannot be taught to do so. For a woman who is taught this you might just find a woman who will travel to the ends of the earth for you.”

http://www.donotlink.com/framed?517369

Ah, romance, the manuresphere-style.

contrapangloss
10 years ago

Hey, Aunt Edna?

Would you be willing to either put bold trigger warnings befor the quotes, or just summarize the link? That way, the braver if us can follow the link?

It’s not this one in particular, but some of the stuff you’ve quoted is triggery, and a heads up would be nice.

contrapangloss
10 years ago

(Also, have you been given a Welcome Package yet?

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

I don’t really care whether someone’s attracted to post-pubescent underaged kids or prepubescent and/or pubescent children. I care whether they act on those feelings. If they do they’re a fucking rapist.

These guys are definitely pro-child sex abuse. It doesn’t really matter that it doesn’t sound as though they’re pro-child sex abuse of kids thirteen and under. They’re in favour if raping children.

Purely an issue of language with me. I got no problem with the sentiment. These dudes area grooooooooooooss. I’m drunk.

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

I’m just imaging how gross someone who uses the expression “rip roaring” when referring to sex is and exactly how many hot twenty year olds want to fuck them.

contrapangloss
10 years ago

When I hear “Rip Roaring” my imagination goes straight to the Simpson’s Geezer Grandpa, sitting on a parkbench, yelling at skateboard Bart.

It’s not a very mood making mental image.

katz
10 years ago

“Rip roaring” in bed sounds like farting.

Tessa
10 years ago

@ Aunt Edna:

If she is negative then I discontinue seeing her. I do this because when a woman refuses discipline then that means she refuses to respect. That is something I will not compromise on. Most women just never learned how to respect men in general.

That is a really fucked up idea of “respect”. Really though, the word respect is so vague nowadays. Look at the manosphere talk about respect. They say women want respect “handed to them” when they need to earn it, but then these guys think that men by merely being men should by default have respect from women.

Ally S
10 years ago

TW: sexual abuse

What contra said. I find that really triggering, specifically the first part, because what he describes is uncomfortably close to the sexual abuse I’ve experienced in the past. It’s really distressing for me to think about.

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

Yeah, “rip roaring” evokes imagery of grandpas and gas, not anything sexy. I think this guy’s just making shit up. I have super low self esteem and use men and sex for validation and even I wouldn’t go near the kind of person who says “rip roaring” with any sexual intent. I might offer to adjust their pillow.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
10 years ago

Sorry — will use TW next time, or better yet, just a link.

I don’t know how to link to specific comments, though, using the “do not link” option. It just goes to the whole page. But it may be better all the same.

Apologies again, and tx for the w-package.

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

Strangely, in spite of such thiughts (im drink and misspelled thoughts and autocorrect “fixed” it so it said “trouts” initially – awesome) I’m still really horny. Probably a mix of alcohol and where I am in my cycle AND THIS FABULOUS NEW TOY I HAVE YET TO TRY! back in a bit, y’all.

redpoppy
redpoppy
10 years ago

“Rip roaring” makes me think of whoopee cushions and the Roaring 20s. Which is funny because the modern whoopee cushion was invented in the 20s. So I guess they should call it the “Rip Roaring 20s?”

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

Farts.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Creeps call it bonding, anyone who isn’t a creep calls it Stockholm Syndrome. Anyone who’s lived in SE Asia has encountered these assholes, and oh, if only they knew what the locals who aren’t in the sex industry say about them.

Also, could we maybe not have comments about how horny people are in threads about young women living in poverty being sexually abused? That was a bit jarring.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago

“Rip roaring” in bed sounds like farting.

Which in turn makes actor Rip Torn’s name sound … unfortunate.

Aunt Edna, do the comments you want to link to have time links or something, like those here? If they do, copying those link locations and pasting them into Do Not Link should do the trick.

Also, welcome! 🙂

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

Maybe this guy is hoping for farts when he has hot twenty year olds’ bare bums over his knee.

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

Regardless, he’s gross and unconvincing. As much as I’m aware sexual assault isn’t take seriously I don’t believe this bro has routinely no consensually spanked women without repercussions for years. I’m inclined to think anyone that loud and proud about their actions is boasting from a place if no substance. Looooooser.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago

Also, could we maybe not have comments about how horny people are in threads about young women living in poverty being sexually abused? That was a bit jarring.

Seconded. That was getting way too TMI.

dustedeste
dustedeste
10 years ago

Ugh, was Obsidian one of the trolls here a while back? Name sounds familiar.

[CW: violence] Also for the record, while I’m not against a little spanking in bed, anyone who tried it on me as a literal punishment or with any intent toward changing my behavior would likely be getting a swift kick to the tender bits and very kicked to the curb, at the very least. In my current mood, there would probably be stomping involved. (I am happy about my current violence of reaction; it feels very comfortable and home-y — it’s been a while! It is making me kinda worried that I should get my T checked, though :/)

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago

Yeah, he posted here as Obsidian Files and was all kinds of creepy as well as extremely pompous and tedious.

dustedeste
dustedeste
10 years ago

Blech, yeah, I remember when he got banned. Hella gross dude.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

The idea that all sexual interactions are based on the parent/child dynamic makes me want to run away screaming. I can’t think of anything less sexy than imagining that my partner is my parent. WTF, creepy dudes?

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

I hate that a misogynist asshole has named himself after obsidian. Because obsidian is actually really fucking cool. It’s made in the intense heat of volcanoes. It’s also really pretty. Plus in ASOIAF/GoT it kills White Walkers!

#notallobsidian

Ally S
10 years ago

TW: sexual abuse

I hate all kinds of people, but men who are abusive towards young women, especially minors, have a special place in hell in my mind because of how much they trigger me. Their invasive entitlement, their casual rejection of another human being’s boundaries and humanity, and their genuine pleasure – all of them are so fucking disgusting. I just want to scream at those men face-to-face.