Today, a look at an appalling apologia for domestic violence and abuse from everyone’s least favorite creepy expat, the anonymous “game” blogger behind Random Xpat Rantings. Oh, and he also offers a handy rationalization for child abuse as well.
Xsplat, is, by his own description, an expat in his late 40s living in Indonesia and “dating” a teenager considerably less than half his age. Well, not just dating: apparently he feels that he “owns” her.
He starts off his post by arguing that parents have the right to spank their children because the children are, in essence, their property:
Society as a whole remains agnostic as to the value of judiciously spanking recalcitrant children. We remain agnostic because at a fundamental level we realize that the parents have the right to choose. Their children are THEIR children. They literally belong to them.
He then extends this metaphor to relationships between adult men and women in perhaps the creepiest way possible:
Much of sexual love is an add on and re-working of mammalian Daddy/daughter love, and also mother/son love. Men who want to retain sexual tension in the long term must keep the relationship as Daddy/daughter.
You have a right to punish, if she accepts that you have the right to punish.
Xsplat thinks that women find his “pimp hand” sexy:
Laying ownership claims is brute force sexy. Women at a fundamental level understand that while they will always struggle to be a free agent, that when properly owned she can be an entirely different king of person. A deeply sexually charged, constantly submissive and sexually engaged, better woman. A woman with direction.
He argues that women need this sort of “discipline” — which, he makes clear, can involve physical violence — because they are essentially children.
Children and women need boundaries. They will test and act out to the limit of those boundaries. Some children respond well to a gentle word. Some wind up in juvie despite every best effort. Some pimps and parents reward and discipline purely psychologically, while others get physical. Some children learn and behave well under gentle conditions of subtle hints and direction, others have stubborn negative habits that require more forceful re-direction.
A woman who is owned is a very different creature from one who considers herself a strong independent woman.
An owned woman will give you her all, just for the opportunity to remain owned.
He ends his post by boasting about how he applied his “pimp hand” to “N18” – that is, his 18-year-old girlfriend – when she “acted out” at a night club because, he says, she was jealous of the attention he was paying to another woman.
I’m in Bali now with N18, a 32 year old ex who I met when she was 23 … and a potential new intern/partner. We were out clubbing and N18 started to get jealous of the attention that the older woman was getting. … So she started to act out a bit and attention whore on the stage and the dance floor. I’d had a lot to drink, and so by the time we got home my emotions were unrestrained. I called her out on her behaviour, and was not gentle.
In his mind, this assertion of his “ownership” of her only brought the two closer together:
As usual I was awoken with blowjobs and the day was filled with constant attentive behavior. Plus. This is not a reaction out of fear, it is a pure bonding reaction.
That’s what he wants us to think, anyway.
Or maybe he’s trying to convince himself that he’s not, you know, an angry, jealous asshole living in a country with a per capita income less than one-fifth that of the US who’s using his money to exploit and possibly abuse a teenager who wouldn’t give him the time of day if she weren’t poor and he weren’t, at least relatively, rich.
Xsplat is not the most influential manosphere blogger by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s enough of a celebrity in that little world that he had his own “Ask Me Anything” thread on Reddit’s Red Pill subreddit last year.
That is a sweet tattoo, blahlistic. *has a few himself*
RE: cassandrakitty
It feels like such a red herring, taking the focus off the victims and putting it on the perps instead. Even though uh, VICTIMS TALKING RIGHT HERE. Really fucking annoying! Especially since, frankly, someone who rapes children will use any justification or reasoning to weasel out of getting punished, so the waters are so cloudy, I honestly don’t think it’s worth it.
I don’t care why someone rapes children. If they do, that’s terrible. If not, congratulations for maintaining basic human decency.
@ LBT
It is a red herring, and it comes up every single time this topic does. Can someone just hand me a whack-a-mole mallet? Because that’s pretty much my instinctive response at this point.
Can we be done yet? And, you know, throw this whole conversation down into a deep, dark pit from which it can never escape?
It feels like we are just rehashing and rehashing and rehashing the same stinking thing, over and over and over again and it’s never going to have a happy conclusion even if most of us are kind of sort of on the same page about abusing kiddos being wrong-sick.
So, can we not?
Also, I’m half wondering if we could just send any future posts with “ephebophile” or “ephebophila” straight to the mod bin? It seems like the only people who use it are the ooky-“but it’s okay for me to think post-pubescent kids are okay to hit on even if they’re still obviously kids” type.
I’m kind of sick of those people.
Correction. Replace “kind of” with “really, really, extraordinarily”
I consign this topic to the trash bin and replace it with a much more fun, enjoyable topic: due to how awesome my writeathon’s going, I’ll be throwing another one this month! I also am throwing a tie-breaker poll after my last one to figure out what story gets posted next.
And finally: HEY CLOUDIAH! I owe you a bonus sketch! What story would you like illustrated?
@LBT
While this round of your writeathon is technically over (your username needs updating), I have a plot sapling I’d like to share:
A dyed-in-the-wool MRA that writes articles for all the “major” manosphere websites and everything discovers their 8-14 year old daughter is developing/has developed angel-style, flight-capable wings, the first in recorded human history, and it’s not public yet. How does the MRA react?
@Alex: How does the MRA react?
Trick question – the MRA doesn’t have anything to DO with any children who are supposedly his offspring, it only happened the once, the bitch is lying because she wants child support, women are all gold-digging hos.
Oop, you’re right Alex. *fixes* Thanks! Sorry, I technically don’t consider it closed till I finish putting out bonuses and such.
And that is an intriguing prompt. You know, seeing as my next writeathon opens on September first on the theme of Servitude, you should hang onto that prompt and give it to me then!
@GrumpMog, hi, have a Welcome Package!
Love your avatar. One can never see too much of Inigo.
@gilshalos, yes, I saw that cat’s paw pattern for the first time the other night! I must learn it. 🙂
@Aunt Edna, good work, I hope they follow up on it.
@redpoppy, Elvis is adorbs. I take it his human used the term “work” pretty loosely. 😉
@pallygirl,
That’s exactly like our household.
@daintydougal,
So. Much. Truth.
@samantha
::fistbump:: Same here!
@LBT: there should be a word for “but it wasn’t this category of sexual abuse, you have to grade them precisely” attempts. I’d suggest Dawkinsing.
@samantha – here’s stuff on Greebo from the Discworld wiki.
http://discworld.wikia.com/wiki/Greebo
I have only one small comment on the issue that has been thrashed out beyond what was necessary already: “ephebophile” is a euphemism for “predator”.
RE: Kittehs
there should be a word for “but it wasn’t this category of sexual abuse, you have to grade them precisely” attempts. I’d suggest Dawkinsing.
Creeperbating? Seriously, my general response is, “Were you THERE? No? Then STFU.”
I was going to go with “irrelevant bullshit”, personally.
Which is definitely the response Dawkins should have had.
Quelle surprise, Dawkins is being a fuckhead on the subject again. Slimy PoS he is.
As I have been following this discussion I’ve had the feeling that the most important point is being missed. In categorizing why child sex abusers commit their crimes one needs to recognize that this is irrelevant to the effect of the crimes on the victims. Child sex abuse is horrible; NOBODY should be trying to categorize the severity of its effects on the victim, NOBODY should be critiquing the victim’s experience or response to their abuse, full stop. The only reason for categorization is to try to figure out how to deal with child sex abusers with the purpose of trying to minimize the occurrence of child sex abuse.
In the US we have been throwing far too many mentally ill people into prison. Prisons are run on the theory that the proper combination of rewards and punishments will obtain the standards of behavior they wish to enforce. But if a person cannot conform to the desired behavior due to mental illness, punishment seems to me both useless and cruel. (I have some experience with mental illness; my first wife suffered/suffers from serious mental illness, and any attempt to punish her behavior would have surely been useless and cruel.)
So if, in fact, you have offenders whose crimes are due to some sort of mental illness, they should not be punished, they should be treated (if possible) BUT ALSO prevented from having access to vulnerable children. Offenders who abuse children because they are available and vulnerable should be publicly shamed and punished. One thing that bothers me is the tendency for legislatures to establish ever harsher punishments and more draconian restrictions for registered sex offenders, because there is a reluctance to impose these harsh punishments, and I tend to believe that it is the probability of exposure and punishment rather than the potential severity of the punishment that is the best deterrent. (Sometimes I think the best thing would be to bring back the pillory.)
@blahlistic, that is an awesome tattoo. Thanks for sharing it!
Actually the point in your first paragraph has been stated multiple times by multiple people.
I do agree that social shaming is a good thing in the case of pedophiles, though. And nope, don’t care which definition of that we’re using, since the only goal here is to stop people from abusing children.
@LBT, I can’t pick! DON’T MAKE ME PICK! (Can you pick for me?)
Was this the same guy who had to teach himself to love women by pretending they were his children, which turned out to be easy because women are “inherently neotenous”?
Yeah, the fact that “rice queen” is even a term that exists has always skeeved me out. Dudes, no, fetishizing people is still uncool even if you’re doing it within your own gender.
@Thread: Greebo! I wanted to get in on the cat avatar meme and as a huge Pratchett fan, he was the obvious choice. I know there is art of Greebo in his usual form, but I like having a stealth catvatar. (For those still confused: in a couple of the books, Greebo the cat is magicked into a human shape. My avatar is Greebo’s human form)
“Stealth catvatar” I love it!
Ooh, that made me wonder – what sort of cat would Inigo Montoya be?
(That was your daily tangent.)
I think Inigo Montoya would be a lot like Puss ‘n’ Boots.
I mean, http://silkitalia.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Pictures-of-puss-n-boots.jpg
I kind of miss Puss n Boots as a panto. It’s just so silly and fun.
Ewww, just looked at exsplat’s post on “the force of paternal love.” I think I saw it before and sort of recoiled in horror.
On the guy in the pic, I haven’t seen the documentary so I don’t know if it’s the same guy. FWIW, the pic I used is supposedly of French, not American “sex tourists,” but of course it could have been mislabeled.
I think that post is probably one of those things where your brain immediately tries to make its own bleach as a form of self-defense.