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Creepy expat: "Properly owned" women appreciate a man's "pimp hand."

Western "tourists" in Southeast Asia (Cambodia)
Western “tourists” in Cambodia

Today, a look at an appalling apologia for domestic violence and abuse from everyone’s least favorite creepy expat, the anonymous “game” blogger behind Random Xpat Rantings. Oh, and he also offers a handy rationalization for child abuse as well.

Xsplat, is, by his own description, an expat in his late 40s living in Indonesia and “dating” a teenager considerably less than half his age. Well, not just dating: apparently he feels that he “owns” her.

He starts off his post by arguing that parents have the right to spank their children because the children are, in essence, their property:

Society as a whole remains agnostic as to the value of judiciously spanking recalcitrant children. We remain agnostic because at a fundamental level we realize that the parents have the right to choose. Their children are THEIR children. They literally belong to them.

He then extends this metaphor to relationships between adult men and women in perhaps the creepiest way possible:

Much of sexual love is an add on and re-working of mammalian Daddy/daughter love, and also mother/son love. Men who want to retain sexual tension in the long term must keep the relationship as Daddy/daughter.

You have a right to punish, if she accepts that you have the right to punish.

Xsplat thinks that women find his “pimp hand” sexy:

Laying ownership claims is brute force sexy. Women at a fundamental level understand that while they will always struggle to be a free agent, that when properly owned she can be an entirely different king of person. A deeply sexually charged, constantly submissive and sexually engaged, better woman. A woman with direction.

He argues that women need this sort of “discipline” — which, he makes clear, can involve physical violence — because they are essentially children.

Children and women need boundaries. They will test and act out to the limit of those boundaries. Some children respond well to a gentle word. Some wind up in juvie despite every best effort. Some pimps and parents reward and discipline purely psychologically, while others get physical. Some children learn and behave well under gentle conditions of subtle hints and direction, others have stubborn negative habits that require more forceful re-direction.

A woman who is owned is a very different creature from one who considers herself a strong independent woman.

An owned woman will give you her all, just for the opportunity to remain owned.

He ends his post by boasting about how he applied his “pimp hand” to “N18” – that is, his 18-year-old girlfriend – when she “acted out” at a night club because, he says, she was jealous of the attention he was paying to another woman.

I’m in Bali now with N18, a 32 year old ex who I met when she was 23 … and a potential new intern/partner. We were out clubbing and N18 started to get jealous of the attention that the older woman was getting. … So she started to act out a bit and attention whore on the stage and the dance floor. I’d had a lot to drink, and so by the time we got home my emotions were unrestrained. I called her out on her behaviour, and was not gentle.

In his mind, this assertion of his “ownership” of her only brought the two closer together:

As usual I was awoken with blowjobs and the day was filled with constant attentive behavior. Plus. This is not a reaction out of fear, it is a pure bonding reaction.

That’s what he wants us to think, anyway.

Or maybe he’s trying to convince himself that he’s not, you know, an angry, jealous asshole living in a country with a per capita income less than one-fifth that of the US who’s using his money to exploit and possibly abuse a teenager who wouldn’t give him the time of day if she weren’t poor and he weren’t, at least relatively, rich.

Xsplat is not the most influential manosphere blogger by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s enough of a celebrity in that little world that he had his own “Ask Me Anything” thread on Reddit’s Red Pill subreddit last year.

 

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LBT (with an open writeathon!)

EW EW EW EW EW EW GOODBYE

Johanna Roberts
6 years ago

Well, that was extremely disguising.

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
6 years ago

LBT has summed up my reaction.

I also thought that for sure you’d talked about this ass before, but nope, turns out that was a completely different expat obsessed with exploiting poor women:

https://wehuntedthemammoth.com/2014/05/13/expat-pua-blogger-24-is-super-crazy-crazy-old-for-a-girl-17-19-past-that-if-were-going-to-get-all-about-babies-is-pretty-sketchy/

Kakanian
Kakanian
6 years ago

He’s basically a Gorean, isn’t he?

Auntie Alias
Auntie Alias
6 years ago

Pukeworthy. I suppose a PUAsshole will put in an appearance here to defend him. They always do.

opium4themasses
opium4themasses
6 years ago

He probably thinks it’s impossible to exploit people using money. He is surrounded by expats who are doing the same thing, maybe not in their relationships though. I lived overseas as a kid and even at that young age I got an icky feeling about how the Americans over their dealt with and talked about the locals.

coffee
coffee
6 years ago

This is doubly upsetting because half of this rhetoric could look like kinky rhetoric. Ownership, disciplining, etc. So I really hope people recognize that what he’s doing is social engineering, manipulating and abuse–and I doubt his “N18” has had her voice considered in any of this.

Sincerely,

Kinky Strong Independent Woman

LBT (with an open writeathon!)

RE: coffee

I’m kinky myself, and this guy just gives me the skeeve but BAD.

What is it about these fucking assholes that they can’t tell their fantasies from reality?

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

Where does all this “boundaries” shite come from? There’s the obvious stuff in the bible about the man being head of the family and instructing them, but it’s not obvious to me that this dude is religious.

So what is the basis for the assumption that men set boundaries (and just as clearly, men don’t have boundaries)? It’s there as an unspoken birthright from the bits David has quoted.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

Some pimps and parents reward and discipline purely psychologically, while others get physical.

Holy WTF batman…

And…that picture. Her body language does not say “I love you.” It’s somewhere between skeeved out and ready for the next punch.

damselindetech
6 years ago

My word for word responses while reading the above story:

“No…. what? NO! Oh, dear gawd… noooo, nonono… NOOOOO!!!!!!!!”

CattyGal
CattyGal
6 years ago

I’m sure a lot of these young women he enslaves are not as into him as he thinks. He’s so deluded he probably believes they actually adore and worship him for keeping them ‘in line’. Many of them are tough as old boots on the inside and have to be because deep down they know they are being exploited by these sad, old losers. He admits to his shame that he can’t even speak any of the languages in the countries he’s lived in. I’d love to know what the women are really saying about him to one another (or funnier still, right in front of him).

Hopefully they can get their OWN back in some way as he comes across as arrogant, manipulative and just downright revolting. It’s amazing how many PUAsswipes lap this shit (pun intended) up and think he’s living the dream. A seedy, creepy one if that’s your bag but then creepy is their middle name.

cerberustheasexual
cerberustheasexual
6 years ago

Well, I suppose it’s at least positive that he’s not doing the bullshit deception about not believing that women and children are literally a man’s property to do with as he sees fits like most patriarchal douchebags… That being said, nonononononono. Ew, bad, no.

contrapangloss
6 years ago

Can I puke now? I want to puke.

It makes me even more angry because he probably justifies it with “at least she has a roof and food and isn’t struggling to live because I’m so generous in my taking advantage of her.

Ew. Ew. Ew.

Ew.

Ew.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

An owned woman will give you her all, just for the opportunity to remain owned.

Yes, if you take everything away from someone, erode their self esteem and their support network, and make them financially dependent on you, they will, in fact, do anything they can to stay with you in order to survive. This guy is a parasitic boil on the ass of humanity.

hellkell
hellkell
6 years ago

Much of sexual love is an add on and re-working of mammalian Daddy/daughter love, and also mother/son love. Men who want to retain sexual tension in the long term must keep the relationship as Daddy/daughter.

So much for fixing dinner.

This asshole has to go to Cambodia and prey on poor women because he doesn’t have the means to pull this shit here. He’s pathetic, and if sex tourism went away right now, I wouldn’t shed a tear.

Lids
6 years ago

Fuck, I hate people like this. Not only is he a creepy, sexist asshole with abusive tendencies, he’s taking advantage of women from extremely poor countries. Ugh.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

@cerberustheasexual

Well, I suppose it’s at least positive that he’s not doing the bullshit deception about not believing that women and children are literally a man’s property

I smirked at his use of the word “literally.” Apparently he wants to make it absolutely clear that he thinks humans can own other humans.

Emmy
Emmy
6 years ago

The worst thing, as someone who has been in an abusive relationship before, the fact that he is fine with telling people that he hit her means that there has probably already been intense abuse. Hitting someone isn’t the first act of abuse – abusers groom their victims with emotional and psychological abuse long before they feel confident enough that their victim won’t run if they beat them.

If an abuser tells you that they hit someone, and it was “the first time” and “it won’t happen again” there has already been significant levels of abuse in that relationship because you need to break a person’s spirit before they get to the point where their sense of self-worth has been so warped that they don’t run away after a punch. The punch is the tip of the iceberg, and the feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness can follow abuse victims for the rest of their lives.

leocigale
leocigale
6 years ago

What’s XPAT mean?

I don’t wanna look it up on google and be led to someplace horrible and depressing.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

Literally “ex-pat” just means someone living outside of their home country. In common usage, it often carries weird connotations of wealth and Western-ness and whiteness.

redpoppy
redpoppy
6 years ago

I believe it stands for Ex-patriate. Meaning he’s originally from some place like the US but has been residing in a foreign country for a long time and probably doesn’t intend to move back. Because, you know. Western women are soooooooooooo vile.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

Like, you can simultaneously be a creepy fucking sex tourist living in Indonesia and believe that “immigrants are taking our jobs!!1!11!” because you’re not an immigrant, you’re an ex-pat. Totally different (because it is for white people.)

redpoppy
redpoppy
6 years ago

Everything is different for white people!

serrana
serrana
6 years ago

I hope someone puts poison ivy in his bed.

cloudiah
6 years ago

All of the ick.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

Everyone’s already expressed disgust better than I can. I’ll just add that even Mr Oedipus Complex Freud would disown this filthy bloody specimen.

BigMomma
BigMomma
6 years ago

I’m an ex pat as a Scot living in Australia. I get to be present during hilarious conversations about immigrants taking Australian jobs and I point out that I’m am immigrant with a job…ah but that’s different. And then shall we discuss the hilarity of white Australians whining about immigration?

Hilarious? Sorry, I meant racist.

redpoppy
redpoppy
6 years ago

We have the same thing going on in America right now. There are a lot of undocumented immigrants (including many children) who come here seeking jobs, and in the case of the children, protection from the gang violence going on in Central America. Hordes of white people will come to protest, holding signs, yelling and screaming and generally being awful and terrifying to these children and immigrants. It’s appalling to say the least. Have they forgotten that everyone here (except Native Americans) are basically immigrants?

CattyGal
CattyGal
6 years ago

‘As usual I was awoken with blow jobs and the day was filled with constant attentive behaviour’. He then says it’s not done out of fear but is a ‘pure bonding reaction’. I mean WTF?! It’s most probably fear. Fear that they will be thrown out into the street like a used diaper. Even he must surely know this or is he deliberately dressing it up as ‘bonding’ so the whole sick scenario makes HIM feel or look better to the manosphere douchebags. Either way his behaviour and reasoning comes across as a bit bloody sick imo.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

blahlistic, just to be absolutely clear, the pic is not of him. But I suspect a lot of “relationships” between expats and Southeast Asian women are like this.

Oop! Thanks much for the clarification.

Agreed the image captures the yuck factor very well.

I broke down and went to the linked site…*swabs keyboard with lysol wipe*

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Those “job stealing illegals” drive down the prices of things like produce and construction because they’re exploited for their cheap labor. If all the undocumented workers went away the price of a lot of things would shoot up and all the people who whine about immigrants would whine about that instead.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
6 years ago

An excellent example of the stunningly enormous gap between what creepy abusive predator d00ds say and what people hear.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

…And why did I investigate further? WHY?

http://www.donotlink.com/framed?517934

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

Those “job stealing illegals” drive down the prices of things like produce and construction because they’re exploited for their cheap labor.

Thus vested interests want the immigration system to stay broke, which is why I think it does, which is why they are illegal.
*brain horks up facts recalled from article*
NAFTA was at least partly to blame for the cratering of the Mexican economy.
The Mexican economy took a huge hit , and small farmers were run off their land due to imports of subsidized grains from here.
About 2 million people were displaced, but NAFTA created only 1 million jobs in Mexico. Then many of those jobs went to China.
Different article, same facts: http://peoplesworld.org/mexico-after-20-years-of-nafta-poor-and-getting-poorer/
…So the “they’re takin’ our Jerbs!” people don’t get that these are the chickens of our bad economic policy coming home to roost. Mallwart Uber Alles.

freelancingresearcher
6 years ago

There are so many creepy expats out there just like this. My wife and I just returned from a 2 year stint in Africa, and we saw all kinds of crazy (mostly European) older men hitting on and flirting with young women, and probably taking them home. It was horrifying.

This mindset is pretty common among some men who go abroad, in the hopes that they can use their money and perceived status to find a young, beautiful woman who will put up with it.

bunnybunny
6 years ago

This guy’s blog is fucking terrible. Usually my disgust at these types is slightly tempered by how hilariously wrong they are about women and relationships. Not sure why exactly, but this guy is all the wrong without the hilarious.

Lepidoptera
Lepidoptera
6 years ago

“Thus vested interests want the immigration system to stay broke, which is why I think it does, which is why they are illegal.”

So much agree. I know people who have been here 10 years, or their whole lives, who came in through a legal process and are still on visas waiting for their green cards.

As for the main post: “brute force sexy” is not a phrase I ever want to come across again. Vomit.

DreamingRainne (@DreamingRainne)

Laying ownership claims is brute force sexy.

That’s not sexy. That’s not even unsexy. The question is in the language of sexy but the answer is in the language of control.

[Children and women] will test and act out to the limit of those boundaries.

And yet I suppose this guy wouldn’t? Or he would simply pretend they’re not there. He does seem to resent boundaries in general, at least the ones that exclude him.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
6 years ago

I don’t know that it’s a good idea for me to start talking American immigration policy, but I will say that it is a very complex subject. It is more than mere nativism/racism, or mere economics; there are vital international considerations in play, ones with deep history in the American hemisphere.

A deeply sexually charged, constantly submissive and sexually engaged, better woman. A woman with direction.

Well, he makes no bone(r)s about the value he places on women.

samantha
6 years ago

I have heard all of this before. When I was sixteen, I met a man who turned out to be not quite as advertized. As soon as the engagement ring was on my finger, he changed into his true colors and became paternalistically abusive. This is the primary experience that made me a feminist.

On top of the paternal abuse, he also made it VERY clear that he thought that the Nazi’s were right. Good thing I found this out BEFORE the wedding!

These “men” make me angry and sick.

cloudiah
6 years ago

Thus vested interests want the immigration system to stay broke, which is why I think it does, which is why they are illegal.

If you want a pool of cheap labor, it’s in your interest that they have a status that makes them afraid to stand up for their rights because they’re in the country illegally. (Although many courageous immigrants do in fact stand up for their rights.)

@Samantha, Very glad you got away from that dude. Something similar happened to a friend of mine, but she didn’t realize his true colors until they’d had a kid. 0_o (She did get away, though, and they’re both fine.)

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

There’s already a pool of cheap labour here – it’s called the unemployed, all 789 000 of us. Australia’s unemployment rate has jumped to 6.4 % under Abbott, higher than the US’s. Yeah, the Liberals, great economic managers, job creators, my arse.

Oh, and the 457 working visa system for all those skilled migrants in our supposed skills shortage? Just another way to bring in people working for illegally low wages, besides being a system full of fraud. Turn back the boats, Tony? Yeah, right, kick refugees and the desperate when actual immigration problems are overwhelmingly about fake visas or people overstaying real ones.

Plus, of course one can’t expect employers to actually train people or grasp the idea of transferable skills, oh no. And we’ve got to have a pool of unemployed for this shittastic government to blame and punish for existing.

wewereemergencies
wewereemergencies
6 years ago

*vomits in the direction of Xpat, and then calls the police on him for admitting to fucking abuse*

If only getting him away from people was that simple.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

I don’t believe for a moment that this Xpat hasn’t raped children as well as women.

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

So. Much. EWWWWWW.

Pro tip for “Xsplat”: Stop paying your “girlfriend”, and you’ll soon see just how much of her you really “own”.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

There’s already a pool of cheap labour here – it’s called the unemployed, all 789 000 of us.

You would demand things like the minimum wage and basic safety protections, that’s just not sporting of you.

…Where I live I happened to work a quarter mile or so from a galvanizing facility. T’was bad enough for me that when the wind was from that direction I took to wearing a respirator mask. I’m asthmatic.

.Out of curiosity, I drove past the place.

The workers were galvanizing in open bays, like a big open shed with an overhead hoist. They were all brown people…though obviously I cannot and do not assume they were undocumented.
What I DO know, is that they were working ~without ANY RESPIRATORY PROTECTION~.
In this horrible fug from the galvanizing tanks.
I strongly suspect a US native citizen would demand respirators.
Respirators are not cheap and the cans are supposed to be swapped out every 8 hours.
The employer was saving money at the cost of lungs.

ANYWAY…

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

Society as a whole remains agnostic as to the value of judiciously spanking recalcitrant children. We remain agnostic because at a fundamental level we realize that the parents have the right to choose. Their children are THEIR children. They literally belong to them.

So wrong, and on so many levels. Society is largely against spanking, “judicious” or otherwise. And children are people. You can’t own one. The care and raising of one is not ownership, but a responsibility for the welfare of a smaller and more vulnerable person. Funny how that not-at-all-fine distinction eludes this fucker.

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