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Are Street Harassers the REAL Victims of Street Harassment? One Men's Rights Redditor says "yes."

Not so fantastic, dude.
Not so fantastic, dude.

A new video from Vocativ features a number of young women describing the sexual harassment – from creepy catcalls to actual physical assaults – they and countless other women face on the streets every day; the unsettling video, in which one woman, a former beauty queen, recounts her own sexual assault on the Washington DC metro last year, has been seen more than 2 million times on YouTube in the eight days it’s been up. (I’ve pasted it in at the end of the post.)

Some of these viewers have been Men’s Rights activists, and a lot of them aren’t too happy about it. Not about the street harassment. About the women speaking up against it. Indeed, one new Men’s Rights Redditor by the name of liuetenantwaffleiron was so angered by the video that he sat down and wrote a 700 word rebuttal of sorts – which quickly won him dozens of upvotes from others on the subreddit.

He started off with a story of his heroic efforts to stand up against one of the evil sexy women in the video, and the terrible price he paid for expressing his so brave opinions on the subject on Facebook:

Dear ‘harassed’ in the provocative attire,

I need to say this, and I literally have nowhere else I can say it, so I figured I’d say it here, and to you. I was facebook unfriended today by commenting on the sexual harassment video that’s been going around that you’re in.

Unfriended. The horror!

You were the one who said she likes to “dress provocatively” but that you don’t want to “deal with it,” and who was carrying a hidden camera with her to document all her public ‘harassment’ you get.

This sounds like the worst “missed connections” ad ever.

I simply replied:

“Dresses provocatively; provokes.”

I wasn’t aware of this, but apparently we straight men can’t help but utter the words “baby” or “nice toes, ma,” or “I want to cum on your tits” or “pregnant pussy is the best pussycat” every time we’re “provoked” by a woman in a short skirt or a long skirt or pants and a shapeless sweater wandering into our field of vision.

On top of the instant shit storm that erupted at my insinuation that you ought not to have been surprised at the attention you intentionally attracted, I was subsequently unfriended by the poster, an industry colleague of mine.

Gosh, who would ever imagine that being a dick to a woman who’s getting sexually harassed could possibly cause you any problems in the work world? What an outrage!

On top of the despair I felt at not being able to say more than three words in criticism without fingertips shooting into ear canals, I tried to imagine who those ‘harassing’ men were who called out to you.

I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. I was too busy crying, thinking of the terrible “despair” you felt when your dickish and completely unoriginal comment didn’t get you a standing ovation and a tiny little medal.

While a vanishing minority may truly have been confident about their romantic prospects with you, there’s no doubt that most knew that they didn’t stand a chance in hell. Yet, there you sauntered, dressed as sexily as you could, meticulously made up, flaunting that fact; Rubbing it in their faces that they would never have a chance at catching the eye of such a beauty, much less to speak with you, so much less to touch you.

Wait, you’re actually angry that you can’t automatically score a date with – or at least get a chance to grope – every single attractive woman you see? You’re going to have a rough time here on planet earth, dude, as there are literally billions of women out there who will never sleep with you or let you touch them.

Are none of these women allowed to wear clothes that you might find sexy? Or are they obligated to have sex with you if they do?

Would you really rather they dressed as drably as possible, with no makeup? Somehow I suspect that this would make you even madder.

Everything you do is seems to be to attract a man, yet when a man presumes to express that attraction, you’re offended to the core, and you demand that the rest of us be as well.

“Express their attraction?” What video did you watch, anyway? The men in the video I watched were doing a lot more than “expressing their attraction.” The woman you’re so angry at — the one wearing a short skirt and a hidden camera – faced what seemed like an unending series of leers and crude remarks from men as she walked down city streets. The women being interviewed described men “expressing their attraction” by groping and threatening them.

You are one of the most privileged people on Earth, and you dare to complain that some men don’t know their place, and won’t suffer your insults in silence.

Really? Because I watched that same video, and what I saw was a woman in her twenties getting endless harassment from men, some literally twice her size, for the terrible crime of … being an attractive young woman in public. How exactly is this a sign that she’s privileged?

I ask you: Do some men cross a reasonable line of decency? Of course they do. Some masturbate, and grope. Some do worse.

Oh, sure. Men might pull out their dicks, or shove you up against the wall on the subway, or you know, do that thing that starts with the word “r,” but none of this matters as much as the DESPAIR our manifesto writer felt when people on Facebook got annoyed at him for being a dick.

Perhaps its because they’re mentally unstable, or perhaps it’s because they’re so socially marginalized that they have no longer have incentive to behave civilly.

Huh. Apparently in the world of liuetenantwaffleiron — and a lot of other Men’s Rightsers — every guy who ever victimizes a woman has an excuse. They’re mentally ill. They’re “socially marginalized.”  It’s never, say, that these guys are, you know, entitled shitheads who think they’re entitled to women’s bodies.

To paraphrase West Side Story, they’re depraved on account of they’re deprived — of a woman’s body, something that doesn’t actually belong to them.

In the cases illustrated in the video, I’m certain that there was no possibility of any of them having any sort of equal relationship with you, or to the other women featured, and you know it.

Really? Even if this were true, so fucking what? You’re not entitled to have a relationship — equal or otherwise — with any woman who strikes your fancy. You’re not entitled to harass every woman you see who’s out of your league, or already hitched, or just not interested in your asshole “nice guy” self.

In the absence of incentive to try to win your favor and to respect you, and in the presence of your garish flaunting to them of your unavailable sexuality, I have no doubt that some even grow to resent you.

Yeah, we picked up on that already, genius. As did every woman in the video, who saw clearly that the actions of the men who harassed them weren’t driven simply by attraction but by resentment and rage and a desire to demonstrate power over women they knew weren’t interested in them.

Whoever these predatory males are, they’re not me. I don’t know them. I don’t know where I can find them.

Really? Because you sound pretty much exactly like “these predatory males.” Maybe you haven’t harassed any women – yet – but your little manifesto is filled with the same toxic mixture of aggrieved entitlement that helps to fuel this kind of harassment.

I doubt they’re reading these words, or watching your videos. I’m terribly sorry they cross the line into physical contact, and stalking, and god knows what else, but we’re NOT those guys.

I hate to tell you this dude, but you’re already thinking like a harasser. I mean, you’re writing a 700-word manifesto attacking a woman you’ve never met because she had the temerity to walk down the street in a short skirt and record the harassment she got.

Yes, dressing sexily is absolutely your right, as is walking in that “provocative” outfit down the street while expecting a certain degree of civility from your countrymen. However …

Somehow I knew that “however” was coming.

However – know that your message to us is powerless to change the behavior of the ‘creeps’ that will physically harass you, and assault you, and worse.

Really? Then why are you getting so mad about the video? Somehow I suspect that you realize this sort of video does give harassed women a certain degree of power, both by shaming those men who might not realize how terrible their behavior really is, and by helping encourage and empower women to hollaback, as they say, at their harassers.

Your insistence to wear what you wear, and act as you act – while absolutely within your rights – undeniably makes you a more visible target to those perverts and predators.

And an even more visible target to the creepy entitled assholes of the Men’s Rights subreddit, apparently.

You are determined to ignore one of the most important factors in avoiding harassment and assault because you have the gall to be offended that lower-status males might dare to approach you.

And you, dude, have the gall to be offended by a woman talking frankly about the harassment she gets.

Furthermore, your constant antagonism of their attraction to you gives them reason to resent you.

No, I’m pretty sure you’re responsible for your own resentment here, given that it stems from an unacknowledged sense of entitlement.

These two factors expose you to risk that you simply don’t need to take, and I refuse to feel any guilt for your misadventures so long as you act with such a sense of entitlement and such a complete lack of common sense.

Well, forgive me for feeling no sorrow if no woman ever wants anything to do with your whiny, resentful, bitter ass.

ps- First time posting. Happy to be here

You’ll fit right in. Your sense of aggrieved entitlement is already pretty well-developed.

That, and access to the internet, is really all you need to be a Men’s Rights Activist.

Here’s the video. TRIGGER WARNING for detailed description of sexual assault:

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Bina
10 years ago

It’s true. The guy could be your ideal “hottest guy on the planet” but if he opens his mouth and stupid comes out, well, I can bet many a person (perhaps not ALL) would be turned off by that tomfoolery.

‘Tis true. Ryan Lochte looks stunning in swim trunks, but the moment he opens his mouth…oy, Teh Stoooopid. Everytime I hear him say something, I just want to clap a hand over his mouth and throw him back in the pool.

And then there was the guy I had a crush on in Grade 7. Thought he was hot shit until he opened his mouth and called me something awful, and proved to me that I’d been only half right about him for months. He was gross in my eyes forever after. Which was good in a way, because to keep pining over him after THAT would have been just sick-making.

If anyone ever wanted proof that “handsome is as handsome does”, there it is. No amount of superficial good looks can ever make up for a shitty personality or a raging case of Teh Stoopid.

andiexist
andiexist
10 years ago

@redpoppy

Thank you. Thank you for putting into words my issues with sunshinemary’s comment.

Also, it reeks with “but not all men.”

Shiraz
Shiraz
10 years ago

Wait, did anyone here say ALL men harass and cat call? I don’t recall that — also, everyone is free to scroll up.

brooked
10 years ago

Vocativ’s video is framing the subject according to her lived reality. An idiot on Reddit denies her documented experience, blames her for “sexily” provoking harassment, offers a baseless pseudo-psychological excuses for the men who harass women, and feels an enormous amount of self-pity and self-entitlement. The guy is not only an asshole, but his very gendered response, in which only men are humans worthy of empathy, underscores that this is in fact a gendered issue.

I don’t see this video making any excuses for female harassment, but she’s filming the harassment that happens to her and men are vigorously attempting to hand wave her experience away because they don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves at all times.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

Shut up, SunshineMary. Even though you say you believe women are harassed, you’re going out of your way to minimize it.

Tell you what, that “small” percentage of men doing all this are busy mofos.

Also, witness how young women will grab at male pop stars, rip their clothes, even chase them.

Oh, wow. You really think this equivalent. Fuck off, Mary.

andiexist
andiexist
10 years ago

Here is a handy guide:

If you feel oppressed by not being able to have sex with pretty women, try self-examination. Once you have realized why you are not entitled to have sex with pretty women, you are hopefully ready to date. Disclaimer: I am not responsible for the success or failure of these dates. 😉

Viscaria
Viscaria
10 years ago

I would like to comment on this and hope I’ll be able to without being piled on.

Translates roughly to “I would like to say a bunch of stuff you’re not going to agree with but I hope you’ll let it go uncontested.” That rubs me the wrong way.

That said, was very sorry to hear about your harassment experience, Sunshine Mary. It sounds like it was very frightening. I’m glad you came out of it alright.

sunshinemary
10 years ago

@ brooked
Sure, I actually agree with David’s analysis somewhat. There should be no excuse made for the perpetrator who sexually harassed the woman on the metro.

But listen again to the video and listen to the other women speak. They place the blame on “men”; I believe that is far too wide of a category. It isn’t my experience that most men engage in this sort of behavior; a minority of men and women are carrying out the majority of the harassment. That’s really all I’m trying to say – in this country, anyway. In other countries, I do think that men carry out the majority of the harassment. For example:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/06/18/egypts-sexual-harassment-pandemic-and-the-powerlessness-of-hashtags/

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Women are monopolizing our own bodies? The horror.

andiexist
andiexist
10 years ago

@cassandrakitty

I know! Shocking! How dare we think we have a right to be in *gasp* PUBLIC?!?

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

That’s really all I’m trying to say – in this country, anyway. In other countries, I do think that men carry out the majority of the harassment.

Those scary brown men harassing women, they just don’t know any better. Isn’t that right, Mary?

Bina
10 years ago

Yo, Sunshine Mary…just how much do you get out? Because if you think this isn’t a gendered problem, you are living in one helluva plexiglass bubble, and I want to know where you bought that thing. I can count the number of times a woman has sexually harassed me on one finger, and even that is only a “maybe, I’m not really sure”. The number of times men have harassed me? I’ve lost count. I’ve even been harassed by boys not old enough to drive, and this as a grown-ass woman. And there was no doubt about the gendered nature of THAT harassment, either.

andiexist
andiexist
10 years ago

@hellkell

This implies that she does *not* think that men are doing most of the harassment in America. Hmm.

andiexist
andiexist
10 years ago

Ah, ninja’ d by Bina.

Viscaria
Viscaria
10 years ago

I referred to the reddit commenter as Vocative, and even expressed my dislike of the ‘nym (which I had thought was some sort of reference to being “provoked” by women on the street) but that is who made the video, of course. I can be so clueless sometimes 9_9

cloudiah
10 years ago

No one should sexually harass, catcall, whatever, anyone, regardless of who they are. But it is wrong to pretend all such harassment is equivalent. If you aren’t triggered by violence, visit the tumblr When Women Refuse for examples of what happens when women say no to their harassers.

This context matters.

Shiraz
Shiraz
10 years ago

I don’t think you have to worry about the fees of men who don’t harass, sunshine. Because we and the video maker mentioned in the OP are not talking about them — like, at all.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

andiexist: that and a nice side of racism.

Ally S
10 years ago

1. It implies that this is common behavior among men. I don’t believe this is true. I believe many if not most young women experience this kind of harassment, but I think the perpetrators are a small minority of men. Most men don’t act this way, so let’s not label “men” as the problem. Let’s call them what they are: harassers.

The majority of harassers are male, and that’s why feminists focus on them. Moreover, even if most men aren’t harassers (and I disagree with this, but that’s besides the point), quite a few men see nothing wrong with men harassing women. They say it’s “just a compliment” or something else to be grateful for. And then they erase women’s experiences by engaging in this self-absorbed talk about how they wish they were “harassed” by women.

2. The women in the video ONLY refer to street harassment as being carried out by men, but this is not true.

No, they aren’t denying that women can be harassers. They’re just talking about male harassers because, like I said, most harassers are male and because they are focusing in particular on the issue of male-on-female street harassment. People are allowed to focus on one issue at a time, especially if it affects them on a systemic scale as it does for women.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
10 years ago

The statistics back up the claim that this is a gendered problem, with a frightening percentage of women experiencing everything from someone blocking their path or cat-calling to being masturbated at. This is not a problem with “a small percentage of men and women.” I’d buy that the majority of men don’t harass, but the difference between male and female harassers must be orders of magnitude.

Taking the gender out takes out the cause. How are you going to stop “harassers,” hmm? “Don’t harass?” It’s like the way gun nuts say the problem is with a tiny number of irresponsible gun owners, not realizing they’re playing “no true scotsman.” A dude isn’t a “harasser” until he is.

Many dudes would tell you that they don’t think what they’re doing is harassment at all. They just wanted to talk, or flirt, or what-have-you. The problem is entitlement, and you would never reach that conclusion trying to be blind to the gender.

andiexist
andiexist
10 years ago

@hellkell

Yup. I admit to not noticing that in her original comment, but I am a mammoth newbie and am not yet experienced in the noticing.

Ally S
10 years ago

That’s really all I’m trying to say – in this country, anyway. In other countries, I do think that men carry out the majority of the harassment. For example:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/06/18/egypts-sexual-harassment-pandemic-and-the-powerlessness-of-hashtags/

You picked a bad example. The heightened incidence of sexual assault harassment in Egypt is politically organized in that it is supposed to weaken rebellion by terrorizing half of the activists and protesters, who are women. It’s a terrorist tactic and not reflective of an “epidemic”. Sexual assault and harassment are problems all over the globe, but they aren’t uniquely bad in Egypt.

Abacus Toms
Abacus Toms
10 years ago

It also depends on where you live. I would say that there isn’t much street harassment where I live. However, if I were to drive a couple of hours to the next city, I would see plenty. I am not sure why there is such a difference in culture.

As for it being a gendered issue, it is in the sense that ALL women have experienced it, to varying degrees, but not all men have. It isn’t about all men being assholes. It is about all women having been harassed. The video focuses on the experiences of women. Women (just like any othe group) should be allowed to speak about their issues in a way that centres their expeience. Nowhere does the video blame the entire male gender.

While it is wrong for anyone to be sexually harassed, let’s not prtend that it happens to all genders at the same rate. Instead of trying to defend a point that doesn’t need defending, we need to ask ourselves what we can do to make this behaviour less socially acceptabe.

Woody
Woody
10 years ago

“Also, witness how young women will grab at male pop stars, rip their clothes, even chase them. This is essentially harassment but no one seems to call it that when women are the perpetrators.”

QFT

cloudiah
10 years ago

My turn: Shut up, Woody.

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