A new video from Vocativ features a number of young women describing the sexual harassment – from creepy catcalls to actual physical assaults – they and countless other women face on the streets every day; the unsettling video, in which one woman, a former beauty queen, recounts her own sexual assault on the Washington DC metro last year, has been seen more than 2 million times on YouTube in the eight days it’s been up. (I’ve pasted it in at the end of the post.)
Some of these viewers have been Men’s Rights activists, and a lot of them aren’t too happy about it. Not about the street harassment. About the women speaking up against it. Indeed, one new Men’s Rights Redditor by the name of liuetenantwaffleiron was so angered by the video that he sat down and wrote a 700 word rebuttal of sorts – which quickly won him dozens of upvotes from others on the subreddit.
He started off with a story of his heroic efforts to stand up against one of the evil sexy women in the video, and the terrible price he paid for expressing his so brave opinions on the subject on Facebook:
Dear ‘harassed’ in the provocative attire,
I need to say this, and I literally have nowhere else I can say it, so I figured I’d say it here, and to you. I was facebook unfriended today by commenting on the sexual harassment video that’s been going around that you’re in.
Unfriended. The horror!
You were the one who said she likes to “dress provocatively” but that you don’t want to “deal with it,” and who was carrying a hidden camera with her to document all her public ‘harassment’ you get.
This sounds like the worst “missed connections” ad ever.
I simply replied:
“Dresses provocatively; provokes.”
I wasn’t aware of this, but apparently we straight men can’t help but utter the words “baby” or “nice toes, ma,” or “I want to cum on your tits” or “pregnant pussy is the best pussycat” every time we’re “provoked” by a woman in a short skirt or a long skirt or pants and a shapeless sweater wandering into our field of vision.
On top of the instant shit storm that erupted at my insinuation that you ought not to have been surprised at the attention you intentionally attracted, I was subsequently unfriended by the poster, an industry colleague of mine.
Gosh, who would ever imagine that being a dick to a woman who’s getting sexually harassed could possibly cause you any problems in the work world? What an outrage!
On top of the despair I felt at not being able to say more than three words in criticism without fingertips shooting into ear canals, I tried to imagine who those ‘harassing’ men were who called out to you.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. I was too busy crying, thinking of the terrible “despair” you felt when your dickish and completely unoriginal comment didn’t get you a standing ovation and a tiny little medal.
While a vanishing minority may truly have been confident about their romantic prospects with you, there’s no doubt that most knew that they didn’t stand a chance in hell. Yet, there you sauntered, dressed as sexily as you could, meticulously made up, flaunting that fact; Rubbing it in their faces that they would never have a chance at catching the eye of such a beauty, much less to speak with you, so much less to touch you.
Wait, you’re actually angry that you can’t automatically score a date with – or at least get a chance to grope – every single attractive woman you see? You’re going to have a rough time here on planet earth, dude, as there are literally billions of women out there who will never sleep with you or let you touch them.
Are none of these women allowed to wear clothes that you might find sexy? Or are they obligated to have sex with you if they do?
Would you really rather they dressed as drably as possible, with no makeup? Somehow I suspect that this would make you even madder.
Everything you do is seems to be to attract a man, yet when a man presumes to express that attraction, you’re offended to the core, and you demand that the rest of us be as well.
“Express their attraction?” What video did you watch, anyway? The men in the video I watched were doing a lot more than “expressing their attraction.” The woman you’re so angry at — the one wearing a short skirt and a hidden camera – faced what seemed like an unending series of leers and crude remarks from men as she walked down city streets. The women being interviewed described men “expressing their attraction” by groping and threatening them.
You are one of the most privileged people on Earth, and you dare to complain that some men don’t know their place, and won’t suffer your insults in silence.
Really? Because I watched that same video, and what I saw was a woman in her twenties getting endless harassment from men, some literally twice her size, for the terrible crime of … being an attractive young woman in public. How exactly is this a sign that she’s privileged?
I ask you: Do some men cross a reasonable line of decency? Of course they do. Some masturbate, and grope. Some do worse.
Oh, sure. Men might pull out their dicks, or shove you up against the wall on the subway, or you know, do that thing that starts with the word “r,” but none of this matters as much as the DESPAIR our manifesto writer felt when people on Facebook got annoyed at him for being a dick.
Perhaps its because they’re mentally unstable, or perhaps it’s because they’re so socially marginalized that they have no longer have incentive to behave civilly.
Huh. Apparently in the world of liuetenantwaffleiron — and a lot of other Men’s Rightsers — every guy who ever victimizes a woman has an excuse. They’re mentally ill. They’re “socially marginalized.” It’s never, say, that these guys are, you know, entitled shitheads who think they’re entitled to women’s bodies.
To paraphrase West Side Story, they’re depraved on account of they’re deprived — of a woman’s body, something that doesn’t actually belong to them.
In the cases illustrated in the video, I’m certain that there was no possibility of any of them having any sort of equal relationship with you, or to the other women featured, and you know it.
Really? Even if this were true, so fucking what? You’re not entitled to have a relationship — equal or otherwise — with any woman who strikes your fancy. You’re not entitled to harass every woman you see who’s out of your league, or already hitched, or just not interested in your asshole “nice guy” self.
In the absence of incentive to try to win your favor and to respect you, and in the presence of your garish flaunting to them of your unavailable sexuality, I have no doubt that some even grow to resent you.
Yeah, we picked up on that already, genius. As did every woman in the video, who saw clearly that the actions of the men who harassed them weren’t driven simply by attraction but by resentment and rage and a desire to demonstrate power over women they knew weren’t interested in them.
Whoever these predatory males are, they’re not me. I don’t know them. I don’t know where I can find them.
Really? Because you sound pretty much exactly like “these predatory males.” Maybe you haven’t harassed any women – yet – but your little manifesto is filled with the same toxic mixture of aggrieved entitlement that helps to fuel this kind of harassment.
I doubt they’re reading these words, or watching your videos. I’m terribly sorry they cross the line into physical contact, and stalking, and god knows what else, but we’re NOT those guys.
I hate to tell you this dude, but you’re already thinking like a harasser. I mean, you’re writing a 700-word manifesto attacking a woman you’ve never met because she had the temerity to walk down the street in a short skirt and record the harassment she got.
Yes, dressing sexily is absolutely your right, as is walking in that “provocative” outfit down the street while expecting a certain degree of civility from your countrymen. However …
Somehow I knew that “however” was coming.
However – know that your message to us is powerless to change the behavior of the ‘creeps’ that will physically harass you, and assault you, and worse.
Really? Then why are you getting so mad about the video? Somehow I suspect that you realize this sort of video does give harassed women a certain degree of power, both by shaming those men who might not realize how terrible their behavior really is, and by helping encourage and empower women to hollaback, as they say, at their harassers.
Your insistence to wear what you wear, and act as you act – while absolutely within your rights – undeniably makes you a more visible target to those perverts and predators.
And an even more visible target to the creepy entitled assholes of the Men’s Rights subreddit, apparently.
You are determined to ignore one of the most important factors in avoiding harassment and assault because you have the gall to be offended that lower-status males might dare to approach you.
And you, dude, have the gall to be offended by a woman talking frankly about the harassment she gets.
Furthermore, your constant antagonism of their attraction to you gives them reason to resent you.
No, I’m pretty sure you’re responsible for your own resentment here, given that it stems from an unacknowledged sense of entitlement.
These two factors expose you to risk that you simply don’t need to take, and I refuse to feel any guilt for your misadventures so long as you act with such a sense of entitlement and such a complete lack of common sense.
Well, forgive me for feeling no sorrow if no woman ever wants anything to do with your whiny, resentful, bitter ass.
ps- First time posting. Happy to be here
You’ll fit right in. Your sense of aggrieved entitlement is already pretty well-developed.
That, and access to the internet, is really all you need to be a Men’s Rights Activist.
Here’s the video. TRIGGER WARNING for detailed description of sexual assault:
Despite everything, we still get harassed… and it’s very specifically harassment given to women, men wanting to grab and kiss me and trying to chase me down in the street to do so. It’s gross as hell. (Oddly, I haven’t been gay-bashed since high school. But I’m sure it’ll get done one of these days.)
I actually DID get a guy to realize what sexual harassment was like, once. It was Halloween, and he was making skeezy remarks about a woman we were with, who was dressed up as a Silent Hill nurse. (Did a good imitation of its movements too! Creepy!)
So I started following him, getting in his personal space, making comments about his ass with a creepy grin on my face. “Can I touch it? What’re you looking at me like that for, it’s just so hard not to…” And you know what? He DIDN’T take it as a compliment. He was creeped out and tried to get the hell away from me.
I’m not proud of how I acted, at all. I was a creepy dick, and anyway, I doubt he got the point.
RE: Catalpa
I never got the reasoning behind the whole “You’re saying that men harass women! You can’t say that! Not ALL men harass women!”
It’s because they’re so self-absorbed that their immediate thing is, “If MEN harass women, I harass women! AND I WOULD NEVER DO THAT YOU [slur slur slur].”
Once I was at a gas station paying at the cashier, and after the lady asked “debit or credit?” Some guy behind me said “credit! She can have credit! You can give her all my credit.” Whatever the hell that meant, and then he proceeded to put his hands on my hips from behind and start feeling me up and down. I jerked away, grabbed my receipt and left. I was most struck by how NO ONE DID OR SAID ANYTHING. There were other people in line and there was the cashier! I didn’t say anything either, but I was stunned. Did I mention I was very pregnant and wearing a sweater?
I also got cat called once while pregnant. Taking a walk. Boy did I ask for it. /sarcasm.
I don’t know why this needed to be NYC centric because this happens everywhere, but funny video otherwise
I don’t know. The color lines in that clip make me uncomfortable.
Related:
@Policy of Madness
The creator offered an explanation in the comments. Apparently, the men are friends who did the work for free. She is black too. I am not sure if that makes it any better.
I was 13 and on holiday (would you believe, in Canada LOL) and we were with mum’s best friend from school and her family and motorhoming around the south end of BC. I think this happened near Lake Okanagan, but anyways there were some canoes for hire and they could fit two – you sat facing each other. This guy asked me if I wanted a canoe ride, he seemed nice and it was a really public place, so I said yes. While he was rowing(?), he put his foot up so his toe rubbed against me.
I had managed to forget that for years until this thread. S’okay, not triggered just damn I forgot that.
@Abacus Toms
I don’t know. It is what it is, and it gave me the reaction that it did. I’m not going to attack it or the people who made it, or their motives, or anything about them, but my discomfort remains.
That is horrible, pallygirl. I’m sorry.
And Kat, too. I’m sorry, I missed your story upthread at first.
OT but someone should rly dissect this text: http://www.vice.com/en_se/read/the-women-of-the-mens-rights-movement-804
“It’s unpleasant to defend people who throw around words like cunt, bitch, and whore while talking about about gender, but I must admit that in my conversations with them the Honey Badgers drew my attention to things I had never thought about before and even convinced me some of their grievances are legitimate. I now believe male circumcision could be described as “genital mutilation” and we shouldn’t be so casual about performing it.”
I can’t get myself to read that Vice article. I just can’t do it.
Vice is a bastion of hipster misogyny, what were we expecting?
Hi guys! NOT a troll, love the site, I promise. I do get that I probably sound trolly though 🙁
I’m curious about people’s opinions on “dick” or “dickish” as an insult. I’ve been trying to avoid it lately (cause, hey, I hate when people use gendered slurs like bitch and, you know, that one offensive synonym for vagina). But Dave uses it a few times, here. It’s probably different coming from him than from me. It’s a great curse word (lots of hard consonants) that I miss using.
I love the snarky commentary in this article, as per usual. I’m just a little curious on anyone’s take on calling the guy a dick. Anyone want to chime in?
I think the first time I remember getting harassed was when I was 13. A boy who was a year older than me followed me halfway home from school on his bike making horrible comments about how he wanted to fuck me. He didn’t leave until I told him I would scream. I went home and sat in the bathtub shaking for an hour and didn’t go to school for almost a week because I was so scared he’d find me again walking to or from school. That same school year I was running to class and some guy grabbed my breast as I ran past him.
The next year when I was in 8th grade and I was still 13 I was walking to school when a group of guys building a house catcalled me. I was so scared I took an alternate route home that afternoon.
I honestly can’t believe men think it’s flattering, being catcalled and harassed. It’s terrifying and part of you honestly believes that, at the time, and some time after, that it was somehow your fault. Mentally you know that isn’t true, but emotionally it feels like you caused it.
I didn’t tell anyone about the guy who followed me halfway home until I was an adult. I was too scared to tell anyone that year, and later I just shoved it to the back of my mind. I wish I had had the strength to tell him and all the other guys who have harassed me over the years to fuck right off.
I am really late to the thread, but sunshinemary’s post makes me think of something I have thought and I think read a few times.
She appears to be one of the sort who has sympathy but not empathy. She can relate to only those things she has herself experienced but is unable to get an inkling of the lived experiences of others who are not similar to her or people she knows well.
Personally I use the term “dick” in a non-gendered way and apply it to myself and all my acquaintances of all genders routinely.
More objectively, presuming that it is a gendered term, sexism against men is not as big of a deal as sexism against women, for the same reason that racism vs. white people is nothing to get worked up about. Men have many social and institutional support systems that women do not have. A man experiencing sexism (verbally) is liable to be wounded in his very soul (in a way that only very privileged people can be so wounded) whereas a woman experiencing sexism (also verbally) is liable to be deprived of substantive economic, social and political rights. This is because talking sexism vs. women is backed up by action powered by institutional forces, whereas talking sexism vs. men is not.
One of these things is worth worrying about, and the other is not.
it is wierd to me that anyone could have missed the male circumcision debate (btw the answer is ofc YES wtf NO it is not ok ^^) but ok some people just…do other stuff; but why is a person with lacking knowledge (interest??) to the subject(s!) writing for the “pop-journalist-blog” vice about it? (the form of it would feel more … relevant — if the person writing the article would participate as a real person)
Thanks, Policy 🙂
Agreed, not as big of a problem as the opposite. It just seems like I should be consistent and not used gender- or genital-based slurs in general. Not really out of a concern that it’s sexist, but instead because I’ve lately been leaning towards “let’s treat EVERYONE better” as an endpoint of most of my frustrated feminist rants.
Then by all means, don’t use it. In fact, it would probably be better if people didn’t use insult words at all. I do not live up to that standard and don’t intend to try, but if you want to try I don’t think anyone will argue with it.
3 things.
Dora’s analogy seems super smart to me firstly. Second blahlistic’s comment has made me realize that although I don’t go outside enough to get much “street” harassment (just twice) it probably almost counts when I think about all the harassment I get for being a woman in games. I’m super nice even while playing so it really irks me when some dude I offer to answer any questions about the game takes that as his cue to be like “ARE YOU A GIRL HOW OLD ARE YOU?” Thinking about the pua kind of game I guess x.x bonus points awarded for using the paid server chat to express his feelings after I shut him down by being like “girls are lame.” Lots of other incidents. It can make one feel unwelcome but my experiences online don’t compare to the feeling of unsafeness of in person harassment though. I suppose the feeling of safety largely depends on what is said online. Both times caught me by surprise Irl I didn’t know it was common yet. Third, as a cis woman I really don’t feel entitled to an opinion on circumcision at all. I find it to be sad that since women aren’t considered competent enough for political positions and not all men think like I do that we for the time being probably need at least some men to counter the ones trying to pass bs laws about what we can and can’t do with our bodies.
To Kat: How many miles between us and thinking the exact same thoughts,huh?
My harassment also started as soon as I hit puberty and it was so traumatic for me that I spent the next 20 years trying to be invisible to anybody that might even be remotely attracted to me.
Wearing bitchface, gaining weight and wearing drab, foversized clothing doesn’t help anyway. It took me years to figure out it wasn’t about attractiveness, but about power. Power that men feel they must exert over females as young as ten or twelve years old, a thought that I find horribly saddening.
I have a niece who will be hitting puberty soon enough. I will try to expalin this to her in a non frightening way, the way i did with my little sisters :
“You are a very beautiful girl and men are going to try to talk to you in public. You are not obligated to be friendly with anyone. You don’t have to smile or answer any questions or give anyone your phone number. There will be men who think that bc you are in public, your time is their time and they will interrupt what you are doing to get your attention focused on them. You don’t have to do that either. And if you ever feel scared, then run away. Your safety is much more important than how you’ll look when you do that.”
There’s some other things I said later on, but that’s enough for now.
And hugs to Kat, if that’s acceptable.
Sexism against men and racism against white people, to me, is a matter of punching up vs punching down. Throughout history, one group has been above and oppressing the other. When the oppressed group speaks against the oppressor group, the message is usually, “I won’t tolerate you doing this to me anymore.” When it’s the oppressor speaking against the oppressed, the message is, “Know your place.”
wow “Third, as a cis woman I really don’t feel entitled to an opinion on circumcision at all.”
I find this comment .. a little disturbing – first I will have an opinion on anything I damn well please, its not the same as a necessity to voice that opinion ^^ – however, and im looking for words here… it is not a desired future, nor does it make any sense; I would even go so far as calling it harmfull to strive for that only men will have legitimation in questions conserning children with penises… ! ….
But it’s a compliment! I’m saying you WOULD be pretty if you smiled!