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Are Street Harassers the REAL Victims of Street Harassment? One Men's Rights Redditor says "yes."

Not so fantastic, dude.
Not so fantastic, dude.

A new video from Vocativ features a number of young women describing the sexual harassment – from creepy catcalls to actual physical assaults – they and countless other women face on the streets every day; the unsettling video, in which one woman, a former beauty queen, recounts her own sexual assault on the Washington DC metro last year, has been seen more than 2 million times on YouTube in the eight days it’s been up. (I’ve pasted it in at the end of the post.)

Some of these viewers have been Men’s Rights activists, and a lot of them aren’t too happy about it. Not about the street harassment. About the women speaking up against it. Indeed, one new Men’s Rights Redditor by the name of liuetenantwaffleiron was so angered by the video that he sat down and wrote a 700 word rebuttal of sorts – which quickly won him dozens of upvotes from others on the subreddit.

He started off with a story of his heroic efforts to stand up against one of the evil sexy women in the video, and the terrible price he paid for expressing his so brave opinions on the subject on Facebook:

Dear ‘harassed’ in the provocative attire,

I need to say this, and I literally have nowhere else I can say it, so I figured I’d say it here, and to you. I was facebook unfriended today by commenting on the sexual harassment video that’s been going around that you’re in.

Unfriended. The horror!

You were the one who said she likes to “dress provocatively” but that you don’t want to “deal with it,” and who was carrying a hidden camera with her to document all her public ‘harassment’ you get.

This sounds like the worst “missed connections” ad ever.

I simply replied:

“Dresses provocatively; provokes.”

I wasn’t aware of this, but apparently we straight men can’t help but utter the words “baby” or “nice toes, ma,” or “I want to cum on your tits” or “pregnant pussy is the best pussycat” every time we’re “provoked” by a woman in a short skirt or a long skirt or pants and a shapeless sweater wandering into our field of vision.

On top of the instant shit storm that erupted at my insinuation that you ought not to have been surprised at the attention you intentionally attracted, I was subsequently unfriended by the poster, an industry colleague of mine.

Gosh, who would ever imagine that being a dick to a woman who’s getting sexually harassed could possibly cause you any problems in the work world? What an outrage!

On top of the despair I felt at not being able to say more than three words in criticism without fingertips shooting into ear canals, I tried to imagine who those ‘harassing’ men were who called out to you.

I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. I was too busy crying, thinking of the terrible “despair” you felt when your dickish and completely unoriginal comment didn’t get you a standing ovation and a tiny little medal.

While a vanishing minority may truly have been confident about their romantic prospects with you, there’s no doubt that most knew that they didn’t stand a chance in hell. Yet, there you sauntered, dressed as sexily as you could, meticulously made up, flaunting that fact; Rubbing it in their faces that they would never have a chance at catching the eye of such a beauty, much less to speak with you, so much less to touch you.

Wait, you’re actually angry that you can’t automatically score a date with – or at least get a chance to grope – every single attractive woman you see? You’re going to have a rough time here on planet earth, dude, as there are literally billions of women out there who will never sleep with you or let you touch them.

Are none of these women allowed to wear clothes that you might find sexy? Or are they obligated to have sex with you if they do?

Would you really rather they dressed as drably as possible, with no makeup? Somehow I suspect that this would make you even madder.

Everything you do is seems to be to attract a man, yet when a man presumes to express that attraction, you’re offended to the core, and you demand that the rest of us be as well.

“Express their attraction?” What video did you watch, anyway? The men in the video I watched were doing a lot more than “expressing their attraction.” The woman you’re so angry at — the one wearing a short skirt and a hidden camera – faced what seemed like an unending series of leers and crude remarks from men as she walked down city streets. The women being interviewed described men “expressing their attraction” by groping and threatening them.

You are one of the most privileged people on Earth, and you dare to complain that some men don’t know their place, and won’t suffer your insults in silence.

Really? Because I watched that same video, and what I saw was a woman in her twenties getting endless harassment from men, some literally twice her size, for the terrible crime of … being an attractive young woman in public. How exactly is this a sign that she’s privileged?

I ask you: Do some men cross a reasonable line of decency? Of course they do. Some masturbate, and grope. Some do worse.

Oh, sure. Men might pull out their dicks, or shove you up against the wall on the subway, or you know, do that thing that starts with the word “r,” but none of this matters as much as the DESPAIR our manifesto writer felt when people on Facebook got annoyed at him for being a dick.

Perhaps its because they’re mentally unstable, or perhaps it’s because they’re so socially marginalized that they have no longer have incentive to behave civilly.

Huh. Apparently in the world of liuetenantwaffleiron — and a lot of other Men’s Rightsers — every guy who ever victimizes a woman has an excuse. They’re mentally ill. They’re “socially marginalized.”  It’s never, say, that these guys are, you know, entitled shitheads who think they’re entitled to women’s bodies.

To paraphrase West Side Story, they’re depraved on account of they’re deprived — of a woman’s body, something that doesn’t actually belong to them.

In the cases illustrated in the video, I’m certain that there was no possibility of any of them having any sort of equal relationship with you, or to the other women featured, and you know it.

Really? Even if this were true, so fucking what? You’re not entitled to have a relationship — equal or otherwise — with any woman who strikes your fancy. You’re not entitled to harass every woman you see who’s out of your league, or already hitched, or just not interested in your asshole “nice guy” self.

In the absence of incentive to try to win your favor and to respect you, and in the presence of your garish flaunting to them of your unavailable sexuality, I have no doubt that some even grow to resent you.

Yeah, we picked up on that already, genius. As did every woman in the video, who saw clearly that the actions of the men who harassed them weren’t driven simply by attraction but by resentment and rage and a desire to demonstrate power over women they knew weren’t interested in them.

Whoever these predatory males are, they’re not me. I don’t know them. I don’t know where I can find them.

Really? Because you sound pretty much exactly like “these predatory males.” Maybe you haven’t harassed any women – yet – but your little manifesto is filled with the same toxic mixture of aggrieved entitlement that helps to fuel this kind of harassment.

I doubt they’re reading these words, or watching your videos. I’m terribly sorry they cross the line into physical contact, and stalking, and god knows what else, but we’re NOT those guys.

I hate to tell you this dude, but you’re already thinking like a harasser. I mean, you’re writing a 700-word manifesto attacking a woman you’ve never met because she had the temerity to walk down the street in a short skirt and record the harassment she got.

Yes, dressing sexily is absolutely your right, as is walking in that “provocative” outfit down the street while expecting a certain degree of civility from your countrymen. However …

Somehow I knew that “however” was coming.

However – know that your message to us is powerless to change the behavior of the ‘creeps’ that will physically harass you, and assault you, and worse.

Really? Then why are you getting so mad about the video? Somehow I suspect that you realize this sort of video does give harassed women a certain degree of power, both by shaming those men who might not realize how terrible their behavior really is, and by helping encourage and empower women to hollaback, as they say, at their harassers.

Your insistence to wear what you wear, and act as you act – while absolutely within your rights – undeniably makes you a more visible target to those perverts and predators.

And an even more visible target to the creepy entitled assholes of the Men’s Rights subreddit, apparently.

You are determined to ignore one of the most important factors in avoiding harassment and assault because you have the gall to be offended that lower-status males might dare to approach you.

And you, dude, have the gall to be offended by a woman talking frankly about the harassment she gets.

Furthermore, your constant antagonism of their attraction to you gives them reason to resent you.

No, I’m pretty sure you’re responsible for your own resentment here, given that it stems from an unacknowledged sense of entitlement.

These two factors expose you to risk that you simply don’t need to take, and I refuse to feel any guilt for your misadventures so long as you act with such a sense of entitlement and such a complete lack of common sense.

Well, forgive me for feeling no sorrow if no woman ever wants anything to do with your whiny, resentful, bitter ass.

ps- First time posting. Happy to be here

You’ll fit right in. Your sense of aggrieved entitlement is already pretty well-developed.

That, and access to the internet, is really all you need to be a Men’s Rights Activist.

Here’s the video. TRIGGER WARNING for detailed description of sexual assault:

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FifthInterval
10 years ago

What *kind* of attention, how *much* of it, and from *who*. Why are so many MRAers too dumb to understand any of these qualifications when talking about alleged “provocation”?

Auntie Alias
Auntie Alias
10 years ago

What a combo: Elliot Rodger + victim-blaming. I can’t bear to look at the comments.

A Wolverine
A Wolverine
10 years ago

Ugh, the mental illness excuses really piss me off, I have pretty bad Social anxiety and as a result have a really hard time talking to people.

NOT FUCKING ONCE HAVE I EVER FELT IT APPROPRIATE TO YELL “NICE ASS” AT SOME LADY I FOUND ATTRACTIVE

pendraegon
pendraegon
10 years ago

“and I refuse to feel any guilt for your misadventures so long as you act with such a sense of entitlement and such a complete lack of common sense.”

You know what’s interesting, I don’t feel any guilt either. Of course that’s because I choose not to leer at and harass women not because I’m making a “moral stand” to not feel guilty. If this dobhrán is so defensive about a video being posted that wasn’t directed at him I shudder to imagine what an actual conversation with him would be like.

cerberustheasexual
cerberustheasexual
10 years ago

It really does come down to that, doesn’t it. Simmering resentment and rage that not every woman they encounter is personally trying to attract them personally and offer themselves as an abuse-immune sex object the douchebag in question can dump all their simmering misogynist baggage on. Also, the belief that all public areas belong to them and others have an obligation not to exist near them (get that all the time by people offended when trans* or poly people like me exist in public and aren’t willing to hide and pretend to keep their worldviews intact).

Also, yeah, totally just about attraction and provocative outfits, mmhmm. Like when I wore a t-shirt and a skirt down to my ankles and was lightly hugging my girlfriend to keep her warm before crossing the street for food and some dick felt entitled to demand hot lesbianism from us, before being informed by his dickish friends that I was trans* and then feeling entitled to muse openly about circling back and committing a hate crime. Because it’s all about attraction and how much power women have. Blech.

A Wolverine
A Wolverine
10 years ago

Hell, I avoid eye contact with most people and yet I’ve never been called a creep.

Funny that
Maybe its because I give a shit about others and apologize/explain when the stuff i do unintentionally makes people uncomfortable

brooked
10 years ago

You are determined to ignore one of the most important factors in avoiding harassment and assault

Not being young and pretty? Dressing modestly, instead of “provocatively” and “sexily”? Not existing? These are rhetorical questions, I don’t really want to know this asshat’s advice for harassed women.

the presence of your garish flaunting to them of your unavailable sexuality

That’s weapon-grade creepiness in just twelve words. Ick.

strivingally
10 years ago

One of my favourite webcomics is addressing this whole “women are not constantly waiting and hoping to be hit on” crap right now:

Missing the point
Missing the point harder

Is it really so hard for guys to understand that a woman’s default is not “waiting to be propositioned” so much as “getting on with her own shit”?

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
10 years ago

Well hello there, creeper. He should have provided a link to his Facebook defriending so that any women who live near him know who to avoid.

Leigh21
Leigh21
10 years ago

I just checked out the comments on that Youtube video and. . . I have no words. That is just so depressing. And I am getting sick to death of people attributing street harrassment to “skimpy” clothing. All I have to wear at the moment are old, baggy clothes that I have left over from when I used to be a couple pounds heavier, and you know what? I STILL get harrassed. In fact, it’s gotten so bad that I have to take different routes to get around my neighborhood, particularly my bus stop to get to college, and all the guys that try and talk to me have figured out that’s where I can be found most days. I live in an apartment complex with only two ways to exit out onto the street, but I found a little trail that leads to the same area, though it takes almost ten extra minutes to get to the stop I need to be at. Not exactly a short cut, but it does help me avoid some people.

Kakanian
Kakanian
10 years ago

Reminder that even in Saudi Arabia women get harassed. So strangely enough, even the combination of gender segregation and uniform clothes covering the whole body solve nothing.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
10 years ago

Random-ass fiction time! Warning, ever so slightly raunchy!


I felt a tap on my shoulder, so I took out my ear-buds and turned to see the most beautiful woman in the entire world.

“Hey,” she said.

You know those outfits women wear in comics? The ones that look as if the artist just painted the character’s skin to look like clothes? The ones that hug every delicious curve in a way that defies physics?

Yeah, that was this woman. A red dress so tight one couldn’t imagine how one would put it on slinking down legs that stretched on for miles ending in gorgeous high heels. Ruby red lipstick adorning the kind of plump, kissable lips one only sees in photoshopped magazines. Eyes that practically blazed with desire as they took in my frumpy form with an expression that was either lust or disgust.

“Like what you see?” She asked.

I blinked.

“Well too bad,” she said, “you can’t have it.”

I blinked.

“What?” I managed to croak.

“You can’t have it,” she repeated. “This body, these lips, they’re so far out of your league it isn’t even funny. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you will never.” She leaned close enough for me to taste her perfume. “NEVER, have me.”

“Ok,” I said, and walked away.

Yeah, see the problem, creeps? No matter how forward you think someone is being, no matter how much you think you’re being taunted by someone flaunting what you can’t have, you can always just walk away. You are not entitled to them any more than (to use a crude analogy) you are entitled to an expensive item on display in a store window.

Describing women as lasciviously as you do doesn’t make you sympathetic, it makes you fekken creepy as hell.

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

These fucks also fail to notice or care that street harassment starts very young. I was a late bloomer and I was 13 or 14 when it started. In fact the teen years were when it happened to me the most. What exactly does he think that I, a child did to provoke adult men?

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

This dude has his head so far up his ass. He clearly doesn’t get that street harassers don’t do it to get a date, they do it to humiliate and belittle a woman.

Also, I’m not dressing at or for men.

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
10 years ago

@brooked

You are determined to ignore one of the most important factors in avoiding harassment and assault

Not being young and pretty?

Oh, not being pretty doesn’t stop it. An unattractive woman is liable to get harassed for that

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

I refuse to feel any guilt for your misadventures so long as you act with such a sense of entitlement and such a complete lack of common sense.

That is some weapons grade lack of self-awareness right there.

sparky
sparky
10 years ago

Lets see, victim blaming, aggrieved entitlement, defending creeps, slut shaming, objectification of women, red pill jingo and a complete and utter lack of self awareness and irony.

That’s some kind of bingo, isn’t it?

I can see why this was so popular on r/mr.

stacydianne
stacydianne
10 years ago

In the absence of incentive to try to win your favor and to respect you

Why should she give a fuck about offering strangers “incentive” to “win [her] favor”?

And why, why da fuck does this doucheweasel think a man needs “incentive” to respect a stranger?

and in the presence of your garish flaunting to them of your unavailable sexuality

Leaving aside “garish flaunting”…So much wrong he’s gone beyond wrong. He’s in some alternate universe of meta-wrongness.

Dude, when you see an attractive young woman? She’s not “flaunting” her “sexuality” at you. She’s not even thinking about you. She doesn’t owe you shit, and she’s not responsible for your arousal or lack of same. She’s not responsible for your feelings of inadequacy. She’s not responsible for your feelings, period.

YoullNeverGuess
YoullNeverGuess
10 years ago

I don’t love Vonnegut, but I think this short story might be helpful for this benighted redditor, if for no other reason than to know that sexy women have been tormenting men for a very long time:

http://www.saturdayeveningpost.com/2011/10/24/post-fiction/classic-fiction/miss-temptation.html

cloudiah
10 years ago

I just want to point out that 143 people took the time to vote on that post, and 70% of them liked it. It was on their front page for a whole day.

It was also discussed in AMR’s debate sub, if you can stomach more harassment apologia:

http://www.reddit.com/r/debateAMR/comments/2coxl8/mras_do_you_really_believe_that_a_woman_dressed/

Or if you want a discussion with less harassment apologia, Subreddit Drama:

http://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/2cp73s/is_advertising_that_youre_carrying_a_lot_of_cash/

Michael McG
Michael McG
10 years ago

Isn’t this the quintessential example of Male Tears™?

strivingally
10 years ago

How I feel reading anything written by dudez who’ve swallowed the red pill:

strivingally
10 years ago

Oh shazbot. The image is here:

Fractal wrongness

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
10 years ago

@YoullNeverGuess:

Somehow I don’t think that story would be helpful at all…

PurplesShade
10 years ago

Reading the youtube comments section (yuck) but there’s a particular argument I see going unrefuted, is that if it were an “attractive guy” women wouldn’t mind.

Bullshit says I, there are many behaviours that are not okay. ‘Hotness’ doesn’t make awful shit okay, it makes people accept it when they shouldn’t.
Being okay with a hot guy harassing you, doesn’t mean it’s positive for the society that hot guys feel extra entitled to harass people, and I think we should discourage people from providing exceptions to shitty behaviour “because pretty”.

If someone is masturbating to you in the street, I don’t frankly think it matters how ‘cute’ they are, their behaviour is unacceptable.
Touching someone without permission, I think the percentage of people who would be happy with it being a hot-douche, oh sorry I mean dude, is lower than the percentage of people who would me more comfortable if everyone kept their paws to themselves, especially when it comes to strangers.

And I think that “argument” also ignores that approximately 1% of the population are asexual, and give no shits about hotness ever. On top of that the vast majority of aces are sex repulsed (about 70% according to AVEN’s 2011 survey), meaning sexual comments directed at them can cause serious mental distress.
Since a little over half that number are female, it would be a much safer world for them if absolutely nobody ever alluded to anything sexual towards people they aren’t sure would be interested. Also 1% of the population is millions of people, seriously not insignificant.

This isn’t even counting all the victims who would feel a fuck-ton better if that shit never happened ever again.

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